From time to time, I find myself tossing and turning in bed, trying to sleep, but failing. It's always about letting go of things- the hurts and slights and nasty comments that have come my way during the day seem huge at night...almost haunting.

I can never really figure out a way to stop feeling. That's the trouble.

I just cannot let go. I do not know how to let go. I think I do, but I do not.

For example, even the people of IQ hurt me. I think about what they say, and sometimes it hurts. I want to talk face to face with whomever. I defend my point of view in my mind.

What it seems to boil down to is that I never learned how to take criticism at all.

How can I grow past this? How can I learn to let go of those who hurt me, those who do not bother to understand me? That's what hurts the most: not being understood at all. I want to be respected. I want to be understood. I want to be...accepted for who I am. But it seems that I am not and it hurts a lot.


asked 15 Apr '13, 05:48

Jaianniah's gravatar image


edited 15 Apr '13, 10:20

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦


I'm sure you are talking about me. My intention was never to hurt you. I don't know what else to do. You are in worse condition then when I left here last year - you are nearly wheelchair bound. Once you get in that chair, it's going to be hell getting out of it. If you feel hurt by something I say, ask why I said it or what I meant by it. Tough Love, possibly - cause I care & I'm afraid you won't be here in a few years if you don't let go of your past.

(15 Apr '13, 06:41) ele

How do you resolve hurt feelings? By not taking what anyone has to say personal in the first place.

(15 Apr '13, 06:57) Roy

The only way to avoid criticism, for you and for all of us, is to not put any opinions or questions out there at all. To isolate yourself wouldn't be a good life, and part of being "out there with people" is occasional hurt feelings. Not to be mean, because I love you, but part of maturity is realizing we will sometimes be hurt. Sometimes we do the hurting, sometimes we are hurt. It's the human experience. Keep it in perspective. Best wishes!

(15 Apr '13, 20:40) LeeAnn 1

raise your vibrational level for perceptions, so that low level (darts) vibrations are just not attracted and do not sap your energy

(16 Apr '13, 16:08) fred

What helps me @Jaianniah is to ask myself the question "Does this really matter?".

(17 Apr '13, 00:41) flowsurfer

Excellent question @flowsurfer!

(08 May '13, 02:04) ele
showing 0 of 6 show 6 more comments

Try this link. It's "The Work" by Byron Katie and could help you resolve hurt feelings.

You obviously have the following beliefs that don't serve you well in life:

  1. Others can hurt me through spoken words (sounds) or written text (visual bits on my computer screen)
  2. I need others to respect me first so I can feel respected and worthy.
  3. I need others to accept me first so I can feel accepted and worthy.
  4. When people critisize it means that they don't love me.
  5. When (random) people don't love me I must feel bad.

Now you ask for each belief:

  1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? a) Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life? b) What images do you see, past and future, and what physical sensations arise as you witness those images? c) What emotions arise when you believe that thought? (Refer to the Emotions List, available on d) Do any obsessions or addictions begin to appear when you believe that thought? (Do you act out on any of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food, sex, television?) e) How do you treat the person in this situation when you believe the thought? How do you treat other people and yourself?© 2013 Byron Katie International, Inc. All rights reserved. Rev. 18 Mar 2013 Belief you are working on:

  1. Who would you be without the thought? Who or what are you without the thought? Turn the thought around. Example of a statement: He hurt me. Possible turnarounds:
  2. To the self. (I hurt me.)
  3. To the other. (I hurt him.)
  4. To the opposite. a) (He didn’t hurt me.) b) (He helped me.) Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true for you in this situation. (For each turnaround, go back and start with the original statement. Do not turn around a statement that has already been turned around. For example, “He shouldn’t waste his time” may be turned around to “I shouldn’t waste my time,” “I shouldn’t waste his time,” and “He should waste his time.” Note that “I should waste my time” and “I should waste his time” are not valid turnarounds; they are turnarounds of turnarounds rather than turnarounds of the original statement.)

This answer is marked "community wiki".

answered 15 Apr '13, 08:27

releaser99's gravatar image



Most Excellent @releaser99 WoW!

(15 Apr '13, 09:01) ele

It's important to accept to communicate with those people that you feel are hurting you ... the first step is to learn how to communicate. A fundamental reaction is that in defending themselves people often project their energy outwards which is perceived by the other person as an aggression. This closes the door to any further constructive communication which just makes things worse.

