In my life I am undergoing a huge, rapid change.
A majority of it is eliminating people in my life and cutting off connections for those whom drag me down. It is a funny shock that many of the very close bonds you form with people, when analysed with truth, are very toxic and abusive relationships.
This goes for the relationships with men, women whom I pursed romanitcally and also myself.
So I am in the process of cleaning up this aspect of my life and it has been a challenge. Friendships I used to have are now just gone.
I am learning a hard element of self-love, and that is learning to stand up for myself and respect myself. I have learned this lesson and it is sad to see how 'ugly' my life was before I decided to clean it up.
Likewise I am on a journey of moving out of home, because my (blood) family is not supportive of me and the environment is too stressful. This is just another example of me taking action to improve myself.
So here is my question,
How do you handle people in your life whom do not respect you one bit. I am talking about the work aspect of my life, where I encounter only a few individuals who are badly enough in positions of power, who just do not respect me. There is a small amount of unfair teasing, stupid political power plays and overall the adds discomfort to my life.
It is these people that I don't know how to deal with, because, I cannot really cut them out of my life (like I have dont with other people) because it is the place I work at and earn money to support me.
I have respect for these people. I do not insult them or make attempts to offend them or make them feel unwelcomed.
I want justice. I feel I cannot be honest with myself, or them, unless I seek some sort of justice.
It is a job I don't really enjoy, just to pay wages. Perhaps I need a change of workplace.
Stingray/ Abraham used the analgy of "all hell breaking loose" when you begin to critically clean up your life, where even the smallest of discomforts become very HUGE emotional dramas. This is going on at the moment, and while Im not in despair, certainly if there is some advise with what to do with these rude folks I'd really appreciate it.
I would say that you shouldn't handle those people or find ways to handle them because that would fall into the category of requiring external conditions to change before you can be happy.
Once you start down the road of playing that "they're doing it to me" game, you're on a journey to a deep, dark, and emotionally painful place...I've been there, got the T-Shirt, and it's not somewhere I would willingly go back to ever again :)
So instead of focusing on others and trying to "handle" them, the better approach would be to find what is within you that is being "triggered" by them and clean it up.
More information in What do you do when you live with someone who blames you for all their problems?
As Bashar often says, wanting others to change to please you is like asking your reflection in the mirror to move first.
As I was reading your question I feel impelled to answer only because alot of what you are saying reminded me of the situation that I was in. I don't consider myself to be an expert and I don't know if my answer will be right or wrong for you. But, I can tell you the way that I handled my own situation and how it has helped me and hopefully you can relate.
When I first decided to "clean up" my life, I felt the same way that you do, there was certain people in my life that had to go! And even though I was adamant about this, I didn't quite know how to cut this person out of my life. So instead, I decided to focus on myself and to put all of my effort into feeling good. I made a promise to myself that I was not going to let anyone or anything take me out of my space.
The first thing that I realized was that whenever I came into contact with this person, my mind became clouded with worrying thoughts. Before this person even opened his mouth I was expecting something negative to come out of it. When I was in his presence, I walked on egg shells because every little thing that I did, I would think about how he was going to have a problem with it. I was constantly observing him just waiting for him to snap over something insignificant. Then I realized that I was focusing on every single bad thing about this person and I was focusing on it so much that it was almost as if I was calling it into existence. So I started to change my way of thinking that had been almost automatic for me. Of course this person had good qualities which was what had attract me to him in the first place. So I forced myself to remember those qualities. I stopped expecting something bad to happen everytime I came into contact with him. But most importantly, i stopped worrying about it constantly, because i found out that when I worry about something my emotions become so strongly focused onto that "thing", that I attract just that to me.
Since i have changed my way of thinking about this particular person, I can say that our relationship has been restored almost completely at this point and I am so grateful that I didn't cut him out of my life. I am pretty sure that the way that I was going I would have found a reason to cut every single person out of my life eventually because it seemed like every single person that I spent most of my time with had a negative effect on me. I realized that if I cut all of these people out of my life and only surrounded myself with new people that made me feel good, eventually they would too have a negative effect on me, because this seems to be a repetitive cycle. So instead i changed my outlook, and my relationships have changed as well for the better.
Of course, I do not know your exact situation and if you have relationships that you say are "abusive" then maybe cutting them out of your life would be best. But as far as the people that you work with and do not have a choice, this is obviously something that you are in a constant state of distress about. If I had to guess, I would say that you have zeroed in and are focusing on all of the things and people that you dont like at your job. I would suggest to try your hardest not to focus on this. I know it is hard but try to find something good about the people you work with to focus on. Or even if you just dive into your work everyday and focused on your work. Maybe give it your all everyday and have pride in the work that you do. Just try to find something to feel good about when it comes to the subject of going to work and little by little things will get better.
Also, I know that these people make you feel bad on a daily basis and you "want justice". This I can completely understand, but at the same time, be aware that these negative feelings of revenge can hurt yourself much more than it can ever hurt the object of your revenge. Justice will be served because this is the natural law of the Universe but it is not your job to inflict this pain. They will get back what they give and if you are still at your job when it happens you can grab some popcorn and enjoy the show :)
I always like to keep in mind that whatever thoughts (vibes) I'm sending out I always receive back in some form or another, in other words if I feel that people are disrespectful to me then it's the thoughts I'm sending out that caused the situation.
