The book is about a third finished, and I am already looking for an agent, and have sent a sample of it off to be accepted or rejected. My counselor pointed out this fact...He said to me, "Stop living your story, and start living your life!" Hmmm. Is writing this book living my story?

Here are my motives: I want the world to know that that there are rings of Satanic Cults, and they operate secretly, and capture victims of all walks of life. They have #### clubs (but not all of these clubs are satanic- some people just like #### sex and this is their way of getting it.) They lust and party, and even make films, all the while mocking God and defiling Jesus and God and Christian rituals.. It is sick and has permeated our society in the form of light porn like "50 Shades of Grey".

Little children are used, as I was, for sex. Someone paid money to somebody to use me.

You see, I cannot stop wanting to tell people to watch their kids and to trust no one that they do not know intimately. My uncle was my main perpetrator, and he was part leader of the cult in my home town. My parents had no idea what was going on. I spent a lot of time at my Aunt and Uncle's house, as my cousin was only a day older than me, and we were treated like twins.

I feel that what I have to say is important, and also cathartic.

But what the counselor said has bothered me, I guess. I'd appreciate your take on this.

Thank you in advance,

Jai ♥!♥

asked 08 Nov '13, 01:55

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 08 Nov '13, 01:58


Is any of your story based on any truth & if so, how much of it is? If fiction - go for it & if you BELIEVE it will save a life or prevent this from happening to one child, go for it. How many times can you ask the same question over and over again? I can post link after link where we have answered this question. Look at your profile Jai. We keep giving you the same answer over and over. Are you hoping we changed our minds or a newbie who doesn't know you comes along & says something dif?

(08 Nov '13, 02:07) ele

If you live your life filled with ideas of God, no wonder you'll be pondering about Satan as well. A thought of either of them crosses my mind once in a few months. ;p

(08 Nov '13, 04:42) CalonLan

@Cal -- if you or anyone else needs to hear one of the many stories she has told on IQ in regards to satanic abuse - this link will catch you up.

I stand behind everything I said on that link. Good thing I checked the link. I made a boo-boo. Maybe the 3rd time will be the charm.

(08 Nov '13, 04:54) ele

Jai, two things. One, maybe it's a good way for you to make money so it's like using the past tragedy to build a better future. I'm sure there are people who find this sort of thing interesting, in a "stop to look at a car crash" kind of way. Two, if imagination creates reality, writing about this might help perpetuate it by seeding the idea into the minds of others; though to be honest, I think the world is ###### up enough for it not to make much of a difference.

(09 Nov '13, 04:53) flowsurfer

24 hrs jai -- you aren't emotionally distressed any longer.. IMO, not a very classy or holy thing either.

(12 Nov '13, 01:18) ele

@Jai Let me rephrase. I would appreciate it very much if you would edit your post - if for no other reason than to clarify. Thank you.

(12 Nov '13, 17:17) ele
showing 0 of 6 show 6 more comments

its understandable having difficult feelings after one goes through something traumatic. Its not easy to move on rightaway in a snapshot. But everything has a certain period and then you need to really move on. Sooner the better for your own good. There is lot of things that go on in this world thats not easy but focusing on it does not help for your own good.

Your book it all depends where its coming from.

You will know in your heart if you are secretly still living in the past. If you are you need to have strong will and tell your self and the world that - "thats it i am moving on. Nothing will hold me in this past. Occasionally i may have -ve feelings but its no big deal i have moved on." You should overcome all the traumatic experience and then write a book about how courageously you overcame it inspite of the lows. Now that will be a book!! And if thats what its doing yes you should go for it.

Having strong will thats persistent will be backed by Divine will. Thats why they say never give up. Then even God will put his force behind you. If you focus on Divine no satan can come into his house. So everyday you need to commune a little with Divine and that will keep Satan/negative feelings etc away.


answered 08 Nov '13, 18:44

abrahamloa's gravatar image



Jai I say this with the utmost respect for where you are at...

As long as you allow the past to keep programming the present, the future you're creating will simply be a replay of the same old, same old.

You have to let it go to allow something different to come.

