hey :)

recently i a have been trying to attract man of my dreams. for at least 6 months i keep on telling my self that i deserve good looking guys.i visualize my self with good looking boys on daily basis . i am very confident with that i am worthy of good looking boys because i am quite pretty.

i asked universe to show me where my vibration is. as i believe that universe always answer i read a book about a perfect boy in it which according to me was a sign that my vibration is really great.i was really happy about it that now my vibration is quite high and i am clear on what i want, i believed that my desire is about to manifest. but today out of the blue a normal guy who was not up to my standard/geek approached me and i refused him politely.

he was 3 younger then me and i always wanted guys who are older then me. why this universe is playing with me and what does my today's experience is trying to tell me. i know its mirroring a belief but i thought i cleared my belief on bad looking guys ages ago. help confused.

asked 23 Oct '13, 12:54

fizz's gravatar image


edited 23 Oct '13, 13:38

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


fizz, perhaps your conception of age and what can be an affinity needs further tuning

(24 Oct '13, 15:51) fred

I really liked some answers here, @ele, @cassiopeia, and @Monty Riviera to name a few.

Please don't let the tone you may see in some answers make you feel anything but good about your question. Good question, it spurred a lot of activity! Welcome to IQ.

As a short answer, keep your eyes and heart open. We never know who will give us what we need and want, and the best part is rarely can we see it coming until it hits us and we're happily surprised. Just don't close yourself off too much. ^_^y

(26 Oct '13, 20:17) Snow
showing 1 of 2 show 1 more comments


Why did an ugly guy approach me today when I cleared my belief about bad-looking guys ages ago?

I'm not trying to be unkind when I say this ~

You describe yourself as "quite pretty"

I would have to say you may be attracting what you are on the inside. You seem to think beauty is only skin deep. IMO, & you can take what I say to heart or leave it ~ anyone who calls someone else ugly isn't very "pretty" .

This old adage seems to be fitting ~

You can't judge a book by it's cover.

Judging someone on their outside appearance is very superficial.

The mass murder Ted Bundy was described as quite good looking; but NOT very pretty on the inside.

"It's true "Beauty is in the Eye of Beholder" ~ but judging & labeling someone as ugly based on their looks doesn't say much about you.

You are also limiting your choices & you are ignoring some really great guys.

I know many striking & beautiful women married or with men who would not be described as handsome. When you meet these women's partners; it only takes a minute to recognize what attracted these women to these men & how lucky these women were to find such a beautiful men.

Personally I'll take a man with a sense of humor & intelligence over an arm piece. Kindness & compassion is a major factor ~ good heart. If he happens to have good looks too, it's a bonus & I'll take it.

I've dated a few "pretty" boys. Who wants a guy who spends more time in front of a mirror than you do. I don't.

Additionally, looks fade with time. Someday this good looking man may be bald & wrinkled. Will you still love him then?

What happens if he is disfigured due to disease or an accident & his physical appearance can not be restored. Will you still love him?

BTW ~ welcome to IQ ... "where you can go inward, to expand outward"


Men like pretty women. All men, regardless of their physical appearance are attracted to pretty women. You're offended when an unattractive man approaches you. This behavior is perfectly natural, normal & understandable. If you are actually as pretty as you claim you are in appearance, this will continue to happen. You best get over it fast & learn to deal with these men who you feel are ugly or describe as 'geeks' & not worthy of your time with kindness, grace & class.

ETA ~ I think my edit needs further explanation.

How do you respond when a guy who you describe as ugly or as geek approaches you? You said you politely rejected a "normal" looking boy because he did not meet your age requirement.

Be aware of the expressions on your face, your body language & tone of voice when you speak "polite" words. You may be giving off an entirely different vibe. Being polite is the opposite of being rude. Politeness is about good etiquette & being well mannered. Polite words can be very "empty" words. You can be very polite whilst being unkind. I personally viewed your post as rude. I viewed the words you used to describe these guys ~ ugly & geeks ~ as derogatory & mean spirited. Kind is the opposite of mean. True beauty comes from within as does kindness. Kindness & beauty radiate from the heart (from your soul) & this is what we project to the world through our vibes. We are who we are in our heart.

