This question is marked "community wiki".

Initially, I was very frightened by CanlonLan's post. Were you?

It seems that we all learned some valuable lessons from his post, especially how much we care about each other!

Another point is evident: we are a very forgiving community.

What did you bring away from these past days after his post? I am hoping that we can see the good both in the experience and in our community, and move towards making this a learning and healing experience.

In Peace,


alt text

asked 08 Sep '12, 11:07

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 09 Sep '12, 01:25


I learned that when you say "My final say on the subject...Jai" ( ) that you don't actually mean it :) Surely it's time to let this incident go now? It seems pretty clear that he's now left the site (possibly for good) so why not just move on?

(08 Sep '12, 11:20) Stingray

@Stingray - You just brought back the memory of a dream. When I read your comment I thought well yes he's gone, he said so on the website that he linkd in his profile...there is none. I dreamed last night that the link took me to a full screen landscape photo, and a little quote from @CalonLan saying he would not be coming back to us. It made me a little sad but happy for him as well because I got the feeling he was feeling fantastic about everything. :) Just thought I'd share. That was cool.

(08 Sep '12, 11:58) Grace

@ all, i will ask him, i now have him on skype and will talk to him.

(08 Sep '12, 22:52) TReb Bor yit-NE

Thanks Rob! Let him know all the good that has come of this. Sometimes God has to shake things up to wake things up. :-)

(09 Sep '12, 00:43) Wade Casaldi

It sort of sounds cruel, but I learned absolutely nothing. Personally, I feel he wasn't in the best sort of emotional range; I can defiantly distinguish between something posted out of darkness, and something posted out of pure questioning, and something posted out of empowerment.

And, yeah, I wasn't in sync with the whole 'death of ego' thing.

(09 Sep '12, 04:20) Nikulas

@Nikulas I agree Nikulas - I don't think he was being the CalonLan that I had interacted with on many occasions. I hope he is OKay.

(09 Sep '12, 05:28) Catherine

@Catherine- Calon was a mystery to me. When he first joined, many of his posts were almost God like, they vibrated and filled me up with such glory and 'knowingness,' it was like there was a real deal, spiritual, motivational speaker working on a site out of charity. But as the months went past, perhaps something intense happened in his life (I really shouldn't judge, but I cannot help but guess), and he seemed to enter a more spooky, darker, less confident realm...

(09 Sep '12, 05:47) Nikulas

@Catherine...The point I'd like to clearly make, is that, if he truely was better than ever before, we'd all be able to easily feel it. Whilst yes, he was partially correct saying our perceptions and beliefs mould the world we are in, I don't think it really matters how he worded it....It matters in what (general, overall) vibration he posted it in.

There are many concepts certain users discuss that I have no inherent knowledge about. However, because they are in good dominant frequencies...

(09 Sep '12, 05:50) Nikulas

@Catherine...I am able to absorb it very easily because I can feel the good vibe about it. In this case, I was picking up some upsetting things, so even if he had worded it in a way that was literally "death of my ego", I would have at least been able to sense what the intention was in posting it and what the overall vibe is.

My final statement- He will get better, and if he ever comes back, he will be a glowing, invincible, unbreakable character that will be able to boost anyone's day.

(09 Sep '12, 05:54) Nikulas

And as my fav movie character Forrest Gump says, "And that's all I have to say about that." <3

(09 Sep '12, 05:54) Nikulas

@Nikulas - wow you truly are wise beyod your years. I agree, the death of the ego bit was crap. I do think he laid a careful trap for us, and I fell right in and learned a lot. Still, as @Stingray said, I do wonder where you would have to be within yourself to make such a thing ok. I agree also with our @Catherine, and my hand is still extended, I'm still not certain he's ok.

(09 Sep '12, 15:36) Grace

I think he is ok. When I think of Calon I see a person who wants to move people in big ways. He isn't satisfied with just making you ponder an idea... he wants to move people greatly. There was a question somewhere around here where he stated he wanted to be a hero- but he wanted to do something really heroic- something big. If he did leave for good, he wanted to do it with a bang... which he did. That's my opinion on all of it...