What happened is gone but You keep it alive by replaying the same record over and over and continue to let it have power over you. I genuinely hope and pray you find a way to let it go so you can actually start living and I say that from the heart.


answered 08 Nov '13, 21:07

Michaela's gravatar image



yes focus the conscious mind on what we want, not on the things that we don't want or fear, become aware live "now" and we liberate ourselves and all around us

(09 Nov '13, 03:15) jaz

My counselor pointed out this fact...He said to me, "Stop living your story, and start living your life!" Hmmm. Is writing this book living my story?

I couldn't even begin to count the number of times this question has been answered dating back to 2009. Everyone on IQ has been telling you to let go of your past and stop living your past. How is this news to you? It boggles my mind.

Thank you, Monty. Your advice was the first that I am seriously did not attack me or refer to anything really personal.. I appreciate that so much.

@Jai I saw no attacks. As for personal - what do you expect - the majority of your questions are very personal in nature. You use IQ like its your personal journal. About the only thing you haven't shared with us is info in regards to your sex life with Wade.

This is NOT the first time someone told you there was no market for this type of book. This is one of the reasons I suggested fiction because there is no market for such a book unless of course you can prove your claims & arrests are made & there was media coverage. IMO, arrests should be made if your claims are true. Have you contacted the authorities ? An alleged murder took place & according to you, your Uncle is still in charge of this satanic cult which is still active.

My uncle was/is the head of a Satanic Cult, and I was abused and tortured in so many ways that it would give you PTSD just to read about it.

I was standing just behind a man. My uncle came up to him, and shot him with a very large handgun. I saw the spray of blood, and got brains all over me. They then took the body and burned it. My mom took me to the burning, and made me watch. It is actually really messy to shoot someone in the head...the movies make it look so clean. I do suppose it might depend on the gun, though.

I have a friend from childhood who has been missing for over 25 years. His siblings would love to know what happened to him. So would I. His mom went to her grave not knowing & I'm sure this factored heavily in her shortened lifespan. I'm also acquainted with a couple mothers who have sons who are missing & they can't find peace. They want answers.

When you posted your question 6 months ago and told us about the murder, I asked you to contact the authorities. Have you? You've put me in a terrible position @Jai. You stated your Uncle murdered someone & was a sexual predator. You also mentioned his cohorts, who you know by name also sadistically molested children. You stated your Uncle is STILL alive and is STILL in charge of a Satanic cult. If this is true, how many children have he and his buddies raped or murdered? You've known about the satanic abuse for 20 years now. It's my understanding you didn't recall the murder until much later.

You said on several occasions your wanted to write this book to save lives. How many lives have been destroyed due to these predators? You could ease the pain of a family who is missing a loved one.

If you're not going to contact the authorities, I am. I'm going to contact both the police dept & the newspaper office in your hometown & I should have done this 6 months ago. I will pass on all your posts & let them take it from there. I have no clue if your stories are true & I realize no one in your family believes you. If your allegations are true, I want your claims investigated & these predators stopped. Someone is missing this man. He had parents & possibly siblings - maybe a wife or kids. Someone misses this man.

If your allegations turn out to be true, you'll have media coverage for your book & I'll rest better at night.

I have no clue if this is all a big joke or what. Maybe you are only asking hypothetical questions for the sole benefit of this site or perhaps this is one of your infamous rhetorical questions which you already know the answer to.

quote from 2009 "I am in my last year of college, with a double major in Divinity and English. I have already written a book about my childhood. I am trying to find a publisher for it. ~ Jaianniah (15 Dec '09, 07:43

ETA (to reply to @Monty's comments & add links)

First of all @Monty, Jai & I are both US citizens. There is a presumption of innocence till proven guilty & this right is guaranteed by our constitution. Without proof, I'm going to refer to the ppl she accuses & these "events" as alleged.

@Monty Jai did not confess to any crime. As for hearsay - rules differ per state. She has been accusing other ppl of horrific crimes. The rule of ethical judgment may apply & yes this site could sustain a 'black eye'. As for Jai, she claims to have knowledge of crimes. Technically she did conceal a crime or crimes if what she claims is true. I doubt if she would ever face criminal prosecution.

Jai said she "recalled" these alleged "events" over 20 yrs ago. The victim or parents of any child victimized in the last 20 years could file suit. The US is a sue happy nation. She' was an adult & a mother. Her admission of being mentally ill or having a mental disability would not save her from prosecution if a parent was determined.

