I need some advice on how to pray for love and healing. My story is as follows:

Back in 2010 I met a wonderful girl in college. She was the first girl I was ever interested in and I asked her out. She said yes and we started dating. We grew close really quickly and due to a strong connection and compatibility we fell in love within 2 months. From that point our love continued to grow. At the time I was facing a lot of struggles emotionally and financially. She stood by me and held my hand through what had been the toughest time in my life. I was also there for her during her difficult times. We were able to overcome all our troubles and our love grew stronger.

At the end of 2010 I had to leave the US as I was not able to find a job after college. Since we were so in love we knew we were committed to long distance. 2011-2012 was spent long distance, but our relationship was amazing. We talked often, expressed our love. I helped her with her applications to graduate school and helped her study for her exams etc. We had been talking about marriage for a while and there were no doubts about spending the rest of our lives together. I treated her like a princess and did everything I could to make her feel loved and happy. I love her unconditionally.

Fast forward to Dec 2012. She's been in graduate school for 6 months, making new friends, new city etc. On Christmas, she tells me she's doubtful about her feelings for me and that she sees me more as a best friend instead of a boyfriend. She wants to break up and 'never wants to be with me'. I didn't know what to do so I respected her decision. We remained in constant contact as friend until March after which she cut me off. A few weeks later she tells me that she's seeing someone else.

Now I'm devastated and not sure what to do. I haven't spoken to her since and I've been praying a lot. I've been asking God to show me the right path and help me survive the pain. I've also prayed asking that it is in His plan for me that we end up together in the future. I'm trying to forget and move on, but my love for her hasn't changed. I really believe that she is the right one for me. I've been asking God whether I should forget and move on, or believe that she will come back to me with a love that is stronger. I don't know what to do.

We were each others first loves and first relationship. We are both virgins and planned on staying that way until marriage.

I've been praying a lot asking God for comfort and guidance. Also, every time I pray I pray for her too - for her health and happiness and wisdom.

Any advice on how I should proceed with prayer? How will I know if God wants me to forgive, forget, and move on or if He wants me trust and wait patiently while working on improving myself?

Thank you.

asked 21 May '13, 03:57

cinta_satu's gravatar image


edited 21 May '13, 04:08

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


Let's hear what my god has to say about yours. haha


(21 May '13, 04:42) CalonLan

I pray about everything, still I am willing and open to new ideas that might come from that prayer. Sometimes the situation changes, and sometimes I change. And always pray for your own wellbeing ,healing and growth in self love along with the others you are praying for.

(21 May '13, 05:42) clearheart

I also pray to be able to appreciate my now and that everything will turn out better than I can imagine-then I get busy and live my life , enjoying, having fun. Everything arrives at the right time and not usually when I'm keeping an eye on it.

(21 May '13, 05:48) clearheart

Praying is asking for outside help. You think you're unable to fix something yourself and therefore it reinforces the belief that you're powerless. What our parents taught us are mostly incorrect passed on from generation to generation.

(21 May '13, 05:53) iqjim
showing 0 of 5 show 5 more comments

This may take you a while to understand the concept as advised in the video I posted below. In my experience, once I adopted accepting relationships for what they were (instead of what I wanted them to be), I was able to make progress with loving myself very quickly that made me capable of attracting relationships of my desire.

To post this question I cant imagine what a terrible time you're going through. I will send you good intentions and energy :)


It sounds very loose, but to me all relationships are designed to be loving and fun. Please toss out any theories you have that relationships are "hard" are take "hard work." They are only painful, in a prolonging sense, if you prevent yourself from moving forward. Be yourself, act with integrity, have an open mind, enjoy your existence xx


answered 22 May '13, 09:52

Nikulas's gravatar image


edited 22 May '13, 09:54

Thank you.

What makes it difficult for me is the fact that our relationship was extremely loving and fun. There was no hard work required - everything came naturally. I will do my best to be myself, act with integrity, keep an open mind, and enjoy life.