Let me explain; if someone says to me "you don't understand" the chances are is that i will feel diminished and either continue not understanding how or why, feel aggressed and reply by aggression or i will shy away from any more discussion on the topic, consequently the to door to any deeper understanding has been closed.

Now if someone says to me "i feel misunderstood" then i feel compassion and already have a glimpse of why that person feels misunderstood because they are expressing what they are feeling and the door is left open for further communication.

So the first key to communication is to avoid projecting feelings on to the other person by saying "you don't understand" but to simply express what you are feeling, in this case the feeling of being misunderstood.

Instead of saying -

the people on IQ hurt me, they do not bother to understand me, i want to be respected, i want to be understood, i want to be accepted for who i am

try saying -

i feel hurt by comments on IQ, let me explain why i feel angry, i feel disrespected, i feel misunderstood, i feel rejected

and i feel sure that would lead to deeper understanding.

After all, it really boils down to how we communicate with ourselves :)


answered 15 Apr '13, 07:01

ru%20bis's gravatar image

ru bis

edited 15 Apr '13, 09:16


You are a genuine sweetheart ru bis. Yes, communication is everything. @Jai I keep waiting & waiting for you to ask me why I'm saying what I do. You never ask. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Please stop playing the part of a victim. You aren't that little girl any longer. You (she) deserve so much more.

(15 Apr '13, 07:16) ele

@Jai @Roy @ru bis (((((hugs))))) and with much love.

(15 Apr '13, 07:58) ele

Another way to resolve hurt feelings and >Much< more is to go inside of your own heart and do these Pure Awareness Techniques as taught by Tom Stone. You can read his book online and learn how here... And you can click here, listen and follow along as he works with other people doing the Techniques... Also watch as Tom guides an Iraq war vet with PTSD through the process... Blessings. :)


answered 16 Apr '13, 18:45

Rindor's gravatar image


go inside your own heart, focus your energy on the part that hurts ... great way to dissipate hurt feelings ... thanks Rindor ♫

(17 Apr '13, 02:11) ru bis

'Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you— for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.' Ecclesiastes 7:21. I used to care so much how other people thought about me. Also 'But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.' Matthew 5:39. This teaching always brings peace to my heart. Especially when people decide to act 'clever' towards me. Thank God for the Light(Jesus Christ).


answered 16 Apr '13, 20:18

Dodova1990's gravatar image


Jai honey if anyone here really knows you, I am that one. Unfortunately this answer applies to us both.

We are both highly critical and condemning of ourselves. My feelings about myself are more beneath there surface than yours. So most of the time I am more happy but the times when something happens or either of us feels criticized it does harshly affect us and is like tearing off a scab to a wound.

It hurts a lot and we each handle it in our own ways. Both feeling self hate, disappointment, disgust that we feel more at home, confident, comfortable and in control in the spirit than in the world.

Both feeling like failures in life, both feeling like we just don't get this world and how to fit in normal.

So this self criticism gets forgotten for a while as things go well. When others like us, is it like a healing balm and keeps us happy. But if disagreements or criticisms or worst sarcasm comes from others it is like saying, "You are stupid, you don't belong, you don't know what you are talking about, what you really believe about yourself is correct and is being shoved in your face!"

This comes up for me as well, we just handle it differently.

Furthermore I believe it is not just us, probably there are many like us that experiences these same thoughts and feelings.

The answer to this is as I keep turning toward what I like and ignoring what hurts. But the ultimate answer seems to fix what is wrong with us.

That is the hard part, it would require something to build our skill levels of functioning like everyone else seems to function easily.

Like I feel I have no idea of the answers of what to do and how to do. So I don't have the answers and have no idea what the questions are of living in this world.

The thought going for any interviews for any help is terrifying because it just exposes that this phsyical world feels like we don't belong and don't know very well.

To know that when asked questions about most anything not related to mind or spirit we haven't much a clue and get looked at like "How could you not know that?"

It really feels like we are spiritual beings here on earth and there was some mistake how we came down here.

