Is there a commonality found in low self-esteem and living for other people or pleasing or placating others?

With that being said, is the life of giving self away for others and helping others a way to low self-esteem?

asked 16 Jun '11, 22:52

Back2Basics's gravatar image


edited 17 Jun '11, 05:44

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Hi, B2B. I want to point out that when you post a question, and then assign a best answer rather quickly, it tends to discourage people from answering your question after that point. I know that it should not be all about the points, but I know that it tends to discourage me from answering your question. Why not wait to award your best answer at least a few days? You might then get more answers, and also, flush out those who missed your question due to their own time constraints. Just a thought! Love ya!>>>>>>>>>>>>

(17 Jun '11, 18:14) Jaianniah

@J: this is true, I will be sure to do that...

(17 Jun '11, 18:42) Back2Basics

@Jaianniah: it is selfish of you to make this suggestion to B2B, and it is a very biased decision. Do you not think that everyone on this site deserves at least one point for their effort, and hard work in answering your question, and how is this showing respect, and appreciation to others? Why do you want to cause a willful act of separation between the members here on Inward Quest? With all due respect, Jai this is not the proper thing to initiate, since it feels like hate to me! Are our hearts hardened with hate that we cannot give to others to receive from others? Peace and Love!

(18 Jun '11, 06:40) Inactive User ♦♦

Vee: Obviously, I did a bad job at explaining to B2B what I meant about awarding the fifteen points for "Best Answer". I certainly had absolutely no intention of suggesting that ANYONE not vote for an answer at all. B2B awarded "Best Answer" to LeeAnn just hours after he posted his question. I did not mean to suggest at all that LeeAnn did not deserve this honor. Rather, I meant to encourage B2B to wait a bit before voting, to keep the interest up in his question, and to let everyone have a chance to post, and thus have an equal chance at the "Best Answer". <more to="" follow="" below=""> Jai

(24 Jun '11, 08:52) Jaianniah

This suggestion of mine is based on my experience. I have found that when I award "Best Answer" too quickly, people tend to skip answering after that point. Indeed, the Award seems to say that the question is, for the most part, closed. The Questioner is satisfied, and nothing more needs to be said. I also have to admit that I was a little hurt by the things you assumed about me. But that isn't as important as making sure that everyone is clear about what I suggested to B2B. With Christian Love, Jai

(24 Jun '11, 08:59) Jaianniah
showing 1 of 5 show 4 more comments

Living for others is considered the height and the point of existence for many lovely souls around the world. I do not think that they suffer low self-esteem from their lifestyle- rather the reverse. But we have to remember the Golden Rule here: Love others as you love yourself. Self-love comes before the giving, not after. We give because we love ourselves, and do these things for others because it makes us feel good to please God.

When we do for others to gain some sort of recognition, we start down another and different path. It is a lonely and painful path, and it leads to feelings of despair and martyrdom. Others are often quick to see that we will do anything for anyone, and we are taken advantage of very quickly. People love to get something for nothing.

I would think that you need to be careful when considering a life for others. Always be sure to ask yourself: Am I doing this because it makes me happy, or am I doing this because I am hoping to gain recognition and love from others?

Blessings and Love, Jaianniah


answered 17 Jun '11, 18:32

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 17 Jun '11, 18:40

very well put, I can see the contrast in the two approaches here.

(17 Jun '11, 18:44) Back2Basics

This is an excellent answer. The highest form of love is a love that does not want anything in exchange. With a love like that, it does not matter if people are aware of the fact that you help them. When you love others that way, a love for yourself blooms within you.

(17 Jun '11, 18:48) Asklepios

Thanks! Glad to help....LOL! Jai

(17 Jun '11, 18:50) Jaianniah

well the thing is you need to do it in secret with out no one knowing! then you know but no one else does except the father!

