The main principles in the book are, 

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

Give honest, sincere appreciation.

Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Become genuinely interested in the other person.


Remember that a person’s name is that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Be a good listener. 

Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

I read the book recently and it was very enlightening. For anyone that hasn't read the book is not as bad as it's title sounds and does stress the need to be genuine and honest in appreciation etc.


asked 28 Feb '12, 11:40

Satori's gravatar image


edited 06 Jan '13, 16:29

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Loved the question.

(01 Mar '12, 01:22) Perfection

@perfection-thank you.

(01 Mar '12, 05:31) Satori
showing 0 of 3 show 3 more comments

Isn't it funny that my reaction to this book initially was the same as that of Satori and LapisLazuli?

I too avoided this book for a while, (it was recommended to me in high school), because of the title.

In my case I hated the title because it is exactly the area in which I needed help, so I didn't like being reminded of it, and I didn't want others to see me reading this book, thus advertising to everyone my shortcomings in people skills.

So eventually when I did read it, often in the public transit while going to school, I put a brown paper cover over it (which made every grandmother in the bus more curious about the book).

It was the best book on people skills and life skills that I have ever read in my life.

This book is somewhat old fashioned and dated, and perhaps surpassed by many newer and better books on the subject, however this is the original source from which many of today's exerts and "life coaches" would have most likely developed their expertise.

The question is "does this work in harmony with the universal laws"

And my answer is Yes, I think so, and does it matter?

Let me explain.

There are two sides here.

The tangible and the intangible.

The knowledge within the book can be learned, studied, and executed with 100% success and one can measure the amazing change that takes place in one's life as a result of applying the principles in this book.

And in the application of those principles, one can be cognizant of the fact that is does not violate another in any way.

So it satisfies the question in that it does not violate the universal laws.

But it is impossible to apply the condition of "non- violation" of the universal laws as a yardstick of measure to chart our journey in unraveling the desire of expansion of our soul.

Because the "Universal Law" is a conceptual and intellectual exercise that we like to engage in while attempting to quantify our point of reference as one of "being in good standing" with regards to humanity's needs.

We are always in touch with our soul and we innately know at any point if we are in violation of the Universal laws without ever knowing what those laws are.

Our emotional response to any situation is what that mechanism is.

If we are in violation, our emotions will automatically alert us to it, even if the exact nature of that violation is unknown.

When we attempt to quantify that feeling response into a framework called the "Universal law" we create a limitation of definition that then forms the foundation of a new understanding.

The problem is that everything thereafter must be understood and quantified within the initial framework of the original understanding, that the feeling of "bad" and "good" must be a result of an already existing "Universal Law" of creation.

The "Law" was arrived at by studying, paying attention to, and quantifying the results of the "feeling"

The knowledge of the law was not necessary for the "feeling" to occur within the individual.

The law is NOT necessary NOW for us to experience the "feeling" that guides us in any situation to work in harmony with the rest of humanity.

One does not have to know the "Universal Laws" in order to know if they are in violation of the needs of the rest of humanity.

We just need to know that the "feeling" within any situation is connected to a greater wisdom that is always from the source of creation and ourselves, both being the same, depending on one's open mindedness.

In trusting that "feeling" the knowledge of the "Universal Law" is not only un-necessary, but becomes a hindrance in trusting one's inner guidance.

If you violate the "Universal Law" you will automatically feel bad about it. Not because you know the universal law, but because the Universe automatically operates within that principle and allows you to know your violation through the "feeling bad" experience.

So we don't have to take on the responsibility to figure out if we are in violation of the needs of the rest of humanity through our own effort of intellect.

Sometimes we have to excuse our intellect in order for our soul to expand.


answered 28 Feb '12, 23:34

The%20Traveller's gravatar image

The Traveller

edited 29 Feb '12, 14:52

@traveller-thanks for a great answer.trusting our own feelings and inner guidance is the best way to go,I totally agree. Thanks for the reminder:)

(29 Feb '12, 14:04) Satori

Satori. I noticed that you took the time to give feed back in the form of appreciation to each answer. Thank you for doing that. It is easier to answer a question, but much harder to ask it. So thank you for creating that opportunity for all of us.

(29 Feb '12, 14:59) The Traveller

@traveller-thank you for the kind words.i read a lot of your other answers on here and have benefited from them also.Thanks for making the obvious, obvious to me again in this answer:)

(01 Mar '12, 05:36) Satori

Just a thanks! This is echoing thoughts I have been mulling over myself. Seeing that others think the same gives off a nice certain feeling.

(08 Sep '14, 18:07) einsof
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

I don't like the title lol but I do like the principles, I think they are a good set of guidelines to follow if you're trying to expand your social circle. I wouldn't say win friends but it definitely helps connect with people. thanks for the reccommendation :)


answered 28 Feb '12, 20:05

LapisLazuli's gravatar image


@lapislazuli-I agree, I have to say some of the book really resonated with me.thanks:)

(29 Feb '12, 14:23) Satori

From the list of main principles i would retain just these five

Give honest sincere appreciation

Have a genuine interest for the person


Be a good listener

Remember their name

In other words be simply sincere and open with yourself and others in a friendly way in treating them with respect, and any influence will be natural and justified ... have fun


answered 29 Feb '12, 00:14

blubird%20two's gravatar image

blubird two

edited 29 Feb '12, 00:16

@blubird two -thanks for your answer.yes i might just do what you do and retain the principles that feel good to me.:)

(29 Feb '12, 12:20) Satori
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