(09 Sep '12, 15:50) LapisLazuli

@LapisLazuli, good point. I will go with he is fine, succeeding in making a big bang, and hold that thought of him. :) Thanks!

(09 Sep '12, 19:05) Grace

I learned that I can trust my intuition more than I realized.
Along with others here, I too felt that it was a symbolic death and not an actual threat to end his life.
Although I intuitively got that impression right away, I didn’t want to be wrong about it by posting my feelings (just in case).
I am really glad that most panicked, because when you are dealing with life & death, you don't want to dismiss a call for help and regret later.

(10 Sep '12, 10:29) The Traveller
showing 1 of 15 show 14 more comments

I learned that i am able to reach out to people with no hesitation, which i already knew but needed reminding lol. I also learned how assuming ones words and actions can be devastating to the relationship. The fear we all have of loss can effect us very badly as well.

love n light



answered 08 Sep '12, 15:55

TReb%20Bor%20yit-NE's gravatar image

TReb Bor yit-NE


@Rob You were great last week - just one question - what do you mean by "I am learning how assuming ones words and actions can be devastating to the relationship"?

(08 Sep '12, 16:16) Catherine

@catherine I meant that when I only assume i know what he meant. and i act instinctively, If i miss read what is meant or what is the energy instead of the intent, then i can have a bad effect on their perception of me, or mine with theirs for one min. And even if all is forgiven, u will always remember that and it can be a bad feeling, when u associate that time it is one of pain, or fear instead of love, and that hurts all relationships.

(08 Sep '12, 22:50) TReb Bor yit-NE

I learned that a very worthwhile person can have an episode that puts him in a different world for a while. We are not our episodes. We are much more than that.


answered 09 Sep '12, 20:37

Dollar%20Bill's gravatar image

Dollar Bill


@Dollar Bill - Good point. I sure hope I'm not held to account for any and every episode in my life.

(09 Sep '12, 22:49) Grace

@Dollar Bill Absolutely agree.

(10 Sep '12, 02:12) Catherine

Seek the essence.

(10 Sep '12, 07:21) Dollar Bill
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Years ago I heard a "Thought for the Day" broadcast on the radio and it affected me deeply.

At the time there were many reports in the press of gangs of beggars (pan handlers on your side of the pond) "working" the London underground and pretending to be disabled, destitute, hungry and making a tidy living out of it.

Many Londoners had become hardened to this begging and the advice, I think, was not to encourage it by giving money. I had gone along with this and pretended to be reading my magazine or whatever when they appeared.

The "thought" on this programme was that it was better to give to a thousand bogus beggars than to turn your back on the one person in genuine need.

It stayed with me and if anyone appears to be dire circumstances and comes asking for my help, I try to give it because sometimes, from the safety of the shoreline, it is difficult to tell if someone is waving or drowning.

I don't think any of us can say with 100% certainty whether Calonlan was waving or drowning - only CalonLan.

If he was waving - maybe it was something that got out of hand, he didn't get the reaction he thought he was going to get, he was bored etc etc. Maybe he intended to do me a service by "waking me up". You got me CalonLan but that's OKay. I know I misjudge situations all the time or sometimes things don't pan out the way I intended.

If he was/is drowning - my hand is still held out for you.

All I know is that if I read a similar question as soon as right now, I would try to offer words of hope and comfort ... and I love the way others on this forum reached out to Calonlan when they thought he needed it.

If I had one regret it would be that in the moment that I thought he was asking for help - my British reserve got the better of me - remaining in my head rather than moving to my heart and I noted some others were much more able than I to reach out without reserve. I was genuinely touched by the way many reached out to him.

Next time I intend to reach out without reservation. So CalonLan you've done me a service - you've woken me up but not to a life without attachments but one where people operate more from their heart and less from their head.


answered 08 Sep '12, 14:14

Catherine's gravatar image


edited 09 Sep '12, 05:30


@Catherine, I think you are just beautiful, exactly as you are. British reserve or not, you were there, you felt the compassion, extended the love, were touched by the outpourings, and you still are - you are not sounding the least bit bitter. And you allowed yourself to learn and allowed that to change you. Sorry to call you out on this, not wanting to embarrass you too much, but in my eyes, all of that makes you wonderful, and I just love you to bits. :)

(08 Sep '12, 19:41) Grace

Yes grace said it best. we love u n u r great

(08 Sep '12, 22:53) TReb Bor yit-NE

@Grace @TReb Bor yit-NE Wow - thank you guys.

