I went out on two dates with a man. We went further sexually than I intended to on the 2nd date, and it has been 6 weeks since I have seen him (work, he says, although he did text me in this time). Now he has called for a third date as he promised he would when the busyness cleared. I am curiously nutty about him - disproportionately so, but hurt by the time it has taken him. How can I calm down, let go, and let it be what it is?
If you haven't already done so I would definitely recommend you read "The Vortex" by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It has chapters entitled "Mating and the Law of Attraction" and "Sexuality and the Law of Attraction" that I think could really help you. In essence try changing your thoughts to something that feels good and watch what happens - easier said that done though when you are in the middle of it - good luck.
answered 08 Jun '12, 06:46
Hello kind people. This is just an update to let you know that I just came in from Date 3 and I had such a good time. We went to dinner, dancin, sitting down in a lovely little cafe chatting about everything from politics to childhood. Some hand-holding and tickling and teasing each other, but nothing else. Drove me home, talked about how it was FAR too long since we've seen each other and it can't be like that again (I prompted none of this) and with mutual grins, we parted. We got to know each other some more. It was very nice, very sweet. Thank you SO much for your comments. They helped, I promise. The kindness of strangers is a magnificent thing. Oh, and focus wheels are fabulous!!
answered 09 Jun '12, 20:58
Only time will tell what his intentions are as it is too early at this stage to know. Maybe he was realy working and maybe he is only interested in a bit of hanky-panky. Only you can tell what is the truth.
Next time you have a date dont go too far sexualy and see if he calls again. If he does good and if he doesn't than maybe that was all he wanted.
answered 08 Jun '12, 02:45
@Iyra, good question:) If you replace 'He' with 'It has', it can apply to any situation. At the end of your question you ask "How can I calm down, let go, and let it be what it is?" <--- the answer is right there:)
So what is it to you? At this stage how would you define it? Because you could be "curiously nutty about him - disproportionately so" (great description btw:) or even imagining yourself married to him, having kids by now! You are already disproportionately nutty about him (which is great!)- understand that it is you who is attaching expectations to the relationship. And there's nothing wrong with that except you want expectations in a positive way (like its all going to work out long term) -- better yet, why define it. It is what it is at this stage.
Maybe we can use the same words you have in your question and give it a positive spin. You want to be in a 'feeling good' zone for this 3rd date:). Maybe some wordplay would help...
I feel its not the degree of sexual involvement ("went further sexually than I intended") that's bothering you, it's the 6 weeks gap between the dates that's making you anxious.
Ask yourself is the six week gap bothering you more because the 2nd date ended up with sexual involvement? Would you have felt the same if there was none?
And if you carefully consider your own answer to 'What it is' (at this stage), you'd find that you would be feeling the same anxiety even if there was no sexual involvement. I mention sexual involvement issue only because you've mentioned it in your question and seems that it has some validity in your equation to him and the stage it is at.
Now if you agree there are two separate issues - sexual involvement and six week gap- here's what I would do to let go:
If I was in your position I would just drop the sexual involvement issue as it has been done. You can't do anything about it. Don't even feel guilty about it *even if things eventually don't work out - It just is that way now.
Suppose you would have dropped him back home in your car after 2nd date and there was no hanky-panky, my guess is, you would have said in your question 'I even drove 2 hours to drop him off to his home and now its six weeks he hasn't called'. Maybe, right? So, I would make that little encounter sum zero, a non-issue. That way, I let that one go!
With the six week gap issue (you do mention you feel hurt about this time gap) - I would think back. I would say 'well, 8-10 weeks ago, I didn't have a guy in my life. Now I have one with whom I have had 2 dates, a 3rd one is fixed' Even going as far as saying you had good time, it felt great. Saying 'Not only I met a guy but he made me feel 'curiously nutty' about him. Even disproportionately so:) -- this is a great feeling, let me just live this feeling.'
How many people can say that about a partner? After 2 dates? Statistically not that many (and I am sure there is some statistics to that effect:). These days, I am waiting to feel even at least curious about whom I meet, so you already are doing well:)
In fact, I sense so much positivity in your question it gave me goosebumps reading it:)
You are in much higher level of excitement:) use it positively
And here's the kicker -- whatever (God/Universe) got you till this stage (Because remember, way back, 8-10 weeks ago you were not at this current stage) will see to it that it will take you further (He already has called! For a 3rd Date!) and..and tell yourself even if it did not go the distance you had hoped, now you know it can be done again. Go with the flow without escalating expectations. Your total time investment = probably 90 days and I don't have to tell you, that's nothing! Your gain = A prince (or whatever you want to call him:)
I always throw back time like that -days, weeks, years- to whatever stage I was worse off than today (or concerning an issue). It makes me feel having grown, things are happening for good mode. makes me feel I am better off now than then! I milk the nice times mentally:) and that helps me feel confident (regardless of time gap, I feel achievement)
This word play is possible because I can see that there is more excitement to the wording of your question than anxiety. It just reads that way to me. So I feel no need to calm down, in fact, allow yourself to feel the 'excitement of possibilities'...let me repeat, 'excitement of possibilities' and not 'expectations of possibilities'. If you grasp this fine difference, you are gold for golden moments:)
As for 'what it is'-- let it define itself in time. Relationship labels are overrated:)
On a lighter note: I personally never label or define any of my issues (in terms of naming them), because to me my labeling would make it more LIMITING than it actually is...to me. it's always others who do that:) My mum actually worries because she says she never sees me worried about anything:)) Go figure! For me it is just is, whatever it is. I didn't know I am a non-worrier until pointed out...now if I start worrying about her worrying about....
Well, you get the point:)
Apologies for the long answer and I don't know if this rambling helps but I hope it does. All the best:)
you know what you envision
so where does it lead and
answered 08 Jun '12, 18:58
Too bad men and women are so different in how they interpret and experience sex. One girl who is a friend of mine said that women get emotionally wrapped up in it...while to men it seems more of a body function like sneezing or a notch on a score card. If I was an alien study the earth's species called man...I would have to say "they're really funny about that sex thing."
answered 08 Jun '12, 06:08
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