I have been experiencing (from more than one or two people) negative comments and energy whenever I am in a good, positive mood or making positive changes to better my life situation. These are people who are supposed to be my friends and care for me.

When I am feeling down and things are going badly they seem to be happy, this changes noticeably when I tell them I am thinking of changing things in my life to better myself. At which point they will tell me that I will never be able to be any different and this is where I will stay.

I have feelings, (although they can't seem to grasp that) and it hurts and puts me back in negative mode where I start to maybe think they right. Why do you think people are doing this and what can I say or do to stop them? I used to be a strong woman and being a Scorpio I have ability to transform my life easily in the past.

I have been trying to think of when or what happened that I have become so vulnerable and easily affected by ANYONE. I have also noticed that people expect me to put myself last and take care their needs before my own. They feed off my positive energy and leave me drained. Why would I continue to do this. I have neglected myself, my responsibilities, my situation for some time now, where it feels as if I will never be able to reverse it!!

Can anyone please shed any suggestions? I am in bad state.i am very compassionate person, but at some point I need to take care myself without feeling guilty. Please please help me.thank you.

asked 04 Oct '14, 00:47

dee24's gravatar image


edited 04 Oct '14, 04:29

IQ%20Moderator's gravatar image

IQ Moderator ♦♦

Cuz when you change as a person, those negative people get upset you've changed and arent in their "comfort zone" anymore.

Either minimise time with them or ditch them.

If theyre insecure, avoid them at all costs. Gets tough when it comes to family, but hye, truth it truth. Dont stay in the shadows over that excuse.

(04 Oct '14, 01:24) Nikulas

@dee24 - I felt the same way at one time, and posted much the same question. I got some great answers that really helped. They will be helpful for you too: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/62584/do-people-try-to-make-you-feel-guilty-for-taking-care-of-yourself-for-enjoying-your-life-how-do-you-handle-that

(18 Oct '14, 20:44) Grace
showing 0 of 2 show 2 more comments

It all has to do with attraction. As I read in your question, you still seem a bit dependant on how others react and feel. This is the true quest, to be and feel what you want despite of others. To say they don't truley care about you, is just as right as it is wrong. As long as you can not truly take care of yourself (about how you feel), there is no way you can truly care about another. It is great to recognise weather you are feeling good or not. The key is to remake in the good feeling place, without talking notice of how others react. Don't expect others to mimic your feelings, as attraction reflects far more frequenties within yourself, than the ones you can comprehend in the moment. Just stay focused on YOUR feelings and let others be. Accept them in their own quest. We are all in this together!


answered 04 Oct '14, 09:02

TimH's gravatar image


Recognition of the problem is the first step.

It has to do with the Emotional Guidance Scale.

alt text

Let's say you are feeling optimistic. If you look at the chart, you see that that is way up there. But let's also say that your friends see you happy. They are depressed and that is way down there. To make themselves feel better, they move up to jealousy. Do see that that puts them in a higher state? Pulling you down raises them up. They act on their jealousy, and hurt you. For a time, they might actually shoot up to passion by doing this to you. It is sad.

It seems so simple. But not letting them affect you is much harder. Perhaps if you understand that they are "getting their jollies" from making you feel bad, then you can see how to stop them from pulling you down. Refuse to budge from your hard-won happiness. What they feel is their own affair. You are in charge of your own emotions. Do not give your power away. If they cared about you, they would not do this. But in releasing your control (actually, your supposed control), you gain power over yourself. You are responsible for you. Take care of you. Those that love you, will love you no matter what. Those that do not will fall away. Why are people mean to each other? Check out IQ answers to this question. It may help you- @Stingray has a great answer to this, and it also uses the Emotional Guidance Scale.

As far as why you are hurting yourself...As for me, when I feel this way, it usually means that I am really angry at myself about something. If you uncover that anger, and find out how you failed yourself, then you can begin to change what is bothering you. Anger fuels change. When we shut down our anger, we shut down the fuel that will help us to move, to change what is wrong. Are you being shut down by others? You are simply letting them. Why let them? Are you shutting yourself down- stifling yourself? Then quit it, and be good to yourself. Do not play victim.

Happiness is a choice. I really understand how easy it can be to give your power away. Remember that your family and close friends know where all your buttons are installed and know just where and how to push them. Don't let them!

alt text

Be happy, and take control!

Many blessings,

Jaianniah ♥


answered 04 Oct '14, 02:13

Jaianniah's gravatar image


It's human nature that your friends may be happy to see you do well, just as long as you don't do better than them!

Listen to the guest stars who appear on talk shows. They always tell anecdotes that makes us believe that they are just as clumsy or silly as the rest of us. We like these people because they are self-deprecating, instead of boasting about their latest success or achievement.

But as for people who dislike you for being happy or positive, who are these people? They are obviously not all that happy or positive themselves. And why does their reactions affect you so much?

My suggestion is to make some new friends. Look for people who are happy and positive and their mood will rub off onto you! You don't have to give up your old friends, but if you gravitate to people who make you feel good about yourself, you will be less likely to put up with **** from your old friends.

One more thing - you teach people how to treat you. By putting yourself last, you are teaching these people that you are not important. Time to change that now!


answered 05 Oct '14, 10:10

Westie's gravatar image


Let others do what they like--that is their choice. You take charge of yourself. People act/react according to the sanskar (taste, tendencies--Bhagavat Gita 3:33) which is formed by the force of repetition of action in which they take delight, which is carried forward from previous births. (Gita 2:22) You take lesson from their resolve to continue with their wasteful acts, and bring in such resolve in doing something worthwhile. (Gita 3:25)


answered 06 Oct '14, 07:41

T%20D%20Joseph's gravatar image

T D Joseph

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Asked: 04 Oct '14, 00:47

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Last updated: 18 Oct '14, 20:44

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