Great self-esteem comes from within. Cool comes from within.
One of the traits I've noticed amongst the most legendary of characteristics is to not care what others think of you. If you do, you immediatly have issues related to self-love, confidence and self-acceptance.
Stingray has given me a quick tip in the past, when I asked him, "how do you learn to not care what others think of you?"
His response was "practise", which I feel was a great starting block.
Having now gained the liberty of not caring what others think, I can confidently say it did take me a while to develop the unconscious skill.
I've noticed that I stop caring what others think of me when I place my attention on other people. When I'm at work (customer service), I don't care what others think of me perhaps because my intentions are on getting their needs met instead of mine.
What exercises would you recommend to insecure people to gain this trait? Do you care what others think?
asked 04 Jun '13, 03:10
Great question Nikulas.
This has been a lifelong process for me so Stingray is spot on when he says it takes practise. Several key points moved it on for me though.
Firstly, the realisation that you can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time. At some point you have to soothe yourself through those moments when someone is not pleased with you because you aren't doing what they want. You have to actually move through the uncomfortable feelings of being disapproved of - more difficult for some of us than others.
Secondly, "being yourself" is a cliche but a really important part of self acceptance. I found it really helpful grasping the fact that it was Okay not to be at the centre of everything. I found I actually gravitated towards people who I had more in common with rather than trying to fit in with large numbers of people I wasn't that interested in in the first place. Friend numbers on Facebook makes this particularly difficult for young people. Do yourself a favour and free yourself from worrying about being universally liked! If you don't like yourself then any number of friends is not going to fill that hole.
Thirdly, to make real progress with this at some point you have to turn and face yourself. This can be a painful process. I'd done some shadow work in the past, half heartedly, but the best and quickest way to do this is to get a natal birth chart astrology reading and ask for total honesty from the astrologer (or do it on line). The natal birth chart gives a highly accurate picture of your personality - warts and all. Once I was aware of the things lurking in my shadow I felt lightened - just shedding light on these things, led to improvement. With knowledge I was able to work on the less desirable aspects of my character/personality and I also had insights into how others might view me. Self acceptance leads to the not caring so much what others think you mention in your question because once you know yourself and accept yourself it matters much less what other people think of you.
It is an ongoing process - the only danger in not caring so much about what other people think is that it can make you careless about other people's feelings - I don't think you would ever fall into that trap N but worth mentioning here anyway. The ideal is to accept yourself and everyone else - now that does take some practise!
answered 04 Jun '13, 05:24
I don't worry about it too much, but if I find myself knocked out of the vortex due to caring about what someone else thinks, I have found the quick exercises in these videos helpful:
Hope these help! All best.
No, no, and um...not really no:-)
The only thing that matters is what I think of me. Judgement of others is simply a deep rooted judgement of yourself anyways. What a person thinks of me is their own business and baggage. It hasn't got anything to do with me. It's all about the reflection they see in the mirror everyday.
A few of the techniques that I use which I have mentioned before are the Stop, Drop, and Roll change of awareness and the Repetition of things that make me feel good habit that I mentioned in an earlier question that you asked.
For me the key is to get into a habit (or choice) of reacting in the way that I prefer in every now moment event that flows into my experience of life. When a new repetitive action takes root, the old one will eventually die off and rot away.
I also like to keep things as simple as I can in situations like these. As an example...
"A person says something negative to me, or gestures something negative towards me, or looks at me angrily, or makes me slightly paranoid that they are thinking bad about me...etc."
So what...So what..........So what?
Two very powerful words of wisdom that my good pal Bashar has inspired me to recently start using more often.
"The collective agreement says, any individual can experience any collective it wants - Bashar"
So since we can experience our own personal collective at any time we choose, why should we care what others think about us when we are the ones actually creating the reflections of "those others" in the first place.
If we don't like the collective consciousness that is showing up in our reality everyday, we get the easy choice of choosing a different one any time we choose to do so.
I'm glad to hear how good you are doing lately @Nikulas. You are a great example of The law of attraction in action. Keep living the good life my friend:)
one day I realized that most everybody I know has a seed of lack at some point; and if that is so then how could they know more or be more than me. I look at people who run businesses and gov't. and they seem like they are also flying by the seat of their pants. So if they don't know about their own self, hth could they know about me and my stuff.
I study abraham and bashar and pray always to Jesus my Lord and saviour.
I love the idea that first I do have to feel good in order to make good decisions. I aim to focus on the now and think good thoughts and plans for my future self. I tell my new story about everything always works out better for me than I can imagine.
I also like to treat others in kind equally cause that is an idea I want to promote. It has taken some time to shed old behavior patterns that caused me to ridicule or treat someone in an unkind way. I love being able to grow and learn to be who I want to be and expect that kindness and high integrity from others too. I love these studies.
