Stealing allowed me to get out of a difficult financial situation, but much more important is discovering the reason why and how i drove myself into such a position.
asked 13 Jan '11, 19:13
showing 1 of 4 show 3 more comments
What made you ask the question?
answered 13 Jan '11, 20:46
I put that comment there because of what happened when the only reporter allowed to interview Pol Pot, the mass murder of Cambodia, approached him, when the man was a few weeks away from his death. The reporter hadn't asked any questions yet, and Pol Pot said to him, "I have no regrets for any of the actions that I took". Nobody asked him that, and yet that is the only thing that he carried in his head for all those years. That's why I asked that question.
(13 Jan '11, 22:44) The Traveller
Only un-resolved issues continuously occupy one's attention.
(13 Jan '11, 22:46) The Traveller
@The Traveller-i suppose for me it's still an un-resolved issue
(24 Aug '11, 17:43) blubird two
First of all blubird I want to thank you for asking this question. It made me really think and feel and search in side of myself for the answer that would be apropriate for me and really reflect on the beliefs that I already have and 'tweak' them, if necessary, to be more of who I am becoming each day.
So I feel this question is very multidimensional I want to treat it as that and look at it from many viewpoints -- starting from the personal and going up to the universal.
First of all, we live in a free will planet. That means for me that everyone is responsible for the choices and decisions that they have made before and that our actions and deeds WILL be reflected in our lives, no matter how much we will be trying to escape them.
So first of all -- What was your life like after you started stealing? How did you felt after you stole your first car? Did you still anything smaller in the past? What was it? What was the first thing you stole? What did you feel before you stole that first thing and why did you feel that? And don't say 'I don't know', because you do. You might'ev suppressed and tried not to think of it for all this time, but the answer is within you and to be able to make yourself free, you have to dig deep and search, search and search some more until you will be convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that you have resolved that issue and can move on with your life.
What can that be? What could you ever be running away from? Problems at home? Personality disorder? Money problems? Well, they all come from somewhere -- where do they come from? Why do you think that you can't forgive yourself? Why do you feel guilt towards your daughter? Is it because you haven't given her a good example as a father? Or because you never told her the truth about who you were in the past and she always felt this 'dark secret' lingering over you?
You see, everything that you feel and have right now is a chain reaction on the choices you made in the past and the only way for you to let og of it is to examine and find out "What is it in past that made me who I am today?"
So for me personally I had the most challenge in my youth being the younger son and my brother being the first born in the whole family. He was 'the best' in everything -- the best in sports, learning, social contacts, openess, eventually girls and so on. And me? I was always envy of him. I always wanted what he had -- undivided attention of everybody, but I couldn't figure out how to get it, because in my mind 'I was never good enough'.
That belief perpetuated and it has caused me to feel sorry for myself most of my life and eventually lead me to a depression so deep that I finally broke down in tears saying to myself - "You know you did it to yourself, right? Stop blaiming everything and everyone for your shortcomings and start changing your life today, because your life doesn't work right now."
That one thought, one feeling that I've had was what made all the difference to me -- I took responsibility for my life and slowly and gradually started changing, but it wasn't at all easy and nice at first.
I was slowly forced to look at myself objectively and I saw that I wasn't as good as I always thought. You see, people think that it are always 'them' that are the bad ones, and I am the only rightouess and good. And the funny thing about it is -- Everybody thinks that about themselves! We are first to judge others and condemn their deeds, but when it comes down to us, we can forgive and find excuses for ourselves very quickly.
But when you start on this self-improvement path you can't leave any stone unturned. Actually you can, but you won't! You will want to examine and make yourself in to the highest possible version of personality possible, to 'be as the Father in Heaven', the ultimate blueprint for all personality.
So for me what was a big awakening was to have in-sights into my own thought-patterns and behaviors and seeing that who I was didn't start with me either.