You also said "you feel worthy because you are pretty." No one's worthiness including yours is dependent on physical features. As @Cass said, "its due to your genetics & you were lucky." I don't know if your view is due to media or because your family praised your looks instead of your accomplishments, intelligence, kindness & compassionate acts.

You are worthy because you exist & you've always been worthy of anything you desire. Self worth comes from the inside & works its way to the outside & you can begin this process by learning to love yourself for reasons other than your outer appearance.

Allow beauty & love in & you will emit those vibes. Start by looking for one new thing of beauty each day & soon you will see beauty wherever you look & you will reflect this inner beauty outward & you will attract beauty & love back.

Additional note on vibrations ~ Vibrations are dependent on feelings. When you feel disappointment, pessimistic, worried, fear or doubt when you don't attract whatever it is you want it changes the frequency of your vibes to a a lower frequency because they are negative vibes.

Words usually always have more than one meaning. Additionally, you can't see the expressions on my face or in my eyes or hear the tone of my voice as I type. I'm trying to help you. Life is short & you need to start living your best life now.


answered 23 Oct '13, 18:05

ele's gravatar image


edited 26 Oct '13, 02:36

I don't look into mirror that much, because by standards I'm ugly...haha. I'm not looking for a perfect looking girl, I just want someone as crazy as me to share my craziness with I guess. =D

But she can't be fat, no tire around the belly either, no short hair, not taller than me, bleh...and many more.

all of this is like a business. Of course I can improve on my looks, my behavior, my fashion taste, so that maybe if I get a lot of + points from other areas, the - parts of my looks will...

(24 Oct '13, 04:39) CalonLan

...still get outweighed and not considered. If the sum of your beautiful sides is greater than the sum of your ugly sides (understand, it's a matter of personal preference of whoever is considering you and there is nothing wrong with not wanting ugly-to-you looking person) then you have higher probability of attracting someone you'd like too.

(24 Oct '13, 04:44) CalonLan

But you own your "ugly" @Cal Love the One You 'is' & We ALL Benefit.

(24 Oct '13, 05:05) ele

@ele, nah, I'll stick to the darkness of my room and avoid mirrors instead =D Loving imperfection is...too big of a task....for a lifetime even lol.

(24 Oct '13, 05:56) CalonLan

lol @Cal Mirror ~ Mirror ~ there are millions of mirrors. The people you surround yourself with are excellent mirrors for who you are. Perhaps you need to look at these false beliefs & question your "ugly" Cal and let your light shine bright & your room won't be so dark then.

(24 Oct '13, 06:08) ele

@ele, yes I know, beliefs are lies and blind and basically keep you in the circle of nonsense. But maybe I chose my beliefs, am fully aware of possibility of transcending them, but refuse to do so.

It is like being in a small room, and i can transcend the smallness of the room and live in it happily, but perhaps, I want to big room. Naturally, the small one will then make me sad. And that will make me do something about it, perhaps leave and find big room I want. You can either change your...

(24 Oct '13, 06:46) CalonLan

point of view or the room. =)

I don't wanna think 'me' that is is beautiful. I wanna change my ugly into beautiful I want, sort of...i wanna cling onto my foolish ways of doing things =D

(24 Oct '13, 06:51) CalonLan

You make me laugh @Cal "i wanna cling onto my foolish ways of doing things =D" Perhaps it's best not to try to reinvent the wheel. I now see my comments to you on beauty thread were not applicable or helpful. Trust your intuition ~ follow your gut. Stop comparing yourself to others & ditch the self-depreciating humor even tho it makes me laugh. Buy a new mirror ~ your looking glass is cloudy; just an illusion. As Kurt Cobain said ~ Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.

(24 Oct '13, 07:06) ele

@ele, What did Kurt Cobain said? "Wanting to be winner is a waste of the loser you are"? WHAT@!!@#! haha gosh, how I hate all these words of seeming wisdom =D...

Really, just look at his comment from both sides...

wanting to be superficial is a waste of non-superficial person you are..or ..wanting to be non-superficial is a waste of superficial person you are ,...you are aaaaallways gonna waste some side of you in order to make room for its opposite... And why would he propose not..

