I am 100% convinced that the Law of Attraction works. I have manifested several things in my life, including a recent promotion, which took me about a half hour of visualisation (and I manifested the exact salary amount that I visualised).
So I'm not a novice at this stuff. I try to visualise daily, be mindful, and I know that my thoughts and feelings affect my reality.
But there's just one area of my life that I can't fix, no matter what I try - my romantic life. Looking at it objectively, I can't see why I wouldn't be able to attract a good mate - I am kind, attractive, interesting, et cetera, no self-esteem issues there. But I feel that I have just been beaten down by all my bad past experiences that it's impossible for me to even imagine being in a happy relationship. Hell, even casually dating a guy who likes me for me feels like a stretch. I expect them to use me, hurt me and leave me. Well, until I meet someone and get really excited about the prospect, thinking this time it'll be different... after which the outcome is usually them using me, hurting me, and leaving me. And then I'm back to square one.
It's not like I haven't put effort into this. I have used all my spiritual and LOA techniques for YEARS to try and overcome this issue, and now I feel that I'm at the end of my rope. I try to dispel the negativity, and sometimes I manage to feel truly content being by myself and "knowing" that the right one will come along in time. But then some time goes by... and I'm back in the miserable pit of bad feelings again. Hurt, hatred, self-pity, bitterness, fear - it feels impossible to detach from all of these feelings.
And even when I try to detach from my desire to be happy in a relationship, all I see is others around me having what I don't have.
How do you work on the one big issue? Many people have this - one area of their life that just doesn't seem to work out no matter what you do. I'm so sick of this, I'm sick of spending all my effort trying not to get depressed about this..... What do I do?
There are several parts of your story that ought to be addressed.
And exactly by the same paradigm, only unfulfilled desire can hurt you. It is your unfulfilled desire to have a romantic relationship that prevents you from having a romantic relationship. Because the lack of it makes you feel depressed and desperate. Which in turn magnifies your ability to focus and see romance all around. And the more romance you see around yourself, the greater feeling of depression and desperation takes over. And on and on and on. It's a downward spiral.
You cannot fall in love because you don't match vibration of love. But vibration of hopelessness instead.
What makes you go on that downward spiral ride is your fear. Fear created and strengthened by you believing in the truthfulness of your past relationships experience. You cannot fall in a deep and passionate love, if you believe that falling in love brings you pain and hurt. First you have to remove that fear from the equation of your life. Find the place it roots from and get rid of it. You can either see in your life what you believe is truth based on what you have seen so far. Or forget all you know and believe things first, based on nothing but your most joyful and happiest imagination and then start seeing those things around you.
What makes you believe that your past experience will repeat?
Could it be that it had repeated itself in your past so frequently that you have started to believe that it is how it must be? And even if it did, then it could be because you have never really took the things into your hands. Do you actually compromise yourself for others? It's only when we sit in a passenger's seat, we regret our choices of not choosing to be behind the wheel when the car crashes. And it doesn't apply to cars only, but to everything, including relationship.
You have to know what you want and do it your way. If you don't you will end up disappointed, feeling down, hurt, used and like a fool. There a little difference in wording between someone asking you to go out and you asking someone. But there's an indescribable difference in what you will feel when things both do and do not work out.
Be the writer of your own story, not just a contributor to it.
Because it all starts with you, not the other people. You say you meet someone and hope it will be different, then it turns out to be the same experience as those of your past. That's not how the story goes. It starts with you.
You believe you'll meet someone who will hurt you, then you meet that person, and despite of it, in the hopes of a new dawn being warmer than the previous ones, you get your hopes up, only to realize by a dusk that you have once again manifested that which you have expected to manifest from the start.
See, manifestation is seeing what is already there. If you believe you will get disappointed, you will be able to see only people who eventually disappoint you. Because your vibration does not allow you to see people who do not disappoint others.
But then again, others cannot disappoint you. Only you can disappoint yourself.
You have said:
My question for you is, "Why do you deep inside feel worthy of being used, hurt and left?" Or in other words, "What makes you believe you are unworthy of being loved, pleased and stay together with."
Love yourself, because...
Do you meditate at all? I used to feel this way about a few things (including my romantic life) and meditation has helped neutralize those feelings enormously.
Something I learned from Tolle: during any part of your day, whenever you can remember to, stop what you're doing and just breath. Stop thinking, just close your eyes and feel your breath for a few seconds. Its basically just meditating for a few seconds whenever you can remember... but it helped me so, so, so much.
