I'm 35 yrs old and with someone. I didn't mean to stay this long but life has made things to difficult to leave. He is verbally abusive. Other than that he's ok. Well he gets drunk once in awhile and slaps me. My point is I know I need to get out. My problem is how. He goes thru my things when I sleep so hiding a cash wad is outta the question. I don't have family.

I have one friend who he don't allow me to visit much. I've tried to leave before. With no place to go and no money I always end up having to go back. I'm not allowed fone or a job. We live in a motel room cuz we lost our house. He used to take me everywhere with him, then it just once a week to get my outta the room. Last night he left me saying he was going to the store but didn't come home till 9am. Turns out he partied in the same motel without me with two chics.

I have so much heartache and pain. I have two questions:

  1. how do I deal with his philandering and pretend it don't bother me. It eats me up.
  2. how do I get away? I have no job. And hiding money is so difficult.

I was up to 350 when he found the last stash. I have no transportation. I have a pup I cant part with. I just cant. A shelter won't take me cuz of my pup. I have no vehicle. Help me world. I want to live. I'm an orphan trapped like a prisoner.

I gotta get out soon. If he does me in whether accident or on purpose no one will miss me. If I find a way im going back to OSU to finish my masters in horticultural science. Please any advice????????

asked 27 Aug '12, 00:51

shugerbrichez's gravatar image


edited 27 Aug '12, 02:14

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

please contact me on my email, in tittle say it is u from I.Q. so it gets read, we can work on a way to get u out if it is truly what u want. please let me know, and also the link below, is somthing that might help u too.

(27 Aug '12, 18:11) TReb Bor yit-NE

I'm guessing that because you are asking on a site like IQ, which deals with metaphysical subjects, that you are not just looking for a typical (and obvious) Go-Seek-Professional-Help-And-Advice type answer.

So here's a metaphysically-based perspective.

The basic situation right now is that you cannot see any options to get out of your current situation. You feel like (your words) "an orphan trapped like a prisoner". Basically, you feel like a victim.

As long as you continue to feel that way, like a victim, it's going to be tough to see a way out. You won't be a vibrational match to self-empowering solutions - they just won't be visible to you even if they are right in front of you. Feeling like a victim just attracts more victimization.

So your main priority has to be to put yourself in a (vibrational) place where you can allow other options to become visible to you...and then you can decide for yourself what to do.

How do you make this vibrational shift?


Get Angry

Get angry about anything and everything in your life right now that you feel is out of control. Getting angry doesn't mean you have to act upon the anger but it does mean that you have to feel the anger within you long enough that those "other options" I spoke about above start becoming visible to you.

Anger will bring your power back to you. Anger is a natural process for regaining our inner power when we feel that external circumstances (such as other people) have taken our power away.

After your anger has brought your power back to you, you'll naturally rise up the vibrational scale, discover your own solutions to your situation, and then you can naturally let go of the anger as you feel better about your life.

But without passing through anger of some kind, you will continue to be trapped in your feeling of victimization.

For more information and explanation about this idea, see Why are people mean to each other?


answered 27 Aug '12, 04:28

Stingray's gravatar image



Stingray - I'm glad that you answered this, I think this requires your level of wisdom. I am just angry and hurting up inside to know that somebody is being treated this way, what a horrible thing for one human to do to another. Shugerbrichez, you will find your way out honey - the power is in your hands.. Sending my love and best wishes for you, I hope you stay on InwardQuest so we can see your progress and continue sending prayers to you.

(27 Aug '12, 07:49) MoonWillow

@Stingray- Great advise Dr Stingray! Likewise, I find the people in my life who are alot more, shall we say, "loud and energetic", are quite often coming back and forth with things in their lives which 'pisses them off.' On the other side, overall, they are very upbeat and able to empower others with their own presence easily, and of course are very happy overall.

People who are angry cannot be depressed for very long.

(27 Aug '12, 08:50) Nikulas

@Stingray is right, and you will see more clearly, and gather strength and ideas if you do as he suggests. I will give you my personal opinions and advice, because you asked. I have lived what you are living and more, and now my life is nothing like it once was, so I hope you can hear me.

My personal advice is, just go. It's not so bad? Verbally and physically abusive, drinking and cheating? Bullshit. It is not ok. You are a human being, you have intrinsic value, and are worthy of a good life. Respect yourself. You do not deserve abuse, no matter what, and you most certainly do not have to live this way.

So maybe it isn't so easy to love and respect yourself? There is nothing on earth that you can do that will take away from your priceless value as a human being. Nothing. Love and respect yourself first, and then you will find that your thoughts, words, and actions will follow. All you have is right now, so start there.

Right now, you are a woman of intelligence and resoucefulness. Right now, you are strong and resillient. You are worthy, valuable; a unique creation. Right now, anybody who thinks anything different just doesn't know who you really are. Their limited understanding does not create truth about you; you do. Right now, you are free and whole, independent; beholden to none. And if in the next moment all of that fades or slips away, have another right now, pick it all up, and do it again, right now! Keep doing it, it will stay with you eventually.