(24 Jun '11, 01:32) white tiger
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

It depends. Service can uplift us, give us purpose, help us from being too self-focused, make the world a better place, help us learn and more. But a balance is hard to strike. One can give too much of themself and end up feeling like a doormat, or getting a martyr complex, or as you mentioned, damaging their own self worth. I think each person has to gauge that balance for themself.


answered 17 Jun '11, 00:29

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

i agree with "gauge that balance for them self" and some people may not be best suited for always giving of themselves, or at least at certain times it is helpful to be selfish.

(17 Jun '11, 00:59) Back2Basics

well martyr mean witness of god! so good for them they are doing god works!

(24 Jun '11, 01:30) white tiger

LeeAnn, from my suggestion to B2B above, I hope that you did not assume that I did not feel that you deserved "Best Answer." I hope that you know me better than that. If I DID hurt you, I wanted to take this chance to apologize. From Vee's comments above, I see that I must not have been clear enough in my explanation of IQ mechanics...You know I love you! Jai

(24 Jun '11, 09:07) Jaianniah

Jai, that didn't even cross my mind! But thank you so much for considering my feelings. I knew what you meant. You are such a good person! Love, LeeAnn

(24 Jun '11, 13:16) LeeAnn 1
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

In my case, it is different. I have noticed that helping others gives a boost to my ego.


answered 17 Jun '11, 16:00

Asklepios's gravatar image


good to know, thanks.

(17 Jun '11, 17:59) Back2Basics

However, it is not like I seek recognition for helping others. I just feel good when I help someone. I do not need others to know about it. In fact, it does not matter to me if they know or not. What matters is that by helping others I am coming closer to what I truly want to do in life.

(17 Jun '11, 18:56) Asklepios

If we always place others before us we place ourselves last. Being the least and constantly last would make most anyone feel like a failure, a loser and worthless. This is after all the world's way that the one whom crosses the finish line last is not noticed, as far as most are concerned if he didn't race it would not have made a difference. A person like this eventually loses identity and feels more like an appliance to be used by everyone as needed. He hasn't any time for himself except sleep and that can be compromised as well if someone needs him to. This leads to feeling worthless to oneself and priceless to everyone else.

Many suicides (or homicides) you hear people say, "I don't know what happened, he was the nicest guy! He would give you the shirt off of his own back!" They just couldn't take how they felt about themselves any more, they felt used and taken for granted, which of course they were. People like receiving things free, they feel good when someone gives them something so if one wants to always 'give' and 'do for' there are lots that like to 'receive' and 'have done for them.' In other words plenty that would take advantage of the giver, and so rightly the giver feels taken advantage of.

All of these feelings come from identifying with the body mind self, this self that needs to feel self-worth to exist. There is a way around this by knowing our worth to Christ that the more we help and give we are helping and giving to those God leads us to. This knowing our value in Christ returns to us our worth our sense of self-worth does not come from the world but from God. We need to see God loves and values us so much that he bought us back from Satan through his sacrifice as Jesus on the cross. We are valued far more than we can imagine and if God values us that much then to be a friend of God like Abraham in the Bible we enjoy doing for others because these are our brothers and sisters in the body of God. We know the first shall be last and the last shall be first in heaven and we will be wearing a gold crown for our deeds, but this is a benefit to the faithful and a goal but not the reason why we treat others well. When we treat others as they wish to be treated we give love, understanding, healing, forgiveness and compassion. That is all most want is consideration not to be put on a pedestal as constantly better than, this only harms them eventually. But to be equal friends with.


answered 17 Jun '11, 18:06

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi

edited 24 Jun '11, 08:06

amen, great insight. Your answer helped strip a bit of the illusion of the body mind self. thank you.

(17 Jun '11, 18:50) Back2Basics

well wade some will be first and will become last! and some will be last and become first! as for the number one is the one that serve you best! and yes they will take him for granted until he leave then they miss him but it is to late they should have wake up when it was the time!

(24 Jun '11, 01:42) white tiger

god works wounder and so can you! god way are impenetrable and so can you!


answered 24 Jun '11, 01:34

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

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