"How was your weekend?"
"Very good, thank you. Quiet. I slept a lot of Saturday, been running a fever - must have needed it. I feel so much better today! How was yours?" (I didn't say, I also made sure I meditated, did Focus Blocks, reached out to someone who needed some love, and happily handed my heavy stuff over to the Universe...)
"Well, I'm glad SOMEBODY gets to lay around and rest when they feel like it. I was busy all weekend, never stopped, every thing sucks for ME, must be nice to be YOU."
Ok so that last quote may be slightly exaggerated, :) but the sarcasm, the accusation, and the insult were clear. I hear it a lot. This comes from an extremely miserable person at work, whom I feel compassion for, and try to assist when I can, at least by example. They tend to want to prove me wrong - to show me how hard their life really is, like "Oh, yeah, Miss Mary Fairy Goddamned Sunshine, well... how about THAT!" :)
I can usually shake off the negativity (BTW, this is a multi-millionaire, who prayed for and got the home, money, and family they'd always wanted...money here did not buy happiness), but these stabs at me can sometimes get to me, I admit it. What should I do?
I have heard this sort of message repeatedly since I started trying to care for myself first - You are bad; self-indulgent, selfish, pampered, lazy, worthless, and ridiculously lucky to have such an easy life. You don't deserve it.
I know I should not take this to heart. I have just heard it again, like a set point for my week at work. I reject it entirely, but I still feel like crap now, having come in rested and hopeful, cheerful, helpful and happy. Tapping didn't help today, I did try.
I believe there are people here at IQ who instantly know what to do/think/feel in this situation. Please share your wisdom with me. I don't want to spend my day in this condition, and I feel suddenly helpless - a feeling I detest.
Thank you! Any advice is much appreciated!
If you are feeling bad about these comments then there is a belief or a number of beliefs that you consider to be true about yourself. If you didn't believe in any of those statements that other people say to you, then you would feel no upset, sadness, or pain.
Everything in life really and truly comes from you and the vibration that you are fluctuating at. @Fairy Princess summed it up pretty well in mentioning the reflection of yourself and your beliefs in others and the idea of the Echo since the circumstances in your life don't create physical matter.
You are a physical being creating the physical circumstances that occur in your life. You also create the emotions, the pain, and the reactions to other peoples words.
When you can truly understand that every second of your life is a hall of mirrors, and you are basically talking to yourself at every turn, you then can accept the true power that you actually are. You are the master of your story, the creator of your life, and the power that runs the love battery that is you.
Showering others with love no matter what the situation entails, is simply showering yourself with love.
So instead of hearing something like this, having the instant reaction of negative emotion and the belief that it is true, take a second and a breathe, and Stop, Drop, and Roll your way to lightening up your life a little bit. You don't have to take anything to heart unless you choose to.
Don't let yourself feel like crap by allowing yourself to "quit giving a crap" about other peoples problems. Their problems are their own unique problems that having nothing to do with you. When you have a subconscious belief (which you may not even know you have) that you are lazy, worthless, selfish, and pampered, these other people will sure enough manifest in your life and let you know where your vibration is residing. It is your job to become aware of that reflection so you can change it instead of letting those words pull you into a negative frequency.
This is why you need to make a habit of saying the things about yourself that you prefer. See these people the way that you prefer to see them. You will then trigger the parallel reality vibration (that exists right now) to go in the warehouse and replace the unwanted item of life you don't prefer, with a brand spanking new model that you do prefer. You are in 100% total control. Make your choice and feel every bit of the goodness as much as you can.
Start using these reflections as a signpost. Remember, in the end these are just words. They really have no built in meaning until you assign a meaning.
If one of these people said similar things to a person who spoke a different language, there would be no emotional reaction in that moment or later in the day. That's because to them, those words were just noise and didn't mean anything at all.
When you change your beliefs, the emotional trigger mechanism disappears and you can then assign whatever meaning you prefer to whatever else someone has to say.
"If you assign a positive meaning to an event, this will produce a positive experience for you."
"If you assign a negative meaning to an event, this will produce a negative experience for you."
I prefer the first one myself. Try the positive experience next time you come across something like this and see where it leads. You may end up seeing exactly what the reflection has been trying to tell you for some time.
My answer would be "You know it, MY life is gooood" and smile :D
You are bad; =You are baaad
This answer is marked "community wiki".
Since we create our reality with our beliefs, and we see ourselves reflected in others, then this person is revealing to you that you have beliefs that you are lazy, self indulgent, etc... and feel guilt for taking care of yourself. People reflect back at us our own beliefs. So if we don't like the reflection, or echo that we are getting back, then we need to change the original message that is being sent out, our beliefs. Eliminate your own guilt and it will no longer be reflected back to you in others.
answered 29 Oct '12, 14:29
This is probably a less-spiritual answer, but for years when dealing with situations like these, I have been using the "bum on the street" analogy.