(22 May '13, 10:00) cinta_satu

@cinta_satu- Your relationship was loving and fun, cool!

I cannot be gentle saying this: how dare you suggest to yourself you won't have that same experience again, with either her or better yet lots of other guys and girls...You need to love yourself bro. She's gone, big deal cuz someone alot more different and even better is around the corner- YOU.

(27 May '13, 00:48) Nikulas

Every time you yearn for a girl, it is always disguise for a desire to love yourself unconditionally. No matter what. Any time. Every where, just understand you are awesome!!

Every time a girl doesnt want to be with me, I legit feel sorry for them. They screwed up. Unfortunantly they are going to have to learn to settle for someone less cool than me. I wish they did the right thing and they said yes for themselves to have me: forget all these girls. It's your reality: you're a boss!!

(27 May '13, 00:50) Nikulas

Loving myself is something I've struggled with and it is only now that I've realized how important it is. I loved this girl more than I ever loved myself and as 'romantic' as that sounds, I know it's not right. You can't love someone else without first loving yourself. Thank you for the comment!

(27 May '13, 11:54) cinta_satu

great tough love comments @Nikulas

(27 May '13, 17:23) ursixx

@cinta_satu- (my old definition of romance) Romance = glamourization of lack of self love through hopeful yearnings of another.

I believe in you. Self-esteem and self-love, I feel, are very inter-related, so whilst loving yourself cannot be taught to another, you can easily learn it with enough dedication and appropriate decision that you're going to find a way to love yourself no matter what.

Start googling ways to raise self-esteem :) xx

(28 May '13, 05:43) Nikulas
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

There are some great answers so I'm just going to explain what may be happening here on the vibrational level.

She wants to break up and 'never wants to be with me'. I didn't know what to do so I respected her decision. We remained in constant contact as friend until March after which she cut me off. A few weeks later she tells me that she's seeing someone else.

How did you feel when this happened. Think carefully. Has there been other circumstances presently or in your past that have made you feel the same way? If so read on.

We sometimes tend to attract into our life, experiences or recurring experiences that reflect back to us uncomfortable emotions within us that we are either unaware of or choose to avoid. The situation maybe totally different but the feeling will always be the same. You might have heard someone saying "Why does this keep happening to me?" See Stingrays excellent answer to Why do I keep manifesting frustration? for more info.

Our life experience is really an outer reflection of our inner emotions. Our strongest reflections in life are usually in the actions of the people we love the most. Although this maybe painful ( I've been there myself) they actually do you a service by highlighting an emotion / emotions within you that you may need to integrate. Think of integration as clearing a pathway to allow you to experience all the things you really want in life.

When couples do end up together in up a wonderful relationship they can often look back and actually see how those other "painful" relationships in the past may actually prepared them emotionally / vibrationally for the one their in.


answered 21 May '13, 15:37

Satori's gravatar image


Any sad feeling is first and foremost the lack of belief in yourself. It's not about getting your ex back, but about change in your belief in yourself.

The underlying meaning of praying to God is also lack of belief in yourself. You're resorting to divine help, and you don't believe you can get over it yourself.

So, in practical terms, how do you get over an ex lover? What are the rules you must adhere to? I was in the same situation as you and I got over it with the following steps:

  1. DO NOT CONTACT HER for at least a month! TRUST ME! DON'T DON'T DON'T! FOR AT LEAST A MONTH! She will contact you after a month of silence! My ex did. TRUST ME ON THIS.
  2. Whenever the thought of her comes back, you must avoid it! And think of what possibilities lies ahead of you. New business opportunities, more opportunities to meet better girls, and appreciate the fact that the breakup with her is serving you in a way that it makes you stronger for the next relationship.
  4. Start being active, work on your philosophies of life, watch Bashar/Abraham.. read on ways you can get over your ex.
  5. You're thinking about her again aren't you.. STOP IT. Focus your attention on what you can do NOW to improve yourself.
  6. Don't you think about contacting her in any way shape or form!

