I had been in a relationship for about 3 years with the love of my life- it ended because he wasnt in love with me anymore and had been planning behind my back to move to the other side of the world.
We split up- he went off to live in another country and then I started dating someone else. My ex found out and that's when the angry emails and abuse started.
It got a lot worse with things being said to me about how I change my men like a pair of shoes, how I'd disrespected our entire realtionship. He was drinking lots and threating to end his life saying it was my fault -in the end it got so bad I had to cut my phone off and come off all social sites.
However, I'm still not over him and can't seem to let him go. I want to move on as I can't ever see myself being happy unless I can let go.
Does anyone have any mindfulness advice that I could try?
It doesn't matter how much someone loves you, it matters how much you love them.
You can love someone no matter how they see you. You are allowed to think beautiful things and remember the great times you had. I don't know if that helps, but I found a great amount of peace in learning that.
There are many, many, many people in this world. There are so many new opportunities for better relationships and experiences. The thing is, it's very hard to see if you are letting your thoughts circle around the misery of rejection. I used to let my thoughts run wild and made no effort to change it.... until I realized the only thing that kept those nasty feelings alive was my mind. I actually hadn't seen the person in a year or even heard from them.
But it is hard sometimes.... the good news is, you have plenty of time to figure this out for yourself. Every situation can benefit you, no matter how bad it seems to be.
Also... think about what you really want. You know you don't want to be left or to be heart broken again. You have already felt enough pain over this and are ready to move on... so, what's next for you?
Heartbreak is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. But what I've realized is that it's strictly mental... because we only continue to suffer because of the things we say in our heads. "They didn't love me, ill never find anybody, what did I do wrong in life"
These things are not true and only bring you down. You will love again and you can be happy.
If you think about it... is any relationship supposed to last forever? Perhaps some can last a lifetime, but we all pass on eventually. But looking at it differently... can you love someone forever? What if you could love several forever? What if everyone loved everyone else?
Love truly is everywhere... you can find it in anything. You just have to let it in. Do things you enjoy and be with people you enjoy. Try new things, travel, and meet new people. Wear things that make you feel good and eat food that makes you feel energized.
Whenever the painful thoughts tried to creep in, I would say "I love (name), but we didnt work out, and thats okay" And I would let it go.
I am wishing you all the best... good luck!!
answered 17 Jul '12, 13:31
First off, I have to tell you that there are probably three things in the world that are the pinnacle of the worst possible human experiences you can go through:
Each of these experiences has their own nasty, sad, unique feeling to them. So if someone were to ask if heartbreak is the worst thing they can go through, I'd reply with a confident "yes."
Unfortunantly, @Blesslordy, I don't hold the cure for this one. But there are four things I've tested and proven to myself that will help. And these are things you can actually do.
Hang in there darl. Life can only go up, up and away from here.
answered 16 Jul '12, 22:10
Be honest with yourself and answer following question for yourself?
Deep inside you there's a debt he made. Or better to say you feel there is a debt of some sort (most probably of emotional nature). And you feel that unless it is settled you cannot seem to let go.
You loved him a lot, he obvious didn't love you the same way, so subconsciously you think he still owes you. But when you decided to love him, it wasn't because you wanted to be loved back. It was because you wanted to love him. Period.
When you help someone, you do it because you want to help, not because you want to have an upper hand and claim a favor back when the time arises, right?
That's all there is to letting go - forgetting imaginary debts we created in our minds and now hold others accountable for.
And just a personal remark, you shouldn't jump into another relationship before you fix the remains of your past. It does do no good, I should know. But I'm not here to judge, it's just a friendly advice.
answered 17 Jul '12, 02:46
"We learn far more from our apparent failures, than we ever do from our supposed successes. Sometimes, though, it takes us a while. When we make a mistake, we can't immediately absorb all it has taught us because it pains us to dwell on the disappointment. Also, instinctively, we know that if we analyse the past too deeply, we risk getting stuck in it." - Jonathan Cainer
Listen, or your tongue will keep you deaf - Native American proverb.
@Blesslordy, be gentle on yourself. You have nothing to gain by being harsh and judgmental towards anyone, least of all yourself. Give yourself some time. Breathe. You will definatly get through this. You will definately be ok.
answered 18 Jul '12, 11:27
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