Simply put, when somebody says something "insulting" or rude to me, I imagine how I would feel if the same things were said to me by a strange, mangy bum who approached me on the street.
"You are lazy."
"What is that thing you are wearing?"
"You are such a jerk..."
The answer is usually, that I would either laugh it off, or arch my eyebrow at this strange creature, turn and go about my business without giving their words a second thought.
It helps remind me that it is my relationship with the person, not the words themselves, that are complicating things in my mind and causing any sense of irritation or desire to "defend" against something.
Using the bum analogy usually puts things in perspective in my own mind, and dissolves any feelings of upset pretty quickly.
Many people, due to their own deep-seated unhappiness and lack of satisfaction, criticize others just to try getting the feeling....just for a moment....of elevation over you. Some are just contrary by nature and don't even realize most of the time that they are being that way. The world is full of all sorts of people, each with their own set of problems. Her comments have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. I guess I would like to remind you not to take it personally and to just let it go. Believe me, I know that is easier said than done, but take a deep breath and remind yourself that person is very unhappy and just keep going with your day. Dwelling on it at all gives it power over you. Best wishes!
answered 05 Nov '12, 18:01
they have free will and are responsable for their choice. it is not new eventually they will understand to not judge and stay in truth with discernement. often people will judge and accuse you yet when it is them it is not the same the same word and judgement they cast at you or other when cast at them they will not agree to it. so when they will have no choice to learn the truth how much will they have to bear. if you know that there is nothing to do,because it is the person free will and that person is not ready to change yet and admit is error,just let them be until the last day.you are not responsible for their choice only for your choice. so let there be light,be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.
answered 29 Oct '12, 23:58
I think people lash out like that because they can take things such as you have said and reflect it upon themselves and find their life somehow lacking.
I don't think anyone likes having faults pointed out, even if it is in this round-about way. And this is entirely not your fault or your responsibilty.
Perhaps you saying those things to them is a pointer that maybe THEY should be focusing attention on these issues in their lives, much like sometimes when someone else says something to you and it somehow bothers you. I think sometimes we forget that we can also be vehicles for messages for other people.
I think the best thing we can do is try to be understanding of the other person because it's about the only way to cope with it. I find this hard myself, but usually after the issue arises and I have some time to think on it, I do realize that the other person must be in some sort of pain or have some worry that they are bouncing off of you. It's just them reacting to themselves. Maybe they go home later and regret what they have said to you, but don't have the gumption to apologize properly. (My mom does this).
When I bump heads with people like this, I have to take a step back and retreat to mull over it and then sort of "wash" away what happened. Depending how what happened, this may take a few minutes to even an hour or so. Imagine yourself like a fluffy sheep. People's stuff can get caught in your fleece, so you have to take time to brush it out.
I just realize a lot of my answers use weird analogies! I hope this has helped you. I think you are a very sweet and loving person.
answered 06 Nov '12, 11:29
LOL. I know exactly what that is all about. It is a person who is projecting their own imbalances onto you. And they are doing this because it has to be mirrored back onto you. It is a very simple idea, but still so frustrating. This vid explains how and why it is done. Hope it helped.
Love n light
answered 20 Dec '12, 08:07
TReb Bor yit-NE
Yesterday I became very aware of this idea, where yes, people often rather kick someone when they are up than down. Someone can be causing their own demise and the caretakers and enablers are there to lift them up and build them up. And to protect them.
When someone is doing well they are often seen as unworthy of perks, so yea, it's up to us to feel and vibrate to that end, where the perks just find us.
I don't play nice in such situations.
I will most likely say something like "Well I'm glad that I am not as miserable as you are, compared to your life, my life definitely seems to be much better".
But then I'll usually come back with something like, I only wish that my life was as fantastic as you describe.
I have found over time that people who complain have a compulsive habit of complaining about everything and the best thing to do is not join their pity party by showing empathy.
This sounds cold and harsh, but we are just as responsible for enabling their misery by thinking that they are too emotionally fragile to be slapped into reality.
You can also try any variation of the following response of reversing their statement back to them.
You can ask "Now what were you trying to accomplish by telling me this? were you trying to make me feel good or were you trying to make yourself feel bad?"
When I am caught off guard by something that sounds like an insult, my favorite response is "Now why did you say that to me, just now, because it felt like an insult"
And I keep on hammering at it until they run out of explanations.
This, by the way, is exactly what they were doing to you moments ago.
answered 19 Dec '12, 22:46
When someone treats us as such as you had been treated, we need to not feel down. When someone says "It must be nice being YOU" this is telling you something. Where you hear this appreciate it as a message from God telling you to count yourself blessed and recognize this blessing. You don't need to openly respond but think to yourself "Thank you God I get the message. It sure is nice being me!" "Please bless this friend with the same blessing you give me."
answered 20 Dec '12, 01:45
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