Happiness is about being happy within, not relying on your surroundings to make you happy. The mirror doesn't smile unless YOU smile first. If your shadow shows your physique could use improvement, you must work on yourself first before your own shadow changes.

If you're interested in any reading materials let me know.


answered 21 May '13, 04:38

iqjim's gravatar image


edited 22 May '13, 09:22

Thank you for your reply. I've tried to adhere to those rules for the most part. Initially, I made the mistake of pleading, etc. but I let her go after that and haven't contacted her. She did get in touch with me to inform me that she was seeing someone else now. A couple of weeks later she did so again to 'check in on me'.

I've been doing all the little things I can to work on myself such as reading, working out. But I still can't stop thinking about her from the moment I wake up.

(21 May '13, 04:46) cinta_satu

and yes please let me know of any reading materials that would be of help.

thank you.

(21 May '13, 04:46) cinta_satu

Feeling Good by Dr David Burns: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369127999&sr=1-3&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+happy

It has practical things you can do immediately to improve your state of being. Rather than spiritual talks that's often challenging to understand.

You can find some of these books free on the net.

(21 May '13, 05:21) iqjim

I also enjoyed this book by Dr David Burns: Intimate Connections.. he really focuses on building a better you so that you attract effortlessly. http://www.amazon.com/Intimate-Connections-David-D-Burns/dp/0451148452/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369128523&sr=1-1&keywords=intimate+connections+david+burns It uses cognitive behavioral therapy (which is very practical in solving any mental/emotional challenges we may have).

(21 May '13, 05:32) iqjim
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

I spent years doing this. Heres my take, im speaking from experience, some of it painfull.

The basics: You have two parts to "you" the lower part is your physical body and mind, the higher bit is your part of all that is, Source,God or Jesus, call it what you will.

The higher bit "know" everything, stands outside time as we know it and has access to every scenario or life track that exists. It doesnt think thru things....it knows thru things.

Now if your physical self wants this woman, your higher self knows this is right for you then bingo....align both your selves, or in religious talk align yourself with God, and alls well.

BUT ...To know this youve got to be sure that you are actually in alignment with all that is ie the "real" you, the bit that will outlast your body.

If your not totally sure then i would hand the " choice" of a Girlfriend over to my higher self. For that matter i would also do this with a Car, Boat and House too. Sure youve actually made a choice to want a Girlfriend, the desire has been started. But i would allow the infinitely more intelligent " knowing" part of you to choose.

Your view or physical view is very limited, you cant see past your own back garden. But your higher self has 20/20 vision, it panoramic and it knows the future.

As for the praying part, if thats where your at now then pray away. However i would study the manifesting material which involves putting this request into the box....leaving it there and getting on with things. Trusting all that is to bring about your partner.For me this method seems best for this situation. But there are others so take your pick.

In my own experience at the point i lost interest with the manifestation and was so busy doing other stuff that i had mentally put it to one side...it happened...it happened effortlessly,easily and came with a bunch of other stuff to.

I would put your request for a perfect mate in the box. then do everything you can to lower any excess importance and dependance on the outcome. Your " DEPENDANCE" and "IMPORTANCE" if carried to an extreme could be a major stumbling block to getting what you want.

My way of lowering this is to get very busy with something else and immerse myself in another project or ambition. Leaving the other one to mature nicely on its own.

Hope this helps.


answered 21 May '13, 04:32

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

Thank you for your response.

I guess the hard part for me now is lowering the importance and dependence on the outcome.

I would like to immerse myself in another project or ambition. I'm starting graduate school in August and I'm looking forward to new opportunities through that.

Thanks again.

(21 May '13, 04:42) cinta_satu

Hi cinta, let's be clear about this, god does't want anything, we are always free to choose ... having said that it would be interesting to remind ourselves the difference between a soul based relationship and an ego based relationship.