The fact is, mental health professionals practicing in the USA would be counseling & encouraging Jai to report these child predators to the proper authorities.

Sure it's possible Jai did report these perpetrators to the proper authorities in the last year & for what ever reason did not share this info with us. I'm going on what she said on IQ. She stated she was not able to do this. Would you like me to provide you with a link?

She accused her mom of being an accessory to murder. She accused her uncle of murder. There is no statute of limitations on murder in the US. Numerous times she accused her Uncle in addition to other men of being pedophiles who abused & raped children. She accused her aunt of being an accessory after the fact. She's made derogatory remarks in reference to her X as well as multiple other family members. In the USA, you are presumed innocent until proven guilty.

Monty you suggested we hear from the girlfriend of @The Chosen One (aka Romeo) before commenting on his question. That was an excellent idea. Do you think we should hear what Jai's mom, aunts, children, X and sister have to say or should we convict ALL of them on Jai's word ? You said yourself, this has been discussed & debated. It's here online for all the world to see. Jai has told us she is mentally ill & suffers from schizoid personality disorder, DID & possibly other mental disorders. I'm not going to take her word w/o proof. I have valid reasons for doubting her story. Jai is NOT always truthful. I can back up what I say with facts.

My doubts make me skeptical but they do not invalidate her claims. She's a well respected member of IQ & has been a member since 2009. Even though I have doubts, I'm going to do the right thing according to my conscious @Catherine . I am going to ask the police in my area to assist me. As a respected & productive member of my real life community, I'm positive they will forward the info to the proper authorities on my behalf. I'm also going to provide this info to the newspaper back in her home town & they can investigate her claims if they believe there is any validity to them.


answered 19 Nov '13, 04:51

ele's gravatar image


edited 20 Nov '13, 14:43

Mmmm ele, I was at first tempted to tell you not to get involved and flag this up to the authorities. BUT another thought crossed my mind...if indeed this murder actually happened, and I have no reason to doubt Jai, then isn't there a slight legal dilemma facing many of the people who use and operate this site. Many of us have read these posts about a capital offense, we have commented on it, debated it etc...but has anyone actually informed the police of this?

(19 Nov '13, 10:58) Monty Riviera

Is it against American law to know information about a murder and not inform the relevant bodies? If this turns out to be true and is investigated the police may well ask the question " why weren't we informed when a very unambiguous account was publicly posted on a website detailing a murder" Ive little legal knowledge, perhaps Simon or Barry have a better handle on this.

(19 Nov '13, 11:01) Monty Riviera

Of course it may well be that Jai, Wade or this sites administrators have already flagged this issue up the the relevant authorities.

(19 Nov '13, 11:08) Monty Riviera

@Monty Jai asked me several times to read her hub pages last yr. She also encouraged other members to do this too. I didn't have time last year. I wish I would have. It's very very sad.

(20 Nov '13, 17:42) ele

Ok ele. I see I may have been rather presumptuous in taking for a fact all that was written by Jai. I'll be honest I had no idea she had confessed to being mentally ill and having a personality disorder. Ah well, no doubt the authorities will now look into this matter and all will be fine. You've done as your conscience dictates ...and that's no bad thing ele.

(21 Nov '13, 10:29) Monty Riviera
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

Hi Jai
I believe you and I believe that your experience is genuine.

I have this opinion because just when I started posting on inward quest, I was deeply into expanding my awareness of what ever that was hidden from society.

I asked my inner spirit to reveal to me all that has been hidden from view, and all this information started showing up in my life, including this following book recommended to me by a store owner who specialized in un-usual publications.

The book is "Transformation of America" by Cathy O'Brien
Here is the link to the pdf version of this book

WARNING!!! Cathy, herself warns the reader that if you are a victim of Satanic Ritual Abuse, you should not be reading here book until you have undergone the appropriate therapy to handle the information without triggering alters that are programmed to cause harm to the victim

It is for this precise reason, that in the past I have always given rather cryptic answers regarding questions on this subject.

Having read your comments, it seems that you have made more progress with you therapist that I initially assumed. Nevertheless, please head Cathy's Warning and consult your therapist before reading this book.

