Last year, I was involved with someone and the situation did not end well. I caught him in too many lies and I always had a feeling or intuition of distrust. I was trying really hard to distinguish whether or not that was my ego's fear, so I did ignore some of the warning signs.

Well, we were in the same "college program", so we saw each other. I asked him to avoid me, and change professors if we ended up in the same classes. It was a difficult semester, but I got through it okay. At one point, I emailed him to see if he would talk so I could have some closure. I didn't want to be friends, but I did want to make peace because we had mutual friends/classmates.

He wasn't willing to admit he was wrong, so he asked me to stop contacting him. I then asked him to stay away from me and the mutual people we knew when I was around them.

As last year was ending, and the new year was approaching, I was in a very high vibrational frequency. Or so I thought. I was starting to really get this LOA down, maintaining a relatively high frequency no matter what.

Then, he contacted me in the New Year, wanting to make peace and be friends. I was very shocked to hear from him. I told him that I had forgiven him but I did not want to be friends. He said if we weren't going to be friends, there was no point in talking. I replied by telling him if he had good intentions, he would want to explain things just for it's own sake, no matter what the outcome. We went back and forth like this. My "issue" is, I really can't believe anything he says. He has a reputation of lying to other people as well. Our conversation ended with me being very condescending. I'm obviously still hurt, but what was upsetting me was he was presenting this "let's make peace" as if he was doing me a favor.

Anyways, I just want to know why I attracted him back into my life when I was so relieved and grateful he was out of it and finally out of my thoughts as well? Now, I have been feeling very depressed. I don't know if this is "his emotions" I'm feeling, winter blues, or pms! I was doing so well before hearing from him.

Any insight would be really appreciated. Thank you.

asked 17 Jan '13, 01:20

OceanSize's gravatar image



Rushing through time, but standing still, what the past holds, the future also will. As only high knows of its low, it's moving that lets stillness go.

(17 Jan '13, 02:29) CalonLan

@OceanSize- reading through your question i get the impression of a tangled knot of emotions ... a good way of chasing the clouds and seeing more clearly is through meditation.

(17 Jan '13, 03:43) blubird two

@bluebird two - You're right. Thank you for the reminder. It's best to let this go.

(17 Jan '13, 21:53) OceanSize
showing 0 of 3 show 3 more comments

It is not him you attracted . It is the "thought/feeling" of him. The karmic relationship,the being drawn to each other thought as you stated in your comment. You have liked those feelings and those are still associated with the physical him. It might be difficult to fathom but look back with gratitude for what you have learned .
Feel the gratitude from the good times.Don't be so doubtful of you intuitions
It sounds like you have taken many steps forward from the man and there was a little back pull after the New Years call. Consider this, you know what you want more precisely now. Put your focus on that. Some relations we have with people are just a fine tuning for us, to help us have people in our live that we can interact harmoniously with.
As far as being friends I would complete the sentence " I don't want to be friends and I don't want to be enemies either . Animosity is a heavy burden to carry around. Better to have a neutral feeling about him. Thus not creating any desire, albeit positive or negative.

P.S. Cool nic


answered 17 Jan '13, 07:19

ursixx's gravatar image



Very nice answer, @ursixx :)

(17 Jan '13, 09:21) Bedazzled

Thank you. I do want to feel neutral. I guess raw emotions just came up that I thought were gone. I know I need to take positive steps towards releasing them again.

(17 Jan '13, 22:02) OceanSize

That seems like a logical presumption, I agree. Your good feeling attracted the ability of the closures that you needed.

But the thing is that even though you attracted those closures with him you wasn't yet ready (strong enough to see it through) as he was being dominating again, you were getting sucked back in.

This is kind of like revisiting an old pit (you had fell into once) to close it up, so you never fall in again. Even though you are there to close it up, there is still the danger of falling back into the pit.


answered 17 Jan '13, 02:07

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 17 Jan '13, 02:13

Part of me felt like it was a test. I am not sure for what! To have that chance to stand up for myself or to be compassionate and open my heart. I was thinking it was to "love myself" by choosing me first. I was compassionate with him and tried to understand things without my ego getting in the way. In the end, I honestly can't believe anything he says so I couldn't be friends. I can tell when people are lying, even through text. He hasn't apologized, either. Idt he knows he did anything wrong.

(17 Jan '13, 03:06) OceanSize

Thank you for your input.

(17 Jan '13, 03:06) OceanSize

@OceanSize Either way, welcome to the Inward Quest. Also know that this will pass. You will be attracted to the right guy, don't give up.