(24 Oct '13, 07:15) CalonLan

..chaning..when change is fun..sometimes, and sometimes it's not.

do you see the pendulum of life swinging now? =D Don't think, swing.

(24 Oct '13, 07:16) CalonLan

@Cal best idea you had all night. Thinking is soo overrated. Let's swing & swing & swing. I'm off ~ going to swing now. Always a pleasure Cal. I had correct that..

(24 Oct '13, 07:29) ele

@ele night night

(24 Oct '13, 07:54) CalonLan


You say, "But she can't be fat, no tire around the belly either, no short hair, not taller than me, bleh...and many more." I find that shallow. She can lose the weight, get rid of the spare tire, grow her hair, (can't do much about height, tho ...) I'm sorry you cannot see the inner beauty of a woman.

(24 Oct '13, 17:20) Beach Baby

@ele- I'm enjoying your answers these days Ele, you got some age old and true wisdom here. I thought I'd build in some more info here: - Guys are physically attracted to girls in terms of seeing them as sexual partners. On top of that, they have their own 'personality charts' which make it expalinable that a hot babe 10/10 will actually be unattractive in their minds, sexually, due to their behaviour or some characteristcs.

(24 Oct '13, 21:05) Nikulas

Thanks for the appreciation @Nikulas Absolutely, men are visual creatures & there is no denying that. Women like their men sexy too & we enjoy sex just as much as you guys. When it comes to a first impressions, I think most women are like me & the only physical feature which really matters is weight. An obese person of any gender is not sexy to many ppl of the opposite sex. In addition to excess fat being an obstacle, there's also a stamina factor to consider. (A)

(24 Oct '13, 23:02) ele

(B) Sex is important to a person's mental, spiritual & physical health & not only for the young. I prob have another 50 yrs ago, so I would prefer a man who is physically fit because it represents health & hopefully longevity as well as a good sex life. I like & get what you meant by "personality chart" & how it factors in with attractiveness & sex appeal. Glad to hear a real man say that. Ppl can be overweight & physically fit as well as sexy, if they own it & have a great personality.

(24 Oct '13, 23:05) ele

@Beach Baby I viewed @Cal's comment as a preference. There is nothing wrong with having preferences, aka likes. I prefer my java with creme. For all you know Cal is 5' 2'' & 110 lbs. I think it's very normal to have preferences. I "prefer" a man around my own age or older & being I'm not tall; I too would "prefer" a man who was no less than my height. I also like the way George Clooney looks; it doesn't mean I'm going to limit myself to man who looks like him. Preferences are 'likes' & (I)

(24 Oct '13, 23:11) ele

(II) & mine are NOT carved in stone & I assume most ppl's aren't either. Some ppl prefer blonds & others brunettes ~ simple as that. I know you recommended plastic surgery several times. I think you also told another user "no one had to accept not looking like Brad Pitt with plastic surgery available". Sounds like you think beauty is very important & you call @Cal shallow. You're also saying a woman has to look a certain way to attract or keep a man. She could lose weight,

(24 Oct '13, 23:14) ele

(III) change her hairstyle, blah blah. It's ppl with views like yours who make it so difficult for girls in society today. Perhaps you should watch this documentary @ursixx posted


I also realize you have a weight issue. Please don't take my comments about obesity personally. People can be overweight & physically fit as well as sexy, if they own it & have a great personality. I also realize how hard it is to make a good 1st impression when OW.

(24 Oct '13, 23:20) ele

@Nikulas What I said about you being a real man ~ I meant it. I know a guy a couple years older than you and he said "he would never go out with a woman who was not a size zero." I asked why & he said "she would not be sexually appealing even if she had all the other qualities he was looking for." How sad. I also know other young guys with similar attitudes. They are looking for a 10 in physical appearance only. Sad.

(24 Oct '13, 23:28) ele

@Beach baby, just as there is inner beauty, there is outer one. I see no reason why it would be wrong for me to desire the best of the both worlds. Just as I wouldn't want to end with a beautiful person on inside that's ugly on outside, I wouldn't want to end with a beautiful bimbo on outside, braindead on inside.

For the very same reason people climb mt. Everest and not get satisfied with climbing their backyard hill.