You see, my grandmother, my fatehrs mom, she and her two sister grew without parents who were killed during the World War II. She was about 10 years old and her sisters were about the same age as her. So they practically were raised on their own and not having what to eat more often than not. Those were really terrible times where most looked only for themselves. They often ate potato peels and that was the only meal for the whole day.
So she grew up, became a teacher, had three sons, a husband and eventually retired, but she never fully got over her parents death. I don't judge her in any way, shape and form, I'm just making an honest observation about her current circumstances in life. And what are those?
Well, because of the lack of food when she was younger, she become someone who hords as much food as she can and she always makes other people eat as much as they can each time they visit her. We always were curious why she had like 20 kilos of sugar in her basement that was still from the 1990s'. She always said 'Oh, it could come in handy one day.'
But we all knew that it wouldn't because it expired a long time ago.
So the circumstances in her life changed but she didn't -- she still lives like a little, scared girl, trying to accumulate as much as she can being afraid that she might lose it one day, just like her parents.
So what does it have to do with me? Well, she adopted a belief 'THere is not enough food to go around' so she has dedicated her life to fulfill that belief. So, as a very empathic human being, my father, being raised in that household, adopted a similar belief -- 'There is not enough of ... to go around.' What is the blank? It isn't food, mind you, because my grandmother made sure of that there would always be food on the table in her home, no matter what.
So what he put there was 'money'. It was a constant struggle for him. He always lacked self-confidence, but he was so good at masking it, because he adopted a way of being called 'the best defense is attack'. So he got very sarcastic and could always kick someone so low that you just couldn't believe it. He smelled your weaked point and went straight for it, and so did I later on, but not yet.
But our society rewards those kinds of people. He seemed confident and sure of himself so he got really good jobs, but he always screwed himself out of them. It's also because he had low self-esteem and he always felt somebody will 'look thorough' him. So he changed his jobs from excellent, to very good, to good, to so-so, and today he is a construction worker, 54 years of age, working physically, while he could also be an owner of such a company like in 80s'.
But it doesn't matter. What matters is the belief 'There is not enough money to go around' and even tough we always had it in our household it could always be gone the next day. So that's how my parents lived their life -- accumulating as much money as they could, but never spending it to actually LIVE their lives to the fullest, and it was because of that belief.
SO now me -- what was it for me? Well not food, you can be sure about that. Money, sure, a little, but not really as my parents. Affection, love, attention, feeling good about myself -- for me it was 'Not enough love to go around for everybody', because my brother had it all -- he focused all the attention of the whole family on himself and no one protested. I was like the shadow, lurking through my life, and in the deepest part of myself feeling envy and at the same time not worthy of the praise that he got.
Believe when I say that he was a really supreme example of someone who could use this attention.
I wasn't so I started to run away from my feelings the way I knew how -- one was obsessively watching movies, playing video games etc. and the other one was food.
So, when I was 14, I became an obese teenager with the subconscious fear of the world, but not on the outside. On the outside I was like my father. I adopted the belief that 'the best defense is attack' and I used my oratoral skills to bring everyone down in my surroundings as eloquently and chrmingly as I could.
In fact most of the 'friends' I had I believe where really scared of me, because I could just smell their fear and I never hold back. I really said what I wanted and when I wanted without considering any consequences of my actions. But they were coming, believe me when I say that.
I held one more belief that came from my mothers side and it was 'Have sex only with a woman that can be a mother of your children'. It stuck with me. From hearing it on and on since I was a kid "I bought into it'. But my brother didn't. He was a 'playboy' and I was envied him. I really felt in my heart that he was hurting the girls and women he slept with and just simply went on to the next one.
And I couldn't take it. Because of my sharp tounge girls were really interested in me. They were fascinated with me because I said and did what I wanted. But the belief I held was that I evaluated every single woman and I could always find something wrong with her. I wanted the mother of my children to be perfect, but none of them were. On the other hand, those which I felt attracted to, I wasn't good enough for them.
I created for myself a perfect hell -- a prison in my own head, which had nothing to do with the reality of what was really going on around me.
