I used to have a lot of negative beliefs surrounding my love life. Fears of rejection, of not being ‘girlfriend material’ and all that. I still do to some extent, but I am very aware of them and am trying to replace them with better feeling beliefs and thoughts.
Now usually, I get infatuated very easily, and this is where I have most seen the Law of Attraction in my life (in a negative way). I’d meet a guy who seemed really nice and was into me, I’d get totally infatuated, triggering all my fears and negative beliefs, and subsequently lose him for no apparent reason. Law of Attraction in action, of course.
Now I have met someone who seems exactly like I’d envisioned my ideal man to be, and I am falling into infatuation fast. This did trigger some ‘stuff’, which I am working on with Focus Blocks and other techniques. Thing is, I always get waaaay ahead of myself when I fall into infatuation. Imagining the whole relationship after only a couple of dates, marriage, kids, the whole shebang. And I can’t shake this paranoia that my daydreaming will sabotage the whole thing and it won’t work out for just that reason.
So – how do I work around this? Is it ok for me to daydream about our potential future as long as I keep focusing on clearing the issues that it brings up, or am I just setting myself up for disappointment? How can I get excited about this potential relationship without becoming desperate for it?
I strongly suspect I already know the answer deep inside but if one of you IQ’ers would care to remind me, I’d be happy :)
I don't think there is anything wrong at all with dreaming or imagining a potential future as long as you don't get too desperate like you mentioned. It sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself and too much pressure on how the other person needs to fit just the right way.
The best bet would be to just let go of all expectations and let someone flow effortlessly to you.
There is no need to put stipulations on how you react or how he may potentially react in the beginning stages. If you could just start to focus more on having fun and enjoying each others company, instead of letting your negative habitual beliefs kick in, then you will feel the relief inside of yourself and also put yourself into the "allowing mode" instead of the "worry mode."
Fears of rejection and not being girlfriend material are worrying. When you are putting your laser beam focus on worry every time this situation comes up, one way or another, you will obtain the same unsatisfying results.
Continue to change the negative beliefs in the best way that works for you. Be repetitive in inserting new beliefs and do it with a joyful feeling. Don't ever make it feel like work or some job you have to do because there will be no positive feeling in the affirmations or whatever technique you use.
Every time you have these habitual beliefs pop up you need to try and eliminate them in the Now moment. I mentioned something similar to this with the Stop, Drop, and Roll method.
If you can become aware of what you are thinking in the here and now moment, you can begin to neutralize it with consistent conscious awareness of what you are thinking and how you are feeling.
So in other words, when you start thinking things in this very moment like, "I have a fear of rejection" - you could instead say...
"I know this situation will work itself out in the perfect way and I am going to enjoy every minute of it no matter what happens."
When you start thinking things like, "I'm not girlfriend material" - maybe you say to yourself...
"I love myself for who I am and I know the perfect guy will find his way to me when the time is right"
These are quick and simple examples to get you started in the moment when you initially think of your unwanted belief. If you can start to even slowly change the negative thought on the spot with a new positive statement, you will eventually get to a point to where you pause for even a split second, and think about what you really want to say or how you really want to feel about yourself.
Continue to stay aware of these thoughts like you said you were doing. As soon as you are aware try to neutralize them at that moment with new positive input. Use EFT, Focus Blocks, or even simple affirmations that give you a feeling of happiness and relief.
Stay consistent just as you would while picking weeds from your garden. Every time you see one pop up, instantly get rid of it so you have fertile soil to sows your new seeds. Then eventually with enough attention and watering of your crops, you will reap the harvest of the perfect man in just the right situation that works best for you.
Go into the whole process to have fun and enjoy your time with him and leave it to the universe to figure out. Keep it simple and just feel good by enjoying each other's company and leave it at that. Just let go of all the other baggage that you are unnecessarily putting on your back.
answered 14 Mar '12, 23:56
in truth i tell you, you have the choice to make this potential happen or not happen. but stay in truth and all should go well. experience and enjoy.
answered 14 Mar '12, 10:31
my name is brittany, im 21 ❣ you explained the signs exactly how I see them...ive been seeing them since i was about 17 . I have wondered for so long why I see them but i believe that answer is in Gods hands. I trust he will show me the answer when he believes I'm ready so I be patient & just enjoy seeing them ☺
answered 30 Jul, 01:53
@Brittanyhopson96- And to All Those Who Are Desperately Seeking Love!!!:
I wanted to throw my two cents in here. It is almost painful for me to look back at how I was when I was your age! OMG!!! I had this insane crush on this guy in my viola section in orchestra. It started at age 9, and did not end....Practically ever. He moved away my Junior year of High School, and even though his departure was good for my musical advancement, it destroyed me deep inside. It was not until I learned of the LOA that I learned how my infatuation guaranteed that he would never really be part of my life. Even though I have kept contact with him over the years, even to the extent of visiting him at his college out west (he is a Professor of Music now), he never looked twice at me... I felt like an annoying piece of furniture when I went to see him, and it made me see how you can never make anyone love you! Saying (or acting like) "I need him (or her) desperately" just fuels the desperation! It is as if you are broadcasting desperately desperate vibes all over the place, which is a guaranteed turn-off to just about everybody...
In your defense, I have to say this: Hormones!!! It is hormones raging all over. Your body is saying: Breed! Even at the advanced age of 21, your brain is still not done maturing, and judgment is still iffy. I wish I had known that way back when...Else I would not have been a mother of three by age 25, (or four by 30)- not that I would send any of them back... But I was in no shape to raise kids as I was still a kid myself! There is no way that anyone could have convinced me to do anything differently, but I do wish that I had known about the brain not being mature until age 25 or so. That is the best reason I know to go to college (or trade school), and stay out of "harm's way" until you are through school. Here's a link to an article about this: link text
In short: Please take your time, ride the merry-go-round until you are a grandmother, and enjoy being young. You are going to spend much more of your life dealing with aging than you are going to be dealing with loneliness!
answered 31 Jul, 16:31
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