I have been called naive many times. I want to believe everybody is always telling the truth. I believe people until I have a reason not to. I was reading this answer and she mentioned being naive. That made me think. Right now I have trust issues and don't have any close friends because of it. This answer made me think maybe because I was too trusting and naive I got burned too many times and now I don't know who to trust. So, how do I learn to trust people again without being naive? Thanks

asked 13 Mar '12, 09:38

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess
17.4k11471

edited 14 Mar '12, 10:23

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦
11411

make the mind and the heart agree. the mind know what you can and cannot give. the heart know your feeling and the other person feeling. so that they fail or have succes in the test should not affect you. and from the start if you listen to your mind and heart you know. to know is the truth. trust in the truth and use your free will accordingly. experience and enjoy.

(13 Mar '12, 10:49) white tiger
1

Great question and I love White Tigers comment.

(15 Mar '12, 16:07) Paulina 1
showing 0 of 2 show 2 more comments

I have learned a great deal being trusting that I would never have learned otherwise. I lost a lot of money in a website development thing. I don't want to say scam because I did learn a lot although my website never went to the monetizing state before the project was closed.

By trusting, we do not know something and then learn from it. This learning is applicable to our future in some way. We may find the knowledge we learned very valuable to our progress. One thing my pastor said that really struck a cord with me is "God doesn't make losers, we never fail. Every failure we make there is something to be learned from. It is from all these life failures that we find later in life, that these were just what we needed to succeed where God has been guiding us."

By not trusting we stay where we are. It is kind of like saying, "I am afraid to drive so let's just sit here in the car in park for now." Nothing to learn from and no progress for future needs.

It is true I have been hurt and burned plenty of times, stolen from, used, ripped off, but if I look at it from a life perspective on "What have a learned from this?" My faith increased, my compassion increased, my forgiving ability increased, my ability to let go of past increased, my love increased, my understanding of people increased.

People that feel that they need to use people or steal or rip off people need prayer because they have strayed so far from their true nature. They feel the world is unfriendly, they have to get what they can take, it is a jungle out there, trust no one. Then there are the ones that "laugh all the way to bank." but really do they? They have to always look over their shoulder to see if that is the law catching up to them.

I am reminded of these big drug czars that live the good life until one day they end up in some gun battle with the S.W.A.T. and end up dead. What point is that? Also what a wast of potential for a person.

Life has many lessons but if we are non-trusting we deny ourselves those lessons that would make us even better than we are. We are all progressing everyday in many ways so if we deny ourselves one area we will progress in other areas.

I think of Jesus when he said, "If someone takes your coat, give him your shirt as well." The reason being that the one robbing you is in the illusion that he has to fend for himself that he is all alone and he does not know God. You on the other hand know God is your supply you had your coat and shirt because of God and so will be given another to replace it. The thief on the other hand learns on some level compassion even if he thinks to himself "That fool I robbed him and he gave me his shirt too!" The thought "Why?" may bug him until he learns eventually.

There is a scene in the movie Peaceful Warrior that the old man and his student get robbed and when they do get robbed of just their wallets! The old man insist on giving these robbers everything including all their cloths except of course underwear. The robbers are so thankful and stunned they have no idea what just happened. The boy he is stunned he has no idea what just happened, "Why on earth the old man did that to them!" But the old man knew that this is a passing moment in time and what they gave, God replaces. They live in the abundance paradigm, the thieves in live in the scarcity paradigm. In other words those thieves while they think they got away big, do not realize that it is only a passing moment and tomorrow nothing will have changed for them, they will have to rob someone again. Living like a feeble parasite from other people's success but never realizing they are eating others crumbs where as if they are willing to learn they can be eating their own cake.

So I would rather keep this naivety and see the world in wonder and continue to learn to be a better person than to not trust the world and close myself down.

link

answered 13 Mar '12, 12:16

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi
35.0k11156

edited 16 Mar '12, 21:28

We don't fail. I like that. =P Everything we do is either a success or a learning experience. ^_^

(13 Mar '12, 12:21) Snow

@Wade Casaldi - As I read this I Was wondering how somebody living in the vibration of abundance would get robbed, seeing as they live in different realities, and I realized that either the one being robbed had a belief that people with abundance get robbed, or the turning it into a 'gift' is a way to allow the abundance to flow so that it does not stagnate, maybe the belief here is that if someone needs it, they'll take it.