So to fix the feeling hurt, we need to somehow come more down to earth and fit in. Fall in line, squeeze into the "normal" mold.


answered 05 May '13, 19:55

Wade%20Casaldi's gravatar image

Wade Casaldi


Darling, for me, you hit the nail on the head. We just do not fit in, I guess. Our tender hearts are not the brusque and hardened hearts of modern life. When I asked this question, your answer was what I was looking for- a balm for my spirit. You supplied that balm, and I thank you. I hope others reading this, and your answer, will realize the great pain that was behind my question, "How do you get over being hurt?" The answer, for us, is in each other. Bless you. I love you.

(05 May '13, 21:49) Jaianniah

Jai, that's so sad & it doesn't have to be that way. Perhaps this could help stop those thoughts which keep you from sleeping. Ru bis posting an amazing video here
Read his answer & watch the video several times. I don't get into my car or even go out in public unless I'm feeling love. You have Wade & beautiful granddaughter. I think of a special little one in my life & usually that is all it takes; (cont)

(06 May '13, 02:23) ele

cont... otherwise I may turn to a fav book. To quote ru bis - "to change your vibration, step into the vortex." You will feel love, learn to love yourself & you won't feel hurt by so called critical comments & may view these actions as coming from place of love instead. Try it! @Wade - beautiful...

(06 May '13, 02:24) ele

@ele Thank you very much.

I think many suffer from the same but don't realize it. It is easier to feel hurt by someone else than it is to say, "Why does what this person say hurt so much?" That requires an honest look of how we feel about ourselves. Also it is a painful look when we find who makes or manufactures my feelings, I do, so there had to be reason for me feeling this hurt over someone else's opinion. This is usually called having your buttons pushed, but why do I have these buttons?

(08 May '13, 00:16) Wade Casaldi

Your welcome @Wade. It's all about having healthy self esteem & that begins with learning to love yourself. I know you suffer from this as well as Jai. I wish you could see yourself as I do - Wade the Warrior & you rock!

(08 May '13, 02:03) ele
showing 2 of 5 show 3 more comments

This is an imbalance in your emotional processing. Don't worry, we all go through these. Re-running through the days occurrences is a great way to learn about yourself (By stopping and asking yourself why does this bother me so bad, how to I want to handle the situation next time, how do i feel about the occurrence, etc this gives you valuable information on your inner workings), but the key is in being able to control this intake and processing of emotions.

Feelings should never have to be muted. We have emotions for a reason (protection, insight, reasoning, etc). To stop feeling is a bad way to go. Our existence would be dull.

To let things go requires more control within yourself.
When dealing with emotions: 1)-Recognize the emotion/feeling 2)-Acknowledge the emotion/feeling 3)-Process the emotion/feeling a)-Learn from it, change things that need to change, then discard b)-Discard it c)-Resolve lingering issues or sub-issues, learn from it, make a change, then discard

For example how to resolve hurt feelings: recognize the problem through soul-searching (I feel...victimized), look at constructive ways you can protect yourself from feeling victimized in the future- not taking words straight to heart; recognizing that I am always worthy of expressing my own opinion and of being heard; recognizing value in me and not relying on the verbal recognition from others; coming to terms with human error and human imperfection which is okay and is part of everyone; acknowledging that not everyone will understand me and that's okay; by surrounding myself with a group of positive and uplifting people that do understand me so that I don't feel so left out; acknowledging that everyone is unique and that you can't be anyone else but you and that's a great thing; understanding that I don't have to take criticism because I can choose to ignore it or limit it's effect on me or choose to take it when it's constructive and relevant and use it for my betterment; understand that forgiveness is a choice and the truth of it is it's for you (not them necessarily), so allow yourself to be open to forgiving acts of imperfection that cause you pain in a timely manner, so that you can move past and dispose of resentments instead of storing them inside of you; allow yourself to speak up for yourself when and if the moment demands it, but do so in a kind, simple and direct way; etc.

Recognize your power. Your inner strength can give you great 'outer' strength so to speak.

Only accept respect for the right reasons: for being the honorable, loving and kind person that you already are.


answered 05 May '13, 04:31

ZenMama's gravatar image


I sometimes make a post that gets a lot of comments. It may also be misunderstood. When comment come in strange I make a brief attempt to share more understanding. But do I really give a s-word no! They cannot hurt me. Good luck on finding out who you really are and rising to that understanding.


answered 05 May '13, 14:54

Tom's gravatar image


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