Hi Inwardquesters,

I seem to be confused on the subject of marriage and not very sure where to stand these days. From my experience, I hardly know any men, married or unmarried, who do not cheat on their wife or committed relationships and it seems so normal unlike a few years back. The most confusing part for me is...the people that I think are very spiritual or respect the most are also the same.

I grew up in a very Conservative society where sex without marriage was considered as a sin. As years go by and exposing myself to the world I realized that things are different out there and I slowly adjusted myself to the extent of experiencing things that I never thought I would in this lifetime.

I just left my Boyfriend because I found him cheating on me. But now I am asking myself...should I take this stuff as normal and stop giving so much value to whether the man is cheating or not? Should I buy one of my Girl friend's beliefs that says..." all men are homogamous by nature"?

asked 19 Oct '11, 15:09

hanico's gravatar image


edited 19 Oct '11, 15:22

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

you want someone that you can trust hanico i will give you tips: go for single male that have been single for many years.male that are never single for long are just scoring.

(20 Oct '11, 15:25) white tiger


Thanks for that question hanico. I have a very strong opinion on the subject and your question made me realize that I might be creating with that judgement circumstances I do not desire.

Anyway, how does it feel when you think that men cheating is normal? If you don't like that idea and it feels bad, then your source obviously does not agree with that. And from your post I can sense that you are very focused, perhapse worried about this subject, therefore keeping it active in your life through LOA. The fact your ex cheated on you and that you are surrounded with cheating men, only means that you're creating that, and now you have a choice to do things differently.

Focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Are men homogamous by nature? Well, in your reality, the answer depends on what you believe. So why not create for yourself a reality with your desired conditions? Why not reach for thoughts that trigger passion and excitement?


answered 19 Oct '11, 15:49

Benjamin's gravatar image


I completely agree, Benjamin.

(19 Oct '11, 17:16) LeeAnn 1

Nicely put Benjamin!

(19 Oct '11, 19:32) Cory

Good answer Benjamin.

(20 Oct '11, 07:40) Paulina 1

this answer is so very complete as it stands.... ss

(20 Oct '11, 13:08) streetsanto

Thank Ben, all what you said make sense to me. I guess I am trying to avoid the hurt by being at peace with that when it happens I am no longer surprised. However, I am still struggling to accept that what is happening in the current society is things that I am attracting in my life by LOA

(21 Oct '11, 11:05) hanico
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

In my opinion "normal" is just a label we put on ourselves and others. That word gives me the feeling of being in a group or trying to conform to what other people think is right or wrong. One person may grow up to think it is normal to cheat and sleep around with other people, while another may think it's normal to wait until you are married to even kiss another person.

It sounds to me like you were given a certain label regarding sex and marriage instead of being allowed to make a choice of your own. It was somebody else's normal that you were exposed to early on and that may be why you are seeing things the way you see them today.

It also seems like this is a situation that has a good bit of your focus and I can totally understand that since the recent unfortunate actions of your boyfriend. I would suggest though that you don't label all men as cheaters just because of what you have experienced. If you do, you may end up getting in the same situations and seeing the same results over and over again and it will become even easier to label them as normal.

There is a lesson here for you to be learned and it's up to you to recognize it. Try looking at the situation in a different light. Start appreciating the positive things you see in men. Even if you can only find a few, focus on those few things and really put some energy behind it.

You are attracting these ideas and situations because of where your current vibration is set to. If your desire is to change how you feel and live out these situations regarding men, then it will take some practice changing your current beliefs.


answered 19 Oct '11, 19:27

Cory's gravatar image


Very true, I like your answer.

(20 Oct '11, 07:43) Paulina 1

Thanks Cory. Please do not get me wrong or take me as someone who has any issues with men. I do not. I Like them. And by all means I do not want to generalize ether. But my questions comes in wanting to understand if that is the character of men if there was no moral, religion or social influence on the subject so that I better understand them wit out saying its wrong or right...

(21 Oct '11, 11:10) hanico

if the relationship is one based on trust of character in words,
it is either a closed or open understanding,
who broaches the questions?


answered 19 Oct '11, 22:51

fred's gravatar image


Biologically, men are hard programmed with more of a tendency to "spread themselves around" to ensure greater survival of the species.. however, humans being intelligent and conscious have the option to follow instinct or something higher. Further, as you've indicated, due to society and religious pressures, a lot of men and women would keep this sort of thing "under cover", and it is probably more widespread than most people think.

In the end though, your question is subjective, and there's proof for both sides if you look.. the question is really where do you want to look (and live)?

One could find as many men who are happy to remain single, or with one parter, or have multiple partners.. the world is a big place.


answered 20 Oct '11, 04:47

dionysius's gravatar image


Very true Dionysius.

(20 Oct '11, 07:47) Paulina 1

yes and you have many choices. why not remain single if it makes you more happy then being stuck with someone that does not make your life good. yes you need to find one good partner. and why not many if it does not cause problem to anny one. it is all a question of choices.