(13 Mar '12, 12:46) Fairy Princess

@Fairy Princess good point. Yes by observation it can be seen that one is in compassion vabration and so the thieves were a blessing to practice his compassion and generosity. In other words demonstrate his faith, live it, not just pay it lip service. There is plenty to have and plenty to share mindset. This alowed them to bless those less fortunate even though to the thieves they believed they were robbing them. We are only the stwards as long as we are alive, nothing is ever really ours.

(13 Mar '12, 13:09) Wade Casaldi
1

1 Corinthians 4:5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.

http://www.jesusiscoming.com/Scripture.htm

(13 Mar '12, 13:21) white tiger

@White Tiger Exactly! What seems like a curse "Why me?" could be a moment love, compassion, even joy knowing that you have treated another with consideration, care, and compassion like if God was there to take care of those less fortunate through you. For all we know, he was! But if we get upset and let it ruin our day, we feel lousy, the thieves feel guilty, no one is happy. God wants us to be happy. We need to keep mind on the bigger picture than just the lower self. Can this build my faith?

(13 Mar '12, 13:35) Wade Casaldi

why get upset wade every one has free will. and will be reward accordingly. experience and enjoy.

(13 Mar '12, 13:42) white tiger

@White Tiger I am sorry. I wasn't upset I was rejoicing. English is so limited to express what we are feeling in written word compared to if we were on the phone. You would have seen I was expressing YEAH! Great observation! :-) Happiness, but I know the exclamation point is as well an expression of anger... That is too bad there should be a good exclamation point and a bad one that look differently. lol No not upset but happy my friend. :-)

I voted for your answer and comment too. I agree. :-)

(13 Mar '12, 13:48) Wade Casaldi

i voted your answer also. stop being sorry. experience and enjoy.

(13 Mar '12, 14:06) white tiger
2

What a beautiful answer Wade you have learned a lot and can teach many of us how to trust. What would life be without trust? We might have more money but will probably be bored and unhappy.

(15 Mar '12, 16:13) Paulina 1
showing 3 of 9 show 6 more comments

by trusting your self first. if you know that some other people think you are naive because you let them chance or the benifit of the dought. does it really hurt you? or is it them that have failled the test? then you have been naive with a good heart for their benefit to improve them self. but they have lost that chance to prove to them self and to you that they are worth it. but what did you lose? or did you win something?

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

http://bible.cc/matthew/7-12.htm

did you do that or did they?

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

http://bible.cc/matthew/6-20.htm

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

http://bible.cc/luke/6-35.htm

the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.

http://bible.cc/john/14-17.htm

trust in the truth. if you feel or know that something is not the truth then you know what to do. if you use your free will to let them a chance at the test and they fail it who is naive? you have know from the start their was a risk did you act from the heart or from the mind or from both in proper balence? so that they do or not do you have know from the start should you feel naive for it? experience and enjoy.

link

answered 13 Mar '12, 09:57

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger
19.7k1744

Thank you white tiger. I will chew on this awhile.

(13 Mar '12, 10:03) Fairy Princess
1

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. http://bible.cc/james/1-17.htm

(13 Mar '12, 10:55) white tiger

Here’s my "stop being naive" top 5 list......

I grew up in a small religious town where everybody knew everybody else. I was as naive as you could get when I moved to the city. Over the years I have been ripped off/lied to/taken advantage of/robbed/perverts...etc . I still believe most are honest, but to weed out the bad ones I now have rules they have to pass:

1/ Look for “tells!” If somebody is touching their face, touching their ear, scratching their nose while telling you something, this is a sure sign they're not comfortable with what they're telling you.

2/ Overly excited to “see / meet you” when you don’t know that person very well, and it’s like you’re their best friend when you talk with them? but if you try to contact them...they’re hard to reach. NOBODY gives instant friendship!! It’s something you have to earn. Those who instantly treat you like their bestfriend....you are being targeted for something.

3/ Excuses: If I ever hear excuses from a person “RUN!” The excuse is not only a lie, but they’re disrespecting you! and it's just the beginning of many!! and a sample of what's coming your way.

