Over the past 6 months a problem I am struggling to understad has occured. I am a 22 year old male, living with three other guys in a student house. One of these guys I've known since I was 11 we went to the same high school. The problem is that he expresses almost nonstop negativity. To the point, where I don't quite know how to react. He says he hates himself, that his life sucks, can't stand most people, stays in bed most days etc.

What makes it confusing is that externally, his life seems to be going great. He has a beautiful, friendly girlfriend, who he takes breaks from while he sleeps with other women, he is popular, has a great loving christian family. It's confusing because there is such an exaggerated contrast between his life and the way he seems to feel inside. I also don't know why he comes to me, Im very introverted, few friends, not much family. The universe must be making him ask me for a reason, but I don't know how I can help.

He asks me to keep an eye on him and to be very honest with him but I don't know if he actually needs help or just gets frustrated with life and needs to vent at someone who will listen.


asked 09 May '14, 07:52

transmitter91's gravatar image


He says he hates himself, that his life sucks, can't stand most people,

This is a reality that he has created. Every time he states these things they become true for him. We create our reality ,our experience in this life. He needs to understand this. If you want to help him. Get him to realize that these negative things he states are of his own making. You might want to search IQ tags reality creation. I found this very helpful too it is an excellent post from @Satori. http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/60526/a-process-for-creating-positive-situations-and-experiences If you can understand and relay this information to your friend I think you both will find it most helpful.

A little lifehack that has worked for me is not use the word hate. There are thing which I strongly dislike like but not more than a handful that I use the word hate to describe. If you are familiar with the Abraham -Hicks Emotional guidance scale (EGS) you will see that hate is very low on the scale .
I have always said " Life is too short to Hate" or like Fatboy Slim has said in this song "Drop the Hate"


answered 10 May '14, 04:20

ursixx's gravatar image


edited 10 May '14, 19:22

But there seems to be a mismatch between what he says he feels and what is actually going on in his life. I'm always telling him to think positively. I've told that his life is better than he conceives. What I actually fear for him is that the negativity causes people to drive away from him, his supportive girlfriend to leave him, friends stop calling him, the few people in his life including myself who he vents to stop listening etc because as I said he has a lot going for him.

(10 May '14, 22:30) transmitter91

He uses very negative words such as hate and has a pessimistic view of people but he his distinctly popular.

(10 May '14, 22:38) transmitter91

I think I missed a point in your question. When he says life sucks is he reflecting back on his life or projecting forward? Is hw feeling bad about things that have already happened. Or is it pressure of future events. He possibly is not in the moment, using the emotional energy on past or future events. Past events may cause him to be mad at himself. If this is the case he needs to forgive himself and learn the lessons of these mistakes. And return to the NOW .

(11 May '14, 01:46) ursixx

...and if he is stressful of future events .Life, job, family, pressure to perform from family and possibly himself. He needs to find the gratitude in the moment he is in. Sounds like he has forgotten about all the great smaller things in his life. There's a lot going on in the heads of young adults. And college life is kind of a bubble. The thought of the bubble bursting ,its scary. We don't know what the future holds in store for us . And the lack of knowledge creates fear

(11 May '14, 02:02) ursixx

As Yoda says "Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the Dark side" The best you could do is bring him back to the NOW moment. You might yourself need to gain knowledge on the subject.

(11 May '14, 02:09) ursixx
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Tell your friend to affirm

You are perfect. You are amazingly, blindingly beautiful. You are strong, vibrant, a magnificent creation. You are an extension, a manifestation of the loving energy that created the entire universe, in fact, you are all there is, and you can do anything. :D


answered 09 May '14, 10:49

PERFECT%20GOOD's gravatar image


I've been thinking of saying something along those lines. But I don't always feel like that myself, so I don't know if it would come across as authentic. I've been thinking of sending information and things like that from an anonymous phone number. And like I said, externally he seems to have everything that a young male would want, but his negativity can seem very intense, I find it hard to be around sometimes but I never show it.

(09 May '14, 15:36) transmitter91

I love your text @PERFECT GOOD ... @transmitter there are many ways to send your friend this message, the best way is to by-pass the consciousness ... here are some very simple methods; repeat the text quietly to yourself whenever you feel this negativity, another way is to mentally imagine your friend surrounded by a loving heart, you could also write the text on a sheet of paper put it in an envelope ... and place the envelope in a cupboard, box or file

(10 May '14, 02:17) jaz

and remember that a friend is a reflection of yourself and whatever you do to others you are in reality doing to yourself

(11 May '14, 04:50) jaz

You friend have something about you. You have something about your friend. Delete it something that makes you to think about some kind of weakness about your friend. Start feeling that he is strong and confident.

It takes time but you real see this qualities withing your friend soon or later.

(11 May '14, 11:58) PERFECT GOOD
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

It seems very general so to get to the understanding will take some talking.

Ask him why he feels his life sucks, what does he want to change and how he could change it to be something he would more prefer.

Sometimes we need to get to a place where we feel so sick of how things are that we decide to change our lives.