There are other men to comfort fat girls, not me. ;)

(26 Oct '13, 04:52) CalonLan
showing 2 of 21 show 19 more comments

Firstly i see the issue in the way you are considering you are above standard to someone. Just like no one is better than you, its not good to say you are better than him. it is better to say he is not your preference instead of you thinking you are above him.

Think of him approaching you as a good sign. That at least someone liked to ask you out. That could be Universe way of saying you are moving along.

Try to be more grateful with things you have and compassionate to others and i am sure Universe will deliver what you want in due time.


answered 23 Oct '13, 17:30

abrahamloa's gravatar image



You are nicer than me ... lol

(23 Oct '13, 18:10) ele

i was gonna say you are just a tad bit more blunt ;-)

(23 Oct '13, 18:20) abrahamloa

age has it's privileges.... I must have channeled my Grandmother who passed away over 20 yrs ago. She lived to be over 100 & had her mind till the end. She was always active till the last few months of her life & quite outspoken.

(23 Oct '13, 18:27) ele
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Have you watched the film Shallow Hal? If not, you should. It's a comedy about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. A shallow man who always goes for model-type women is hypnotised so that he starts seeing the model types as unattractive, whereas women whom he previously found ugly appear to look like models. The ending is pretty predictable, so I won't be spoiling it much when I say that he learns that the beauty of love trumps conventional stereotypes of beauty.

You say you feel worthy of good-looking guys. Here's the thing. Being conventionally attractive makes you lucky, but not more worthy than anyone else. I've been lucky when it comes to my genetics, but I'm well aware that it's only temporary. At best, "pretty" people will age gracefully but eventually end up looking like little prunes, at worst we could contract some horrific tropical disease that eats away at our skin (don't Google Image search that!).

So while it's cool to enjoy the fact that you are pretty, focus on developing a healthy, joyful, compassionate and caring personality. I once met a guy whose face was badly disfigured. He had that kind of personality, and after a very short while I was no longer "seeing" his face, I was too busy enjoying how joyful he was and what a good time I was having with him. Building that type of personality is a much better thing to invest in than in your looks. It's also harder work, which makes it a worthier thing to be proud of.

That said, I do think everyone is worthy of being with a partner that they feel attracted to. This is something that I have talked a lot about with my LOA coach, and she's written a blog post on it that explains this better than I could.

Everyone says the want a hottie, but WHY do they want that hottie? They want someone that they are really attracted to, someone that rings their bells, and in many cases, someone that they can show off to the world, which is really a desire to be approved of. So, you may date a bunch of hotties, because you think that's what you really want, but you can't seem to find anyone to fall in love with. That's because being attracted to someone physically isn't the only thing on your list. When you focus on what you really want and line up with it, the Universe brings you what you truly want - someone that makes your knees weak and whom you can deeply connect with.

Second, what exactly is a hottie? One could argue that we have set a certain standard of beauty in our society. And a lot of people will tell you that they don't agree with that standard. We each have our own, personal list of what we find attractive and often, that list looks nothing like a Hollywood casting sheet. And it's entirely possible to be deeply and passionately attracted to people who would never qualify to be a model, and isn't it lucky that this is so, considering that almost everyone in the world would not? There are people who cannot understand how someone might be attracted to an obese person, and yet, there are whole websites devoted to those who are. "Attractive" is a very subjective term and no one gets to decide what another person finds sexy. And thank goodness for that.

And third, you may really want someone attractive and romantic. But you get what you line up with. And a lot of people's vibrations aren't anywhere near the frequency of what they want. In fact, we often line up with and attract the exact opposite of what we truly want. No one wants to be in an abusive or unhappy or loveless relationship. But many have beliefs that keep them stuck there.


There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone that you are deliciously attracted to. From your post, you seem a bit young. Trust me when I say that it's highly likely that at least once in your life, you're going to be insanely attracted to someone who isn't your usual "type". You might be puzzled about it at the time, but at the end of the day, the attraction is there, so you won't care one bit (see the Shallow Hal example).