I highly recommend you try it regularly... I really do feel like meditation neutralizes these negative emotions. Whenever I do, I look on these situations and think "wow... why did I even think like that?"
I'm wishing you the best... good luck=)
answered 02 May '12, 23:15
Have you, are you creating a pattern that relationships are hurtful to you? Are you attracting a negative loop of behavior? The more you focus on negativity, the more you increase it.
Seems like you are letting that "one area" of your life overshadow the other positive areas.
YOU CANNOT OVERCOME NEGATIVITY BY FOCUSING UPON IT!
YOU CAN REPLACE NEGATIVITY BY FILLING YOUR LIFE WITH GRATITUDE.
What areas of your life are going well? That you can appreciate? What can you feel grateful about? What do you like to do?
For instance, I like classical music. I love the swell and movement of great music. It thrills me. So I went to symphonies, but I found that I WAS looking for a mate, a single woman who was there to feel the joy of the music. So what I saw was couples enjoying the music together. I was alone, they were together. It seemed unfair. It degraded my joy of going to symphonies. The music was no longer joyful to me. It seemed depressing.
M focus was off. I told myself that I was going to hear the music, to experience joy. But I was really going to find a mate! I was needy. And the mate(s) I attracted were women who were going to symphonies to find a mate, also! Not for the joy of the music. Not for me. Not for themselves.
I was attracting, even when it seemed to work - for a short period of time - attracting other needy, incomplete people. Sound familiar?
@Cassiopeia, you have been on IQ a while. You know how this works. I am preaching to the choir, but I need to say this to the last vestiges of me, that still think I can overcome negativity by "working on it". Sweetheart, I cannot. Neither can you!
OK, here is what I did. I quit the negative "pity parties" I was giving myself and went back to symphonies. I went to enjoy the music! I went with no hopes, no expectations that I would find a suitable mate, a soulmate at the symphonies. I took myself on dates! I took myself to fine restaurants. I dressed up because I like me!
I gave up my expectations and began enjoying life! I saw the joy that other people had for each other in their relationships and I reveled in their joy! But most of all I reveled in my own joy!
I quit looking "out there" for the woman of my dreams. I found her. She was in my home. She was renting an apartment in the basement of my home!
@Cassiopeia, you really have no choice in this matter. You WILL seek the JOY already existing in your life. ONLY that JOY can crowd out the negativity! You fight darkness or turn on the freaking light! And in that light you will finally see what you have been looking for. I did!
I think the guy you are looking for is in your life, right now, you know him peripherally, but you have not yet really seen him. Not really seen him. How could you see him? Is your light on? Are you enjoying what you now have? Is your light of gratitude burning brightly? Should I say this again?
Can you see in the dark? Can you see in the Light? Can you see better in bright light than in dim light? Oh come on, you are a bright star, everyone is, but you have your hand on the switch, the dimmer button.
EVERYTHING you want is already in your life. Turn on your JOY! Turn on your LIGHT!
Maybe you can do this instantly. Or maybe you will have vestiges of past failures that continue to limit you for a time, that will continue to haunt you, but **I PROMISE this will work.
Focus on your JOY!
YOUR JOY! NOT your EXPECTATIONS.**
Thank you for asking this question, because I SO needed to hear what I just wrote.
Peace, Harmony and Love
It's a pretty tough situation isn't it?..... But really... really... would you believe me if I said that it's only tough because you think it is? Just by reading your title, it seems like you've engrained it in your mind as a "problem that never budges". Sorry if this sounds offending, but... doesn't that mean you've already given up? By saying it's hard means you have to force yourself to do painful things and struggle just because you decided that it's hard, doesn't it? In this sense, walking as a little baby or learning to ride a bike or swim is hard too wouldn't it? It just seems impossible or "hard" at first from a neutral outside view. It takes so much energy to adapt. But really, I'm sure you weren't thinking it's hard at that time. You probably had a BLAST doing it right? You fall, get back up, you fall, you laugh, get back up and later you decide to fall on purpose!
Okay so yes yes, you're not achieving your goal so it technically is "hard", but it's time to ask why after so long. Don't know. This something you'll have to discover for yourself. However, the best way to do this is to just... relax into the flow... To do this, Cassiopeia, if I were in your position, I'd give up. I'd refuse to suffer anymore. Smile, Life is in front of you! There's just so much beauty around you!!!!!! Would you lose all that just to look for someone and that might never come in time!