Ego based is feeling needy for love, needy for assurance both physically and emotionally, it's focusing on what is missing, what we had, of what we're not receiving ... soul based is feeling whole whatever happens, we love our-selves and know we are loved, it's being focused on what we're receiving, of all the love that we have, we enjoy and encourage our friend to spend time with others. It's trusting that the universe always provides, in short it's unconditional love, an unlimited way of being that melts all pain and worry.

alt text

Seen from this angle the question now becomes "is my relationship with my former girlfriend based on ego or soul?" ... 'every cloud has a silver lining' as the saying goes, it's a great opportunity to a "lightbulb" moment and a more satisfactory emotional state of being :)


answered 21 May '13, 07:23

ru%20bis's gravatar image

ru bis

edited 21 May '13, 07:25

thank you for your reply. to be honest i'm not sure if it is ego based or soul based. in a way the silver lining for me is coming to the realization of which one it is. i did and do love her more than i loved myself, which is not right. but the reason i believe she is the one for me is that the connection deep within our love was something special and different. we were naturally compatible without any force.

(21 May '13, 08:31) cinta_satu

i am taking my current situation as a learning and growing experience. i always thought i needed her to complete me, but the truth is i should want to share my completeness with her. i hope we can come together again in the future with a stronger sense of love.

(21 May '13, 08:32) cinta_satu

If you truly, deeply, from the bottom of your heart loved this person, wouldn't you want her to be happy, and do what she thought was best for her happiness?

Since this is clearly not the case, dig deep down, and ask yourself what is really at work here...what emotions, "needs" or beliefs are driving you to try to get this person back.

Also, ask yourself this. If a mangy tramp approached you on the street and punched you in the face, would you chase them down, get down on your knees, kiss their feet and beg for forgiveness? I would guess not.

So then, why are you chasing after someone who clearly doesn't love you, to the point that they have "cut you off" and entered relations with another man?

To quote Bashar...ask yourself "What would I have to believe is true in order to feel this way?"

I have felt as you have, many years ago. I leave you with the following thoughts:

How can another respect you if you don't respect yourself?


Focus on your ideal, not the individual, and you will eventually attract the ideal individual. The Universe can discern their qualities better than you can.


answered 27 May '13, 11:50

lozenge123's gravatar image


Your Bashar quote is actually a Harry Palmer Resurfacing quote.

(28 May '13, 01:49) Wade Casaldi

The short answer is no. The long answer is; Pray for an opening of your heart that will allow your perfect mate to come into your life. As Abraham always says, you must be the vibrational match to what you desire. If you were matching in vibration, this situation would not be manifest in your life. Raise your vibration to manifest a truly fulfilling relationship that will last. Spend time contemplating what a fulfilling, loving relationship feels like and choose to not invest energy in old patterns.


answered 21 May '13, 12:20

Carl's gravatar image


Why worry so much about how not coming back into your life?

You are stressed out because you keep thinking about "what COULD be - but isn't" instead of "what is HERE - to be enjoyed now".

It's not of your best interests for her to be in your life at this point in time, how do you know that? Because she isn't here. If she comes back, then you'll know that she came back for a reason (for you to have an experience - to realize/learn something).

There is no need to pray to make God "do" something. You are already taken care of, you just need to realize that. Whatever happened is what's best, how do I know that? Because even if I disagreed that wouldn't change a thing.

It is ALL good.


answered 22 May '13, 00:27

arpgme's gravatar image


Sorry, but I agree with Carl. If you feel that she is the right one for you and she doesn't feel the same, then she's not the right one for you.

Focus on the gift of getting to experience love for the first time. Everyone who risks loving someone has a broken heart story. It's not the person, but the experience that you can treasure as you move forward. The good news is that you learned that you could love. Now you need to find someone who is close by and who can be in relationship with you. Being in love and being in a long-term relationship are two completely different skill sets.


answered 19 Jul '14, 20:20

EliteSoulMateCoaching's gravatar image


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