Hey All, Cool site.

I'm having alittle trouble with two questions members from my youth congregation's asked me. Both are related to prayer and God's will. Both have asked me for my opinions on their situation, and are hoping for some useful advice...Please Help!!

Firstly, Ben is a 21 year old lad and was in a relationship with a girl for 4 years i believe. They broke up about 6 months ago, apparently she lost her faith and has since moved to the US. Ben misses her constantly and has asked me if He can pray that God would bring them together again and ultimatly join them in marriage. My initial thought is that There are issues of her free will here, and that Ben would be asking God to make her take him back/love him. Therefore im considering telling him to ask God that he would cross their paths again and empower them both to make their minds up! As you can prob sense i'm relatively stumped by this particully as his relationship with her was incredibly advanced and it is generally accepted that they genuinly adored each other. It is worth noting that Ben is an extremly dedicated Christian and will no doubt someday be a worthy husband. Im very confident in Ben's intentions and am certain he's genuinly worried for her. Any insight gratefully recieved! I'm hoping to give him a bit of insight about how to pray for the situation.

Secondly, much easier one, Tariq is 19 and is flirting his butt off with a girl at his school, I actually know her well personally and know that she's an atheist and relatively promiscous, I think Tariq would be a great influence on her however. She seems to be enjoying his attention and fluttering her eye lids alot! He asks me if he is able to ask God for a relationship with her. He intends to both dedicate anything with her to God but also hopes that the Spirit will orchestrate this relationship for them. Can the Spirit act like that and 'make' her attracted to him?! i think they will probably enter a relationship anyway, but dont want to miss an opportunity to teach him about God and prayer.

Can we pray for love with/from specific people?

Should we rather pray that God give us time with our potential partners, and ask that we are able to gain a good judgement of their character?

How should we go about this?

Any quotes from Scripture would send these lads over the moon!

Thanks for your help!

Youth Leader Mike (22),
London, UK.

asked 29 Aug '10, 10:04

Mike%201's gravatar image

Mike 1

edited 29 Aug '10, 10:38

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


Couldnt have asked for more, Perfect Responses people! Thanks v. Much for your help! I'm also quoting to them both the fact our desires need to be in line with God's desires, but your absolutly right in saying what you've said, Thanks!

God Bless Guys! Mike.

(01 Sep '10, 11:21) Mike 2
showing 0 of 1 show 1 more comments

Hello, Mike…

(1) Concerning Relationships in the invisible Body of Christ

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.” [II Corinthians 6:14-18]

(2) Concerning Widows or Widowers in the invisible Body of Christ

“The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” [I Corinthians 7:39]

(3) Concerning Israel in relation to the heathen nations

“Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.” [Deuteronomy 7:3,4]

(4) An Example: King Solomon

“But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites; Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. And Solomon did evil in the sight of the LORD, and went not fully after the LORD, as did David his father.” [I Kings 11:1-6]

In light of these Biblical verses, the Bible teaches the following:

a. A man must be BORN-AGAIN through the blood atonement of Jesus Christ for SIN in order to receive the Spirit of Christ from GOD, become a permanent member of the invisible Body of Christ, and have eternal fellowship with GOD.

b. In order to avoid spiritual confusion, contention, and judgment in their lives, all BORN-AGAIN Believers are strongly urged to marry from within the invisible Body of Christ. In other words, BORN-AGAIN Believers should marry other BORN-AGAIN Believers. Since a BORN-AGAIN husband and BORN-AGAIN wife have the same spiritual foundation, they will be able to function in one accord when dealing with the issues of life. Pertaining to marriage, this is the will of GOD for the members of the invisible Body of Christ.

c. Prayers which contradict or contend with a clear commandment or will of GOD are VAIN prayers. If Ben and Tariq are BORN-AGAIN Christians, then they should be asking GOD to bring them BORN-AGAIN Christian women. A “relatively promiscuous atheist” and a girl who has “lost her faith” are not examples of BORN-AGAIN Christian women. Women who belong to GOD submit to GOD’s Words and do not “lose” their faith. If someone declares to have “lost” their faith, then they were never truly BORN-AGAIN. Being BORN-AGAIN gives a person the Spirit of Christ permanently, and they are SEALED unto the day of redemption [Ephesians 4:30; 1:13][II Corinthians 1:21,22].

d. Sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with others should be for the sole purpose of saving LOST souls and discipleship. It is NOT wise to become romantically involved with someone during this sharing process. A person’s FEELINGS will always cloud and pervert sound spiritual judgment [John 7:24]. In contrast, a person’s OBEDIENCE to GOD’s Words will always guarantee sound spiritual judgment and blessings [Proverbs 3:5-8].