Enjoy life, incase any negative thoughts come up like saying "you're so stupid" "You're so ugly inside and out, pure dirt" I can't help it but laugh. Really? What's next? I'm a moron? An idiot? ... I don't know why... I see that voice as a little kid with his/her hand caught in the candy jar and he/she tells me that the candy jar magically placed itself there by the time I saw this. Hahaha, I see I see. I can step back from the voice because I've followed the voice entirely. I've cried, I've suffered, I was depressed. I understood it fully in that absolutely nothing comes out of it, only more pain.
However, that voice that still spouts negative thoughts is nothing to be angry about. The kid is being a little kid, just like the voice is being the bad news negative voice. I would not have it any other way. I can see through the kid's lie and the voice.
I was in a position similar to yours a year or two back and I can confidently say that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I "gave up" on my mental chase and somehow, as I was enjoying life and chose not to suffer... I started getting attention from the opposite gender..... I'm not trying to toot my horn here, I just saying what I'm seeing. I'll let life decide if there's a lifelong partner for me, but for now... (squeals like a little child >__<" ) Life is just... amazing! I've no problem sitting back and just seeing life unfolding. Yes, life isn't all happy fantasy land here, there will always be moments to be sad and tears to shed, but naturally, I understand that life is precious and I'll return back to the calm. A light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh I'd like to end with one of my favorite quotes
Do you know why angels can fly?
Because they don't take themselves seriously. So cool!!
answered 10 May '12, 13:22
I understand what your feeling and it is understandable based on your brief mentioning of previous experiences.What I am certain of is that you have the power to change it.
It sounds like you understand the spiritual laws involved but just can't seem to use them for a relationship.Well firstly Spiritually laws account for about 90% of most occurrences the other 10% however small is hard and can be described as physical action.The spiritual laws will do all the work but you must take action for the spiritual to take over.Excuse the assumption but are you be quite work orientated? Do you have enough social time to meet people? Even with your work background you could always network,go to networking events and potentially meet someone through there.So firstly consider if your blocking the spiritual forces from making this manifest for you.
Secondly we have to be honest with ourselves what stops us from getting what we want is ourselves as horrible and patronizing as it sounds.I would have said two things but the other is impatience and that again comes down to ourselves.how you felt about your promotion you must feel about relationships and this may take time.You have to believe the right guy will come along after all he is to have you as his queen so he must be of standard.you have to believe it will work and feelings do take time to develop.Now the other thing and I only know this from experience is how you feel about yourself also determines who you attract,now I dot know your past and i am not here to say what you are and how you should be but I do advise you consider how you feel about yourself because I know regardless of whether your the pretties or most confident ...if you aren't at one with your self as in love yourself even if there's a few things that could be better.You block your heart from seeing/sharing love in others.
Lastly with the fear part look at it this way and excuse me if this does sound brash I do not intend for it to sound so.Your fearful of being hurt but this fear is out of nothing?.By that same logic if I played numbers on the lotto and won...I would play them again thinking I could win.In this case you would think I was insane but more so holding on to ( the numbers I played) something which made me feel a certain way.That is what you are doing.What happened relationship wise in the past has happend and only through your thinking are you to control whether it will happen again.Free your heart from this by consciously trying to see the Good in someone that is attracted to you after all they have 'attracted' you so they must relate to you on some level.
answered 24 May '12, 22:25
Jonathan David Coleman
My take only, is you have been hurt and now expect more of the same. Hey Hell, if is was that easy we wouldn't have to manifest it would just happen. Yeah, it ain't gonna just happen until we Deserve and Desire it into being. No fear just take another shot and allow it to happen
Never look at what others have with a felling of lack! If you knew the whole story you might not be ready to trade places. Blessings!
