I totally understand what I have to do and what is important but I keep keep doing everything else but not what I have to!. For example, I know I have to apply for jobs at the moment because my contract expires in two months but i keep missing deadlines for submitting applications. It is so important for me to get a good job but i keep missing chances because I always find something else to occupy my mind with...- thing of break up and feeling sorry for myself, going to gym, reading...and so on. Why do I do this? Why can't I concentrate on what is good for me? I also know I have to meet more often friends and socialize but at the same time I keep finding excuse of not meeting them.... What is wrong with me?
asked 25 Feb '11, 14:00
IQ Robot ♦
Nothing is wrong with you.
We always act in what we perceive are our best interests.
Human beings are constantly being pushed and pulled, back and forth, between feelings of pain and pleasure. When we want something, we want it because we either perceive it will avoid pain for us, or create pleasure for us.
Even apparently "sacrificing" to help other people brings pleasure to the one doing the sacrificing because of the knowledge that they have benefited another. Even apparently going along with someone else's wishes (when you do not really want to) avoids the pain that would come about from not doing so.
All human behavior always comes down to this interplay between pain and pleasure.
So basically the reason you perceive you are doing the opposite of what you think will make you happy is this...
You believe that acting this way will either bring you less pain or more pleasure than not acting this way.
The key word in that last sentence is believe.
To understand what is going on with your psychology here, you will have to try and uncover what belief (or beliefs) you are holding that are making your apparent avoidance behavior the path of least resistance.
Uncovering limiting beliefs is trickier than it sounds.
It's a bit like sitting on a chair in a dark room where you cannot see the walls.
Unless you get out of the chair, stumble around in the dark and eventually hit a wall, you just don't know how big the room you are in really is. So you can think you are free whereas you are really in a prison cell that you haven't bothered to explore yet. There are a lot of free prisioners on Earth just at the moment :)
There are some questions you can contemplate to help you get to the bottom of the beliefs that are driving this behavior... See: What to do if there is one desire for which the doubt doesnt seem to go away?
And my favorite limiting-belief uncovering questions come from Bashar...See My financial abundance is not manifesting - what should I do?
Once you identify the limiting belief(s) then, just in process of identifying them and giving them your conscious scrutiny, they may seem absurd to you. In that case, they will immediately drop away from your reality and you will be free of them...and your behavior will naturally change by itself effortlessly because the pain/pleasure balance has now shifted to make you act differently.
In the case where, even on identification, you still think those beliefs are valid, you may then have to utilize some process to make those beliefs feel absurd to you. I tend to use The Focus Blocks Method for this but feel free to use whatever belief-changing method you prefer.
answered 26 Feb '11, 10:11
This is an area I am an expert at. You are speaking my language. I still get "stuck" sometimes, but I am considerably better than I was. As I am writing this message, I am "supposed" to be sending out resumes and getting a job. But I find other pleasures that stimulate my mind, rather than to do something that I have to sacrifice time for even though I know that the outcome will be better for me in the long run. This is the battle of "Me" vs something that has to be done. I want immediate gratification by doing what "I" want to do FIRST. My priority has shifted to what "I" want do, is my way of controlling my world. It sounds kind of screwy, but it makes sense emotionally. Unfortunately, my life becomes unmanageable and chaos results. Sacrifice, is the magic word. Sometimes we have to sacrifice in areas that will help long term, and not try to claim every second for ourselves. Thank you for reminding me to get my hind quarters in motion and get er done!
answered 25 Feb '11, 15:36
The Knights Alchemy
Im totally guilty of this too.You and Marki sound so similar to me.Your descriptions of how you live sound like my life to a tee.
(25 Feb '11, 15:52) Monty Riviera
Now, your answer leads me to the thought why I am doing this. May be because I feel so bad now (the man i like apparently don`t want to be with me..) so I feel like I deserve to treat myself with little pleasures as reading, working out, shopping and to ignore the unpleasant thing of thinking about and dealing with job applications...which is such an odious thing for me...
(25 Feb '11, 16:24) marki
When what you want excites you more than what you are doing, you will be drawn to your goals by the excitement of having what you want.
Right now you are in a state that as you put it you want to do what you know is good for you to make you happy. I don't know about anyone else but that doesn't sound too exciting or fun to me. What do you like to do on Friday nights, what excites you that you have fun at, what is it you can't wait to get to? Now I want you to think about "can I make money doing what I love?" Maybe make a list of all the ways you can make money at what you love or are very good at.
There was a man, this man dug in the dirt. day after day he dug in the dirt. Not a very fun thing to do day after day, not a very inspiring thing to do day after day digging in the dirt. It didn't even pay anything but he would get up everyday excited to dig inspired to dig! What motivates him to day after day dig in that dirt? Why does he insist on day after day digging in that dirt to the point where he spends most of his time doing this. Every day he gets up happy and looks forward to another day digging in the dirt. Because the digging in the dirt did not excite him, he didn't even notice that was what he was doing every day of his life! Know there was something driving him, something insatiable that made him happy and excited to dig in that dirt. What could have driven him to fall in love with such a dull task? One day years ago while gardening he found some raw diamonds and has been digging happily ever since knowing he will find more someday.
It is the goal that inspired him not the task, when what you want excites you the task to get it seems only a means or step away and so you feel pulled toward what you want with a hunger for it! You do not even see the task to get it as an obstacle, or something you would like to get around to if you had more motivation. The main thing is to see the goal as achievable that you can have this, this is how it can be, see every little progress and let that be your inspiration to march onward, carry on.
The best of both worlds is doing what you love, to get you to the goal you want!
answered 26 Feb '11, 15:22
We do what we know we can do. If there is something that we know we need to do and are not doing it, then there is some reason we believe that we are not able to do it, shouldn't do it, or don't deserve to do it, or the reward from doing it. Think about what it is that you know that you need to do. Picture yourself doing it and take note of the emotions and feelings and thoughts that come up. These are your limiting beliefs. Then do EFT on the emotions and limiting beliefs. Picture the event/s that led you to these limiting beliefs and tap on those memories. You can then picture yourself in that event and tell yourself the truth about the situation, like you deserve to be successful and happy, while tapping. Then picture yourself again doing the thing that you know you need to do and note how you feel about it this time. Do this until you can feel good about doing the thing you know you need to do. Then picture yourself doing it well and being successful, while tapping still.
answered 26 Feb '11, 16:58
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Sorry I'm short on time right now, but I think Ursixx's answer to this question may help - http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/11744/is-determination-the-cure-for-depression-if-so-how-does-one-get-to-that-point