How can we let go of expectations and love people who take us for granted? So often I have seen that when we go the extra mile to help, care and love people who become a significant part of our lives, they tend to turn back and ignore, neglect, frustrate, humiliate and hurt our feelings.

How to let go of these emotional bonds which at times become very toxic and suffocating, and be at peace with ourselves?

asked 21 Jan '13, 01:38

Maddening%20Silences's gravatar image

Maddening Silences

edited 21 Jan '13, 01:45

blubird%20two's gravatar image

blubird two


You get closer to what you love, you get further from what you hate, closer and further disappear when you don't care. You love because you're desperate, you hate because you're desperate, desperation disappear when you don't care.

It stretches far, to place of no self, when the last pieces of who you are have been melt. In the thin air, there's nothing there. Nothingness will fill your wolrd, when you don't care.

(21 Jan '13, 03:29) CalonLan
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Go the extra mile and help care and love yourself first! When you truly love yourself the actions of others that before you had the judgement of hurt will not effect you. Water on a ducks back Give with no expectations of a return! With no expectations there is no let down. And when the work is done leave it behind you and move on to the next fun thing.


answered 21 Jan '13, 03:12

ursixx's gravatar image


Love yourself or love others is the very same thing. For "your self" is but a sum of imprints of interaction with others. In other words "your self" is not yours. Impact of others stretches across your being and at a certain length from your center is the boarder at which you start to recognize these impacts as yourself.

The point is, there isn't a single thing in your self that hasn't been instilled by outer influence there.

If you blamed the world for who you are, you would be well right.

(21 Jan '13, 06:14) CalonLan

@Calon Lan. But isn't true that these imprints are your interpretations. Finding ones center and reinventing oneself to be true yourself ,your center,the pure you. and using the power of love as the drive craft behind that . The emotion of love, truly felt is yours, not a copy of someone else's.

(21 Jan '13, 06:49) ursixx

@Ursixx,interpretation of those imprints forms your "self".Self can feel love towards self or others selves,but if there's no self,nobody and nothing around,then what love will be left to be felt and towards whom?

Only when there is an object of love,there can be love.So if your "self" decides to love some other "self" - the love is theirs just much as it is yours (which = theirs for your self is manipulated to being what it is by outside)and without the other "self"...that love wouldn't exist.

(21 Jan '13, 07:01) CalonLan

@CalonLan ..But aren't these objects your creation. and self is self created .as Eddie would say the mirror man. I wonder who would you love if you had no outside influences? Would you even know love? reminds me of the whale falling in Hitch hikers guide...

(21 Jan '13, 07:33) ursixx

..."And what’s this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like ‘Ow’, ‘Ownge’, ‘Round’, ‘Ground’! That’s it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it’ll be friends with me? Hello Ground!’ "

(21 Jan '13, 07:35) ursixx

A-H daily quotes to the rescue: Appreciation and self-love are the most important tools that you could ever nurture. Appreciation of others, and the appreciation of yourself is the closest vibrational match to your Source Energy of anything that we've ever witnessed anywhere in the Universe.

--- Abraham

(21 Jan '13, 08:14) ursixx

@Ursixx, you understood correctly, you wouldn't love, because there would be nothing to love. You wouldn't have your self, because there would be nothing to create it.

If there is no outer world, there cannot be the inner one. No object, means no thought, no beliefs, nothing.

Which brings us back to my initial point. By loving your self, you are loving others through who your self was created. In a way you love an illusion, just like other selves are illusions. Never authentic.

(21 Jan '13, 08:55) CalonLan

very good ursixx:Love your neighbor as yourself,let there be light, Be the light that you can be,experience and enjoy.

(21 Jan '13, 15:10) white tiger

Wait @Calonlan : I had a brain storm, what if you consider love more than a emotion. It is an energy,a vibration.That we are born with.It,s like your heart beat. Always with you.Until you are no longer psychically here ,then it follows you into the eternal!? You would need no outside "imprints".ahha

(21 Jan '13, 16:35) ursixx

@ursixx, then we transcend boundaries of meanings of words which we use to understand each other and all conversations will become exercise in futility.

What you have described, to me, is what I'd call god. But god is love, god is hate, god is everything, grocery and dishwasher too.

Then we would end up like this... "Honey, I thought you said you'd do shopping and laundry today"... "No babe, I was talking about god"

And logic like - Car = god; plane = god; car = plane :)

(22 Jan '13, 02:39) CalonLan

@CalonLan :Welcome to The Matrix!

(22 Jan '13, 05:16) ursixx
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Often, the "take us for granted" scenario is because we have done a favor for someone and they have not been grateful, nor do they feel any obligation to return the favor.

I suggest that you listen carefully and see if they are really asking you to do this favor. Usually they state a condition and you jump in to help. They feel little reason to reciprocate because they did not ask for your help -- you volunteerd. Why should they thank you?

For instance, they might say, "The grass in my yard is getting high and I don't know anyone who can cut it." Do you say, "Oh, I have a mower, I will cut your grass"

You volunteered.

What would happen if you say, "Are you asking ME to cut your grass?" Usually they will say, "No." If they say, "Yes", you can respond by saying, "Ok, I will do that favor, but you are going to owe me one back when I need help!"

There amy be some dislocation as they adjust to the "new" you, but they will adjust. All behavior between people is a loop. They do something, you do something. You break that loop and they will have to change.


answered 21 Jan '13, 04:47

Dollar%20Bill's gravatar image

Dollar Bill


if people would help each other in the first place would you need to do this?meaning helping and putting condition?if they do not help you back then they take it for granted and they are in their false center.and not in their true what you are communicating simply illustrate can wake up some people and unite or make some people more asleep and create a greater also have problem seeing the piece of wood on both side and go in judgement on their false center.

(21 Jan '13, 14:42) white tiger

"I am the light that is over all things. I am all: from me all came forth, and to me all attained.

Split a piece of wood; I am there.

Lift up the stone, and you will find me there."

(21 Jan '13, 15:04) white tiger

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

(21 Jan '13, 15:06) white tiger
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Be the light that you can shine, did you enjoy helping them? Did you love your neighbor as yourself? Then you have stored your riches where no moths can come to destroy them. If they are hypocrites in darkness on the wide gate, it is their choice and they are responsible of it. Eventually comes a time where you will help them in a different way and they will not like it. It is not because you want to hurt them but you want to wake them up, and do things properly. When that time comes be sure to be enlightened with a good heart in truth and properly split that pieces of wood. If they split themselves from you and only darkness remains they will be like dead branches that are gathered and burned in the furnace. Do not be surprised at what i am saying. "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."


answered 21 Jan '13, 15:24

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger

edited 22 Jan '13, 03:05

blubird%20two's gravatar image

blubird two

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