answered 02 May '12, 23:52
The past doesn't matter, it's irrelevant and will only hinder your efforts at best to ''allow'' a happy relationship into your physical experience, the past is in the past so all that matters is the present, this part you probably already know. I can see by the above question you have a very strong desire to be in a happy relationship and you're very frustrated, that's understandable, but this is really not a problem, it's only a perception based on past experiences, and after all this time there may be a whole lot of detaching and letting go involved here, so you can allow that happy relationship into your physical reality because it simply already exists. It would begin with self forgiveness, letting go of the past and letting go of all the forced effort, what I mean by this is that it's time to release the intention once and for all and ''allow'' it into your physical experience by trusting the Universe as well as the timing, or the negative cycle will just continue [effort/no manifestation/frustration] as you may have some strong attachments regarding the outcome of this manifestation. [I'm sounding like a broken record with this next suggestion and I apologize] Practicing and learning the art of detaching, letting go, and allowing is paramount in a situation like this, and at some point it would seem like the Universe is denying you that one big life changing desire you want SO badly, but this is not the case at all, you've put a lot of time, energy, and effort into your desire so believe me when I write this, you cannot stop it from manifesting because the Universe [higher self] is well aware of the fact that you really, really, want a happy relationship, and H.S. wants you to have it, you can only delay the wanted experience until you become a complete vibrational match [in harmony] to that very experience [loving relationship] and the easiest way to do this is to let go of the forced effort altogether, forced effort means that it NEEDS to happen, forced effort is not allowing, you've already set in motion the creation of your desire when you first launched it, now allow it to come to you, and I guarantee you that it will, because what you seek is also seeking you. This is a real tricky subject [loving relationship/soul mate] when it comes to reality creation and manifestation, as there are strong attachments involved here, we THINK we know what we really want when it comes to the ideal relationship, but higher self knows better, yet we tend to try and force/control the outcomes, desperately looking out for, or searching endlessly for that perfect relationship without realizing that the Universe has already orchestrated everything, thus we delay the inevitable manifestation of that preferred, perfect relationship. Two things could result here, you'll keep putting more and more energy into this manifestation until you completely throw your arms up in maddening frustration and give up, and it's possible the manifestation could still sneak into your physical reality unexpectedly [possibly a watered down version of it] or you can release the desire once and for all, and you'll know you've actually released it by the ''relief'' that you will feel in your vibration. Let go and trust that your higher self will unite you with the perfect relationship in the most unexpected ways, and most guaranteed to exceed your expectations I might add. Once the desire is fully released [handed to Universe] everything that needs to be done will be handled by your higher self, through you, your only requirements will be to simply detach and let go, relax joyfully, and allow the unfolding of your desired physical experience. Godspeed!
answered 06 Jun '15, 01:59
Dear Cassiopeia, You have some wonderful answers here and as you have guessed by now the more you try to get a good relationship from a point of fear the more you will get exactly what it is you fear, Someone that hurts and than dumps you.
I believe that the negative program you habitualy think about is deeply ingrained within your subconscious mind and you will have to find out what this is and where it stems from and work on replacing this with a more positive attitude. Consciously you want a good relationship but something in your subconscious is preventing this to such an extent that you are now even consciously expecting to be hurt and that is what happens. In other words your subconscious and conscious are now in agreement that you shall only have hurtfull relationships. You have to change this so that your subconscious and your conscious are in agreement about a wonderful relationship and than you will have one.
There are many ways to do this and as Dollar Bill said Joy is one of the best ways to do this. You get joy in life by being gratefull so it is a good idea to start a grateful journal and write every day about the things you are grateful for. You can start with something simple like the warm sunshine or soft rain or the roof over your head or the pizza you had for lunch. Be grateful that your life is good in other areas.
Try not to think of romance or relationships but make joy your priority by apreciating all else within your life. Also see the Joy of others, see the smiling faces or the happiness of little children. You will get the gist of it and if you focus only on what is joyous and right and good in your life than life will suprise you by giving you more joy and eventualy a loving relationship.
Take note of the quote from Buddha which CalonLan kindly gave you and practise self love. By self love is meant self respect, knowing that all including you deserve the best, being kind and sympathetic towards yourself and forgiving yourself for the past and moving on into a brand new joyous future.
