I"m going through a break up and I need some encouraging words.
Should I move on or still have faith that we will be together again?
asked 10 Mar '10, 18:54
Let me start off by saying how sorry I am that you are going through this. I realize what a painful time this must be as I recently went through something like this myself. I hope I am able to use what I have learnt to help you and make your situation easier.
Every situation we encounter in our lives we have brought to ourselves with our own thoughts and vibrations, the situation that we are faced with is just the manifestation. Now I know nobody would intentionally manifest such pain for themselves, but there must have been some thoughts that could have lent themselves to the creation of this situation. If you agree with this, then I think you should look within yourself and try to figure out why you manifested this. For example, it could be because you felt suppressed and deep down wanted your freedom, or it could have come from fearful thoughts of loosing the other person, etc. Whatever the reason, you need to search within yourself and figure out if it is a valid enough reason to let this person go.
Whether you decide it is or isn't, the most important thing to do is to get yourself on a level of feeling good like many people have already said. I know it probably seems really hard right now, but it is important to note that when you are feeling bad, you are attracting more situations to yourself that will make you feel bad, and so the cycle will continue. Take note of all the other good things in your life, be excited about them and appreciate them.
If you decide that you still want to be with this person, then once you get yourself to this level of feeling good, you should get into the mind set of already being back together with them. Visualize being with them, hugging them, having conversations with them etc, but in the present. Think of it as already happening and feel grateful for it. However, it is important to first be in a place of feeling good before you try this. You need to be ok with not getting them back before you can try to get them back, otherwise you are trying to manifest whilst being in a state of need, which sends out a vibration of lack, which could worsen the situation.
If you decide that you are better off letting this relationship go, then simply enjoy living your life. Focus on other happy areas in your life and know that there is someone else out there with whom you could make an even better life.
Hope it all works out.
Love and Light
answered 15 Mar '10, 21:19
It really hurts when we lose a potential mate, the person we thought we might spend our lives with and love forever. There just is no describing that hurt...I know what you feel- I have lost my husband of 33 years. He wants a divorce. He doesn't love me anymore.
But I think that I will put my trust in God. I think that I will try not to force him to stay with me. I think I will try to be the best person I can be. I hope someone will come along that will want me! That would be great!
In the meantime, I have to count my blessings. I am alive. I might be in the hospital, but I still have much to be grateful for. The nurses are great. If you get busy counting your blessings, you will soon see that perhaps God has someone even better in store for you. Try to develop an attitude of gratitude and get busy with people who need you. That will help you get over the pain.
Should you fight? You already know the answer. Otherwise, you would not have asked this question. Your partner is gone.
I am so sorry.
Update and Additional Comments!
I have to tell you, since I posted this answer, my life has moved forward so fast and so furious, my head spins! I wanted anyone who might refer to this question for support to know that there are happy endings!!!
I have been a friend to Wade here on IQ since 2004. We met online because of a mutual interest in Reiki. We shot emails back and forth to each other about Reiki- nothing more than friendship. But as my marriage failed, I guess I kind of failed to see that my friendship with Wade was growing! By 2009, he was nagging me to join this crazy place he kept blabbing about called Inward Quest...I finally succumbed to IQ, and now our names are right next to each other on the users list.
IQ led to deep conversations on IM, which led to deep conversations on the phone, which led to a huge phone bill...and finally, a switch to "a Skype a night"- sessions that went on for sometimes the whole night.
We had a very special Valentine's Day. I decided it was time to club him over the head and drag him back to my cave...:o)I just asked him what he thought was going to happen with us in the long run, seeing as we were already spending about one third of each calendar day "together"...and he said, reluctantly, "I guess we're falling for each other..."
I flew up to visit with him in PA from my home in MS, and that settled it: We found out we had something special, and decided to spend the rest of our lives together....
Wade bought me a beautiful ring for my left hand, and we plan to marry as God will allow...
The moral of the Story is this: Hang In There! God really does answer prayers! He did answer mine...and Wade's. Blessings once again, Jaianniah...someday soon to be Jaianniah Casaldi!
You know, I felt that my husband and I were meant to be together. For months, we were together almost day and night while we were dating. I was so happy and I truly loved him. I even assumed we would get married someday.
Something changed though (I won't go into all the reasons here and now, it would be a very long story!) and we drifted apart over the course of a few weeks. Soon, there was an argument and we actually broke up. We didn't speak to each other for over 2 months!
