To everyone that has shared themselves with me and given me their insight I want to express a deep gratitude for that. So helpful I have no words to express what they have meant to me.Thank you ....I guess I do have words ;)

I always believed I was a good man who stood for ethics and morals but through this turmoil I it has forced me to realize that not being or having the knowledge in my heart that which I spoke of with my tongue and struggled with in my mind has opened my eyes to how many lies I have lived and how many people I have hurt by unfulfilled promises and resentful actions because I wasn't aware of how to live with what lays inside me. I have never stood up for anything I believe in consistently and have based life shaping decisions on my shallow perceptions of how I want to spend my time not maybe what is right.

Being forced by the divorce to take responsibility for my actions and open myself up to feeling all the shame and guilt but also being able to understand that they don't have to shape my life anymore is filling me with hope that now I can rebuild myself on the strength and integrity and respect.

Not truly developing these basic life ethics I am not sure how begin it or where to find the ideas inside myself.Or what to do when I do find them so that I don't just say OK great there it is then moments later they wash away. I understand I could just ask my question direct but feels like writing where these questions are coming from is some form of release as well so thank you for being patient.

asked 15 Jun '10, 08:24

jeff's gravatar image


edited 15 Jun '10, 16:05

Vesuvius's gravatar image


Thanks for the responses but I was wondering if maybe my question is vague since rereading the og.Maybe a better question is what are the questions I should be asking myself in earnest so I may shed some light on how I truly feel.Developing the understanding of my integrity that was more then likely never instilled properly in me because of how my parents are (not very moral people and more so don't live by any one true example at the best but i love them inspite of that) has me believing that this is the beginning of healing and the first step into the faith that has been dormant through out

(15 Jun '10, 13:52) jeff
showing 0 of 1 show 1 more comments

I applaud your honesty Jeff and I think just having the courage to look and be able to admit your shortfalls on your journey is a major step in uncovering those morals and ethics by which you now want to live. They are already within,you already know what they are - you just haven't tapped into that knowing yet. By asking these questions and creating awareness to see those past mistakes, you can now move forward and begin to live the life you aspire to.

Don't beat up on yourself for the past - we can't change something if it is outside our awareness. That's why nobody is right or wrong - everyone is doing the best with where their awareness is right now. When that awareness begins to grow, we become more openminded and our perceptions change and as a result our life begins to change.

Keep asking the questions and writing, the answers will come.


answered 15 Jun '10, 11:41

Michaela's gravatar image


Great answer Michaela!

(15 Jun '10, 13:41) Asklepios

I could tell you about the morals and ethics of mine, and convince you to stick up to them, but that is not the point. We are different and what works for me won't necesarilly work for you too, as Michaela said.

The point however is to acquire this foundation of your life, safety, something you can fully dedicate yourself to and trust it, knowing that you are 100% right even if others question you. It could be a system with high moral standards that you will follow. It could be something different.

How did I get this? The life gave it to me. Live is already giving us tips but we often do not see it. The trick is to ask the life whatever you are looking for and we will see it. I call it life but you could as well call it God/Universe/Nature/Fate etc. If you have a connection with something alike and feel like it is looking after you, ask it.

Realizing that you should improve your morals is already the first step. The second is to ask and receive answers (and be patient!). The third is to work upon your goal..


answered 15 Jun '10, 13:15

Asklepios's gravatar image


edited 15 Jun '10, 14:42

Developing a moral compass is a lifetime of work. I wish I could tell you that there is an easy formula for doing this. You can follow a roadmap, like basic Christian principles, and I believe that is a good way to start.

But unless you want to collapse under the weight of constantly deciding which way is best, I believe that a good way to live is what I call "Principle-Based Leadership." It is principle-based, because adhering to principles frees your mind to do the creative things in life, without always worrying about whether or not you're doing the right thing. It is leadership, because living your life in this way provides an example for others to follow.

Here are some of my principles:

  1. Act with integrity. Always do what you say you are going to do, or else don't say it.

  2. Be truthful, whenever possible.

  3. Respect other people. Be kind to them. Treat them well, but tell them what they need to know, even if it is going to hurt their feelings sometimes.

  4. Listen. (this is a hard one to do well)

  5. Act for the greater good, whenever you can.

I don't speak for Stingray, but from reading the answers he gives on this site, I know that one of his principles is:

  • Do not offer unsolicited advice. When a person is ready to receive your wisdom, he will ask for it.

Richard Bach once said that "The good decisions are the ones that make you long-term happy. The bad decisions are the ones that make you long-term sorry."

If you haven't done so yet, pick up a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People," and read it cover to cover three times.


answered 15 Jun '10, 15:34

Vesuvius's gravatar image


edited 15 Jun '10, 16:03

See also

(15 Jun '10, 17:13) Vesuvius

be sure that your hearth and mind always agree on everything and do to other what you would like to be done to you in the same situation! do not go in extreme and find harmony! try doing that every thing will fall in place!


answered 20 Jun '11, 21:52

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

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