Changing the way I think changes my vibes and the situation I'm experiencing will automatically evolve. It's a great feed back mechanism that allows me to correct my way of doing things and take conscious control of my life, it feels a bit like driving a car looking forwards and in the rear-view mirror alternately.
All this joins what Jess says, there are many ways to readjust the situation and radionics is one of my favorites. Radionics is all about the conscious arrangement of vibrations using physical objects, here's a physical object in the form of a graph that allows the elimination of disruptive vibes
The ten concentric circles represent perfect equilibrium, the six concentric circles represent all that's exterior to your organism.The web shape collects the disruptive energies and directs them towards the spark gap where the disruptive energies are eliminated from your organism towards the environment.
To use the graph place an individual characteristic pattern of yourself, photo for example, on the center of the large circle with the head towards the gap.
perhaps it is you that lets
answered 28 May '14, 19:39
The workplace unfortunately is full of people who like games, power struggles and put-downs, gossip, etc. I was originally going to say, "Dump them!" but when it is your job, you cannot. I hate to say this, but women especially just are horrible to each other. But as you are male, perhaps you are not aware of their crud.
Anyway, you have to decide in your mind to "Watch the Circus". This means that when they start in with their B.S., you just stand there, and observe what they are doing- their body language, their eyes- observe their craft. For what they want is a reaction, and when you get the hang of doing this, you will see right through them, and listen to them, and find yourself saying, "Wow! Thank you for your opinion!" and just go do what you want to do, unhurt because you see it as just them trying to play you.
Niki- I am happy for you. I agree with Stingray 100%. Nobody will see this but maybe you...but I just had to tell you the trick I used at work. Refuse to be a victim!
answered 04 Jun '14, 23:53
This is what I'm trying to teach my 10-year-old daughter who is more aware of herself and 'that age'. Choice of friends at ANY age is so important, but perhaps more so in the formative years as we actually learn to make those choices. Here is the lesson:
To have a friend, BE A FRIEND!
In other words, BE the kind of person you want to attract! Then be patient. OK, at times you'll need to be VERY patient. But just as sure as you can clear physical clutter out of your environment, by being the kind of person you want to attract, you will actually experience the toxic people 'magically' disappearing out of your life.
Yes, it DOES take time... just about the amount of time it takes for YOU to BE the kind of person you want to attract! :)
All the best from Toronto, Russ
answered 09 Jun '14, 12:17
@Nikulas respect work both way, some play I am the boss and do stuff to other that they would not accept if the role where inversed have no doubt that there is a balance when you go in one extreme you fall in the extreme opposite. if you need a change of work place seek another. Do not forget something a business is made of people client, employee, boss. with out the client the boss is not boss anymore because is company is not making any money. and with out employee the boss as only power over himself and the more employee he as the more job he will have to do himself. yes he can hire some more employee but will they work as well as the one that where there before? and if he does the same thing that he did with the employee that he add before he will be in the same situation and can only blame himself. yes some boss will Kidd them self saying I have replace a no good employee because they cannot accept that they are a no good boss. eventually they will get rid of one employee that was irreplaceable to the business or that some client came to the business only because of that employee and when that employee will go so will those client. if that boss would be a good boss he would not do to is employee what he would not accept being done to himself. and is business would prosper.
Do not let your heart be trouble you are responsible of your choice and are responsible of them and so are the other.
the bad thing that those people in position of power do, it will come back to bite them one way or the other. it will return to them sevenfold.
those pharaoh where also boss in those time
I was terminated from my previous company on March 17th. Do not fix your attention at termination because everything worked so perfectly that made me hold my faith even after termination.
I remembered two things in my mind. 1) Never give up my confidence, no matter whatever happens. 2) Never tolerate irrespective behavior of people who ever taking to me (even in joking).
I spoke to my colleagues, Team Lead & manager whatever I believed in. There are so many objection that had come in, like "this system is followed from long time and your are telling it has to be adjusted". But I believed in my methods so I said "yes".
I checked always my scales of respect and confidence. still it continues... now and forever...
Still I'm moneyless but not unhappy. I feel it difficult but I'm enjoying it in the best way that I can be.
Nikulas do not compromise with your respect. Respect will retain our faith and create love towards life.
Once an unhappy young man came to an old master and told he had a very sad life and asked for a solution. The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?" - The Master asked. "Terrible." - spat the apprentice. The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake. The old man said, "Now drink from the lake." As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does it taste?" "Good!" - remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" - asked the Master. "No." - said the young man. The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, "The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake."
Remember, even Jesus's own family members did not respect him. Hence be realistic about expectations from others. Let them respect you or let them not--that is their problem. You do your duty perfectly. In fact, it is not that people or possessions that are problematic to the spiritual seeker: rather, it is our intense attachment on an emotional level that is the major concern. We invest huge bucks literally and metaphorically into our material existence, and expect a huge dividend in return! And if the 'investment' fails, we become disappointed and disheartened. Give without expectation! Expectations are loaded with emotions.
answered 02 Jun '14, 08:52
T D Joseph
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