(09 Sep '12, 03:03) Catherine

@Catherine "The "thought" on this programme was that it was better to give to a thousand bogus beggars than to turn your back on the one person in genuine need." This is beautiful and doing God's work on Earth... Bless you Catherine. † ☺

(09 Sep '12, 16:00) Wade Casaldi
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

I hope he hasn't left the site as Stingray says. We all gained I believe from this in our own ways. Trials and test build us and make us better people as we learn from them. We all make mistakes and learn in our own ways from those. I sincerely hope he has learned from this as I have. Forgiveness is most important for all, it frees us and leads us to learning from the trial.

One thing is we need to be quicker to pray for those that hurt us and forgive sooner as well. When we feel hurt by someone and pray for them we are released from that pain. Once I reached that point of praying for and forgiving I even congratulated him on being born again, I guess a born again Buddhist maybe? Anyway it does take a lot to say death to my old self so I can raise up born anew as a new being. Not just say it but live it from that moment onwards. so his courage in taking that step is congratulated as well.

I think compassion and not letting trials harden our hearts to others is important as well that we never let that "Cry Wolf" syndrome stop us even if we are tricked a thousand times. That thousand and one time may be the time someone really needs the compassion and help.

Never stop forgiving and throw all grudges to the foot of the cross, love and peace are the constant.

Edit added more 9-8-12

I have turned this over to God to reveal the lessons he had in this for me to learn, here is what came to me.

We unknowingly help many many people every day on here without so much as a Thank You. They search the web, find here, get their answers and leave. Now there is a difference between appreciation and an outward display of appreciation. The words Thank You are outward displays of appreciation.

Just because the outward display of appreciation is missing does not diminish the value of the information nor the poster. We need to think am I doing this because I care or because I want to hear the words "Thank You?"

As we grow up we are taught to always say thank you and feel good when we are thanked, so this becomes an expectancy that when we do something we will be thanked. To be thanked is an acknowledgement, appreciation and honor. But we must ask what part of me wants to be honored, respected, acknowledged and appreciated? Is this the divine in me or something much lower or worldly part of ourselves?

It is not God's work if we get upset over lack of gratitude, this is not the reason why we help. We help because of friendship, we care, we are compassionate. We want to do God's work in the world because we love God and everyone on earth.

We need to understand if our post is not appreciated by the one we are responding to that it does not diminish it and many others may find it helpful. It is not God through us if we need to be appreciated but ego in us if we need to be appreciated.

Lastly if it wasn't for the original question these teachings would have had to find another vehicle to teach us through. So for that CalonLan deserves our thanks for letting God use him to stir us to learning where we needed to grow.

If someone aggravates you, ask God, "What do I need to learn here?"

A man builds a center and makes his town happy and prosperous because he builds it. There is a plaque on the outside of the building with his name on it. Over the years his name wears off but the building stands. We must never lose sight of what is important the building or the plaque. If it is the plaque then he didn't need to build the building. He could have just had a plaque with his name nailed to some tree for everyone to say, "Who is that and why does he have a plaque?" Had he built that building even without a plaque of appreciation, his building would still have been appreciated for many decades.

Forget the thanks, do what is right anyway. :-)


answered 08 Sep '12, 12:18

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 09 Sep '12, 16:22


well said my dear friend.

(08 Sep '12, 22:51) TReb Bor yit-NE

OK, just typed up my answer and then wrote this over it. Got it off my chest without having to air it.

THT I am connected in love with everybody associated with InwardQuest. Let the Divine idea come out of this connection. THT I am connected in love with @CalonLan. THT Salute the Divinity in @CalonLan and send him love. THT


answered 10 Sep '12, 11:33

Fairy%20Princess's gravatar image

Fairy Princess

edited 10 Sep '12, 11:52

Click here to create a free account

If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website

Related Questions