4/ Gut instinct: Ever get your change back in your hand from a cashier, and for that second get the feeling “this isn’t right?” and after you check, your short something like 11 cents?...same with people and their actions. I’m always “very aware” of “this isn’t right” feelings.

5/ Sleep on it: If I’m unsure about a person I will ask before falling asleep, “Is this person good?” or “what’s this person’s intentions with me?” or "Are they good to get into business with?" or just have the person in my mind. When you wake up in the morning you will have your answer. I once asked about a woman and the instant I woke up and said the woman's name to bring up a thought of her, a voice screamed “STAY AWAY FROM HER!!”...."but she's a really nice and friendly person!!" Why?? stay away?? that's crazy!! that's gotta be the wrong answer!!....she turned out to a be really bad, and was trying to rip me off!...WOW!!

Does anybody have their method's that work??.................

link

answered 14 Mar '12, 16:10

Eldavo's gravatar image

Eldavo
3.5k112

@Eldavo Wow! Thanks for all the tips. I do have a question about excuses. What do you mean by excuses? My mom used to accuse me of making excuses, but I was merely sharing my logic. I am very logical and literal. Some people might misunderstand that.

(14 Mar '12, 19:28) Fairy Princess

Excuses aren't to be confused with "a reason." For example; "I'm not going to attend your picnic because the weather forecast states a storm is coming!" That's a reason.....An excuse is usually a quick made up lie that a person uses to avoid a commitment to you. For example; "I couldn't attend your picnic because I had to pick someone up at the airport at the last minute."....it's a lie and feels like a lie because they're trying to fool you. it shows what type of person they are!

(14 Mar '12, 21:22) Eldavo

One man's excuse is another man's reason, the difference is only perspective on the validity of the excuse. An excuse [by definition of course] is not inherently a lie, nor even a 'bad' thing if you don't want to view it as such.

Also, if one is going to use a lie as an excuse they generally will think it up ahead of time, and so it will often seem well rehearsed [sometimes TOO much so, which can help in identifying truth vs lie if you are experienced with the person].

(14 Mar '12, 22:23) Snow
1

eldavo if it is recurring yes it could be. but if i talk to you and scratch my nose because it itch. could it not only be a itch? i could be excited to meet you yet the relation is only starting. i could give you excuse that are genuine. not that i do not agree with what you said but that it cannot always be the case. one should leave the chance to the runner. if the runner mess it up well he got is chance is choice not yours.

(15 Mar '12, 15:30) white tiger
1

@white tiger: Agreed.

This answer has some good fundamental concepts, but taken too literally or without quite a few grains of salt I feel it would be likely to cause the pendulum to swing too far in the other direction.

(15 Mar '12, 19:32) Snow

i am glad that you agree my friend snow.

(16 Mar '12, 14:16) white tiger

These are the rules that work for me. yes, I can see these not working for some, but they are rock solid for me and I haven't been taken advantage of since.

(18 Mar '12, 13:35) Eldavo
showing 3 of 7 show 4 more comments

Hello Fairy Princess. I have to say that reading your post reminded me of my old self. I was a totally naive dumb person that I easily make myself or anyone else laugh. I also have certain trust issues with friends, too, still do. I wonder if we can relate on other unique qualities that a majority of the population probably doesn't have. Anyways, here's what I think. Be honest with yourself first. How you treat others do not matter as much. So what if others say you're naive? You really think they're mature in everything else? That they don't make dumb mistakes ever? (To be honest, I rather be a dumb naive moron anyways, I'm a human and I make mistakes. However I get to laugh at them, too. Read up on a Japanese Monk Ryokan. Perfection is really.. too much work and nerve wrecking!!) Let them do what they want. However.....What's really really REALLY naive is when you're lying to yourself. If you want to trust someone, go ahead. If you don't, then don't. Don't force yourself to trust any person. Can you honestly say that everyone is trustworthy these days?

Best of luck.

P.S. Oh Man I have to share you a story about Ryokan. One time, he came upon a thief in his house and as the thief ran away, Ryokan chased after him trying to give him clothing too! His common was "Poor fellow, I wish I could have given him a moon". So relax Fairy Princess! Does naive really mean being naive? And does being mature really mean being mature? It's hard to strike a difference sometimes.

link

answered 13 Mar '12, 10:20

Ali00's gravatar image

Ali00
5486

How do you protect yourself then? Thanks

(13 Mar '12, 10:41) Fairy Princess
2

Just a point: Naivety doesn't imply stupidity.. You're a bit harsh on yourself [and because you're associating yourself with the question, the asker] on this topic.

