I've been wanting a third child for many years. I have two children and we wanted to adopt the third. I never managed to manifest a child through adoption. I struggled so much with this, because the wanting was so strong and it felt like there was a soul missing in our family. My youngest, very intuitive, son felt the same way.

Then I wanted to become a foster family, but my husband said no, so for several years I tried to let go of my desire. But it just kept getting stronger and increasingly felt like my life purpose. I wasn't sure wether the child didn't come because of my resistance (focus on the wrong end of the stick) or wether my desire was wrong - that a to adopt/foster a child wasn't meant to be/wasn't really a life purpose.

Half a year ago I read an ad about a child in need of a family - and it felt right. At first my husband said no. I felt a deep sadness and cried through the night. The next morning I called the social service and let them know my husband said no. I felt a surprising feeling of letting go - I don't think I've ever managed to let go before. I had the day off work, and found total peace and a qiet feeling of hapiness, and then the sosial service called back - she said: «We always respect a «no» and we never call back like this, but the people working with this child are convinced you're The right match for her - can you please ask your husband to reconsider?»

To make a long story short - she lives with us now. I was so scared through the prosess of finalising becoming a foster family (would my husband back out, would my children say no, would we pass the medical check up?) that I never dared to feel hapiness in case my desire wouldn't manifest this time either when I was SO close. When she moved in I was axhausted by anxiety - and I couldn't feel that she was my child. The Soul I had been longing for for so many years. She has a personality that doesn't feel familiar to me. I take comfort in the fact that I couldn't bond properly with my eldest son until he was 4 months either (He cried a lot, a had a bout of depression) - but then it was amazing.

Now I am bothered by thoughts of having attracted the «wrong child». I always took for granted that If I ever nanaged to allow the third child, it would be the soul I have been longung for. I never imagined I could attract the wrong child. Also, she must have attracted us too. The thought of it being «wrong» feels horrible, and I hope it is my anxiety speaking. She has become attached to us already, she trives, I can see so many good qualities in her and I am ashamed of not bonding instantly. I am in alignement a lot of the time I'm with her and the social worker is amazed at how quickly she has settled in and how calm and happy she is.

My struggles with this situation at a spiritual level - are we meant to be, is she the soul I have been missing, is getting the better of me. I hesitate to post this, but I would really appreciate your thoughts and input.

asked 29 Apr '18, 04:54

Pebbles's gravatar image

Pebbles
41113

edited 29 Apr '18, 05:21

I would like to delete this question, but I don't seem to be able to. I would appreciate some hjelp. :)

(09 May '18, 08:20) Pebbles

@Pebbles, you cannot delete a question once it has answers attached because it would delete other people's answers also. Please read the FAQ: http://www.inwardquest.com/faq/

(10 May '18, 05:40) IQ Moderator ♦♦

@Pebbles You could replace the text content with gibberish. The moderator would have to be a little patient, but if you really want your question gone, that would be the way to do it.

(11 May '18, 03:50) cmc
showing 1 of 3 show 2 more comments

I contemplated your question for quite some time before deciding to offer my thoughts.

  1. Your point of focus: NOW ... not that you may have attracted the wrong child. The child is now with you now and it is therefore very contradictory that you've attracted the wrong child. What IS can never be wrong. Only we (our minds) label it right or wrong, good or bad. Please don't ask 'are we meant to be?'. You are together now. Just focus on that. I hope you can see this.
  2. Why are you judging yourself in terms of how you feel about this child? You are being too harsh on yourself. If your mind is requiring you 'to bond', this is pressure. Make peace with the way things are right now and with how you feel right now. Don't escape this feeling of not bonding by weighing it even more with self-doubt, self-judgment and anxiety. Make peace with it. Accept that this is how you feel right now. Acceptance will dissolve this feeling, which in reality is simply the mind exerting pressure.
  3. Please look at this situation without labelling it 'right' or 'wrong' and ask this to yourself: how can this situation serve me? This is not a selfish exercise, but rather, a look at how you would like the future to unfold. If you are a believer that you are your own creator and that you create your own reality, then direct your thoughts about this situation towards a positive outlook by looking at the positive elements emanating from this situation ONLY. When thoughts of anxiety and other so-called negative thoughts come to mind, be aware enough to recognise them as such, and disallow them from sucking you in completely. Be aware they are simply the fruits of fearful thoughts. If you fight these thoughts they will proliferate. If you accept that you are having these thoughts BUT that YOU as a being, are not your thoughts, they will calm down. And I'm sure they will dissipate soon.

I hope I may have been of some help. I can understand perfectly the way you feel and that's why I decided to answer. I wish you all the best.

link

answered 29 Apr '18, 12:35

nbd028's gravatar image

nbd028
599119

Thank you so much for answeing me. I realise I have just assumed that children always end up with the right parents, the ones they are meant for, since we choose out parents before birth (or at least that's how I understand it is), so the feeling/thought of me having attracted the «wrong» child tok me by surprise and shook me at the core of my very being. I suppose I really just want to be assured that attracting the wrong child/soul is not not possible.

(30 Apr '18, 14:56) Pebbles

You may be experiencing a kind of postpartum depression (the foster or adoptive parent's version), which I am sure you know is common, and in general we often feel a letdown when we finally reach a goal or manifest a desired outcome. I think you can assume it was meant to be, from the simple fact that you ARE together. I would pray over this situation, it could be as simple as affirming that you love her and she loves you. You can affirm this even as you are still experiencing some doubts. Thank you for giving this girl a stable and loving home, and making a wonderful difference in her life. My mother was a foster child, and I think would have had a hard life without her foster parent's presence and influence. We called her Auntie and she was a blessing to us all.

link

answered 01 May '18, 20:11

Delphine's gravatar image

Delphine
2.5k214

hi,

first i'd say that the univers does not make mistakes.

about your questions :"are we meant to be, is she the soul I have been missing" - well, i dont think it should concern you, it really doesn't matter. this thoughts has no answer because they are a presentation of your feelings of lack ("missing") that this kid could never fill. it is your job to do it. you need to fill that void within yourself, and you know what? maybe you already did cause the manifestation occurred. so you see? you shouldn't be bothering yourself with old habbit of thoghts.

but!! there is another option: maybe you didnt fill that void yet and the child came to show you just that :) . i mean maybe the child is holding a vibration of neglect and/or abandonment or unworthiness (you should know her), and you are a match to her in the sense that you vibrate in her vibration. meaning - you feel the same way as her due to past experiences - you are not worthy of her, therefor you attracted the wrong thing (it is subconscious). so maybe you are teachers to one another.(but these are just assumptions, you should know the child and yourself better).

so the solution in both options is to stay in your natural vibration as a worthy, loving, compassionate person. and less thoughts like "wrong child" - that she already has in her vibration and naturaly manifasting.

you see, the child's vibration is naturally creating the "you are a wrong child" sayings or thoughts from people in her life. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. AND IT IS ALSO NOT THE CHILD'S FAULT THAT YOU THINK THAT!! but being conscious about it is giving you the power to change that and train your mind to think differently.

goodluck and much love

link

answered 10 May '18, 07:12

myself's gravatar image

myself
2.5k120

edited 10 May '18, 07:20

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