I separated about 3 years ago, we have a (now) 5 yr daughter, who we share care for (about 40-60% 40 with me (Dad), 60% with mum)
I would LOVE to have a positive co parenting relationship with my ex, stand next to her on the sideline to cheer our daughter on, etc etc, My ex is very controlling and manipulation, and even lies to my face.I do worry she will turn my daughter against me at times, When we chat (at school, or pick up/drop offs) we get on well, though I do wonder how much she tells me is true, or if she tells me the whole story, like on Friday when I picked up our daughter, she only told me a hr before so, that she was sick,but ever told me she had vomited,with her, so when our daughter vomited with me on Sunday,I thought it was a worsening of her condition "new" and took her to the doctors. Not that I minded, just, why doesnt she tell me everything
I guess its,..how do I make peace with my ex (in my mind) and get over the lies,her withholding info, fear of turning my daughter against me??
Thank you in advance
asked 21 Mar '16, 22:54
since when do you know she lies? is it love that blinded you to this? or did you blind your self to it? maybe you lie to your self to not see that she lies and manipulate you? then who is playing a game on who? now you have insecurity about your daughter being turn against you? maybe you have blind your self long enough about your insecurity that made you be easy to manipulate. maybe if you open your eyes on this and solve your insecurity you will not be as easy to manipulate. how to make peace with your ex? first make peace with your self. know your self and you will know other. if you do not know your self you cannot know other. the fact is that she did not change and you choose her in the first place seing only what suited you blinding your self to what you did not want to see. and now that it does not suit you, you are opening your eyes on what you did not want to see.
Don't lie, and don't do what you hate, because all things are disclosed before heaven. After all, there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, and there is nothing covered up that will remain undisclosed.
Know what is in front of your face, and what is hidden from you will be disclosed to you.
For there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. [And there is nothing buried that will not be raised.]
first clean the inside of the cup and the outside will also be clean. from where do you drink the water from the inside of the cup or from the outside? many always try to change outside things to suit them. the real change take place inside. the outside only follow the inside. no lasting change can come from the outside only.
why are you afraid that your daughter would turn against you? lack of faith in your self and in your ex? do you lack faith also in your daughter? o men of little faith why do you doubt?
Peace be still.
Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.
answered 22 Mar '16, 05:57
Hi White Tiger, thanks for the reply,I can recall a time we were chatting before she got pregnant, and I said "just not with you" to her question but I thought you were looking for a relationship!...so yes I "got myself in this mess!" so to speak,I know that,.... so what is it I need to learn/do to get stronger,Abraham Hicks said something like "get yourself so strong, so happy, that people simply wont believe any lies about you" is that it??
(23 Mar '16, 03:04) alliswell
@alliswell this world is not perfect and is a work in progress, first be perfect the outside does not matter so much be perfect on the inside. clean the inside of the cup make your self a pure heart. as for what people believe it is their choice and not always the truth. once you can accept that you are not perfect and people are not perfect and can be wise enough to know the difference it will get more easy. I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.-
(23 Mar '16, 04:15) white tiger
I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, "You must be born again." look at it this why if you are able to love your self and other to have mercy on your self and other to be at peace with your self and other to have faith in your self and other. why would you bother your self with what other believe and judge of you? mathiew 7-2
(23 Mar '16, 04:16) white tiger
judge not and you shall not be judge.condemn not, and you shall not be condemned: forgive, and you shall be forgiven:Give, and it shall be given to you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you mete with it shall be measured to you again.Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch?
(23 Mar '16, 05:15) white tiger
So,work on myself first?,love myself, watch that I dont tell lies, to anyone, not just my ex? even "little white lies"?? raise myself above all that?...spend love and forgiveness to my ex,focus on the ONE good thing she does forget about the 9 bad things???
(24 Mar '16, 01:23) alliswell
@alliswell forgive do not forget. if you forget how can you help your self and other? yes you will need faith in your self and other. yes many in this world are deceive and will deceive other but if you do not try to help your self and other who will? When you know yourselves, then you will be known, and you will understand that you are children of the living Father. But if you do not know yourselves, then you live in poverty, and you are the poverty."
(25 Mar '16, 05:29) white tiger
@alliswell put your treasure in heaven. where your treasure are your heart will be also. If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not have that within you, what you do not have within you [will] kill you." there is light in a person of light and it shines on the whole world if not it is dark. let there be light be the light that you can be experience and enjoy.
(25 Mar '16, 20:01) white tiger
@alliswell you know the way to where I am going. to get there is easy get to know the I am the living one that is in you made in the image of the one that sent you. often in this world people are lost in division and doubt. many cannot receive that in this world. if I have been your helper your advocate your comforter so be it and let it be.
(27 Mar '16, 20:28) white tiger
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments
You can love unconditionally but don't let anyone make you a fool. Liars are controlling and manipulating Just focus on you and the positive love of your daughter and fight with everything you have positive about all concerned. Karma will cHampton you as you maintain a positive vibration your ex is responsible for her vibe only I have had same exact problem withy daughter but I had lost custody years before and I still was losing. I relied too late because I let her vibe distract me fromaintaining my own It is extremely paramount you ignore all negative vibes and focus on having the best time with York daughter, it is everything!
answered 04 Jun '16, 06:49
She is a liar. My ex lied to me- and he was so profoundly good at it that I fell for it all. I think that with some people, lying becomes a way of life.
The problem is not 'coping' with it. You do not 'cope' with lying. What concerns me is the safety and welfare of your daughter. i find it downright scary that she did not give you the absolute truth about the time your daughter was ill. There is no justification on Earth for not telling you everything you needed to know about your daughter's vomiting. Most of the time, it is just a bug going around. But sometimes it is more serious- like appendicitis. My daughter, Katie, had appendicitis when she was five. The first time she threw up was late Friday night. By Saturday afternoon, she was in the operating room- it went that fast. You have an absolute right to know everything about your daughter's health- and your ex lied to you.
As time goes on, your unease is going to increase, especially when your daughter gets older. If I were you, I would sit down right now with your lawyer, and share your concerns. Do you want to be lied to about your daughter's relationships when she is dating? Her activities while she is with your ex? Push this scenario out ten years.
Please listen to your gut. You were concerned enough to write this question. Act on your concern now, before your daughter gets bigger, and her life and troubles get bigger. Honestly, if your ex lies to you, she probably is also lying to your daughter- and maybe teaching her how to lie as a way of coping.
I hope this helps. These days, so many kids lack someone that they can truly count on. Teach your daughter that she can count on you.
Blessings to you for caring so much.
answered 31 May '16, 19:19
Thank you Jaianniah,... its bloody hard at times,..I just try to be the best I can be, towards my ex and daughter and it feels like it just gets thrown back in my face...
(02 Jun '16, 21:53) alliswell
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alliswell, without sounding like an attack, you may need to ask her if these things are considered unimportant or are a way of getting even for what didn't work. for now, it seems you believe she has intentions to make you miserable