That said, you seem to be putting emphasis on attracting guys who AREN'T 'ugly'. That's different from wanting someone that you are insanely attracted to. To me, it seems there is some negative belief hidden in there. What is it that you believe about "ugly" guys versus "hot" guys? Is your judgement of their looks a subconscious judgement of yourself? What does it say about you when a guy that you aren't attracted to approaches you? Dig deeper, because you've only just cleared the tip of the iceberg.


answered 24 Oct '13, 08:06

cassiopeia's gravatar image


(24 Oct '13, 09:44) ursixx

I saw your answer earlier & didn't have time to comment; but I did vote it up & am surprised it isn't higher up. I really like it @Cass ~ lovely & with a lot of 'heart'. The comedy you linked is very funny & applicable too & I appreciated the blog post. Like you, I was fortunate to be blessed with good genes. I'm a bit older than you & I agree, external beauty does begin to fade with age. Exercise & eating well helps & living a balanced life. Thanks.

(24 Oct '13, 22:55) ele

@cass that was a good movie. I think you made a big splash in the swimming pool. Ha ha ha. well you have touch the water. smile.

(24 Oct '13, 23:04) white tiger

@white tiger you like pretty girls too ~ you flirt!

(24 Oct '13, 23:33) ele

@ele of course I like pretty girl on the inside and on the outside. But when they are only pretty on the outside. they are like the girl in the calendar, very pretty image but useless and will not last more then one month. and good chance are that it will be a bad month over all. since she will think that because she is pretty every one should be at her beck and call.

(25 Oct '13, 19:12) white tiger
showing 1 of 5 show 4 more comments

You always attract what you put out whether you know it or not. How you react to any situation you attracted to yourself is the key to fine tuning what you will attract in the future. Be very careful not to judge anything for you are judging yourself, be kind and follow your heart it will never fail you. Love and Light to you!


answered 24 Oct '13, 08:48

petitesweetyme's gravatar image


Seth talks about this in his book Soul Mate Soul Family. His theory goes something like this: You create your reality. If you have a plan, like a spiritual practice, you are beginning to consciously create your world.

But you will always have the unconscious making its self known by showing you your Issues and Lessons. An Issue might be low self-esteem. The Lesson might be learning how you create your world subconsciously in response to feelings of low self-worth.

So on the path of finding your Soul Mate, you consciously know what you want and so you create that reality, but subconsciously, if you have neglected your Issue and avoided this Lesson, you will continuously project low self-worth onto your Personal Reality Field. Through Resonance, unsuitable mates appear in your world. They are Resonating with your subconscious frequency of low self-worth.

The solution? Investigate your subconscious mind to uncover the negative experiences from your past that you project into your current moments of reality creation. It takes Courage and Loving Understanding to uncover these barriers and heal the past. It is a matter of healing negative memories, primarily, and also Loving and forgiving yourself.


answered 24 Oct '13, 15:37

Mark%20Allen%20Frost's gravatar image

Mark Allen Frost

@Mark Allen Frost I went to upvote you for this but hit the downvote button by mistake - I have upvoted you so in effect cancelling out my out downvote .... so I'll have to investigate how to get the downvote cancelled .... whoops. This is a great answer btw ... when I first read the question I had a feeling that the subconscious was in play here for this lady but it is good to have someone else confirm it. What do you suggest she does to dig out the sub conscious belief?

(25 Oct '13, 11:10) Catherine

@Catherine, to cancel a downvote click the downvote button again

(25 Oct '13, 11:29) Barry Allen ♦♦

@Barry Allen When I do that Barry, it just asks me my reason for downvoting. I think he should have five votes?

(26 Oct '13, 04:33) Catherine

@Barry Allen I think this is sorted out now - thanks for your help.

(26 Oct '13, 10:52) Catherine
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

@fizz, thank you for asking this question. I can not know what goes on your your "quite pretty" head, all I can do is to offer a narrative of what went, what goes on in my world as I respond to your question. Make of it what you will. You have come here seeking answers. I hope that you find them.

I once had a list of attributes of the Perfect Wife. Height, weight, social standing, voice tone, bra size, hair length, intelligence, income, on and on -- my list filled two legal size pages. I dated and even married a large number of women who more or less fit this list.

