I am making this a Community Wiki Question, so I get nothing out of this...I hope that this question does not get closed- I think a sense of humor is vital to being a well-rounded person...so, in that spirit, I decided to risk it, and perhaps we will develop a collection of Great Spiritual Stories and Jokes for this site.
I would especially love the jokes that teach a moral, and do NOT defame any particular spiritual belief.
asked 17 Apr '11, 19:48
Barry Allen ♦♦
showing 0 of 3 show 3 more comments
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
answered 27 Mar '12, 20:02
ha ha ha very good. i would say to the Rabbi did you not listen to jesus if God would have wanted people circumcise he would have made them that way.
(27 Mar '12, 20:14) white tiger
(22 Oct '12, 23:42) Jaianniah
A father was explaining to a friend that he used to be worried about his son.
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was cheating on him and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.
So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity.
Why is this?" And a great voice was heard from above ...
"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME."
answered 18 Apr '11, 10:44
hahahha thats a good one!
(19 Apr '11, 13:21) Nikki777
Love this joke.
(17 Oct '11, 13:05) Paulina 1
very good joke it make one think about judgement.
(18 Oct '11, 01:28) white tiger
showing 2 of 6 show 4 more comments
Every day, a physisist goes to an icecream parlor and buys two ice creams, one for himself, and the other one, he places in the seat next to him. After several months, the owner of the ice cream parlor asks the man why he does this. The man replied, "According to quantum mechanics, a beautiful woman will spontaneously materialize in that seat and fall in love with me." So the parlor owner says, "Why don't you buy an ice cream, give it to one of the ladies in here already and maybe she will fall in love with you." The physisist replies, "What are the chances of that happening?"
answered 17 Apr '11, 20:57
Another gem! ROFL! Way to go! Blessings,>>>>>>>
(17 Apr '11, 21:35) Jaianniah
I heard it on the TV show, The Big Bang Theory. It is a great show. I could have changed it to a LOA joke, but I didn't. I am glad you like it.
(17 Apr '11, 22:03) Fairy Princess
Another good laugh.
(17 Oct '11, 13:04) Paulina 1
yes good joke . elementary my dear watson.
(18 Oct '11, 01:32) white tiger
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments
There was a young couple very much in love. On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an automobile accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "St. Peter, my fiancee and I are very happy to be in heaven, but we miss very much the opportunity to have our wedding vows celebrated. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married?" St. Peter looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that. I can get you an appointment in two weeks from Wednesday." Come the appointed day, the couple was escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what; wait a year and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again." A year went by and the couple, still very much wanting to get married, came back. Again, the Lord God Almighty said, "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you must wait another year, and then I will consider your request." This happened year after year, for ten years. Each time they reasserted their yearning to be married; each time God put them off for another year. In the tenth year, they came before they Lord God Almighty to ask again. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry! This Saturday at 2:00 p.m. We will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel. The reception will be on me!" The wedding went off without a hitch. The bride looked beautiful. The Buddha did the flower arrangements for which Moses wove simple yet elegant baskets. Jesus prepared the fish course. All of heaven's denizens attended, and a good time was had by all. Tragically, but perhaps inevitably, within a few weeks, the newlyweds realized that they had made a horrible mistake. They simply couldn't stay married to one another. So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty. Groveling and frightened, they asked if they could get a divorce. The Lord heard their request, looked at them, and said, "Look, it took us TEN YEARS to find a priest up here in heaven. Do you have any idea how long it'll take us to find a lawyer?"
answered 17 Oct '11, 12:54
Thats a good laugh.
(17 Oct '11, 13:12) Paulina 1
Wonderful!! Excellent!!! ROFL!!! 5 star joke!>>>>>>>>>>>>
(17 Oct '11, 14:00) Jaianniah
that was a good one.
(18 Oct '11, 01:28) white tiger
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments
Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.
answered 17 Apr '11, 19:50
Excellent! Thank you, Sam! ROFL!>>>>>>>>>>>
(17 Apr '11, 19:54) Jaianniah
That was priceless Long Gone. Its a pity youll never receive this comment.You may be having a few issues with LOA.....but you aint lost your sense of humour.
(18 Apr '11, 13:07) Monty Riviera
Thats a good laugh.
(17 Oct '11, 13:03) Paulina 1
sorry i do not get it. i will give you a point anny way.
(18 Oct '11, 01:30) white tiger
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments
As the broken light bulb said to the psychiatrist:
"you can analyze ME indefinitely or you can simply decide to change ME right Now." :)
answered 18 Apr '11, 08:02
This is a good joke.
(17 Oct '11, 13:09) Paulina 1
yep take action to make a change. good one.
(18 Oct '11, 01:34) white tiger
One I heard a few years back and still makes me chuckle from time to time when I see a certain software menu option...
answered 17 Oct '11, 15:01
ha ha ha yes jesus save.