Cathy is the most famous of those who have come forward to reveal the existence of satanic ritual abuse and that it exist in the highest levels of our society.

It took me two weeks to recover from the absolute misery I experienced after reading this book because the curtains of illusion had been pulled away to reveal the true nature of how things are run.

If I felt this way without being a victim of the "system" I can only imagine what you are going through.

Roseanne Barr (from the famous TV Show Roseanne) is one of the few celebrities with enough courage to speak about, and support the revelation of Satanic Ritual Abuse.

She is seen here introducing Cathy O'Brien at a Speaking event.

I think that you have to take the path that you are on and deal with the memories of what happened to you before you can let go and move on.

Your situation is not one of where you can simply let-go of your past because part of the process of un-doing what was done to you involves dealing with the memories.

If I were you, I would try to establish some sort of contact with both Cathy and Rosanne Barr for advice that is from a perspective of understanding, because it really takes a recovered victim to understand how to guide you in your recovery.

Cathy has her own page called through which she makes here two books available to the public, as her books are not carried in any of the mainstream book stores.

You may be able to establish contact with her using the "contact us" link on her page

Thanks to the internet, there is plenty of information out there regarding the truth behind ritual abuse, Mind control, and the Government involvement in these activities.

For those who really want to know what's going on here are some good sources of information.
This is one of the best blogs (presently in-active) on the subject of ritual abuse retarding most of the Famous Celebrities

Fritz Springmeier is probably the best "expert" on this subject
Here is Fritz speaking at an event

And his famous book "The Illuminati Formula to create an Undetectable Total Mind Control Slave"

And also the follow - up book "Deeper Insights into the Illuminati formula"

And finally the brilliant book by Texe Marrs "Codex Magica" is a great book for those who want to understand that the present structure of power in the world is not arrived at by the so called democratic process.

Anyone willing to take the time to understand the contents in the above links will arrive at an entirely different understanding of the secret signs that are hidden within most movies, magazine photos, advertising, political campaigns, hand shakes of public officials. (& famous people)

Once awakened to this realization, spiritual quest becomes the only worthwhile adventure left for the awakening soul.

There are plenty of people here who stress the idea that focusing on this information is "too negative" and counterproductive for the development of the spiritual self.

I happen to disagree with this opinion as I have discovered that expansion must include the awareness of everything, and not just things that are positive.

The inner spirit has to be able to handle the reality that there is much evil that coexists with salvation.

Denial is often a coping mechanism because most people cannot face the idea that such horror exist and they protect them selves from it by choosing not to know.

On the other hand it is not helpful to define one's entire life on the basis of dealing with the misery of humanity as Mother Theresa did.

There are so many inter-connected physical and non-physical reasons that support the existence of this horror balanced by humanity's ability to love.

David Icke does a pretty good job of bringing many of these reasons into one cohesive picture of understanding.

I do believe that the book you are working on will ultimately help you more in coming to terms with your abuse. But it can also keep you stuck in a state of perpetual victimhood.

In your case it seems that your book is a central part of your recovery and, in a way takes away the burden of having to carry these memories all by yourself.

Please keep your therapist informed of your decisions as they are far more equipped to handle the nature of your situation that any one of us.

You are a brave soul and I am proud of you for the progress that you have made so far.

Hang in there and please continue to be the wonderful instigator that you are.

I hope my answer here is helpful in some way.


answered 27 Nov '13, 01:16

The%20Traveller's gravatar image

The Traveller

edited 27 Nov '13, 01:25


@The Traveller- Thank you so VERY much for your response. I have not ignored it- I have been having problems with my diabetes, which prevented me from responding to you until now. You answered me without judgment, and I appreciate that more than you will ever know....

(03 Dec '13, 23:56) Jaianniah

....I KNOW what happened to me is real. There was/is a ring of these people operating in my home town. I know this because I told me story to a reporter, and she verified that a large group of poeple from home have come forward with stories just like mine! I am not alone; thank you for all the links. Deeply appreciative, Jai ♥♥♥

(03 Dec '13, 23:57) Jaianniah

"Help the world" That's a good aim Jai. But I would say this, does the world really need another piece of information about how bad things can be? The world has books, magazines,newspapers ,journals, DVDs ,tapes, radio and TV all very often the conduit for many tales of lust, greed. sex and betrayal. The world is awash with books and articles about your subject, theres nothing new there Jai, theres no revelation nothing in it to commend itself.