I would perceive being overly trusting as a description of innocence, not ignorance. When one is exposed to a new culture they will behave very naively according to their customs, because of a lack of experience. They could be the smartest person in the world and still be unaware.

(13 Mar '12, 11:02) Snow

@Snow good point

(14 Mar '12, 19:32) Fairy Princess

May I ask, protect yourself from what?

(14 Mar '12, 21:58) Ali00

From people using you, hurting you, stabbing you in the back.

(14 Mar '12, 22:46) Fairy Princess

I reread your answer and don't remember what I was thinking when I asked how you protect yourself.

(14 Mar '12, 22:47) Fairy Princess

Love this answer.

(15 Mar '12, 16:20) Paulina 1

Fairy princess all those people that have done this have done this to them self. "And the King will say, 'I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!' http://bible.cc/matthew/25-40.htm

(15 Mar '12, 16:26) white tiger

The word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day" John 12:48. http://www.bible.ca/d-judgement-day.htm

(15 Mar '12, 16:29) white tiger
showing 3 of 9 show 6 more comments

Hi Fairy Princes, I too have been called naive and gullible by some but so what. Tell someone who cares for I would rather be loving towards my fellow human beings than be hard assed and unlike myself.

If it is your nature to be the way you are than good for you. The only time I would sugest otherwise is if you get into dangerous situations for then some form of asertive coaching might be of benefit.

Enjoy being you for there are not many people in the world today that one comes across that ae trusting.

link

answered 15 Mar '12, 16:30

Paulina%201's gravatar image

Paulina 1
8.7k320

1

be the light that you can be. the word shall judge them in the last day.

(15 Mar '12, 16:38) white tiger

there are many aspects of
what we live and levels
of responsibility

be the naivety for all
with allowing unbiased ear
and free mind to accept

first interactions at hand
as sincere
may ofen feel grief

but less likely fear

how do you want to change

link

answered 15 Mar '12, 20:37

fred's gravatar image

fred
15.7k36

You can rest your mind in peace with understanding that you can trust everyone and everything at anytime and any situations.For perception of one, though seemingly different from perception of another is just as true. But act only upon your own persuasion.

By seeing things in different perception we don't clarify HOW they are, just that they are. Or that the substance from which those things appear in our perception the way they do exist.

Here's a little mind game of trust. Imaging you are standing still and have you eyes blindfolded. You would like to make a move but can't see where your next step would lead. So you ask for guidance. One voice says "you're standing on the edge of ravine, if you take a step forward you will fall down and die". At the very next moment another voice whispers: "it's not true, the ravine is right behind you"... when the third voice says "it is safe to move forward or backward, just don't move sideways" you are literally paralyzed. But there's one more voice to be heard - your own. And so your own voice says "wait a minute, lets see for myself". And so you take the blindfold off your eyes and see a vast plain offering possibility of moving anywhere you wish. The ravine in fact was bunch of small holes little mice used to enter underground.

All the voices were right, they saw the same thing you saw just differently and so they exaggerated accordingly to their persuasion. The point? Be your own guide. Don't let yourself be guided by perceptions of others for they may see ugliness where you see beauty. Hate where you see love, up where you see down. Always move based on your own perception of reality. In fact, then there will be no need to trust or distrust others.

So when someone labels you with naivety label, don't play that game with him, don't let people control you through labels they give you. Just because others decided to mislead you with their words or actions, doesn't mean you have to start to doubt.

link

answered 16 Mar '12, 20:28

CalonLan's gravatar image

CalonLan
(suspended)

edited 16 Mar '12, 20:32

This reminds me of "The Labyrinth" One guard always tells the truth and one guard always tells the lie. The problem is which is which? One door leads to freedom the other to death. She was only allowed to ask one question. She asked would the Blue guard say this Red door leads to the castle? He said "yes" so she knew he spoke the truth. If the Blue guard lied about the door then the Red would have to tell the truth Yes. But if the Blue told the truth about the door the Red would have to say No.

(16 Mar '12, 23:34) Wade Casaldi
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