Although Ben and Tariq may have feelings for these two women, it is also fairly clear that these two women are not BORN-AGAIN. Thus, any contact with them should focus on the state of their LOST souls and NOT on the possibility of a romantic relationship. If Ben and Tariq are BORN-AGAIN, then their first love and dedication should be to the person who bled for them: JESUS CHRIST. Running after lost women of the world will only bring the potential of King Solomon’s downfall into their own lives. Until these women prove and confirm their spiritual conversion, Ben and Tariq should consider extending their hand only in FRIENDSHIP. By doing this, they will preserve their own personal relationship with GOD and not have their prayers hindered because of CARNAL disobedience [Romans 8:5-9].

For more information on “prayer”, feel free to read my answer in another thread: “Isn’t praying for something defying the will of God?”

Thanks for reading.

Concerned Citizen


answered 01 Sep '10, 16:24

Concerned%20Citizen's gravatar image

Concerned Citizen

I think you're absolutly right, that couldnt be a more biblical message! These lads will be glad for the bible verses and your times much apprecited, I feel they will (initially) have difficulty accepting this as a few well known members of our congregation married Atheist's who have since become Christians over the years, Any thoughts on how i could deal with that respectfully?! Obviouly we can't pick and choose parts from God's will!

(03 Sep '10, 08:10) Mike 1

MIKE: A saved man's level of OBEDIENCE to GOD's Words is a PERSONAL matter. He will always have his FLESH with which to contend. But, more obedience will bring more blessings. Some of my friends' relationships ended in ruin because of different spiritual beliefs. All you can do as Youth Leader is stay true to GOD's Words and PREACH THEM without being a respecter of persons. If you stand firm with your preaching, the youth may be convicted by the Holy Ghost. In Paul's day, he would have thrown everybody out in order to preserve the sanctity of the Lord's Supper. How weak is the Body today?

(03 Sep '10, 16:02) Concerned Citizen

Yes, you can pray for (manifest) relationships with specific people and have them come about.

But there has to be an element of co-operation (even at an unconscious level) from the other party. Have a look at: Is it possible to manifest a change in others' behaviour?

But there is something further to consider with this.

Who is it that they really want a relationship with? Indeed, who is it that anyone really wants a relationship with?

If you give it some thought, don't you think that what any relationship does is act as a bridge to yourself (or, your self)?

Isn't what you love in others really a part of yourself that you see in them?

And isn't what you hate in others really just aspects of yourself that you dislike, even hate?

Isn't the relationship that everyone is seeking, the relationship with Self? Or, if you prefer the religious terminology, the relationship with God?

So often people enter romantic relationships because they feel there is something within themselves that is missing and they want that relationship to fill the gap.

It might work for a while but, sooner or later, that missing thing is going to manifest its absence in other ways and that relationship is just not going to seem enough any more to fill that spiritual gap.

So you can end up with a procession of partners, none of whom ever eventually provide that missing element (because no other person can ever ultimately provide it), or you can just eventually get sick of the whole relationship business and decide to be alone (and still unhappy).

The key is to find and solidify that relationship with Self before entering any relationship.

And then the relationship that subsequently manifests (if you find you still want one) will be one that complements the whole of You.

From there, you won't expect the other person to be anything other than who they really are, while you remain as you really are. And now you have a synergistic relationship of two strong independent people who choose to be together, rather than need to be together. And you then have a relationship that is genuinely joyous and special because it is built upon firm foundations.


answered 30 Aug '10, 12:16

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 30 Aug '10, 12:24

@Stingray: Great answer. The being in armony with self and God is very important for a health relationship. If they are just looking for a sexual relationship (sounds like that with Tariq) then the story may be different.

