Hi IQ,

Many times in my life I keep getting the feeling of not being "good" enough. Not worthy enough, not nice enough, not anything enough. When a person looks at me, I instantly think "What are they thinking of me, why are they looking at me like that" and it makes me paranoid, I probably make it all up because what is wrong about someone looking at you when you pass them.

I want to reverse this effect, I want to be able to look at someone else and think: "I don't care what you think, because all that matters to me is what I think of me".

I do think of myself as an assertive guy, and I always stand up for my principles and opinions.

I also think this affects my romantic life, which is the opposite of what I desire.

Thanks IQ.



asked 14 Jan '11, 15:15

Milanz's gravatar image


edited 14 Jan '11, 15:31

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Well Milan, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others to judge ourselve. But I see in your question the hint to your answer. You say all that matters is what you think of yourself.

What do you think of yourself?

List all of your qualities about how you feel about yourself NOT compared to others. This is tricky cause subjectiveness is inherent to the exercise. Like are you kind on your own scale not compared to others? Do you have the ability to give or receive love as much as you like.

You will soon see that when you do not compare your self to others you are wonderful, loving and beautiful!!



answered 14 Jan '11, 15:39

jim%2010's gravatar image

jim 10

Good answer...! Simple conviction engenders faith... In the end, all healing is by faith.

(15 Jan '11, 13:45) The Prophet

Hi Milan

I used to feel like that too. I slowly changed this by focusing on what God thought about me and my relationship to him.

As i began to realise that i was an extension of Source, or one with the Father i began to increase in confidence.

This didnt happen overnight but slowly i got it into my head that i was one with God EVEN as Christ is. This revelation grew and grew. As it did i began to feel less and less bothered about what others thought of me. In fact i even began to put less importance on what I thought about me.

As i realised that God adored,loved and cherished me the question of my own self worth became frankly academic.It seemed and still does that if Gods happy with me then bollocks to anyone elses negative opinion.

When the light of that Love and adoration hits home there will be a miracle performed at your deepest level of being.

My advice would be to meditate regularly on that love.Steep yourself in the truth about what God thinks about you.Meditate on your oneness with all that there is.That REALISATION is more potent than we can imagine.



answered 14 Jan '11, 17:12

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

Milanz, What does your immediate family think of you?

Most, if not all of the feelings that you have described in your question, are most likely based on negative information that was inculcated in you by one or more members of your immediate family during the first 8 years of your life...

Take the time now to think about it... If you begin to come to some realizations by doing some reflection on those times now -- I may be able to direct you to some more information that could help you expand your discovery process even further and relieve those negative, self-defeating feelings altogether.

We reap what we sow...

But too often it's by what someone else has sown into us while we were innocent children.


answered 14 Jan '11, 16:16

The%20Prophet's gravatar image

The Prophet

Hi Neil, some time after asking my question, I left my computer to go to work, and I "randomly" got the words "We reap what we sow" in my head. I have heard that sentance before on here but that was ages ago. The funny thing is I'm not even english/american myself, so those words don't just come up in me. I wonder....

(14 Jan '11, 23:23) Milanz

Milanz, reaping and sowing is not a problem, unless what has been sown in your mind is an unwarranted criticism, that occurred before you had developed your own powers of discernment and choice. Then, you need to go back and do a little Q & A to get to the root of the problem.

(15 Jan '11, 12:02) The Prophet

Just read your question after I was halfway threw this video. (multitasking ) Robert say some smart stuff here and I think a lot of what he says lies very close to your question.Even if you don't tap.
(Information on taping can be found here and on-line)

Learning to love yourself is the key to improving your life. As you love yourself you then will give to others what you have been practicing on yourself first. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=feedf&hl=en&v=1yLM-latW8I


answered 14 Jan '11, 16:25

ursixx's gravatar image


Look at others you admire, then realize they are human just like you are. They may know more but they had to learn what they know, as they learned so could you learn. Not only this they may be more skilled than you are, they had to gain that through practice, as they gained so could you gain the same as them. If someone else has done it you can too, if someone else has achieved it you can too. Take that belief about others greatness and realize they had to grow into that greatness, where you are may very well have been where they started, and maybe even you are further along than where they started out from.

You must realize if you have a future you have a potential, don't look at where you are but look at where you could be! Don't think "should be" think "could be" if I say "I should be here by now" or "I should be doing this." Remove that thought and instead imagine what you could be, what you could achieve what your future could be like if you work at emulating those you admire.

Take your mind out of the present limiting experience and expand it into the limitless future of possibility, then your self confidence will be beyond limit.


answered 15 Jan '11, 02:36

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

Don't cast away your perfection as imperfection. The qualities that you have expressed about yourself are virtuous. Humbleness, courtesy and care for others are the fruits of godliness. These are also acts of selflessness. It is selfishness that you should be steering away from. Realize the potential of what your feeling then balance it with the other qualities that you feel you may be lacking. Try searching your past. Reference moments in your history when you were more of what you presently want to be. Start from your infancy and work your way to the present day. Use items that may trigger your memory, pictures, objects, locations, things with sentimental value. Use family members and friends to recall who you were to remodel who you've become. The rule of resources: Even the poorest person has everything they need to succeed.


answered 14 Jan '11, 17:22

Constantine's gravatar image


Woah, thank you all for the answers. I love them.



answered 14 Jan '11, 23:21

Milanz's gravatar image


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