(20 Oct '11, 15:32) white tiger

make sense...thanks

(21 Oct '11, 11:13) hanico
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

We've all lived many different lifetimes incarnating as men in some and women in others.

If you're blaming someone's gender for their behavior, then you in some other lifetime are also to blame, don't you think? :)

In the end, in my view, gender is just another pigeon-hole we stick others into to blame and judge them for behaviors we don't like. Human beings love to compartmentalize, and then attribute "good" and "bad" labels to those compartments.

We're all different. We're all unique.

There are just people who have different preferences, that's all.

And through what you dominantly focus on, you can attract people into your life that are harmony with yours, or those who are not.


answered 20 Oct '11, 08:33

Stingray's gravatar image


yes free will stingray.

(20 Oct '11, 15:18) white tiger

well hanico some women do the same. also some have open couple. so both can go do what they please. but every one is responsible of their choice. if he cheated on you and you did not want that and left him it is your choice. like it is choice to have cheat on you. well now you are a little more experience and wiser so next one you choose make the right choice. experience and enjoy.


answered 20 Oct '11, 03:45

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

You ae right White Tiger in todays mostly western world woman are just as guilty as men. It is the curant society we live in that is to blame for the lack of morals.

(20 Oct '11, 07:52) Paulina 1

Yes the survival of the species is very important but then so are morals and human inteligence and desency. Many years ago in certain societies it was considered normal for men to have mistresses and woman generaly accepted this. After the sixties when the contraceptive pill come along all this started to change and now woman are just as guilty as men are.

All this can be atributed to a simple fact that our society is not as moral as it used to be and the bigest reason for this is the media. Yes the media that feed our senses and our childrens senses with a whole lot of junk and lax morals making it seem that it is perfectly normal for young people and everyone else to do as they please and have sex whenever and with whome they please. The media is nothing more than a morals killer.

However there are many decent inteligent human beings that are monogamus get married and promise to be true to one another and stick to their promise. These are the truly godly respectable human beings and it is a pity that there are less and less of them as time goes by. I think this can be atributed to the fact that God was taken out of our schools and society and not all are taught whats right or decent. If only governments paid as much attention to people as they do to money it would be a better and different world we would live in.

Hanico all is not lost for you can concentrate and put your attention on the good qualities that you desire and you will attract them. Dont give your thought or attention to what you dont want only what you do want which is a decent inteligent and moral partner in life.


answered 20 Oct '11, 08:15

Paulina%201's gravatar image

Paulina 1

well Paulina the major problem is that people enjoy free will but they forgot that they are responsible for what happens from their choices. i will not blame the media it is only people that are working and they are not responsible for every one choices. it is not because they show you something that you need to take that for the truth and do stuff that is not right. people should all look at them self before judging someone else. as for getting married it does not change annything some do it and divorce more often that they change cars. as for promise and doing it it is 2 things.

(20 Oct '11, 15:12) white tiger

I think that it is healthy to break the pattern when we see that our pattern is not working. I come from a very macho culture, where it is NORMAL, what is not normal is when men don't cheat, people will talk about it amazed. I believe that if you are looking for certain specific qualities in someone and you seem to keep dating the same person with a different name, then maybe it is time to look for another mold, and break the pattern. Make a list of the things that attracted you to the men or the man that has cheated on you, and why you think those attributes from him contribute to your happiness and made him at the moment an ideal partner. Make another list of different attributes, considering your persona, about the person who you would love to date next, try to find something different but that is also something that fills you up. This is a psychological experiment that actually works.

I think that the only way a person should be allowed to be intimate with someone else than his or her partner is when it is consensual and you are in an "open relationship", I think not just, cheating but the dishonesty involved within betraying your partner is also to take in consideration. When someone doesn't care enough and goes and does something that can affect there significant other, or any person they care for, and goes and does it with no remorse, it is not only the cheating that can make you open your eyes, also consider that fact that if that person didn't care enough to be faithful, he won't care enough to do other things as well. If a person dares do something it is not the something that is in play here, it is the fact that this person can dare do more things. Good luck and brake the pattern!! :)


answered 20 Oct '11, 23:07

Eva%20goes%20with%20the%20Flow's gravatar image

Eva goes with the Flow

Thanks eva. On a personal level I have dated a few men in the past and cheating them on me as far as I am aware wasn't part of my reality. It was just my observation in the society which the value keep on transforming so fast that made me asking those questions...Otherwise to be quite honest...even when my ex cheated on me...I didn't know make it a big deal...all I said to him is...its his birth right to love someone else...and if he feels attracted to another girl...he must just go for her but not both of us at the same time...while we have an agreement that we are dating exclusively...thanks

(21 Oct '11, 11:31) hanico

I didn't make it I meant

(21 Oct '11, 11:32) hanico

wow that is awesome.. I loved what you said to him at the moment :)

(21 Oct '11, 20:56) Eva goes with the Flow

well eva some dare to do alot more things. i find them very lucky sometime that the partner does not know.

(22 Oct '11, 01:40) white tiger
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