I've recently began using EFT. And I want to apply it to a fear I have of approaching and dating women.

I have a strong desire to be comfortable approaching, attracting and dating women of my choice.

I recently began taking public transportation to work. And each day this week I saw someone that I was interested in getting to know(dating).

However I couldn't approach. I also have this issue when i'm in a bar or club setting. I'll see people I want to talk to but the fear will cripple me and I end up only talking to the people that I know personally.

I've attempted to use the process with focus blocks and I did attract some "dating material" to study. However I was to fearful to try the techniques on women I didn't know

I did preform a few rounds of EFT(the origianl version by Gar Craig, which includes tapping on your fingers and the 9 point gamet(sp?)) however I don't feel the relief I would like.

How can I uncover the different aspects to neutralize with EFT?

asked 18 Mar '11, 17:09

Chris%202's gravatar image

Chris 2

edited 18 Mar '11, 22:54

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

One of the problems with methods like traditional EFT, Focus Blocks and others is the need to label your problem belief with words.

The way these belief-change methods work is that you experience a negative emotion that causes you to act/react in a certain way, then you sum up in words what you think the underlying problem belief is, then you apply the method to change what you have identified.

This works fine when you can accurately uncover the "underlying root belief".

Let me explain first what I mean by that phrase.

alt text

Consider a limiting belief to be like a tower of playing cards. When the tower collapses, the limiting belief is gone in an instant.

So how do you make the tower collapse most effectively?

Simple. You take a single card away from the bottom that all the other cards are supported by...and the tower collapses immediately. That single card can be considered to the underlying root belief.

The tricky thing though is that it is not always clear what that belief is, especially if you are trying to sum it up in words to then clear out using EFT, Focus Blocks etc.

If you don't identify it correctly, you could just be picking off a card from the top of the tower but the overall limiting belief is still firmly in place. This is where I think people have problems with most belief-change methods. The method they are using is usually highly effective at changing beliefs but they have not identified the right belief to change!

There are some excellent ways though to verbally identify those root beliefs. Take a look at:

...for some ideas.

But there is however a shortcut method I've been playing with more and more for surfacing and dealing with these root beliefs, especially when I'm having trouble verbalizing them.

The clue is in the second paragraph of this answer in the sentence in bold text i.e. "then you sum up in words what you think the underlying problem belief is"

If you remove that sentence from the paragraph, you have your shortcut.

The idea is that you don't even try to uncover the root beliefs (or "aspects") of the problem - you just deal directly with the negative emotion.

So to take your example of approaching women...try and vividly imagine how it makes you feel when you are approaching women and as those negative feelings surface, just tap them away using the method I've outlined in the answer and comments to Does the release technique work better than EFT? and Eft: What do you do whilst tapping?

You'll find this to be much more effective than trying to label and identify the beliefs themselves in words and then trying to deal with soothing those word labels.

A further tip that is especially useful in conjunction with events - like approaching women or going out on dates etc - is to split your focus over three main areas as you vividly imagine yourself engaging in the event.

Those areas are:

  1. How do you feel before the event?
  2. How do you feel during the event?
  3. How do you feel after the event?

I think many people only concentrate on changing how they feel during the event itself when, in fact, much of their fear may be related to preparation for the event, or worries about how they are going to feel after the event if it doesn't go as intended (e.g. feelings of rejection)

Hope that gives you some ideas.


answered 18 Mar '11, 23:41

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 18 Mar '11, 23:56

I was struggling with this the past two days, reading this has given me so much relief, thank you so much.

(19 Mar '11, 03:31) Nikki777

Can you do focus blocks without uncovering beliefs or verbalizing your beliefs ?

(19 Mar '11, 03:59) Nikki777

@Nikki777 - Focus Blocks is a language-based process so it's not really possible to avoid using language for it. However, the approach it uses is to change many beliefs/vibrations (almost) simultaneously because you dart around changing a bit here and a bit there. It's basically the other easy way of making those cards topple... move all of them a little bit making the entire structure more and more unstable until it collapses itself - that's the Focus Blocks approach... or keep firing until you hit something important :) Use whatever approach you feel drawn towards

(19 Mar '11, 10:19) Stingray

@Stingray Thanks for your rplies recently. They have all helped. I understand exactly what you mean and I've experiemnted with it this weekend with some success I believe. Thanks again, I will try out your suggestions with before, during, and after. I'm sure more question will come but I'm making great progress.

(21 Mar '11, 18:14) Chris 2

@Stingray Is it best to come up with imaginary situations or to reimagine events that I have already experiences. For example, imagine/set the scene of seeing the woman I saw on wednesday on the train, feel the negative emotion, and tap? Would there be any benifit to imagine the same scenario as I would have liked it to go? Thanks

(21 Mar '11, 18:19) Chris 2

@Chris - I tend to find that imaginary situations never feel as real to me as conjuring up past actual events ( http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/8298/how-do-you-generate-the-feeling-of-having-it-when-youve-never-had-it/8299#8299 ) so re-imagining past events that went badly and neutralizing them would be a good approach. Don't go actively looking for bad situations but if any come immediately to mind then they are probably active in your general NOW vibration anyway. Imagining how you would have liked to it have gone is a great idea ...helps you align with that outcome

(22 Mar '11, 06:31) Stingray

@Stingray Thanks! Last night I did several inspired rounds of the EFT you describe and I was yawning like crazy. It was amazing that once I brought up a subject that bothered me and I started tapping, I could remember past events. Also I I was tapping I could feel and hear(in my mind) my Inner being coaching me towards him/me. It was quite an amazing experience. I know that It was affective and I even feel more free. I look forward to what is to come. Thanks much!!

(22 Mar '11, 17:06) Chris 2

Well done, Chris. Sounds like you're really making progress with clearing up some stuff :)

(22 Mar '11, 22:33) Stingray
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