(01 Sep '10, 16:33) Back2Basics

Thanks, Back2Basics

(01 Sep '10, 20:14) Stingray

Stingray, how you do solidify a relationship with self? I do my best to be loving and kind to myself and others. I focus on keeping my dominant vibration positive, any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

(03 Sep '10, 13:54) Nikki777

@Nikki777 - it's all about unconditional love. But I don't mean that in the romantic, giving way that many people interpret it. I mean you have to care so much that you should feel good, that you remaining feeling good regardless of what is happening around you. You even put feeling good before being right...if you can master just that last one, your life will transform. http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/6460/why-do-you-need-to-be-right

(03 Sep '10, 17:12) Stingray
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

Hi Mike,

Here's something to consider,

Your power is in the present moment, and in the present moment Ben and Tariq do having loving relationships with their girls of interest. Appreciate the relationship in the present moment and the relationship will grow. If Ben and Tariq are Loving the girls with their hearts in the present moment, that is the prayer and that is God, all wrapped in One. If there is anything that can bring and keep two people together it's heart felt Love. If it's true Love, the relationships will thrive.



answered 29 Aug '10, 11:24

Brian's gravatar image


@Brian: I like that......

(01 Sep '10, 16:34) Back2Basics

The Bible teaches if two or three are gathered together in my name: whatever you ask for in prayer will be granted unto you. We live by faith; if you have faith as a grain of mustard . . . The ways of God is very mysterious, but if you have faith, and believe that your payers are being answered, then by faith your prayers are answered.

There is no harm in praying to God for your friends, if you believe and trust in him. If you pray to God, and you do not get what you are asking for, know then, God has decided that is not right for you, know then, it will perhaps cause you more harm than good. God will only give you what is good and right for you. Amen!

Feel free to pray to God for your friends with love in your heart, and have faith that God will answer your prayers to guide them into the right path into their relationships, anointing them with his grace of peace, love, and happiness! The Bible teaches: What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Amen! Your friends will indeed find the path that is right for them. Hope this was helpful!


answered 30 Aug '10, 01:59

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

Hi Mike,Yes it is good to pray for them and maintain positive thoughts towards them but they are creating their own reality and they are experiencing the physical manifestation of their creation. For their experiences to change the adjustment has to come from inside of them.

Try talking to them about their feelings and help them to identify what it is they really want and why it is that they are not able to attract that into their lives.


answered 31 Aug '10, 17:40

Drham's gravatar image


Being that God gave us free will, makes me believe that , yes you can pray to have or strengthen a relationship with someone, for instance I pray that my father and I can fix our relationship and that we obtain a better relationship with each other, You can pray for relationships , if for the right reasons (pertaining to Gods will), and since both gentlemen are walking with God ,as you say , ask them to pray about it, because you and I can both give advice, but only Gods knows what he wants them to do and who he wants them to marry.


answered 01 Sep '10, 04:03

AAQfox's gravatar image


Having tried very hard to rekindle more than one relationship i decided ( having failed miserably ) to use BOTH Gods power AND his supreme intelligence.I affirmed my perfect mate and attached no personal preferences.I think we can and must use our own inteligence and wants in asking God.Of course we play a part BUT lets remember that God knows everything about you and any prospective partner and indeed any other relationship.What better match maker than Him? Im happy to let go of the odd want and ambition if a higher mind than mind sends me something better. Graham


