Grief is a process, I know. i just wonder how we can use our experience of grief to strengthen ourselves. I know this can happen; I have had it happen for me. I am asking this for everyone who is hurting right now...It is Christmastime, and for some, it can be a sad time as well. Perhaps someone died in the past at Christmas. Perhaps you find yourself broke and alone. Please share what you have learned in your grief. Thank you so much.
Advent Blessings and Light, Jaianniah
asked 15 Dec '09, 04:37
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Not to take anything for granted, and to know that we all live in the moment. There is a saying life is too short, and that is a fact. Many people has lost their life very suddenly, both the young, and old. The question that most people ask themselves, when they loose their love ones suddenly for no just cause, is why God, why me, what I have done to have to suffer the loss of my loved one, why, why, why,did you take my love one away from me. The pain of the loss is beyond explanation, and at that time there is nothing in the world that can smooth, or take the pain away, it is too hard. But you do have life in your body, and as the saying goes, life must go on.
But the struggle to get your life back to normal remains a challenge. There is no easy answer to make things better when you loose your child, or any member of your family. Everyone will grieve differently, but God will give them the strenght to endure overtime; because grieving is a process, and grieving is good for the soul, and the body, as the saying goes time will heal all wounds. It is not an easy processs, but we have to learn, to be strong to accept the things we cannot change. The truth is we are all here for a certain amount of time, we are just passerby, so with life, comes death. Death is the price we have to pay, for the value of life.
Here is a little Poem: Shed a little tear, here and there, Shed a little tear till tommorow time, Shed a little tear till sunshine rise, Shed a little tear till dawn is done, No more tomorow, No more today, Yesterday is gone, Never to return, No more tears, No more sorrow, Look the sun is shinning on the other side, Peace, and Love, all glory to God, God loves you, so do I. My loss was at Christmas time.
answered 15 Dec '09, 05:44
Inactive User ♦♦
Jaianniah, when I lost my dad I was very fortunate to have about 10 years of spiritual outlook under my belt before it happened.
My father was himself, a spiritual seeker & had many interesting experiences in his lifetime. So I was not worried about his experience of death from his perspective. But I was really worried about how I would handle it.
My father had a bad heart (a hole in the heart) & gradually deteriorated in health. When He had about 2 weeks left to live I knew that he had about 2 weeks left. This is when I started worrying.
I put my self in a state of mind of what it would feel like if my father had died & I didn't have time to tell all the things that I wished we could have talked about.
This exercise gave me the courage to ask him how he felt about death. He was heartbroken that he couldn't be a better provider for our family (we had next to nothing growing up and the little we had was destroyed in a civil war. I remember walking with my father about 10km one way to save money on the bus fare during tough times)
I had a chance to tell my father that the best thing he provided for us was to be our dad. All the other stuff was just material stuff that didn't make a difference on the long run.
When he died I was next to him. He was gasping for air & struggling to tell me something but couldn't. Most people may be devastated by this experience, wanting to know "I wonder what my father was trying to say to me?" I have never been bothered by this because I absolutely know that I will meet my dad on the other side when I eventually graduate from this school of life.
When I get there I intend to ask him, "Hey dad, what were you trying to tell me at the last moment on the other side? Because of my own out of body experience, I don't associate a traumatic suffering with this temporary separation from our loved ones.
answered 16 Dec '09, 07:04
Thanks for sharing Traveller :-)
(16 Dec '09, 13:13) Michaela
I think people need time to grieve when they suffer a loss. I also know that different people grieve in different ways, and that there are profound, personal insights that can come out of grieving. Certainly the loss of something or someone deeply important reminds one that life is precious, and that it shouldn't be taken for granted.
The process of grieving is a personal one, and there are no right or wrong ways to do it. I think there is a chance that grief goes on too long for some people because the person believes there is a socially acceptable way to grieve. There isn't, or at least there shouldn't be, given the personal nature of grief.
In New Orleans, they play dirges at funerals, but then they play happy music as a celebration of life, and as a tribute to the spirit of life that the person embodied, and the fact that they are going to a happier place. I think that's what funerals should be like. I think they should be a celebration. And I don't care what anyone else thinks about that. There's plenty of time to be sad, if one wishes to be.
When I go, someone better throw me one hell of a party.
answered 15 Dec '09, 05:36
I like the party idea.
(15 Dec '09, 05:49) Inactive User ♦♦
Thank God you have a tactful ability to handle these questions with the appropriate answers. I share you point of view with the "over use of grief long after the experience has served its purpose". But I don't have the ability to express it in the way you just did.
