When you argue or quarrel with someone else, usually both of you would have completely different opinions and chances are neither of you will budge. Then, when you want to end the argument because you think it will get nowhere but the other person won't let you go, you usually feel tempted to rebut him again.
But when a person overcomes the need to rebut and chooses to ignore the other person and just end the argument by walking away, that person usually feels more powerful even though he did not get his point across to the other person. He would usually feel worse at the time he leaves the argument (he would probably feel like rebutting him again), but after a while he would feel more powerful.
On the other hand, the other person when noticing the other guy has stopped replying to him, he would probably continue to pester him, trying to get a decent reply from him, but when he gets nothing, he would be the one that feels the worst ultimately.
This is just from my own experience and observations of other people - the person who walk away first usually seems to be the one who "lost" the argument, but actually this is not the case most of the time. I believe that some of you might have experienced this before.
So why is it that walking away from the argument seems to make you feel more powerful than trying to rebut the other person and get your points across to him?
I would say because it takes a lot not to rebut. I think it takes a lot of strength to be able to see the argument is going nowhere and simply walk away. For me, anyways, it takes a lot of strength sometimes... but sometimes the argument ends up doing much more harm to both parties than any good, so the few times I've walked away from those situations felt great to me... because the urge to continue the argument was strong, but I managed to do it.
Still a hard thing to do, I believe, for most people... to me it shows a lot of confidence when a person does walk away. I always admire it :)
answered 14 Feb '12, 13:24
I hate to say it, but I've had more than my fair share of "heated" arguments in my life time. The last bad argument I had with a family member (back in 2008) caused me to end up in therapy. For years I would always try to get my point across and when the other person didn't want to hear what I had to say and only cared about their point of view, it would make my blood boil.
I didn't know how to listen to another person and take time to analyze and process what they said to give a proper, thought out answer. I would instantly react, and it would turn into rage or anger which usually led to me storming away or the situation turning very emotional instead of just a normal conversation. When I walked or stormed away, it never felt good in that particular mindset I used to be in. I never felt relieved by walking away or not walking away because it usually felt bad no matter what.
Even though I always had negative things to say about therapy for years when people who cared tried to get me to go, it helped to change my life. It was a way for me to calm down and take a breath and eventually led me to start reading self help books, watching LOA videos, and finding great teachers like Abraham and Bashar and many others.
So now that my negative background is out of the way, I can give my opinion on the other side of the situation. I haven't had a heated argument for years since the one that led me to therapy.
I think it really all comes down to the ego kicking in and having to be the winner. A lot of people grow up in the mentality of being number one and thinking they have it all figured out. We get this stuff implanted into our subconscious at an early age and go through life thinking it's the way things are done in the world. Everything seems to be a race or a competition, and everyone wants to be the the last one standing. It takes a different mindset to walk away from something negative, and a lot of people just can't do it.
I have come to a point where I don't need to be right or to be the winner anymore. If I did happen to get into a situation, I would have no trouble walking away. I believe it would be choosing to not sink down to another persons level. It would also give the feeling of intense relief. Almost as if your body knows that you just saved it from unneeded emotional trauma.
Whoever walks away and how it is perceived is just the tale of two ego's. If the person walking away feels like they wimped out, then that's their ego's response to not winning. If the person who didn't walk away starts bragging or picking at the other person, that's their ego's response to winning. It all comes down to deciding if you want the ego to run the show, or you want the higher mind to be in charge instead.
There is one option that trumps all. Feel good most of the day, as much as you can, and there will be no argument to deal with in the first place. I can make that statement because I lived both sides of the scenario.
The key is just to let the other person be who they are, and you be you you prefer to be. We can never let another human being pull us into their emotional situation. It never turns out nice in the end.
answered 14 Feb '12, 16:22
Because the need to be right is fear based. When we can walk away and not assert that need we access a much stronger power within that does not need to be right or wrong, and is quite content to allow the other to be caught up in their drama.
Trying to make ourselves right and the other wrong doesn't really matter when we access our own true power, because our Truth will always be our Truth irregardless of what another says or does and will never be something that we ever have to prove. So when we interact from that place or walk away from an argument it really is powerful because we no longer react from the mindset of the ego but instead respond from a true place of power.
answered 14 Feb '12, 20:28
Because u can never relay win an argument, there is no one truth, it is all very much according to perspective. And if u try to change their mind u are taking away their free will. Let us not try n fool ourselves by thinking we can change anyone's mind anyway lol, all we can do is love them, and support them in their ideas. If it upsets you ( what they are saying) you need to look long inside fio you because there is only one reason to be bent out of shape of others beliefs, and it is if you are not truly alighned wiith what you believe.
love n light
answered 14 Feb '12, 19:42
TReb Bor yit-NE
This works when we feel in our position of not being moved from our happiness. It is like saying this is making me mad so I am dropping it, "Forget about it!" At that point you overcome the situation and say I choose to be happy. You can as well choose to be right but upset and right vs peaceful and happy it seems peaceful and happy is the better of the two choices.
Now if you walk away feeling resentment you physically walked away but you mentally are still there in your brain wanting to argue and show that guy how wrong he is so that he will say "You are right I was wrong." You want to feel that joy of victory of being right yeah!!!!!! But there is one problem so does he as much or more want to be right and feel that joy of victory.
From this perspective of understanding it seems that we get into arguments so that we can feel good afterward that we were right, that we are winners, we are the victors and conquers and we should feel good about ourselves for being right. It seems an excuse to feel good about ourselves. If this is the case therein lays the lesson we never seem to learn that we don't need to win an argument to feel good about ourselves. We don't need an excuse or deed to make us worthy, we are worthy just as we are, even if we feel we lost the argument we are still worthy.
When we feel our own value no one can take us down because our value doesn't come from them and their approval! This is such an exciting and freeing concept! It shows why as Jesus said, "If someone takes your coat offer him your shirt as well, if someone slapped your cheek offer him the other." It is showing that no one can bring you down because you are in that Kingdom mindset that you are approved by God and need no-ones approval otherwise so you already are a winner, a victor and conquer.
When I first came on I Q there seemed to be a lot of Christians that didn't seem to understand that much of the Bible is symbolic not literal. I would make a quick reference to this then drop it. I did not need their approval, so no argument, wallah. Hey Jesus spoke in parables, tell me there not symbolic. Blessings tom
answered 16 Feb '12, 03:45
people trap in ego can argue has much has they want it does not change the truth. so what you feel is staying in the truth. and not leaving ego to take over and cause a drop of your energy. eventually when you will leave duality you will be able to see what is the truth and what is not and why the person see it that way and argue with you. but once you are there you will not event want to argue with anny one because it serv e no perpace so you will let them talk because you know and you have nothing to prove or disprove.
People stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man. True nobility is being superior to your formal self.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.
To know yet to think that one does not know is best; Not to know yet to think that one knows will lead to difficulty.
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.
Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power.
Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt. Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about other people's approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity. http://viewonbuddhism.org/resources/quotes.html
After all, what goes into your mouth will not defile you; rather, it's what comes out of your mouth that will defile you."
experience and enjoy.
answered 14 Feb '12, 22:13
"Truth shall not find its way thru arguments or controversy. After saying I am here to bear witness on the Truth, he said nothing." Peace
answered 15 Feb '12, 12:41
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