Hi all,... Some may remember me from a while ago,...I haven't been able to reply to comments for some reason so should of lost interest in the site, but I'm on a new computer now, so hopefully this will be better.


I have found myself in a dilemma. earlier this year my child developed a phobia of not wanting me to touch her, then she added her toys to that as well, believing that everything I touch was going to be oily, a few days later (I have shared care ) my child told me that mum had told her that I use to leave oily marks on her when I patted her etc when she was little,

My exe partner told this story to her in front of me, and then once again the next day in front of two other people, who both don't believe it.

I think this is a clear attempt by her to undermine our relationship (between my child and me) this is not the first time she has tried but it is the first she made in front of others.

The dilemma is, some people say I shouldn't rock the boat, as it will be only my child who will suffer. Others say she will suffer even if I don't say anything, And that is true as well,...we both went through hell and back for 6-8 weeks because of this, my child had tears running down her cheeks one day after getting into my car at the end of school, after only a few minutes, begging me to take her to mums place not mine as her place wasn't oily.but mine was.

So do I press this, or let it slip?

If I press the point, I am hoping people will see the truth and help, my child, my exe and myself, in that order.

If I let it slip, I run the risk of my exe doing something again, causing emotional heart ache for my child, (who is 8)

asked 13 Jul '18, 02:55

alliswell's gravatar image


edited 13 Jul '18, 04:10

Should I stand up to lies or let them slip by?

It depends.

If you want a happy life, put "Feeling Good" first (and ignore the lies)

If you want a miserable life, put "Being Right" first (and fight for "the truth")

More information


answered 13 Jul '18, 08:03

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 13 Jul '18, 08:11

@Stingray- I feel the brain fights for truth whilst the heart fights for connection and joy even beyond the need for truth. The brain desires comprehension, whilst the heart desires peace. Indeed my life has improved since prioritising getting happy, and now, I don't even desire to be correct or even understood by others. I don't even wish too much to understand other people any more either. I just want to be happy and let the laughter spread. Great answer.

(16 Jul '18, 20:20) Nikulas

There was a period of my life I enrtered where many people, for whatever reason, assumed I was homosexual (I am a straight guy). People whom I trusted a lot were determined to let me know that apparently I was homosexual, even when I said to them I was not. There even was a time where I was into a beautiful girl and our (potential) relationship I judged was spoiled because some other guy told her "oh he's homosexual anyways so he is just wasting your time." I became deeply resentful and angry with these people whom seemingly had this agenda to think whatever they wanted to think about me. Should I stand up to them? Or let it slide and let this beautiful girl go because of my lack of outer conviction?

Another time when I was living with people in a mansion, someone asked me if I left the stove gas on the previous night. I told them I did not as I had not even used the kitchen due to me just moving into that place. But yet two other people were seemingly accustomed to letting me know they they thought and they 'knew' I left the stove gas on, even though I did not! How else could I prove to them my innocence and truth that I sincerely didn't, when they were not interested in listening to me at all?

I have a very muscular body. Somebody once said to me I looked this way because I have taken steroids. I have never taken a steroid in my entire life nor ever will this lifetime. When I told him that I ate very normal Western diet and did very minimal exercise (I had injured my ankle from gymnastics months ago) and I did some sports previously, he was determined to believe I had done steroids!!

As I have mentioned elsewhere, people are sometimes just going to project things onto you regardless of what you say, do or prove.

In my experience, with all 3 of these examples, eventually I began playing a funny game that Zen masters and Tao legends discuss. When someone said I was gay, I said to them "yes." When someone asked if I left the gas on, even though I didn't, I just said to them "yes I did." When someone said I took steroids, I said "how did you know, yes of course I did!"

Yes I am lying in all these interactions with people. But I want to get on with my existence. I do not have to prove to someone I am a millionare to not deep down I am (lol).


answered 28 Jul '18, 01:20

Nikulas's gravatar image


perhaps the ex should
set the record straight,
not destroying the reason
mom has custody of child


answered 27 Jul '18, 15:47

fred's gravatar image


Click here to create a free account

If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website

Related Questions