And let us know how you get on. You now have untold numbers of people sending you their love and strength, their prayers and good wishes. Take them all in, and go.


answered 27 Aug '12, 15:49

Grace's gravatar image


1) You must not tolerate his ways. Hence agree with the above post where you have to stop pretending that it doesn't bother you. Anger will help you seek out the possible paths you can take. 2) You need to be independent and be empowered. That means find a job. You sound like you are educated. Please walk away from him.


answered 27 Aug '12, 06:15

mskityin's gravatar image


@mskityin, we noticed you seem to be giving your karma points away to the extent that you have few left. With few karma points, the Inward Quest software will not "trust" you and will restrict your participation in the site. Please refer to the Inward Quest FAQ for information on using voting instead of awarding points. Voting still allows you to reward existing users but does not cost you any karma points. FAQ: http://www.inwardquest.com/faq#voting

(27 Aug '12, 06:19) Barry Allen ♦♦

@Barry Allen I was very grateful for that particular post because I was struggling with the Golden Light Visualization. I didn't realised that I was left with so little Karma Points. I will use sparingly. Thank you for your reminder :)

(27 Aug '12, 06:32) mskityin

I was in an abusive relationship for six years. He was every kind of abusive. I won't go in to details or why I couldn't get away sooner. I hadn't heard of the Law of Attraction, and didn't have much of a religious background.

To answer your question, we create our reality with our beliefs. Therefore, you have beliefs that attracted an abusive mate. There are also beliefs that are keeping you stuck in the relationship. There are also beliefs that you can install that will create the reality you want.

So what is it that you want, and what beliefs must you have to experience that reality? Some examples might be, "I am a strong, independant woman," or "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," or "I am loved and cared for," or "Success comes easily to me." Make sure they are possitive and in the present tense. They probably don't feel very good to say, because you don't believe them. Some may even feel like nails on a chalk board. So to install that new beleif, you need to remove the resistance, or the negative emotions associated with it, or neutralize it. Use Two Hands Touching with your affirmationto neutralize the emotional charge.

For example, press your hands together and close your eyes. Ask yourself quietly in your mind, "What do my hands feel like?" Without naming the feelings, feel the answer in your hands. Don't try to think or not think, just feel your hands. Once you feel good in your heart, say your affirmation, "I am a strong and independant woman." Then feel your hands again asking the question again if you need to to focus on your hands. The question being, "What do my hands feel lik?" Once you feel good in your heart, say your next affirmation, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Then feel your hands again, etc... with several affirmations. Repeat this exercise daily. You can do it as often as you want with whatever affirmation or by it's self throughout the day as well.

Don't go digging in the past for where you got the beliefs or anything you don't want more of. Looking at that will bring more of that and keep you looking for more. Look for what you do want. And practice appreciating what you do have. You can read my answer here for more tips on being happy now.


answered 28 Aug '12, 10:48

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

Please dear. I understand where u are coming from. Me and my wife where both addicts of drugs and found our way out. Coming out of this addiction we both grew. And sometimes they were different paths. I can never tell you what is best for you. Only you know this. But i want to to PLEASE.... Please listen to this recording i made. I feel it will help u find what u need within yourself to make this decision. I hope u all the best and I will send u my love and prayer.

My personal view, he is imbalanced and doesn't love himself. This does NOT excuse him, nor does it mean u have to take it any longer. Don't get angry, it will only add more imbalance in urself. Love him, forgive him, understand it is not what u want, move on, and love him from a distance. There is somthing in him that is good, But u need not wait around till he is ready to come back into touch with that. It is not good for you. As hard as it is to accept now, this all is happening for a reason. Maybe when u find that strength in urself, u can help others who do not. Idk what the lesson is here, but if u can not see this as bad, only an experience, u will get back all the power and self worth u deserve. PLEASE listen to the link below.

Love n light




answered 27 Aug '12, 18:02

TReb%20Bor%20yit-NE's gravatar image

TReb Bor yit-NE

edited 27 Aug '12, 18:07

I was stuck in a relationship too and didnt know how to leave it. I had many excuses for not leaving, my children needed both parents, it seemed easier to stay, I thought it was better to stay with someone I knew rather than find someone or some situation I didnt know...I was afraid to leave the 'known' and step out into the 'unknown'! Life became intolerable to me and I yearned to be 'free', I deliberately caused arguments and changed myself so that I became a person he no longer knew. I changed my habits, took on totally different interests, I weaned myself off him by becoming uninterested in anything he did. I decided to become selfish and no longer shared anything with him, like conversation, thoughts, opinions etc. You cannot change another person but you CAN change yourself! When you make changes to who you are your situation starts to change. Start thinking of him as a stranger, not someone you have feelings for and you will stop being affected by what he does. Your situation will inevitably change because YOU are changing!


answered 27 Aug '12, 19:32

truthseekr's gravatar image


alt text



Every hotel room has a phone book; lacking that, you can call the police and ask for protection, especially after he has hit you.

I understand your affection for your dog, but I promise you, someday, that man will kick or hurt that dog to hurt you.

A man who hits is a man who will someday hit harder.

Obviously, you are no dummy, and have access to a computer. Research "domestic violence". Call a hotline, and get some support...The women there will have an answer for your dog; they will understand.

Please get out! We care!

Good luck- email me at my address in my biography. I have been there.




answered 27 Aug '12, 21:17

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 27 Aug '12, 21:21

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