(17 Jan '13, 12:10) Wade Casaldi
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

It seems that this person knows how to "push your buttons".

Your question:

"Was I supposed to allow him back into my life?"

might be better asked as:

"Do I want to allow him back into my life?"

Often people who want power over others will try to make the other person feel guilty & "small" for not doing or being what they are "supposed" to do or be.

The "rules" about doing what you're "supposed to" are imposed on you by the process of socialization, & are only as valid for you as you choose to allow them to be.

If you are living in the flow of the Tao - universal consciousness & using LOA, you will be (& do) what you are in your highest potential in every present moment.

Even the smallest doubt can take you out of the flow, & cause you to feel contracted & constrained by outer circumstances, events & people. Sometimes these doubts & fears may be subconscious, however they can still bring into your life circumstances, events & people which you do not want & which cause you pain &/or distress in some way.

If you hold an intent to be your highest self in the (ever) present moment, noticing thoughts & fears & letting them go rather than holding onto them, they will begin to "dissolve" & stop coming all on their own.

Just remember to bring your awareness & focus back to your intention, when these distractions come "knocking".

You could spend your whole life trying to rationalize, understand & forgive these doubts & fears & they would still keep coming to you since that is what you focus on.

Some believe that the LOA is intended to help people to better be able to be in alignment with their highest potential - the person they truly are. By focusing on this truth of who you are, you will be more able to be this truth in the moment.

As Wayne Dyer would say;

What this guy thinks of you is none of your business.

You need to live your version of your life, & not someone else's.


answered 17 Jan '13, 10:48

Fred%20Basset's gravatar image

Fred Basset

edited 17 Jan '13, 10:53


@Fred Basset Good answer and welcome to the Inward Quest.

(17 Jan '13, 12:14) Wade Casaldi

Thank you. Is that from Dyer's "Power of Intention"? I should read it again, haha!

(17 Jan '13, 21:57) OceanSize

I would forget about all of these deeper questions for now, since they are making you second guess yourself, making you over-think the situation and making you uneasy. The deeper meanings of this relationship and the why's of it, may not come to you until much later when you have the gift of perspective. It is much easier to look back on things way later and see it clearly than it is to see it when it is in front of you and causing chaotic feelings.

Since it will be hard to avoid this person (mutual friends, same classes, same college campus and etc) just make peace with it for now, is my opinion. If you continue to feel stress about it, it will affect all of you life. Let it go. Be friends but don't let him get too close, or better yet, be aquaintances. Don't talk it over with your friends, don't seek their opinions of him, don't seek him out nor avoid him. As someone else mentioned, just be neutral and don't dwell on it for now. The main thing is that you feel better and move forward. At a later time, you will know the hows and whys of it, and can examine it then from a better place.


answered 17 Jan '13, 08:39

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1


Thank you, LeeAnn. It's rare for me to feel that kind of connection. . .so it's been harder to let go, but I know I can and will.

(17 Jan '13, 21:58) OceanSize

@oceansize something as made you go with him. you seam to avoid that.could it be that you are not totaly honest also? as for you trying to make him avoid you going so far as stopping him from going to the same class or stopping him from seing people that you know also.might be going a little bit to far onless the other people do not want to see him also. but that is their choice and not your choice.why are you taking this responsability on you? you say:He has a reputation of lying to other people as well.according to who? who is making that gossip? is that person telling the truth?or is that person having is own interest making this person look bad? you say:I'm obviously still hurt, but what was upsetting me was he was presenting this "let's make peace" as if he was doing me a favor. so you do not want peace you prefer conflict?what is stopping you from making peace?is it something outside of you or is it you?it as much a favor for him that it is for you,or maybe you see it as him taking something from you or your social group and are afraid that other will accept him more if you make peace? are you responsible of their choice?or do you fell that people in your social group are not responsible enuff?


answered 17 Jan '13, 02:04

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger


I think you are asking why I got involved with him? Is that right? There was literally a magnetic attraction between us. I do believe this was a karmic relationship. I believe we were drawn to each other b/c of similar frequencies. The people in the middle were people I was assigned to work with for a group project. He was not in that class, but would always be hanging around them, knowing I was working with them. They're more credible, imo. There were red flags I ignored in the beginning. :-(

(17 Jan '13, 03:00) OceanSize

Thank you for your input.

(17 Jan '13, 03:08) OceanSize
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Asked: 17 Jan '13, 01:20

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Last updated: 17 Jan '13, 22:02

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