Oh, nad I had one more cheerful belief -- 'Man don't cry'. Yes, yes, it was me ladies and gentleman. I got home one day when I was about 10 years old, after I got my ass kicked, and my mother looked at me and gave a look saying 'Be a man, don't cry'. I believe that she didn't mean anything bad about it, but from that day forward I stopped expressing my emotions. I kept everything inside, being afraid to let somebody in.
And that's also why I didn't want to let any woman in - from fear of finding out that I wasn't so 'cool' after all.
Oh man, it really feels great writing about it. In fact I have a smile on my face right now, when in the past I would probably kill before I would say those things to anyone.
So the combination of those beliefs, and many more things, led me to running away from my feelings in all sorts of ways. First it was TV and food. Later on, in high school, it was alcohol and than college -- marijuana.
Oh man -- two years of smoking marijuana of almost a daily basis. I was living in a dorm with a drug dealer and I've had all the supply I ever needed. It was harmless at first, but as time moved on the first thing on my mind when I woke up or when I was going to sleep was 'Will I have a joint to smoke tomorrow?'
It was a really the darkest period of my life -- I was slowly losing my confidence even in being cocky and funny. I started to stumble and forget what I was saying a minute before. I was really starting to be afraid of myself, that I killed so many grey cells in mu brain that I would never be 'normal' again.
Yet I still kept at it because of the fear of facing reality of what it really was -- a terrible and hostile place for me back then.
But then, a miracle. I finally found a woman to 'impregnate', but it wasn't what I tought it would be. I was a virgin in the age of 24 and she was few years younger and much more experienced. It was really laughable and pathetic on my part trying to have sex with her. Ha ha ha, really funny :)
But anyway, it ended rather quickly, about two weeks later, but man I went to forget about it the best way I could. One month of partying, drinking and smoking all day long. And it brought me to the lowest point in my life, to my 'moment of clarity'. After calling that woman a bitch in my head for a months time, I finally had the tought from the beginning of this post "Stop fucking blaming her for your shortcomings. Thank her for a beautiful angel that she is in disguise and start changing your life.'
That was over three years ago and almost nothing preserved from who I was then and who I am now -- everything changed.
The reason why I'm writing all of this down is for everyone what is and will be reading this in the future that this is the way to go -- Honesty with yourself and genuine and true introspection of circumstances in your life will lead you on a way of freedom and happiness. Taking responsibility for your life and your choices is tha key to changing anything.
You see, the realisations that I've had about my grandmother, my father, mother and brother, have helped me to forgive them. But it wasn't them I was forgiving. The truth is, which came to me with time, was that I was always working on forgiving myself, because I was always in control of my life.
I CHOSE to adopt those beliefs and I'm happy and greatful that I did. I love myself for choosing ALL of this, ALL of my struggles, ALL of my experiences, because without them, I wouldn't exist. I wouldn't be here writing these words to you and telling you that what you are is beautiful and perfect and everything you did right until this moment is perfectou may not see it as that form the place you are right now in, from this limited perpective, but form high above, from where you are going to, on your ascension journey, you will look at these times of struggle as one of the most inspiring and exciting times you will ever have.
I believe that because I don't imagine ever to feel so down, do depressed, so unworthy, so alone as I did in those years. And in all honesty, in all the truthfullness I can say is that I wouldn't trade one bad feeling, change one sigle thing in my life.
But it doesn't also mean that I would do everything the same again. The thing about getting experiences is getting also in-sights and knowing consequences of our actions. Self-reflection is the key to freedom. Using your mind for what it was designed to do -- knowing how things are happening right now and were happening in before and knowing beforehand what can you expect if you go this road or that road and choosing accordingly what you prefer.
That's it and that's ALL to it. There is no judgment in that place, there is no regret. There is just pure and utter acceptance and tolerance for the choices you have made and the being you have been. So thank the past. Send yourself all the love, all the compassion, all the forgiveness you can muster up inside you.