When I decided the woman I found was not whom I wanted, I dumped her (or maybe she dumped me, but I didn't care, she obviously did not fit my criteria) and modified my list with more criteria. This process had made me very successful in business. I thought it would help me find a permanent mate. Sounds cold-blooded now, but seemed logical, back then.

I showed my list to a brilliant psychiatrist I knew well personally. He said, "Bill, the woman you describe will not be a candidate for a good relationship with you or anyone else!" I suggested that he edit my list, he just laughed and suggested I throw away the list.

Almost sixteen years ago I met my perfect wife. I did not, at first, recognize her. I thought she was sweet, but did not fit my list. I even tried to help her find dates with my friends. She was attractive, but certainly not for me!

Circumstances threw us together. She had rented the apartment in my house. I found myself, while on a date with one of my "prospects" wanting to come home and be with her.

Side note: I think, in retrospect, that there was a large part of me that was relationship destructive and that another part of me recognized this and had worked to prevent me from becoming involved with "good" women.

Anne was sweet and persistent. Gradually I became friends with her and I began to become the kind of person that could handle a long term relationship. @white tiger is spot on with the "clean the inside of the cup." Better advice can not be given.

It took me a long time to realize that the "Perfect Wife" would not really want ME and that *I MYSELF did not have the criteria to allow, accept, understand or behave in a manner that could allow this relationship.* I had not thought a lot about how I fit in as a long term relationship partner.

I think that we all have a favorite myth that describes our inner character. I think that many women, for instance, have "Cinderella" as their myth. I was so able to be Prince Charming! For a night or a short term, but a beast lurked beneath that surface. What could help that superficial "Prince Charming" become "Prince Sincere?"

Deep down I realized that I was hurting women in my quest, but could not find the key to my change. I even sought therapy as an answer, but could not find inner peace.

My myth was "Beauty and the Beast". It seemed that I somehow realized I was the Beast. Rich, powerful, but ugly on the outside. That I was hoping for a woman who could see my "beauty" on the inside, past the ugly exterior, and that she could help me become more beautiful on the inside. I am not talking about physical beauty, I am ok in appearance.

Somehow I finally realized that IF change were to happen it HAD to come from within, that I was the one who had to find my inner 'beauty' and allow that to manifest. That no woman could "complete me"! I had to be the one to find my own inner beauty, and that the methods I had been using were woeful failures.

I, now shamefully admit that I tried to push Anne away, but she had a year's lease on the apartment in my house! She became a good friend. I liked her. I began to look inside myself and find things in me that I did not like. I began to clean these up. I became less interested in the women my previous personality had attracted.

One day I realized that I loved her, I told her this and she responded -- seemingly to her own surprise -- that she felt the same way. We got married.

We have now been married for 15 years and, while it has not been easy on either of us, we have a fantastic relationship.

My point in this narrative is that when I realized that I had to complete myself, that I alone was responsible to "clean the inside of my own cup", I began to become the kind of person who could have a good, long term relationship.

So for those of you reading this, please recognize that I am, as always, talking to myself, reinforcing the changes I have made and continue to make within.

Maybe there are "Prince Charmings" (male and female) who have had enough of the superficial and are willing to become a partner who can allow and accept a long term relationship. Who are no longer willing to wake up in the morning and wonder who is this person asleep next to them and why did they bring them home the night before? Or that you wake up alone and that is no good either.

So simple to say, work on yourself and when you become the kind of person who can accept a suitable partner, you will have one. And MAYBE you can be Prince Charming AND Prince Sincere, but until you do (and it is a life-long process), then you can have a greater relationship, a happier relationship, a joyful relationship.

Like Anne and I share, right now!


answered 25 Oct '13, 09:13

Dollar%20Bill's gravatar image

Dollar Bill

edited 25 Oct '13, 09:27

Dollar bill it seams you did not trust or believe your psychiatrist, since you where again using that list. for the beauty and the best I was going to suggest it to you in the beginning but reading along I saw that you all ready knee about it. well she can still complete you as 2 person in the couple. but not as one person in the couple. since 2 incomplete person does not make 2 complete person. more likely 1 complete and one incomplete or 2 incomplete person.

