Although we have not lived together for nearly seven years, I seem to still feel connected to him, albeit very badly. I am not obsessed with him; rather, i just would like some advice on how to really feel as if I can move on with my life. Unfortunately, we have not had the money to divorce, nor has my health helped matters. (I am covered by his insurance.) I have tried numerous things to disconnect spiritually, but so far, nothing has really worked.
I seem to need some kind of ritual that will stop me from contacting him at all.
I should add that most of that contact has been nasty and /or contentious.He is especially resentful when it comes to money. He has said things such as, "I cannot enjoy the fruits of my labors." He was the one who made the choices that he did, and abandoned the marriage. My fault lies in being too trustful and too naive to see the writing on the wall.
Now, all I want is to get him out of my head and soul.
One more thing you should know before you answer me is that I am living at poverty level. I have tried to get help from Legal Aid, but it does not seem to work very well here in Mississippi. I am doing all that I can to get a divorce. In the meantime, what should I do?
asked 16 Dec '10, 13:01
Barry Allen ♦♦
showing 0 of 2 show 2 more comments
You may have a past life connection with him, or possibly the two of you made an agreement before coming into this life to help each other through some things and thus are connected...there are many possible scenarios as you probably know. You also seem to realize that you are a part of each other's lives for good or for bad, and after a history of so many years that is hard to erase.
You could minimize some of the emotion involved though by being more independent. Is medicare/medicaid available to you? You mentioned being low-income, so perhaps some medical plan could get you off of his and having you both feel more independent and him feeling less resentful. Just a thought.
And what about a pro-se divorce? My ex and I did ours that way, and not only was it easy, but cost us very little....just the filing fees. The county you live in probably has some information on their website about do-it-yourself divorce. Perhaps cutting that legal tie would leave you both feeling better and able to move on in many ways.
One good ritual, to help you both move forward is to visualize a ribbon between the two of you. Say something to yourself like, "I let him go with love. We are both free; it's wonderful. We both feel peace." And then in your mind, cut the ribbon. You may have to repeat this until you feel in your heart that it has worked.
answered 17 Dec '10, 16:33
Honestly, your partner has no hold upon you, therefore, you are free to file a divorce and permanently remove yourself from the relationship.
Let us problem solve for a moment: what happen to you if you were to loose contact with your husband permanently? What would be your plan of action to survive without his Health Care Benefits to cover you? How would you mange to keep up, and take of yourself?
The point that I am trying to make is that you are responsible for you, and if you do not know how to take care of yourself, and how to be independent, then, you are the one that is responsible for your present situation. Do you want to remain in this situation?
You’re an educated woman, so take control of your life, and let it shine for you in all the right places. Be assertive, be confident, stand up for what you believe in, and do not settle for less than the best in life. Get out of that dark place, and surprise yourself!
I sincerely believe that you have both the confidence, and the ability to transform your life to live the life you desire!
My prayers are with you!
answered 07 Mar '11, 05:49
Inactive User ♦♦
I had a similar issue on a much smaller scale (dating) but nevertheless the part about getting the person out of my realty seemed to be the same issue.
Getting that person out of my reality was very difficult. What helped me was: time, NO communication at all, replacing memories of the other person with other thoughts, starting a new chapter in my life, meeting someone else, moving to a new location and feeling better about myself.
You have to really want it becasue things like that make deep impressions. Thus, hard work is needed to counter those deep impressions and create new ones.
Try not to feel scared to let go either. You will still be OK, probably better.
answered 16 Dec '10, 20:19
EFT Emotional Freedom Technique is an amazing way to relieve negative emotions, obsessive thoughts, fears and phobias, etc... there are several versions out there includiding matrix reimprinting and fasterEFT that Stingray has mentioned, so I checked it out. Either way it is simple. You tune in to that feeling, and tap on pressure points while saying a phrase to direct your mind and breathe, repeat as necessary. That's all. It is so simple, yet effective. You can go back to past memories and the feelings tied to them and tap on them and eliminate them and then reinsert positive feelings into those memories. Virtually, changing your present and your future.
Added 3/7/11 I would like to add that in doing the tapping, you will clear your emotions, so that you can attract the good things that you want instead of focusing on the empty spot of the lack of your desire. Vee mentioned that
But I understand that you don't have the money and are not physically well, so you need his insurance. So, I suggest you do the EFT and focus on the feelings around not having enough money, feeling trapped, and other feelings, emotions around your situation. Relieving the emotions will give you a new freedom from where you can do the things you need to do.
answered 06 Mar '11, 22:42
This sounds like an ad.
(07 Mar '11, 19:03) all2gethernow
LOL I hope nobody is disappointed that I have nothing to sell. ;) I hope everybody tries it, loves it and improves their lives.
(08 Mar '11, 02:43) Fairy Princess
It sounds like you really got a tough one there. Your ex has become a bad habit for you even though you are tring to break free. You may need some professional help with this one.
Your situation is extreme but normally the way to break free of unwanted thoughts is to replace them with new thoughts. I understand what you maybe feeling because I went through a similar experience. However in my case it lasted less than a year before I was able to break the emotional connection even though there was absolutely no contact with my ex. your ongoing contact with him makes it so much harder to disassociate.
My advice to you is to not give up and to seek help. In addition try using the Focus Block to help you to put things back into perspective.
answered 16 Dec '10, 21:46
Maybe rather than look at all the difficulties, you could start think about resolution. What would happen if you ask the Source to find the perfect resolution for these matters. Trust in you inner power, and start to enjoy you life now. Now is all we have. Try appreciating what you have and be happy now. I (meaning you) have accomplished a great deal in my life (looking at your profile). I now totally trust the Source to bring about the perfect solution for the highest good for all these matters. Word this for you. Then surrender the outcome to the source within. Manny Blessings!
answered 19 Dec '10, 03:46
This is great Tom! Thanks for keeping it POSITIVE.
(19 Dec '10, 05:02) figure8shape
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@Pierre - Jai said in her first line that they haven't lived together for nearly seven years now...
healing prayer sent your way jai...