Hi Inwardrs,

how do I fix my relationship after lots of lies and betrayal? A boy friend that I've been seeing for the past 5 months had cheated on me with his ex-girls friend that he told me it was over and also learnt that his got a baby with another ex-girl friend. An incident that is quite long to explain here forced everything to come out last week! Mind you!!! he wasn't going to tell me otherwise yet we were already talking about marriage and having a baby together sometime this year! When I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said, the cheating with his ex-girl friend is because he fall for her temptation since they both study in the same University and she is still in love with him, which I also confirmed when I try to verify with evidence but the baby issue he said, was because he is ashamed as its something he never told anyone about and still in denial! According to him, the baby was born because of unfortunate incident when, an ex came to visit his town and went to see her for coffee! But they ended up having sex with out protection and fall pregnant and told him when she was already 5 months pregnant! This same ex was in a relationship with another married man at the time when she had sex with my NOW boyfriend that they were not in relationship or any sort of that but it was just an " accident" but she decided to keep the baby as her own personal responsibility with out worrying him or making him responsible unless and otherwise he choose to.However, since it wasn't his plan and was still doing his study, his way of dealing with it was by denial and keeping this as his own personal secret! But he has developed stress and sever ulcer since he was suffering inside for whatever happened that he didn't "want" if it helps, he just finished pHD in Financial mathematics, have 2 Dan in Karata

prior me finding out the above main story, there has been a different version of it and this seems to be because he had a fear that if he had told me, I would't take him. I've see his suffering as a result of all coming to light, but God has been really helping me to give him "grace" and try to understand and forgive everything but reconsider my steps

I more focusing on helping him to deal with his reality as supposed to be in denial and at the moment, he has taken the steps that will start the healing for him. He told his 2 of friends that his got a baby that he never told anyone about and he also called the mother of his child and told her that he would like to acknowledged his child and start building a relationship and play his parts! As much as the whole things hurts, I'm trying to be realistic and supportive.His child is 4 year old at the moment

Now my question is: What should be my approach in going forward with him about our relationship? There was lots of lies, betrayals that affected my trust on him. His willing to change and make things right if given the opportunity to start from zero and would like to know what you might have to stay on this

thank you and God bless

asked 01 Jan '13, 12:16

shannas's gravatar image


edited 01 Jan '13, 16:28

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

@shannas, please title your questions with a clear, specific question rather than a general statement. Please edit your question title now and replace it with a specific question. It makes it easier for others to understand what your question is about without needing to read the detail of it. Refer to the Inward Quest FAQ for further information: http://www.inwardquest.com/faq/ Thanks

(01 Jan '13, 12:36) Barry Allen ♦♦

"His willing to change and make things right if given the opportunity to start from zero"...then let him have his start from zero and leave him, if that's what he wishes for.

(01 Jan '13, 15:36) CalonLan

@Calonlan, His asking to be given a second chance to start again with me! So are you saying I should give him a chance to start again with me?

(01 Jan '13, 15:46) shannas

@shannas, no. I'm saying you should let him go and forget about him. And when you have let go of him and forgot about him, start a relationship with a new guy. If the new guy is in fact this very guy that is now asking for the second chance, is irrelevant and the next time you meet, it will be for the first time again.

But don't give him second chance. Find a new guy. Hope I confused you enough and everything's clear now. (:

(01 Jan '13, 17:32) CalonLan
showing 1 of 4 show 3 more comments

I think you should do what is best for you. Only you can make that decision. If you want to fix this relationship than you have to decide what that would be like. Imagine if starting right now the relationship worked out perfectly. What would that look like. After you have a detailed mental picture start building that vision in reality.


answered 01 Jan '13, 17:12

Subtilizer's gravatar image


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