Be the change that needs to happen. Be the forgiveness that needs to happen for this world to become an ecstatic explosion of love and truth. Be truthfull, first with yourself, than with others. Tell your story without holding anything back and by doing that you will inspire others to do it to. ANd that's how you will change the world and yourself.
answered 14 Jan '11, 10:56
Thanks for sharing this Wildlife.
(14 Jan '11, 13:58) Radius 7.25
(24 Aug '11, 18:00) blubird two
Great story, wildlife....I can relate to it so well..Congrats on trying to do a bit better each day...trust me, it adds up and up...TY for sharing, I mean that!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+1
(24 Aug '11, 19:39) Jaianniah
I think the comment Traveller left, regarding unresolved issues is at the root of your question.
By asking for comments here it seems you haven't resolved the issue. Even though you've paid your time by society's standards, it seems that you're still holding yourself in prison.
Things obviously happened in your life to cause you to commit such a crime and think it was okay at the time. By staying caught up in that you continue to sentence yourself - the court may as well have sentenced you to life imprisonment, because that's what you're doing to yourself. And you're not fooling any of us by saying you don't consider yourself to be dishonest - the only one you're possibly fooling is yourself.
The only way to move past this is to forgive yourself and the only way to do this is to realize, at that moment in time, you were acting from an unconscious perspective. You can only help your daughter by letting go of the guilt - so use this as your motivation, you can only help her by forgiving yourself, do both of you a favour.
You may not be able to make recompense to those you stole from , but you can find ways in your life to help others in some way - you don't need to move mountains to do this, small well meant gestures will suffice as easily as grandiose ones as long as they come from the heart this will help you in the process of letting go.
You have it within you to put this behind you and make the rest of your life experience a more worthy one - you can do it.
answered 15 Jan '11, 02:04
(24 Aug '11, 18:04) blubird two
Have you forgiven yourself of dishonesty, if so, you can now feel proud that you no longer behave inappropriately, and you have taken control of your life in a positive way!
Since you cannot turn back the hands of time, you would be wise not to look back, to leave the past in the past, and to move on gracefully into a new direction!
Also keep in mind that no one is perfect, and mistakes do happen in life, and if you have taken the time to honestly forgive yourself, and that you are positive that you have matured pass the problem, you will be cheered on by caring hearts into the future!
Yesterday is the past, today is the present, but today will become the past tomorrow, and tomorrow will be the future that will become the past!
answered 14 Jan '11, 07:24
Inactive User ♦♦
Is self punishment righteousness, and what would you benefit from it? Perhaps, it would be a good thing for you to seek some help to discuss your inner torment, so that you can forgive yourself, and you can start healing from the pain you are feeling.
Of course, it is unfortunate that you have made some bad choices in life, but it would be unrealistic of you to continue to live in the past! Good Luck.
(15 Jan '11, 02:20) Inactive User ♦♦
@Vee- wise thoughts, thanks
(24 Aug '11, 17:58) blubird two
Blubird there was just a story on Yahoo news about a man that stole credit from people professionally. He now works with the CIA or maybe FBI to show how he and what people like him does this. Because of him they caught very many people, but this is only part he as well teaches people how to protect their credit so that they can not get their credit stolen so easily as he said it was for him.
He now makes his living off the same crime but from the good side, the side that helps and benefits people.
Let God guide you in how you can use your knowledge for the building and expansion of God's kingdom. How can you make things better and be of service to humanity to add value to the experience of life not only to you but as well everyone else? People pay you for being a valuable service to them, you could go from being the hated villain of society to the loved and appreciated hero for society.
