I have been angry at someone for a whole week. Someone I see on daily basis. I have been playing cool with this person and only speaking when necesary, like: 'yes', 'no', 'aha', 'I don't know' kind of thing. I was sad about acting like this and I knew I was hurting myself in the process, but I needed to make a point of it.

If I had stopped being angry, this person would had thought I was finally agreeing with them and that I was a pushover, easy to convince person.

Saying yes to this persons was totally out of the question (because their proposal was wrong) and would have ment betraying my principles altoghether.

But besides that, the weird thing was that I was comfortable in 'Anger'. I was also sad that I had to behave like this with this person I appreciate; and I meditated (which didn't help, much), I tried to make a Focus Block, I wanted to move to a better-feeling place, for me and for this person's sake, but just couldn't!

Why was I stuck in anger?

What should I have to do next time to step out of it without being taken as a pushover and betraying my principles?

I have been reading these posts: (1) (2) about revenge being and ego thing but I am not certain that it has something to do with my question...

Thanks for all the help you can provide!


asked 07 Jun '10, 13:18

BridgetJones09's gravatar image


edited 08 Jun '10, 11:56

Abraham have a wonderful set of three questions that get right to the heart of the matter.

Question 1.
Which do you prefer...Feeling Good or Feeling Bad?

Most people answer Feeling Good.

Question 2.
Which do you prefer...Being Right or Being Wrong?

Most people answer Being Right.

Now the tricky question...

Question 3.
Which do you prefer...Being Right or Feeling Good?

Most of the people in the world will give you one answer - I'm sure you can guess which - and most of those same people live unhappy, unfulfilled lives...full of pain and struggle.

The other answer (if you really mean it) will bring you everything you want in life...effortlessly, forever, and accompanied by endless joy and satisfaction.

So which answer are you going to give? :)


answered 07 Jun '10, 14:41

Stingray's gravatar image


My answer would be: Feeling Good, but then, how do I step out of Anger without betraying my convictions? Would you give me some advice as to the steps to take to accomplish this, please??? And, why Anger felt so comfortable??

(07 Jun '10, 14:59) BridgetJones09

"I was sad about acting like this and I knew I was hurting myself in the process, but I needed to make a point of it."...are you sure your answer is Feeling Good?

(07 Jun '10, 15:42) Stingray

What you are asking for ultimately cannot be done...in any non-self-destructive way. You want the conditions around you to change before you are willing to feel good...you are trying to make the reflection in the mirror to move before you do...it's a painful way to live. It doesn't really matter what negative emotion you are stuck in...the point is that it was negative and that is telling you something.

(07 Jun '10, 15:49) Stingray

If you want to keep to certain convictions, that's all well and good. But as soon as that involves needing to control the behavior of others in some way, you're in trouble. Punishing others is punishing work :)

(07 Jun '10, 15:59) Stingray

Good answer, Stingray!

(07 Jun '10, 16:53) LeeAnn 1

ask myself that question all the time "do you want to be Right or Happy.

(09 Jun '10, 09:32) ursixx
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments

I think it is important to distinguish "being angry" from "being assertive". Not agreeing with somebody else's proposal (because it is wrong) is a right thing to do.
I had very similar problem to yours. I couldn't find the boundary between "loving others" and "being exploited by others". I was hoping to find the answer and one day it was revealed to me. They are not exact words but here they are:

If you do not respect yourself you do not respect the God part inside you either.

So the thing is, keep living acting according to your principles, but seek the golden mean. There were many saints who neglected their bodies and focused only on helping and loving others. They are to be looked upon, nonetheless they were not able to find the golden mean. Jesus was able to. He loved everything in this world but he was not a timid person - he had the courage to express his opinion though many contradicted it. He respected other people as well as himself.

Learn how to be assertive and openly tell your friend what you think of his proposal. Then the anger will be gone. Refining your character is a tough thing to do but it is worth the effort.
You have been angry because you were keeping the anger inside you, unable to express it or deal with its source.
The point of changing your emotional state is to entirely focus on the better emotion (like calmness). You were not able to do so because your anger was too intense. It requires some skill to deal with an emotion of this intensity just by thinking (meditation). Sometimes it is easier to engage in some kind of physical activity (sport) to deal with the emotions.


answered 07 Jun '10, 13:53

Asklepios's gravatar image


edited 07 Jun '10, 14:02

Thank you, Asklepios, good advice! It's true Jesus wasn't timid and wasn't afraid of contradict the 'establishment'. The difficult thing is, as you say, how to find the boundary between "loving others" and "being exploited by others" without hurting yourself by having negative feelings... It's tough.

(08 Jun '10, 11:54) BridgetJones09

No problem. I think you already know that you love others more than other people. So there is no need to worry about that. We could say that you have it "in starter". ;) Instead look inside you and find the aspects that you are lacking.

(09 Jun '10, 15:36) Asklepios

I listened to Dr.Wayne Dyer book Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life Living the Wisdom of the Tao .and there was a part where he talks about water. He is quoted here In this blog.I like listening to the book it had a very calming effect :) so to quote Laotze"

Yielding Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water, Yet nothing can better overcome the hard and strong, For they can neither control nor do away with it.

The soft overcomes the hard, The yielding overcomes the strong; Every person knows this, But no one can practice it.

Who attends to the people would control the land and grain; Who attends to the state would control the whole world; Truth is easily hidden by rhetoric.


answered 09 Jun '10, 09:54

ursixx's gravatar image


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Asked: 07 Jun '10, 13:18

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