Its a re hashing of something that has been written about before. The world knows about organised rings of kiddi fiddlers and satanic cults, again nothing surprising there. You wont be telling most people what they don't know already Jai. As for people watching their kids, I think most people are aware that most abusers are either family members or close friends. Again no new revelation there.

Now would it be cathartic ? Maybe, but you've said your counsellor thinks you should be living your life and not this story. I agree with him. If your seeing a councillor Jai then do what he says! If hes no good and his council is unhelpful then stop seeing him.

My gut feeling is thou that this guy knows his onions. I would take his advice.

Theres nothing in that book that the world "needs" to know, or doesn't already know.

You need a new story Jai. This old ones been dragging you down. Let it go, do anything and everything to let it go.

Like Moses's body Jai, make it so no one will know to this day where this is buried!


answered 09 Nov '13, 07:34

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

Thank you, Monty. Your advice was the first that I am seriously did not attack me or refer to anything really personal.. I appreciate that so much. ♥

(09 Nov '13, 13:45) Jaianniah

Thank you for your kind words Jai. I try to make my answers slightly less confrontational and harsh these days! I look at some of my older ones.........and cringe :)

(10 Nov '13, 05:15) Monty Riviera

@Monty Getting in touch with your softer more compassionate feminine side, are you? lol The book @flow referenced said this will bring out the aggressive side in your feminine partner Monty & may cause trust issues for her if you've typically been a masculine male. I'm just repeating what I read - nothing more. Some of the remarks you made to Jai in the past could be viewed as harsh. Funny, neither Jai or Wade said boo to you. Flow's book states when another woman cannot take criticism ..

(20 Nov '13, 16:08) ele

.. from anther female it is because that female is not comfortable with her own femininity or feminine energy. I thought you were trying to get her attention & this is how I viewed your remarks. Nothing else has helped. I think she needs a wake up call before it's too late. I was looking over all her ?'s. She used to ask really GREAT ?'s the 1st 2 yrs on IQ. I don't know what happened or why she is getting worse instead of better. Even her diabetes is worse. BTW, I edited my Answer.

(20 Nov '13, 16:13) ele

I will be honest, some of my remarks, questions and answers were aimed at getting attention. I do hope my partner Saskia wont be getting too aggressive !! :) although I wouldn't blame her. Shes actually the epitome of patience and tolerance.....and going out with me she does tend to draw on those qualities quite often lol.

(21 Nov '13, 15:02) Monty Riviera
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

I found the meaning of Satanic Abuse from Google prior I do not have idea of it. If something increases her strength I suggest her to go for it. Strength leads to all accomplishments and fearless to death.

We all do some or the other things in life to gain strength to move on in life. Something you trust and people won't let it done, then you need to explain them the important of that subject. If you can't explain, you should drop it because people around help you to improve your life. Fighting with them won't help in any scenario. Accept them or Convince them to live with them for happy and complete life. Love You.


answered 23 Nov '13, 04:18

PERFECT%20GOOD's gravatar image


Not all Satanists are evil and think like that.

I think a distinction should be made.

There are also cults of Christianity and other religions that believe in harming children (now some christian priests are being exposed).

The point is, not all Satanists are like this and there are a lot of people already out there directing much hatred to Satanists and judging them without actually knowing them thinking they are all the same.


answered 03 Dec '13, 22:38

arpgme's gravatar image


Click here to create a free account

If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website



Asked: 08 Nov '13, 01:55

Seen: 1,000 times

Last updated: 03 Dec '13, 23:57

Follow this question

By Email:

Once you sign in you will be able to subscribe for any updates here



Answers and Comments

Markdown Basics

  • *italic* or _italic_
  • **bold** or __bold__
  • link:[text]( "title")
  • image?![alt text](/path/img.jpg "title")
  • numbered list: 1. Foo 2. Bar
  • to add a line break simply add two spaces to where you would like the new line to be.
  • basic HTML tags are also supported

Related Questions