And armed with this I can see that it really does not matter what they might think or want. It's my focus and my response. Even in a situation where I am doing what another decides, when I do it with that knowledge that all things work for my good no matter what it looks like-then I am able to think better thougts about me and my life.
Then of course they get to live,think,feel however they need to for their own journey and it won't 'get on me'. I can shake it off and know my truth.
This is one thing that I have also been trying to practise and work on whenever I have the chance to do so. Although I can't say that I can completely ignore other people's opinions about myself now, I can confidently say that I can handle them a lot more better than I could a few months or a year ago.
One thing I have noticed that when people start to form opinions about you, they are usually trying to elicit a response from you. If you actually manage to control your own emotions and ignore them completely instead, you can see them getting frustrated and getting even angrier at you and forming even nastier opinions about you. Once you have done this a few times, you get really a kick out of this and laughing at them in your heart secretly, compared to getting all flared up and arguing back with them instead.
Once I also read a quote from a famous person, I think he was Robert Kiyosaki: the most successful people in this world gets rejected the most. Today I have this amount of success because I have as many people rejecting me as much as people who support me.
Of course the quote is not exactly word-for-word, but something along the lines and similar, and I am sure most would get the point.
Caring what other people think is probably a side effect of our parents trying to train us to be civilized human beings. The first thing, is to notice that we are judging ourselves through other people's eyes. For me, once I realized this, I could see how unfair it was for me to judge myself, and also how unfair for me to assume what other people are thinking. Realizing that I am probably wrong about what I think other people think about me really helped. Then, if I really think I am right about it, I ask, "So what if they think that? How is that going to hurt me?" Sometimes that makes it all so silly. Then, if I still have a problem, I remember that it's none of my business what other people think anyway. And then, I give myself the benefit of the doubt, and realize that I am doing the best that I can. I think that this is a big part of loving yourself.
answered 04 Jun '13, 10:08
Whoa there, Hondo! Sounds a bit altruistic. Is getting their needs met, (instead of yours) getting your needs met? How do you know they are getting their needs met? Does getting their needs met give you a good feeling? How about when you can't get their needs met? Do you feel badly?
I do applaud you for your changes. I have noticed a rapid articulate maturation in your posts. You have come a long way and I really like that. Do you feel better after reading this? Well, it's true, but I suggest that the more you understand that you operate from self-interest, the happier you can be.
What I mean is that you look within and decide what makes you happiest in the moment, right now!. the key words are "RIGHT NOW." And what other people think is irrelevant.
And, I also suggest that you change the wording from
To: What do I think about mySelf? How can I feel best in this situation. How can I get MY needs met?
When Anne and I walk into a possibly knotty situation, we used to say, "I want to walk out of here feeling great, and I trust mySelf, My Source, to give the guidance."
Now we say this every day. That is our "exercise" and it does take practice.
answered 04 Jun '13, 08:55
its is ok to care. But to not let it bother you mean that you are not at peace with your self or other. If you are not at peace with other it is because they are doing something that is not right and that you see no solution to the problem. is it your problem in the first place? Or do you let it become your problem? To the measure you judge also will you be judge. eventually you will use discernment and truth and fix the problem inside and outside.(born of water) The truth will set you free. and you will overcome and go above.(born of spirit) Even if people judge you and do all kind of evil and stupid things they are hurting them self and other. That is the level they are at and they do not know it if they would know it they would make every effort to change their way. until they grow forgive them they do not know what they are doing.
Let there be light, Be the light that you can be, Experience and enjoy.
answered 04 Jun '13, 19:08
The simple answer to this is to raise your vibration ( get in the Vortex or as close as) daily with a process that works for you.
As you raise your vibration the limiting beliefs you hold just simply become too painful to think about leaving you no choice but to let them go.
As you start to gravitate to being Who You Truly Are on a daily basis you will realise that when your being Who You Truly Are you will not care one iota what others think of you:)
This simple process of touching the Vortex daily has worked for me and continues to work. I use the Advanced Focus Blocks Method by Stingray. Hope this helps.
This where ego properly used can help. Everything has a purpose. You see it expressed here often kill the ego.
While it's true killing the ego would keep you from caring what others think. It would as well stop you from thinking good about yourself.
Ego poorly applied worries about image and how others see you.
Ego properly applied creates image, it says I don't need your approval because you don't know me. I'll do this my way, get out of my way and watch me!
These are the top dogs that can do this, the leaders and trail blazers.
When I play my guitar for people, I can mess up bad if I think they heard a error. But when I am really getting into my playing and enjoying it, it is like they are not even there.
When you are really being yourself and enjoying that moment, you are not worrying what others think.
Read books and audio books by Brene Brown. These will help you and answer all your questions about caring what others think.
answered 12 Jun '13, 13:03
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