Just being here looking for help says to me to use a StarWars metaphor you are working on switching from the dark side to the light side. Don't just give up what you have learned, how can you use it to expand God's kingdom on earth?
answered 19 Jan '11, 20:01
Imagine this testimony, "Last night someone was going around in the parking lot stealing cars but thanks to the seminar I learned from Blubird my car is the only one that didn't get stolen! Thanks Blubird! :-)"
(21 Jan '11, 19:20) Wade Casaldi
@Wade-feels like i'm switching from the dark side to the light side :)
(24 Aug '11, 17:37) blubird two
@Blubird yes you really are, I have seen a wonderful change in you since this first post. :-)
(24 Aug '11, 17:43) Wade Casaldi
@Blubird, my cousin stole cars because his wife was having a difficult pregnancy, was bed-ridden, and they had depended on her salary. He ended up being set-up by the FBI and because of his home situation, was put on work-release. He went from being a car thief to a very good car salesman- after all, he knew value! I think you have come a long way...so have I...if you are interested, read my answer to the question with the bounty- it tells how IQ has changed my life. Blessings, with total understanding, >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(24 Aug '11, 17:58) Jaianniah
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments
What do you want us to say? You created a violation to others and yourself. Being in difficult situations does not make it right to violate another person because that violation is also applied to yourself. It just makes for a difficult type of lifestyle. You carry a potential of stealing with you for the rest of your life. Try to help people in getting their cars back. Maybe you will get a sense of the despair that you put them through. Peace be with you.
answered 13 Jan '11, 20:03
The Knights Alchemy
@The Knights Alchemy-thanks for your attention
(24 Aug '11, 17:41) blubird two
What is acceptable in society changes from generation to generation.
I can remember times when a man and woman living together before marriage was considered to be almost unthinkable and, as for a baby born out of wedlock, well just don't go there. :)
Now it seems no-one thinks twice (in my current country of residence, at least) about co-habiting couples or even the children they have while they are unmarried.
This society we live in today operates very much on the conventions and customs of "ownership of property" and so you are likely to be condemned for your "stealing vehicles" activity by those standards.
But beyond the man-made conventions of how society operates, does it matter from a universal perspective how you chose to make a living?
I wouldn't say it matters one bit from that broader perspective.
Indeed, from a broader perspective, humans are effectively "stealing" the earth resources for their own purposes anyway, are they not? I don't see any of us paying the earth to mine and harvest its resources - we just assume we can take what we want if no-one else lays a claim to it first.
Your method of earning a living was what you thought was the right thing to do at the time (otherwise you wouldn't have done it) and now you don't feel it was the right thing to do, otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question.
Despite saying all that, admitting to it in public is probably not going to win you much praise in today's world :)
You wanted some comments...so there are some for you. :)
answered 13 Jan '11, 21:37
Hi Stingray, when you say it doesn't matter one bit from a broader perspective, are you saying it's justifiable? As much as I love understanding about LOA, something troubles me about it and I will explain further in my answer to this question.
(14 Jan '11, 02:21) Pat W
I've posted my response as a comment to your own answer
(14 Jan '11, 02:55) Stingray
How do you feel about the disruption you caused in peoples lives?
Do you like it when people steal from you?
What makes you good at it? Not being caught or not having any guilt?
You are most definitely the same person, how could you be any different?
By the nature of your previous actions 'society' will most certainly call you dishonest. But it looks like you have a different definition.
I hope bearing you so called sins to us helps you on your quest.
Why did you feel the need to tell us?
answered 13 Jan '11, 19:36
The thing is I do understand. If you thought I judged, I did not. I like to ask questions. Now the answer to your question what is the difference between good and bad is...Majority rules. And the majority of people would say that since being stole from makes people feel bad then it is by nature not right and keeps people from their happiness.And as one who can help people be happy, those actions are counter productive. But I am in no way at liberty yo call you a bad person.
Much love blubird!
(13 Jan '11, 20:20) jim 10
Maybe compassion,forgivness and love are the REAL power.
(14 Jan '11, 08:18) Monty Riviera
real powerful words graham , i love it
(14 Jan '11, 11:30) blubird two
@Jim-Much love Jim...
(24 Aug '11, 17:39) blubird two
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments
Are you asking this to seek justification, forgiveness (probably not since you don't feel it was dishonest), or understanding?
I agree with The Knights Alchemy that difficult circumstances do not justify your stealing vehicles.