Wishing you only loving relationships..
answered 09 May '12, 01:54
You have a strong belief in believing that you will not get an real romantic life. Your wish is your command" that is what the Alladin's wondeful lamp Gin (imagination) does to you. Also, feel when others can work on romance it can work for you too. See how you can compromise for it. I agree people whom you met are bit of selfish. But sacrifice yourself in your belief that your mate will surely be with you forever. Change your cause (self) the effect (results) will surely match your cause.
answered 24 May '12, 20:39
I think it may help to reconsider the belief that you "have to have" a romantic partner in your life in order to feel or be complete. Have you ever had a time in your life where you just by yourself have felt complete? Felt really good? Sure you have. That is proof that you do not have to have a romantic partner in your life. Stop a second, take a deep breath and just look around, ask yourself "Hey, this is not so bad is it"? "Is it really, really so terrible that I'm single"? Then look at a lot of the people who do have a romantic partner in their lives, arguing, fussing, feeling like they have to explain themselves to someone, not feeling understood, having to meet someone at more than halfway a big part of the time, that sort of stuff. If you "have to have" a romantic partner in order to be happy or complete, then maybe you could consider that things outside of you (even Mr. Right) are not THE answer, not for long anyway. Has their been anything in your life that you thought you had to have and got it? Sure! Did it bring you lasting fulfillment? Hmmm... Things outside of you: "life situations", people, places, things, are only what they appear to be, because of the way you think about them-your perspective. The Law of Attraction works because it is a Law. Many people are spending much time on manifesting, because they are still too focused on their desires and the things they "think" they want or need. Being at the simple place of not wanting anything is much more peaceful, and joyful, and awe-inspiring. My guess is that you will have a romantic relationship in your life, if you don't already by now (5-13), but now that you've got that, what will be the next thing you will feel you "have to have"? With a certainty there will be something. Most likely their will continue to be. In proportion to the extent that one thinks that the answer to happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment comes in "people, places, or things" outside of themselves, to that proportion will one continue to experience disillusionment and disappointment.
answered 01 May '13, 10:55
When I was dating, I could smell a desperate guy a mile away. :) I do not know how that is possible, but I am sure that other people will agree, and know exactly what I am talking about. If you approach any problem with an attitude of desperation, then nothing will happen. Begging the Universe to grant favors doesn't work.
If instead you can somehow get to a place where you really do not care at all whether you succeed or not, you will succeed. Even better, I would try to "flip it". Feel deep down in your gut that everything you want will come to you really easily and quickly.
Just today, I needed $12.00 for something, and I said to myself, "There's got to be $12.00 here in this room. I just know it." Lo and behold, I dug around in pockets and old purses and the bottom of drawers, and came up with exactly that. ((Now I wish I had told myself that I would find $100.00 in the room. Sigh.)
The Power of Positive Thinking really is a great book. :)
Better Late then Never!
answered 17 Jun '15, 12:57
In the LOA we get what we expect, no matter who comes into our lives. He may be the greatest guy, but your beliefs that you will get hurt drive him away.
I recommend learning Emotional Freedom Technique or PSYCH-K to rid yourself of your negative expectations and past trauma. Then you will attract a difference experience.
answered 19 Jul '14, 17:35
IGNORING............ its a very important tool. Everyone of us is aware of it but we don't usually recall it as a term. We cannot concur our minds of Monkey Jumps of thought in our minds while doing concentration practices. Its only the "IGNORING" practice that makes it possible to calm down these thoughts and stop entering the mind ultimately.
WATCH YOUR THOUGHT, they become your words, WATCH YOUR WORDS, they become your actions, WATCH YOUR ACTION, they become your habits, WATCH YOUR HABITS, they become your Character, WATCH YOUR CHARACTER, that becomes your Destiny
I don't remember where i read the above saying long before, but it is like a "WHITE TRUTH" if we guard our thought at their beginning and treat them accordingly, they will never grow to mountain size ( by repeating it on and on ) instead stop it only by a simple action i.e. " IGNORING " ignoring has two steps one is don't put attention to it and other is divert your attention to something positive, and if the thought returns, ignore it again. Repeated ignorance will let it go away forever. Even then if it comes again you have a lethal weapon of "IGNORING". The major part is ignoring such thought at its beginning. Once you have paid attention to it, it grows according to LOA and difficult to remove.
YES, now it has grown up, what to do............ I can suggest a very effective simple exercise. Make 02 imaginary pictures in your thought, one with all that negativities ( you have explained above) and other with positive ones. Do the exercise daily and make the pictures bigger in your mind right before you on a screen. Initially you can make both pictures equal in size or the negative picture may be bigger, but you will concentrate on positive picture daily and it will grow it gradually. Simultaneously ignore other side picture and think it decreasing in size and ultimately loose its existence.
Hope the " IGNORING " technique will solve your problem and remove the deep rooted negative thought permanently from your subconscious mind.
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