I am having trouble 'letting people be'. They annoy me frequently with some response and I have a hard time trying not to reply in a hasty way.

I question myself, if I take so much trouble when I speak, not to hurt anybody's feelings, and I keep quiet most of times, not to be snappy, why people don't care about what they say?

So I would like to know more on how to practice The Art of Allowing and what do you personally do about it.

I really want to be a devil-may-care sort of person, but can't!

Any help will be highly appreciated!


asked 16 Mar '11, 13:25

BridgetJones09's gravatar image


good to see you again BJ09 :D

(16 Mar '11, 22:31) ursixx

Thanks! I'm glad to be back too! Been busy... :)

(17 Mar '11, 13:02) BridgetJones09
showing 1 of 2 show 1 more comments

If someone asks wouldn't be correct to say "I was just thinking about what you said?".If they seem bothered about the fact that you are not rapidly responding to them.
Most of the time time when an opinionated conversation takes place I often think "do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?"
And when conversations turn to trash talking/gossip about other people I tend not to participate in the negatives and look for the light in the person being discussed.Once you have done this enough the people that do that kind of discussion will know that this does not interest you.(any more?)
remmeber this question? What is the best way not to get influenced by other people’s negativity? and this one Why do you need to be right?

and in the words of timone and pumba "hakuna matata"


answered 16 Mar '11, 22:44

ursixx's gravatar image


nice answer! :)

(17 Mar '11, 13:14) BridgetJones09

Acceptance and removing the veil of duality. Remove the judgement you carry for them and the things they do that annoy you. Maybe try to find compassion through understanding of why they are the way they are. It's not about good, bad, right or wrong. When you judge someone you take on their energy and that is why you become so irritated. Honor & respect who other people are. This does not mean you have to be close to them in a relationship, but when you remove the judgment carried for them the rest will fall away. It will no longer be an issue. Happiness comes from within and not from judgment or being right. And there is no devil. There are negative and positive energies such as anger vs love. And love is the strongest energy there is. So remember when you become irritated by someone, this is your test... will you come from a place of non-judgment and love or a lower vibration of anger and judgment. there is a great book called, "Lifting the veil of duality" by Andreas Moritz. It helped me see a much bigger picture in how to see things and how I attract them into my space. Judgment is what is attracting these energies.

Just so you know... I had to work through this myself. Hope this helps.


answered 17 Mar '11, 05:31

Assister's gravatar image


Great answer Assister! thank you, namaste

(17 Mar '11, 12:53) daniele

Great answer, yes, thank you v much!

(17 Mar '11, 13:22) BridgetJones09

Good clear answer

(17 Mar '11, 18:02) Susan 1
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

It seems to me as though the root of your challenge lies with your belief that you have the power to hurt another's feelings. While it's true that they may not like what you say or your actions, if any, they are the only ones who can hurt their feelings; not you.

While what I'm about to say may seem 'hard core' to some, I believe that starting to practice it was a turning point in many of my relationships and hence in my life. I care about how I feel so much that I absolutely refuse to listen to or participate in other people's pain.

Whenever I sense a situation arising I politely ask the person to change the subject and talk about something else. If they refuse or persist even after agreeing not to I show them my back by turning 180 degrees and walking away...

Each of us can only be of service to ourselves and others when we maintain our vibrational frequency. So what seems hard on the surface is really the best thing one can do under all circumstances.

And ironically, I have so many people wanting to become friends on Facebook that any fear of becoming a social island can be dismissed. Non-participation is the right thing to do :)


answered 18 Mar '11, 06:57

Eddie's gravatar image


Eddie :) I feel there is a reason why those beautiful souls who are in pain chose to turn to us. Comforting them is the least we can do.Our vibrational frequency can only sore by our outpouring of love and compassion...namaste

(18 Mar '11, 09:52) daniele

daniele, you're not wrong :) It's a matter of perspective. Souls do not experience pain, only the personality construct of the physical mind does. Remember that there is no outside. Everything perceived is a reflection of the inner, thus the others are an aspect of us and the reason they’re there is to reveal our self to us. Each of us chooses what to focus on and through the LOA what we pay attention to is reflected back to us. My understanding of being compassionate does not include perpetuating agony and pain. Peace :)