May I know if you think it is justified, and that those people deserved it anyway? I ask this because it is possible that if we take LOA to the logical extreme, and conclude that everyone attracts circumstances to themselves, then perpetrators of crimes can always justify their actions by saying that the victims were already attracting such situations, and that they (the perpetrators) were merely the instrument that allowed the manifestation to happen.
I find that to be a most troubling notion.
answered 14 Jan '11, 02:31
It may be a troubling notion to you but how else could it be if everyone creates their own reality? I would suggest that the issue is not that the Law of Attraction causes the criminal and the victim to be vibrationally matched up, it's that the victim may not be consciously aware of what they are causing the Law to bring to them. It's a matter of education of those that are willing to hear of how the Law works - and websites like this one help to spread that information. Those who try to suppress or misdirect others from this knowledge are the true "criminals", you could say
(14 Jan '11, 02:51) Stingray
@Stingray - I'm not in favour of suppression of this knowledge. Just that this knowledge can be misused or ignorantly used to justify one's criminal actions. Perhaps the solution is "education", and hopefully questions like this one will help to bring out issues for discussion.
(14 Jan '11, 03:57) Pat W
@Pat - I believe we've already been over these issues a number of times in the early days/question of this website. It's an emotive issue for many because it goes against man-made ideas of fairness. It doesn't seem fair that "bad" people can "get away with it". But, really, why would the declaration of a few arbitrary man-made conventions regarding property ownership have any bearing on the operations of the universe? What folks overlook is that the consistency and un-changeability of the Law provides ultimate control over your own life. It's the best possible system, not the worst
(14 Jan '11, 05:29) Stingray
Well, you are dishonest just to clear that part up!
It sounds like you may be stuck in poverty consciousness.
You don't have to have material things to have a consciousness that is wealthy.
answered 15 Jan '11, 00:31
Well, you were dishonest.....by stealing.
(17 Jan '11, 22:41) Back2Basics
@Back2Basics-i appreciate your frank remarks
(24 Aug '11, 18:02) blubird two
what you do to other will be done to you as long as you can live with that there is no problem. experiance and enjoy.
answered 30 Jul '11, 09:37
@white tiger-forgiveness...experience and enjoy :)
(24 Aug '11, 18:05) blubird two
After a great deal of soul searching i come to the conclusion that the root cause of how i eventually hit rock bottom and consciously started to steal in a systematic way to earn a living was because i was caught in a self-induced downward spiral due to doubt and fear. Once in that rock bottom situation, only three actions seem possible, i say actions because it's an extremely difficult place to stay in for long without action of somekind...live, die or go crazy...now i realize that from a psychological point of view i chose all three solutions...kill the life that i was living, live a life of complete freedom and perform all this in a state of controlled emotional isolation.
Now those days are far behind me and when i think of this period of my life what i find most touching are those profound words of William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
"Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep"
quote from "The Tempest" Act 4 Scene 1
answered 24 Aug '11, 18:09
forgiveness does not repair or pay the debt. and what you do to other will be done back to you. as long as you can live with it there is no problem. i also see some people that say they forgive and it is not true it is just to make them self look nice. experience and enjoy.
(24 Aug '11, 22:48) white tiger
@white tiger- wise words my friend
(27 Aug '11, 18:37) blubird two
You say " much more important is discovering the reason why and how i drove myself into such a position", yes that is the key to evolution.
This period of your life was a good demonstration of "poverty consciousness" at work, i feel sure that now you have fully understood the why and the how - however for those that are still searching, here is a little reminder of what poverty consciousness is and how to overcome it
answered 18 Feb '13, 06:32
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If your going to do that, make sure it is a Honda, they have the best re-sale value...
have you paid back those you took from
@fred-a very pertinent question...
@ blubird... I'm getting the impression from your comments below that this is still an unresolved issue for you. The answers to this question may help...http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/6622/what-do-you-do-when-you-make-a-mistake-ask-for-forgiveness-but-cannot-let-go-of/6628#6628 :)