Over those two months I hoped for the best--that we might get back together someday---but I let be OK either way. I hoped for the best, but also went on with my life even though it hurt sometimes. I saw friends, re-decorated my apartment and did things that made me happy. I let go of the outcome. Either way I was going to be all right.
At the two month point, he called me, we talked, agreed to seeing each other for a date, and one thing led to another. We had missed each other and both had time to think. In looking back now it wasn't a bad thing.
Some broken relationships can mend again. We are married; the break-up was almost 10 years ago now.
My advice is to just make yourself happy in all the ways that you can, and hope for an outcome that is good for the both of you. Don't force anything and see what happens. Best wishes!
answered 12 Mar '10, 21:48
I went through the same thing last year. It is definitely a painful process especially in the beginning. However, I felt that the break-up I experienced was not for nothing, as it led me on an inward quest (yes indeed!) which eventually led me here. It also drove me to overcome a lot of inertia and get started on doing things I've always wanted to do.
For the relationship itself, I could only manage to cut myself off completely for 2 weeks. After that, we maintained some contact here and there but never really discussed the break-up. At one point, I almost gave up and even wanted to end the "friendship", but I asked God for some signs and He showed me through a rather miraculous coincidence that this friendship is not yet ended.
Right now, we are back to being friends. It's not 100% the same (both sides are probably still hurting and therefore quite careful) but we did have a friendship before the relationship so there's a base there that we can fall back on.
Now I have this attitude of "come what may". I hope you can reach this stage too. I did it with a lot of good advice and readings online, and from great forummers here like Stingray. I would advise you to give yourself some time and distance first, to get over the immediate pain. It took me half a year at least. After that, check out Stingray's manifestation techniques. They're very effective but not for people who are in a "needy" or "desperate" situation, and that's where I'm guessing you are because you're fresh from the breakup right now.
Don't worry. You will live and love again. :) My best wishes to you!
answered 15 Mar '10, 02:34
The fact that after a break up, we would want to get back together again with the person comes from a vibration of lack. I have been there as well.
We do not think that we can get a similar or better relationship with somebody else and that is why we want to hang on to the one we just lost so much. The truth is the universe is abundant and there are so many people out there that you can attract that will result in similar but most probably better relationships.
The reason I say you will probably get a better relationship is because you would have learned and grown a lot from this last relationship which means that you will know more clearly what you do and do not want in your next relationship and as long as you do not focus on avoiding the bad aspects of your last relationship, then your next relationship will be a match to the new and improved you.
Remember that the universe is abundant and that if you can achieve a state of happiness in spite of your break up (as this will imply that you do not need a or your last relationship to be happy, which in turn means that there is no vibration of lack), then everything will sort itself out.
answered 15 Mar '10, 14:07
Jaianniah has given a great answer. The only thing that I might add to it is this:
It doesn't feel that way right now, but your relationship which is now ending has been preparing you for your next relationship. When you have had some time to heal, ask yourself what you can do better next time, and what you need to do to become a better person so that the next relationship will be more productive.
Falling in love is a spiritual thing, but it's a physical thing too. Your hormones will play tricks on your mind. True love is what happens after all of the hormones have faded, and all that is left is you and your partner. Your true partner will be one that you know you can spend the rest of your life with, even after the lust has faded.
Part of the depression you are feeling is the physical and biochemical repercussions of separating from your partner, but that will fade in time, and all you will be left with are the good memories.
answered 10 Mar '10, 21:24
Some good advice and encouragement from all of the above Chris. If it is any help to you, I felt unrequited love on a few occasions when I was younger.. I look at those people now and think "Thank God!". I was proposed to 6 times before I accepted one... they are probably looking at me now and thinking "Thank God!" :)
At times like this a good dose of Monty Python's film The Life of Brian is a must, most expecially the last scene where they all sing Always look on the bright side of life ... da de dah de dah
The old must die before the new can manifest :) You must drink from the cup before the new wine can be poured in.
Stay as positive as you can. Much love to you from me.
answered 10 Mar '10, 22:11
Inactive User ♦♦
Hi Chris, I can really relate to your situation as I am going through the same thing right now. I am coping by reading a lot of spiritual books and strengthening my spiritual consciousness because this will help me to cope. I also know that I have to trust the Universe because it has the bigger picture which I cannot see.