(15 Dec '09, 07:26) The Traveller
I'll toast the party idea:-)
(16 Dec '09, 02:30) Michaela
I also offer a toast to the party! I hope my friends all sing and laugh and get wildly drunk! It is what I would wish!
(17 Dec '09, 04:29) Jaianniah
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When someone we love has passed away, it is actually very healing to go through a grieving process. It strengthens us by making us realize that we are here on this earthly plane for such a short time and makes us explore our impermanent physical existence and look past it to ask "what comes next"? It can be the beginning of an awakening process for a lot of people as we realize that we too must leave this earthly plane and some day venture into that great unknown. This realization and awakening does not deter in any way from grieving our loved ones but in actual fact helps us to celebrate that they are at peace in a way they may never have been here on earth and we in turn can find solace in that.
As Vesuvius pointed out, each of us grieves in our own way and at our own pace but we have to watch out that we do not use the grieving as an excuse to stay stuck after it has served it's purpose because then we are merely wallowing in self pity and do a disservice to the person we were grieving. Thank you Jaianniah for taking the time to ask this question to help others:-)
answered 16 Dec '09, 02:30
I would like to share what I learned when my Dad died in 2006.
It was the most horrible event of my life so far. His was a sudden and unexpected death. He was only 71.
At first, I could not wrap my mind around what had happened. It was too big. I suppose that is part of the shock- or denial phase- of my grief. Even now, in late 2009, I sometimes stil cannot wrap my mind around the fact that he is gone on to another plane, and that I cannot interact with him in a physical way at all.
As time went by, especially through the wake and funeral, I felt like I had a deep hole in my chest, and it hurt. I decided to let myself feel the hurt,and honor it, for if I did not, it seemed as though I would insult him in some way. I could not cry; it felt bigger than tears. My sisters and I, from youngest to oldest, delivered his eulogy. It was a special time. We sang the songs he had taught us as little children, we told people the things about him that made him unique. We tried to celebrate his life; it was sooooo hard.
When I went home, I collected all the feathers he was putting in my path. (For more on this, see the question, "What are Spirit Guides?" on this site, and read my story there.) I began attaching significance to license plates- it seemed that some of the plates on the cars in front of me were messages from Dad. I saw my initials a lot. I saw a plate with his birthdate. And so on. I think that was the beginning of letting him go; I was accepting that he had gone to heaven, but was still in existence on a higher plane.
Slowly, I found myself being angry. I wished he had taken better care of himself. I was mad I could not pick up the phone and talk to him. I kept hearing the first words my mother said to me when I arrived back home: "This is NOT about YOU!" she shouted at me in greeting. (Dad and I were very close, and she had always resented it.) I processed this by remembering that people in grief sometimes say very cruel things; they cannot control it. But I was angry about that.
I got depressed, and made what grief counselors call a "shrine"- I collected all the stuff I had from Dad, and put it in a special place where i could see it.
Time went by....each day got a little easier to bear. I was "surrendering". (Here I refer to the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and her creation of the stages of grief.) I got mad sometimes that I was surrendering- it seemed a dishonor to Dad.
I finally have some peace. I learned in my college class on Death and Dying that a sudden death can take up to ten years to process completely. My Mom and I were never really very close, , but I try to call her and listen to her, and let her know that I care. My shrine is now encased in frames, and some of it hangs on my bedroom walls. It is a comfort to me to see the things I have framed and hung. I still tear up when I hear, "When You Wish Upon a Star" from the movie "Pinocchio". That was his favorite song. I hope sharing this will help other people understand a little about their own lost people.
God Bless you, Dad...Love and Light, Jaianniah (Jeannie Weenie Poke-a Beanie, as he used to call me.)
answered 16 Dec '09, 05:41
Thanks for sharing :-)
(16 Dec '09, 13:11) Michaela
Grief... Sadness...Loss...Anger Despair... all feels the same...what is the difference? This is A Lost Relationship!
Is a relationship a habit, a need or is it love?
I just read the poem Ithaca, ( Stingray) lovely poem! I think it's related to the above question.
I am having difficulty finding direction to Another Journey.
answered 18 Feb '11, 02:55
Barry Allen ♦♦
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I like the questions that you often ask, they are very deep, and causes one to reflect on their own personal feelings, and problems. Are you by chance writing a book, if so, I would like to read your book.
Thank you. I am in my last year of college, with a double major in Divinity and English. Your insight is correct; I hope to write spiritually in some capacity. I have already written a book about my childhood. I am trying to find a publisher for it. My spiritual writing has caught the attention of my teachers, and I have plans to go on and get my Masters in Writing. Blessings, and my sympathy, Jaianniah