Many books speaks of the importance of self love. What is it and how can it be attained?

asked 09 Jan '11, 14:36

T%20A's gravatar image


When I first read the question a response immediately 'popped' in my head. (When I come here some questions I leave alone and if something resonates eventually i might answer and some I will want to contemplate and others just 'pop' this one popped.)

Anyway what popped was the word acceptance. Acceptance of who-you-really-are. In addition to what Graham said, I think you have to come to terms with first knowing who you are before you can really love you.

That knowing means that you are very ok with who you are. You see the sameness as to others and more importantly the difference in who you are compared to others. That flower with it's unique colors. Knowing that you need to live your life in the actuality of YOUR needs. Doing what YOU feel is right even if it is not what others think you should do.

Accepting all of the so called mistakes you might have made and really embracing them. They are yours and they are beautiful for they are your wonderful lessons of growth.

Accepting that you are loved by many that you do not even know about.

Accepting that you have inspired others to live a 'better' life.

Accepting that you bring joy to others lives intentionally and unintentionally.

And most importantly Acceptance that you and you alone are living the most incredible life where there are no wrong choices. But choices that make life Loving, bumpy, exciting, confusing and ...peaceful.

Now who couldn't love that.

Much love (on top of your own)



answered 09 Jan '11, 16:10

jim%2010's gravatar image

jim 10


Holy Smokes!!! What a wonderful answer!!!. I had the same reaction as you when I read the question. Then I read Graham's answer and went WOW. Next I read your comment to Graham's answer and went "Right on brother". Then I read your answer and realized that whatever came to me came to your minds with much better vision and clarity. Thanks’ for sharing your perspective. It's Fantastic.

(09 Jan '11, 16:22) The Traveller

Good answre Dude,i like the part about no wrong choices. We often live in such fear of doing the wrong thing that it binds us and curtails our enjoyment of this life experience.

(09 Jan '11, 17:25) Monty Riviera

Thats a good question.

If we truely are one with our creator then to love self must be to love God also.

I will admit i sometimes look at myself and find little to love. Then at other times i see a little more.

The main way i realise this is to understand that Source love me completely unconditionaly. In fact source ADORES me.

With this firmly fixed in my mind it sort of becomes irrelevant what i think. If God loves me then what am i worried about. If infinite wisdom and all power created me i must be worth something..right.

I know this subject isnt just that simple. Millions of people have a very low self image and im sure this causes untold problems in their lives. But just the revelation and realization of just how adored and loved we are by God can break down the stronghold of self loathing. The revelation really is THAT powerful.



answered 09 Jan '11, 15:46

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

Sir Graham a most excellent response might I say. I love that you stepped it up and said Adore. That really says something.

(09 Jan '11, 15:54) jim 10

May I echo Wandering Dude's comment in saying that your perspective in how you see yourself is truly beautiful and will most definitely help all of us and, the millions of those you have mentioned.

(09 Jan '11, 16:28) The Traveller

Thankyou Wandering Dude and The Traveller for the response. I do sincerely believe that this revelation ALONE without anything else would serve to make anyones life more full,worry free and productive. The more i go on in life the more people i happen upon who believe this. Its taken me 45 years to get to that! Worth the wait thou. Kind regards Graham

(09 Jan '11, 17:18) Monty Riviera
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

As Traveller just said both answers above sum it up beautifully.

The first thing that came to mind for me was the word forgiveness. Self Love is forgiving myself for buying into and being held by those past constraints and fears that the ego has spent years embellishing. With this comes the freedom to move beyond the illusion of the ego and step once again into my authentic self.

It can only be attained by taking that journey inward and rediscovering the beautiful person that resides at the centre when you get through all the layers of conditioning you've acquired and believed along the way. Then you begin operating from a different perspective and your world begins to change accordingly. Not always an easy journey but well worth the effort.

And Self Love is,undoubtedly, the greatest gift we can give ourself and others. Only when we realize True Self Love can we have a positive impact and truly love another.


answered 09 Jan '11, 17:12

Michaela's gravatar image


edited 09 Jan '11, 19:32

Im very much aware now of the impact the ego has on our lives. Tolles work has opened me up to this concept.We do pick up so much conditioning along the path of life without having a clue its worked itd way into who we are.

(09 Jan '11, 17:31) Monty Riviera

I hear you Graham - At least we're fortunate enough to becoming aware of it :)

(09 Jan '11, 19:28) Michaela

Self love is being you own best friend. Looking at yourself and accepting yourself as you would your dearest friend.


answered 11 Jan '11, 10:28

Karen%204's gravatar image

Karen 4

Self love is honoring your parent who has helped to make you into the person you are in life. It is about trusting and believing in others to help, and support you in the time of need. It is about cherishing every moment we share in a day, and to give thanks for every new day to come. It is about putting yourself first, and at the same time helping others!


answered 10 Jan '11, 05:34

Inactive%20User's gravatar image

Inactive User ♦♦

For me, self-love means honoring and respecting all that which is me. I attain it by pure thoughts, behavior and action. It is important because it allows one to be the best they can be in order for them to serve others the optimal way.

Thank you, namaste


answered 10 Jan '11, 14:49

daniele's gravatar image


I feel self-love when I can see value in others and project love to them.


answered 11 Jan '11, 10:15

Bubu's gravatar image


Narcissists, despite society describing them as "self-loving" are actually-self-hating, and they cannot allow any of their light or love to shine- as they actually have none! and are unfortunately vampires to those that do have love (everyone who is unnarcisstic)

Self-love for a healthy person is taking care of yourself in order to provide more love for others- the ultimate definition of light and abundance.


answered 09 Nov '12, 22:14

Kanda's gravatar image


@Kanda : So true !

(10 Nov '12, 02:18) ursixx

TA... I would sincerely ask that you put aside the notion of self-love, and focus on studying the overriding values and benefits of self-respect.

Self-love is perhaps one of the most destructive ways of thinking in the world... Self-love is the father of narcissism and the literal source of all of the 'adversarial' spirits that Lucifer and Satan promulgated throughout this confused world.

Self-love will destroy your life, and the lives of others.

There may be many famous detractors from the ideal of self-respect -- but I promise you -- if you apply it consistantly and graciously, self-respect will enable you to become a great and successful person and a true leader in your own right.


answered 11 Jan '11, 18:26

The%20Prophet's gravatar image

The Prophet

Click here to create a free account

If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website



Asked: 09 Jan '11, 14:36

Seen: 1,426 times

Last updated: 10 Nov '12, 02:18

Follow this question

By Email:

Once you sign in you will be able to subscribe for any updates here



Answers and Comments

Markdown Basics

  • *italic* or _italic_
  • **bold** or __bold__
  • link:[text]( "title")
  • image?![alt text](/path/img.jpg "title")
  • numbered list: 1. Foo 2. Bar
  • to add a line break simply add two spaces to where you would like the new line to be.
  • basic HTML tags are also supported

Related Questions