(18 Oct '11, 01:36) white tiger
My future father-in-law has a problem with remembering to save his work on his computer (which he denies, of course!). This has inspired Wade and I to soon buy a Crucifix and hang it right over the computer....Maybe THAT will work...LOL! Thanks, btw, for the great joke...<3
(13 Feb '12, 16:22) Jaianniah
There was a flood coming and a man was waiting for God to save him, a man came by on a life raft and said "here get on I'll help you!" The man waiting on God said "No no thank you, God will save me, I'll be fine." Later the water is getting high the man is now at the second story and a boat comes by with rescuers in it, they tell him "Come out the window we'll save you!" The man said "Go away I'll be fine God will save me!" Next he is standing on his roof the water is closing in on him fast, a helicopter comes and drops a rope ladder and shouts "Grab on we'll rescue you!" He shouts up "No that wont be necessary I have full faith God will save me!" Finely the water raises so high he is swept away and drowned. He asks God, "Why, God I had full faith in you to save me! Was I not worthy enough, why did you let me die?" God replied "You were in deed worthy, you did have very much faith and in this faith have I answered you." "When did you answer me?" said the man "I died!" God responded I have not answered you once but three times!" "I came to you in a raft, I came to you in a boat, I even came to you in a helicopter! It was you that refused my help when you put your own limiting conditions of expectation on how I am to help you."
Don't limit how God helps you by expectation on how that help is to come. Just know and trust then recognize the help.
After some thought on how this was originally worded as a joke instead of a parable I thought I need to get my mind in a wave similar to Henny Youngman, so I am going to tune in now and retell this more as a joke.
A flood was coming and Bob a man of faith was watching the water come past his house. Bob prayed for God to rescue him. A neighbor came by on a raft and said "get in I'll save you!" Bob said "No I am waiting on God to save me!" His neighbor went past, now the water was raising fast! The water was rushing past his second story window! A ship came by and offered help but Bob refused saying, "I have faith God will save me!" Finely as Bob stood on his roof a helicopter came and shouted down "Grab the ladder!" Bob said "No God will save me!" They left and Bob was washed away, Bob meets Jesus judgement day and says "What happened I waited for you to save me?" Jesus responded "Bob I sent you a raft, a ship and a helicopter! What more did you want? The coast guard?"
answered 18 Apr '11, 00:02
Not really a joke Wade...but good never the less.
(18 Apr '11, 13:08) Monty Riviera
You know ive just re read it. It is a joke with some wisdom thrown in.Very good.
(18 Apr '11, 13:09) Monty Riviera
Yes it really is a joke, it was originally worded differently, you can tell I am more about the lesson than the joke, I think I turned it into a parable! lol
(18 Apr '11, 20:15) Wade Casaldi
I'll try to remember how it was worded as a joke, much shorter to the point I believe.
(18 Apr '11, 20:16) Wade Casaldi
I like it. It has a great lesson to teach and it is funny at the same time.
(17 Oct '11, 13:09) Paulina 1
Yes that is a why it is a favorite of mine even if I can't remember it exactly as it was passed around in email. I believe that I did a good job of retelling it in my own wording. :-)
(17 Oct '11, 14:00) Wade Casaldi
yep i agree. ha ha ha.
(18 Oct '11, 01:34) white tiger
Good joke for LOA practice too, that we want the manifestation from certain door and universe shows many but we insist on that, then opportunity fade and we start to cry it doesn't work... I support this joke ;)
(10 Sep '12, 06:45) r0la
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments
answered 28 Sep '12, 08:46
Jesus is watching you
A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you".
Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you".
He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes." He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses." The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?" The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus".
answered 11 Jul '12, 06:10
one day a one legged man was going in the street jumping on one leg. then he stopped put is hand in the air and asked god i am tired of jumping on this leg please god make my leg like the other one. then he falled on the ground.
answered 18 Oct '11, 01:39
Ok here is one I read recently. I have taken up meditation. It's better than sitting around doing nothing.
answered 10 Jul '12, 23:41
I was at a talk on Transcendental Meditation. I like the program, but the presenter was just too much. Short, pompous, arrogant, pink three piece suit. He gave his talk and offered to field questions.
I asked him if Transcendental Meditation could be used to control the pain of dentistry without drugs.
He replied that some people used it for that, but it was not his real focus.
I told him that question was the main reason I had attended his presentation. After all, aren't you teaching how to "Transcend Dental Medication"?
No need to described his reaction, but I was glad that I am 6'1" and weigh over two hundred pounds!
answered 09 Sep '12, 08:38
LOL! Cute, @Dollar Bill!
(09 Sep '12, 19:02) Grace
@Dollar Bill Excellent - this could also work at the dentists when he offers you some medication.
(10 Sep '12, 09:08) Catherine
The Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says:
"Make me one with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master.
The hot dog vendor responds: "Change must come from within."
answered 23 Oct '12, 01:07
This is my sense of humor when I see somebody focusing on his/her body all the time. I mention this imaginary situation to them which possibly could have actually taken place somewhere sometime.
I guy jogged to the gym, did a 2-hour workout and was jogging back home when a truck kills him.
The shape he wanted for his body will soon be different from the one it gets.
(sounds cruel but is a bitter fact)
Dolly (Bliss Haven Retreat Ontario)
answered 06 Apr '13, 21:13
@Dolly Gupta fyi you can add a link to the retreat in your profile.
(16 Apr '13, 03:22) ursixx
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"collection of Great Spiritual Stories and Jokes for this site".
Inward Quest is not a joke.
Inward Quest is a HOPE to human lives.
I request to IQ members do not encourage this type of questions not matter how much sense of humor it present.
My heart is strongly not accepting this question.
I'm not talking about Jaianniah Or Perfect Good, I'm taking about the question which is an unpracticed approach. It should be closed just by mentioning IQ site is not need any kind of jokes.