(18 Mar '11, 10:22) Eddie

@Eddie Quote 'It seems to me as though the root of your challenge lies with your belief that you have the power to hurt another's feelings. While it's true that they may not like what you say or your actions, if any, they are the only ones who can hurt their feelings; not you.' True! But I know these ppl so well that I know exactly what I should say if I wanted to be very very hurtful and unfeeling. Sounds evil, but I DON'T do it. And there lies the difference. A very interesting argument we're having here. :) Thanks for participating! :)

(18 Mar '11, 13:02) BridgetJones09

@BJ09 Let's call it a discussion :) You could say hurtful things, but you choose not to. Instead you just observe what they say and observe your own mind? What's the problem? Isn't that allowing?

(18 Mar '11, 23:56) Eddie

@Eddie I suppose I do that, yeah. I 'let people be', ok, but they don't. I try not to get upset but if I speak my mind, they sure find what I am saying is wrong. At first I defend my point of view but in the end I notice I don't need to be right. But why do they? :P

(19 Mar '11, 14:37) BridgetJones09

@BJ09 Ahh, now here is the crucial point: each of us has the ability to choose whether we prefer being happy or being right. Wanting to be right at any cost is action of that part of our mind that's not real to begin with :)

(20 Mar '11, 01:19) Eddie
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

EFT is an excellent tool to remove the negative emotions that are causing you distress. FasterEFT.com is great for the right now stresses. Matrix Reimprinting is great for traumatic events of the past, you can rewrite your past, hence rewrite your future. So for your situation, you could use the Matrix Reimprinting and go back to the first time you remember feeling the way you do when people are behaving in a way that causes you stress. FasterEFT would be good at the time they cause you the stress to relieve it now.


answered 16 Mar '11, 13:44

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

I let people be most of the time,but on occasions have been called apathetic because I don't get drawn into what's going on.I'm not apathetic I just don't think a lot of what is going on is important to me.


answered 16 Mar '11, 17:41

evelyn's gravatar image


That sounds like me as well. It'd got to the point where I can't even pretend to be interested when people start telling me "Oh my God, did you hear what she/he did?!" I just stand there looking vacant like this :|

(16 Mar '11, 18:16) Radius 7.25

I do that too! But people complains about my being unaware :P

(17 Mar '11, 13:11) BridgetJones09

You can volunteer to be a good listener, without participating in the conversation, or you can choose to remove yourself from the environment immediately by saying, I have an urgent matter to attend too, so I cannot talk with you now!


answered 17 Mar '11, 04:41

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

I know what you mean, you see others as a reflection on you. Do not do this, see others as separate they do not need agree with you, they don't need to do things your way, they can be totally different from you and it doesn't matter. It is nothing that affects you, they do not need agree with you, they can completely oppose you even. Everyone is his/her own self, that is not a reflection on you if someone disagrees, that is not an attack on him/her either.

If we see others as separate, others do not need to agree with us, we can in our heads say well they can believe it that way it doesn't affect my belief.


answered 17 Mar '11, 05:26

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

Your answer is very good, only I don't care about winning an argument or people agreeing with me or not. I don't take that as personal, I coudn't care less! I mean what do I do when they are speaking rubbish and ask for my consent. I don't want to hurt their feelings but they are looking for it! (somehow).

(17 Mar '11, 13:20) BridgetJones09

Oh okay Bridget, yes a lot feel they are being attacked if someone disagrees or worse criticizes. I myself have had that as a growing experience and had to use the method I outlined above. Not to be hurt and take things personal. Your problem is different and it seems similar to another of my problems. My dad has to always be right, so whatever he says even if I disagree at first I usually end up saying "okay fine, your right" just because to him he is right. I know there is no convincing otherwise.

(17 Mar '11, 17:18) Wade Casaldi

So I end up agreeing so I don't need to hear it anymore, I don't see it as agreeing with him my belief, as much as I see it as we both agree that he believes he is right. Then I can go back to being happy, and he can feel assured that his world of control is in tact.

(17 Mar '11, 17:21) Wade Casaldi

@Wade I do that with my mum :P

(18 Mar '11, 12:55) BridgetJones09
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments
Click here to create a free account

If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website

Related Questions