I am 42, single, jobless and have no friends. My family is the main problem of my life and I did everything I could to overcome that and live independently in a society that doesn't allow this.

So not only I couldn't free myself from my family and felt guilty all the time but I found that my culture think the same way.

All my successes have no value today, I didn't succeed at my career neither in building lasting relationships, and I am afraid I have to live as an outcast for the rest of my life.

Am I so unconscious of myself that I did that non sense thinking I am an avant garde? Or is it really difficult to resist opposition when there are no results? I feel stupid and naive to believe that I can live differently and according to my will.

Today I am free but don't feel happy. I have regrets I didn't trust myself more. But I am afraid I was irresponsible and couldn't be happy with my choices.

What should I do next? Still follow my desires and trust life is good even though I can't pay my bills.

asked 09 Apr '23, 18:58

Cometta's gravatar image


edited 10 Apr '23, 15:25

IQ%20Moderator's gravatar image

IQ Moderator ♦♦

(14 Apr '23, 00:01) jaz

Thank you I need to distance myself from the negative environnement. It's always refreshing to be by myself, and easier to focus on making thing happen when I keep my energy for what matters.

(30 Apr '23, 17:21) Cometta

I used to be the joyous one everywhere I go, I've overestimated my capacity to give that I ended doubting my self. What if they are right? What if all my joy is just an immature way to look at things? What if life is hard and dark and I am the only one who see it bright? What if I am unconscious? That is how it started. The worst thing is that I am the only one who became negative and finally they took every spark of joy to build their own and now they blame me for not being successful.

(30 Apr '23, 17:45) Cometta
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Hi, 42 is still young and it is never too late to make changes in your life and go towards your dreams regardless of your past experiences. Also remember that your worth is not determined by your relationships or what you do. You are valuable simply because you exist and influence people just by being there.

It is a hard thing to Break away from cultural norms and family expectations because one of the effects is feelings of disconnection and isolation.(because when we choose to live our lives in a way that is different from what is considered "normal" by society, we may find it difficult to find others who share our values and beliefs).

One thing you could do is to accept your family as they are, with no resistance. meaning - don't try to be X(new version of you) just because you don't want to be Y (your family). that will create major resistance within you, blame, anger, and waste of time. just accept the present moment as it is. it is what it is - this is your family. there is nothing to resist. you are part of it and it is ok. now what? now, what do you want? regardless of who THEY are? what would make you happy? take your time with that, do breathing meditations, be kind to yourself. explore... and then take action. every day take action towards what you want. it's important that you know what you truly want (you said in your post - lasting relationship, career, ok.. what kind of a relationship? what kind of job? ) take action.

"Am I so unconscious of myself that I did that non sense thinking I am an avant garde? Or is it really difficult to resist opposition when there are no results? I feel stupid and naive to believe that I can live differently and according to my will."

It is really impossible to try to resist the momentum that the reality presents. that is why when wanting to create change in life we don't want to resist anyone's opinion or suggestions, we want to only accept what is and focus on what we want and know for ourselves. just like "they"/the momentum focuses on what they want and stick with it and don't care what you think. it loves you..but don't care. not dependent on you. just streaming. the more you resist, the more you'll feel isolated because you are alone in it and the momentum is too strong. it is just physics. find your own stream/momentum/what you want, and listen only to that. everything else - let it just be there.

so to sum up - it is possible to start over from scratch! Everyone's journey is different, and there is no right or wrong way to live your life.


answered 13 Apr '23, 05:18

myself's gravatar image



Thank you for your kindness Before I can change the momentum I guess I need to stop, but I can't. I feel ashamed to be dependant on someone else especially when they remind me that I am a failure and a burden. I thought coming back to home was necessary to make peace with my feeling of guilt I've always had when I was independant and happy. I now know that it's a waste of energy and opportunities. Why do we need all this hard lessons to understand!

(30 Apr '23, 17:42) Cometta

I hope I can find a way to stay away and rebuild my life. It took me all these years to understand that believing in myself and making my own mistakes was my real treasure.

(30 Apr '23, 17:46) Cometta

your journey of being born
here on earth, 42 yrs
of seeing consequences
not you, deserve a retake


answered 25 Apr '23, 12:01

fred's gravatar image


Do you mean I need to learn why things went wrong and go back to my real self to start again?

(30 Apr '23, 17:52) Cometta

its not about wrong, but who you are, not necessarily who others want you to be. introduce yourself to your intuition and work out a viable plan from where you are now

(30 Apr '23, 18:20) fred

Cometta I hope you are still monitoring this thread/getting notifications. Your first sentence drew me in with its honesty and raw, real emotion and dynamic. It caught my attention for other reasons; you should know you're not alone, Many have been hindered by horrible family dynamics. Perception and appreciating the good things, people around you, being able to open yourself to seeing that these things are present - that is the key to change.

Just because you're not at that stage where others - who are in very different circumstances - are now, does not mean you cannot start over or indeed, continue - to improvement. System does exploit the vulnerable, prevents them from getting ahead BUT it is NOT final.

Feeling, perception is key. Look at the good things about yourself. Your intent for better is a start to one of the things you have to offer. Offer your kindness, however trivial, to someone one. Personal experience: Connection is something that eluded me and when I eventually did- this helps to build up yourself and seeing life as something that isn't misery.

I'm not seeing a DM here but I hope you see this message and respond. I will write more. Knowing you have support is a great help.


answered 01 Dec '23, 14:13

Observe's gravatar image


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