answered 02 Sep '10, 07:49

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

Hi..I read this article and the comments and agree with them all.. Only in my situation Ken is a Christian and lives a prayerful life and mentions God often to me..even when I have been burdened by something Ken encourages me in my faith and even shares stuff with me sometimes. I was a Christian and even passionate about it ect... But I grew up in an alcoholic home and it has affected my way of seeing situations and I was taught growing up to live by my emotions and react by them ect....it came out in the relationship with Ken at times ( not all the time) But it really hurt the relationship not to mention living by emotions is like a roller coaster ride...it feels horrible and is an obstacle to anything in life. Ken and I REALLY loved each other and as Ken put it ...for him it was not only attraction but it was a spiritual connection between him and I and he really loved me alot.But the way I was reacting to things was so negative and hurt him that he had to leave ect. He even still had feelings for me only I hadn't realized yet that it was my own thoughts, words and behavior the pushed him away. Not only this but since I didn't fully understand what I was doing to myself or Ken I felt maybe God didn't love me and this was why my life was a mess and my relationship with Ken was going through this... then I began to feel God abandoned me as a child in an alcoholic, abusive home and this was why I was like I was. I was angry with God because I just didn't understand the whole picture ! So for awhile I walked away from God..I knew he was there...but felt so unloved and unwanted by Him as if he didn't care about me ! The relationship with Ken was on the mend and Ken was slowly trying to make it work with me. He waited for me and stayed faithful to me for 2 years we were apart ( we still talked often the whole time).. he was thinking only of me and hoping we would work out someday so he held on. But just when things were going well I messed up again saying the wrong thing in the wrong way to Ken ..he pulled away ... it was then I realized God was not giving up on me...God was getting my attention because he loved me ! Even if he had to use Ken pulling way to do this ! it has been 1 month ken has pulled away from me....but still he forgave me and told me we can still talk to each other. But right now he doesn't talk very much to me as I think he is still uneasy and doubtful with me. I have turned back to God because I know my problem with my behavior and thoughts were spiritual problems and I could not get right without God in my life ! Even now with Ken being pulled away and my feelings of hurt and missing him I will not turn away from God this time or anytime ! I am here to stay even when it feels so painful. Who else can I turn to but God ! So I ask that God change me inside and make me whole and heal me from my past hurts in life, childhood ect..I ask God to heal Ken from any hurts I caused or from his past.....and that God can reach deep into Ken's heart where that love for me was and is buried now..and draw Ken back to me and help him to love me again. To heal the relationship and tear down walls between us ! Ken and I wanted to get married 3 years ago and give our vows before God and become one flesh..( Ken's own words to me). Ken talked about how much he would care for me an cherish me and thank God for me in his life in prayers ! is it wrong for me to ask Jesus to heal this relationship and work on our hearts and minds to help us love each other again...for Jesus to intervene ? I still love Ken unconditionally. Will always love only Ken this way ! If it wasn't for me messing up Ken and I would be married and happy together...I ask Jesus to work in Ken and I and help..to heal and reconcile us and help us to come together and make it work by changing us inside...I am willing to do the work of letting God change me ect...Ken has always lived spiritually and thanking God in prayer..Ken doesn't seem to ask God for anything for himself but just gives thanks and ask for guidance ect..and yes Ken has prayed for me....Jesus please grant me another chance to make things wonderful with Ken and to be a brand new woman who lives by the spirit and not controlled by emotions. Ken used to tell me that when things go wrong in my life I act as if the world has crashed around me......and Ken was right..I only just realized recently..God has shown it to me clearly that this was true of me ! Lord Jesus change me and give me another chance with Ken.... intervene in his heart and mind..I am not asking to go against his will...but just to talk to him about giving me another chance....and giving me opportunities to show Ken I am changing for the better and for more open, loving conversations between us. With Jesus' help and intervention and letting things happen naturally over time....I am going to be the persistent widow and not give up asking Jesus..day and night !


answered 23 Nov '12, 14:21

Down2earth23's gravatar image


what things SOEVER u ask in pray believe u have receive them and u will have them; also, while u stand praying forgive anyone who has offended you. This tells me answered prayer can be delayed by our relationships with people. While you are praying and waiting maintain good relationships all around. I myself am trying to be in a relationship with a girl who likes me but not as strong as i like her. am thinking she has some doubts about me in her mind. She knows for a fact i care about her. But there must some other stuff she is wary about. Either way i don't have her. It's also a long distance relationship. I BELIEVE still. It is TOO strong to ignore. I care and love deeply for this girl. I am willing to endure to apprehend her. Anybody, please help me pray and believe with me that by 2013's end we will be in a loving, committed christ centred relationship in Jesus name Amren!!


answered 03 Feb '13, 14:06

conquer's gravatar image


It's actually a question. God says "ask and it shall be given unto you". Referring to your above statement, is God's word a lie? If the other party is a non-Christian why should it matter? At the end of the day the other person is still God's child. God created him/ her. These statements contradict the scripture. I believe one should have the faith in God. You ask him and he should guide you, make things happen for u. I don't think my understanding is wrong. You ask us to pray for the things that are certain an leave the other things to God' will which are uncertain. Why is that?


answered 12 Jan '18, 03:00

Deep's gravatar image


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