I have decided that I will allow myself to just flow (like a stream) and not put up too much resistance. When I resist I start getting depressed but when I am trusting, I feel so much better. Also "Stingray" wrote a good piece about maintaning a feeling of being "invincible" at all timess. You will make it through whether you have to be dragged screaming or whether you allow yourself to feel as good as you can. By allowing myself to feel bad, I feel that I am inflicting punishment on myself for something that I cannot control.
Have trust in the Universe. If the relationship was meant to be it will be. But in the meantime do not put your life on hold. You are INVINCIBLE.
answered 10 Mar '10, 22:23
Thank you all for your help.
WOW this has helped me soooo much!! I'm going to focus on being happy. What ever it takes!!
I'm really feeling better and I realize I need to change my vibration. Meditation has helped alot. THis is the first time I felt like I 'needed' to meditate.
I'm a deep thinker and it was tough not to think about her but now when I think about her I recieve positive vibrations. I believe she is recieving these same vibrations as I know we are connected.
Thanks again...I love you all esp butterfly(sorry to single one person out but that posted really helped me)
answered 16 Mar '10, 00:36
Chris, I wanted to answer the question even though there's already too many answers, and I'm writing this just from reading your question and your own answer, so I'll most likely be a little off here. Also I'm sorry for being a little harsh.
You should always move on.
Having faith is good, we've got to have it to be able to live. But in this and most cases, including the "love" cases, it's a bad thing. We should have faith just in ourselves and hope the best for everything and everyone else.
By moving on you can have faith in one day, maybe, meeting again, in a new situation, in a new place but keep in mind it will most likely be with another person, and that's just fine. There are too many people in this world and we all love meeting new ones. That's mostly the reason why those harsh things happen - it's because deep down we want someone that we don't even know that exists yet. Until we meet them.
You can always choose to believe the universe conspires against you, and nothing that good will ever come across your life ever again, and you may get just that if you really wish to. Some people do that just to prove to themselves, and everyone else, that there is free will, and we can do whatever we want.
At any pace, if you really want to feel better, I'm not saying to forget her, but I'm saying to let her go.
answered 18 Mar '10, 20:23
Time will heal this, never give up on feeling good and knowing things will work out for you. Be the best you can be given th circumstances and if you feel that you are pushing something too hard and it isn't going, back off a little, pray and stay strong. The next experience will make this one just a "figment of your imagination". There is a day where you will not remember this pain.
answered 28 Jan '11, 01:20
I once was very in love I thought at the time, the girl I knew I knew a few years and was thinking on marrying her someday, she moved away with someone she said was like a brother to her, her room mate. This highly affected me for over 5 years since keeping me in a lite depression and keeping me from getting too close to anything that could lead to love.
Now I have been working on riding myself of all memories of us and have done a pretty good job really. It is difficult to recall much in memories now. But there seems a side effect I noticed while going through old email there were many people I once knew very close and used to talk with extensively but as time went on and we talked less or something happened we haven't talked in a while I found I had no idea who they were.
So I developed some kind of brain thing that instead of missing I delete them it seems to happen automatically this makes it a hard thing to actually remember when I really want to.
Like I'll remember this is my friend but at the same time completely forget we used to spend hours talking on the phone everyday. I think it is a coping thing I built in my mind to handle loss.
But it seems that eventually you don't care and just feel good like you never knew her then there is no pain to deal with. Like now I know her she is a friend we might say how are you doing once in a while but that past I nearly wiped out so there is no feeling connected to this.
I actually found a way to turn back the clock and make it like I never loved at all instead of loved and lost. I wish I could teach this to people, I could end so much pain but I don't know how I do it myself. Maybe is it because I believe the past is gone and doesn't exist so I wipe it out easier I don't know.
answered 28 Jan '11, 06:03
you say what you have to say and let go!
answered 05 May '11, 01:16
Since it is unrealistic to turn back the hands of time, you have to trust your own instinct to move on with your life, or you can put your pride aside, and try to rekindle the relationship, if you believe that it can work in both of yours best interest. If not, acknowledge the now as it is, and move on with your life, and know that there is that special someone stilling waiting for you to come along, and remember that love is always in the heart of the beholder, so do not forget this. My best wishes to you and you will find love again!
answered 21 Aug '11, 03:08
Inactive User ♦♦
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