There are millionaires that were once homeless. They had to hit bottom and get so disgusted with themselves and their lives before they got angry enough to take a stand and say, "No More, I am going to change my life and never have to feel this way again!" They make a plan and systematically change themselves and their lives.

It takes a lot to get to this point of determination.

We can look at life from a practical view or a mystical view. We could say, "Why was I born? What made me come here, this sucks!" That is looking at it from a mystical view of which nothing can change since it is wanting to change the past to have a better present. We can alternately look at life from a practical view, life doesn't suck, only my life sucks. What am I doing that is not working? What am I not doing that would work?

This is for the self but it could be the world. The mystical view. Why is this world so messed up, why doesn't God step in and change it? The practical view, this world is so messed up, what could I do to change it?

The mystical view takes away power, it places it in anyone else hands but your own and says you can't do anything about it. But the practical view says, I have a choice. What can I do to make things better?

There was a little girl throwing star fish from a beach back into the ocean. A man happened along and commented, "Bah! This is a waste of time, you will never be able to save them all!" She commented back, "Maybe this seems a waste of time to you but to this star fish, (as she throws another in) it matters a lot."

Maybe we can't change the world but maybe we can have an affect and change life for some and that does matter.

Martin Luther King did not think equal rights was a waste of time, he let his anger fuel him to do something to make a change. Many presidents and senators and congressmen do the same, they said something has to change, how can I change it?

People that work in food banks see people struggling and they make a difference, maybe not to the whole world but to those struggling people they matter a lot! God bless them for it too.


answered 09 May '14, 10:02

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 09 May '14, 15:44

I remind him that he has a lot going for him; a lot of friends, lovely family, girlfriend, doing well at uni.

He has other people in his life friends & family who are very successful and are the same age or slightlt older, I ask him to ask for their advice, but he says he doesn't want to burden them. But I don't know what I can do for him, when I haven't exactly found my peace and actually admire some of his qualities, he seems to have great charisma and magnetism with people.

(09 May '14, 15:45) transmitter91

When someone is depressed it is difficult to hear how good they have life from someone else. They feel you have no idea, you are looking from outside. They feel if only you where in their place then you would understand. This is why questioning and having him work out what he could change is better. Psychologist do something similar, they ask questions to get the client to find the answers. If this is bad enough, going to a psychologist isn't too bad an idea at all.

(11 May '14, 12:46) Wade Casaldi

Sigh, the irony he studies psychology.

(11 May '14, 17:10) transmitter91
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

Do you really want to know the truth? you base the way you see him according on external factor. but is problem might be internal factor. that is why he is frustrated because of the internal things that he does not understand about himself and other. what one think and does to other is often what he does to himself since it comes from that person. you say it is very confusing he also must be confuse, think about it this way if one try to understand and find balence where does he find it outside or inside? in this world things go up and down many time according to people own choice when they made the choice it seam logic it serve them and their desire. to give you example lets take money people created money to help them out now many people live in this world for money they want more and often at any cost some even steal and kill people for it. Does it serve people? what does your soul (mind and heart) tell you about this? if people want more money is it because they have it abundantly? what will they do to other that they would not like being done to them self to get more? it would be logic that they would not do that to other if they do not want it being done to them. yet it seam logic and in accord with the desire at the beginning when they made their choice.

If he ask to keep a eye on him and to be honest with him. is because he feels insecure and want the truth to not be deceive. he might have been deceive more then once in this world the rug might have been remove from under is feet more then once and he seek for balance to not be deceive and fall again and get hurt.

to get frustrated does not help much and to vent with force to the four wind does not help much either.

It would be better to understand the truth and find the proper balance to have abundant life for your self and every one else. to create stuff is not the problem to not learn and correct error and inequity that cause this unbalence and stay trap under your own error is the problem.

Let the children grow eventually they will learn from their error and make the proper correction for them self and for other. Respect the way of other but respect first your own.

Let there be light, be the light that you can be, experience and enjoy.


answered 10 May '14, 17:04

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 10 May '14, 17:24

He explicity asked me to keep an eye on him and be honest with him. I have no problem being a light for others, people seem to see that purpose in me. But with him I can't pinpoint the exact issue, so I can't really workout how he progresses from here. He's said things along the lines of putting on an act externally which he must do very well. I almost feel responsible for him, although he's much more mature and socially developed than me in some ways.

(10 May '14, 22:35) transmitter91

is it really for you to pin point the issue? since the issue is not yours and even if you would put the finger on it would he accept it? or would he prefer to not accept? it is for every one to find their own balance and use it in accordance with the environment they live in since in this world it goes in extreme like a roller coaster. in some situation the mind say something the heart say something else. most often people will choose one or the other. very fee will find why it does this happen-

(11 May '14, 04:26) white tiger

and if there is another choice that both the heart and the mind can agree on. I am not a divider am i.

(11 May '14, 04:29) white tiger
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Asked: 09 May '14, 07:52

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Last updated: 11 May '14, 17:10

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