(25 Oct '13, 19:21) white tiger

dollar bill, white tiger, the correspondence is there but how captive the affinity. must it be reasonable or does the heart get in the way. is there a wish to find balance or to dominate, fulfiling our cultural gender expectations. how clear does he see and decide, how does he learn, is it harmless and reciprocal

(25 Oct '13, 20:25) fred

@white tiger - as usual your answer has depth and is well said. I consider what the psychiatrist said, not as an immediate awakening, but as the beginning of a process that led me to a better place. A better place that led me to understand that my search criteria was in error. That the perfect relationship could not be found through my present means, ie, looking with an unclean interior of my cup.

That searching with these criteria would always lead to my further incompleteness.

(26 Oct '13, 08:24) Dollar Bill

That the only possibility of happiness comes from an understanding that you MUST begin with changing yourself first. As long as I was looking outside myself for completeness, without "cleaning within" it would continue to elude me, and I would find incomplete partners.

If I "judge" others as being incomplete from a place of my OWN incompleteness, I judge my inner self wrongly, and will continue to fail in my search for completeness.

(26 Oct '13, 08:32) Dollar Bill

Therefore I see "clean the inside of the cup first" and "Judge not (others) that you be not judged" as powerful and very practical advice.

For when you judge others, you are necessarily judging yourself. But f you don't realize that fact, you continue to experience incompleteness and unhappiness.

"cleaning" the inside of my cup and recognizing what I am actually "judging" is not done, perhaps it can never be done on the earth plane. But beginning to step in that direction helps me a lot.

(26 Oct '13, 08:36) Dollar Bill

And @fred, I see similar correspondences in your answer as well. One of the additional benefits is that I now listen to Anne's advice, & have changed my approach to my responses to her & others on many occasions.

You are correct that my previous response was more that from a gender base, as a man. Before this "awakening" my advice, though sometimes in error had to prevail. I value her perspective & I try to listen carefully & have made different and dramatic changes according to her advice.

(26 Oct '13, 08:49) Dollar Bill

I realize that my previous responses, to her and others was really only listening, so I could THEN offer my own opinions to their ideas as to why they were wrong and mine were better;

But I was not really listening to what was often good advice.

I certainly have not yet reached the place where I listen well enough, but I am better beginning to understand the value of other people's perspective.

(26 Oct '13, 08:57) Dollar Bill

This helps me better understand Abraham-Hicks statement, "relationships are very important because through others you begin to understand yourself"

(26 Oct '13, 09:05) Dollar Bill
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments

first of all no one is UGLY...even the secret says beauty lies within and there is one more thing you get what you attract but that does not mean that u don't get what you never attracted. the law of attraction gives you power to tackle the unwanted. now you really have to trust the law even jack canfield didn't get the exact amount he wanted in the first go have patience your dream man will manifest... if its not coming wait it will come its just right ahead of you move a bit with time it will come up good luck same happened to me... the guy i wanted was supposed to have dimple cheeks.. but the guy i have is way more awesome than i ever wanted and i dun say this to pacify myself. he has all the qualities i had jotted down in my journal. some qualities better than i wanted


answered 25 Oct '13, 13:36

ravishinggal's gravatar image



@ravishinggal beautiful answer!

(25 Oct '13, 14:09) ursixx

@fizz that guy was a perfect mirror for you. you judge that he is to young for you and you are looking for older guy. what if you find older guy that is looking for older women because they are more mature, more experienced and less judgmental? in that case you would be in the same position as your young boy standard/geek. well you asked universe to show you where your vibration is and it was given you've got serve. why are you upset? Because you are pretty? and you think that you deserve better? Know this one day you will be old and less pretty and young kids will say look at that old hag is she not ugly? it would be better for you to wash the inside of the cup then your outside of the cup would be clean also. are you sure you are clear on what you want? also by what measure or standard are you judging you will be judge the same. will also say their are more then look in life. often things in this world are not as they look. eventually you will find that out when you grow up experience and mature a bit. are you still confuse? are you having negative though? if so clean the inside of the cup.

will also say if you rely on your look to get guys what will happen when you get old? will you complain that guy leave you for younger girls that have better look? or maybe you will leave that older guy because he is to old and does not have look that you deserve? then who can you blame? you should have stay in the beginning and you would have know the end.

well my word might be bitter to your stomach but I have told you the truth and have given you things that add not touch your mind yet. use the time imparted to you wisely.

Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.


answered 24 Oct '13, 22:34

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 24 Oct '13, 23:10


"if so clean the inside of the cup" ~ well said @white tiger lol

(24 Oct '13, 22:57) ele
(24 Oct '13, 23:27) white tiger

I wasn't sure if I should trust your link ~ but I did ~ it was good. Thanks @white tiger

(24 Oct '13, 23:38) ele

@ele why did you not trust my link? Do you think I am not to be trusted? Did you ever add a bad experience with me? why are you unsure of me?

(25 Oct '13, 19:15) white tiger

@white tiger I was kidding ~ joking or ribbing meaning ~ good natured teasing. No need to be sensitive ~ it was all good.

Earlier this year you posted a couple links portraying women in ways which several female members objected too. I always try to read the title of any link no matter WHO posted it before I click on it.

It didn't have anything to do with trust ~ American humor. FYI ~ I actually do trust you. Do you trust me? I also believe we had this discussion before.

(26 Oct '13, 01:38) ele
(26 Oct '13, 01:39) ele

"well my word might be bitter to your stomach"

... some times harsh words reflect a bitter heart ...

(26 Oct '13, 02:09) ele

@ele you have remove your answer from here it seams. you say that you are only joking and that I am to sensitive. yet it was the word that you used. and after ward you have come back with other stuff that still remain in you. as for my word it is the truth and it is bitter to the stomach not because it is harsh, because some cannot handle the truth. my heart is not bitter it is pure. blessed are the pure of heart. we speak of what we know. I am truthful. as for the link that you refer to it was-

(26 Oct '13, 10:46) white tiger

a picture that I add put in to explain something to some one. and there was nothing offending in this, you can see worse on the TV or in this world today. the fact is that some where looking for saw dust and have a beam in their own eye. why remain trap in the past and in error, it still affect your present and your future. the proof is that it is still popping up. I am truthful. if we add this discussion before and you still bring it up from the past,-

(26 Oct '13, 11:51) white tiger

why do you need to ask this question to me should you not ask it to your self? and I know you will say I was only joking. yet humor is often used to say things more subtly. the real question is then are you joking me or your self? it seams that the joke is on you, it is all good. smile.

(26 Oct '13, 11:54) white tiger
showing 1 of 10 show 9 more comments

Hi Fizz

I'll answer the question and not give you a hard time for asking it. I know others have said that you must do this or that, not be judgemental and not call people Geeks or ugly. But frankly you have an ideal partner in mind, and rightly or wrongly that's what you want.

I don't blame you! I like very slim, fit attractive blonds with plenty of money! it may be rather vain of me but that's what ive ended up with. I certainly wouldn't ever go out with a woman I didn't find attractive. Now im not saying their ugly, or bad or that im better than them...its just that in my world if your not a size 8 your not in it. Im not saying that theres anything wrong with overweight women, but there not for me personally. Like you Fizz I have my preferences. And again I stress, no offense to anyone who doesn't fit my ideal. Im no oil painting myself...

Now to answer your question, you do to a great extent create your own reality, your thoughts beliefs and how they effect your " consciousness" make the reality you live in. I think most on this site take that as a given. However you do share a general reality with millions of other people who are busy creating their own micro reality like you are. Your reality could be described as the layer of a paper mache mask. It co exists alongside other "layers" sometimes it may be right next to another layer and other times separated by many other layers.

In short your reality will "rub" alongside another one or ones all the time. The guy who approached you was living in " his" very own created life which happened to happen upon yours.

No great problem, you didn't ever have to marry him, get involved or allow him greater access into your reality. You brushed along him at a point and then drifted on.

No harm done Fizz, you will gradually see more of the things in life your putting your focus upon. You will come across people you don't find attractive, and you will doubtless come across situations you don't want either . Accept them and move on.


answered 26 Oct '13, 10:58

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Monty Riviera

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Asked: 23 Oct '13, 12:54

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Last updated: 26 Oct '13, 20:17

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