Definition of hope:"Hope is the state which promotes the belief in a good outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Despair is often regarded as the opposite of hope. Hope is the "feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best" or the act of "look[ing] forward to something with desire and reasonable confidence" or "feel[ing] that something desired may happen". Other definitions are "to cherish a desire with anticipation"; "to desire with expectation of obtainment"; or "to expect with confidence"."

I cannot shake this feeling of despair. I don't feel in control of my life. Many things can distract me in the short term but these distractions are not helping shift me in a more positive direction and some have done considerable harm. When I see others in trouble I feel despair for them. Where and how can I find hope? I can't see where a solution is going to come from. I don't see a way out. All I see is a prison and a life not worth living. I'm not sick, injured, hungry or hated. Some people tell me I have no right to feel bad. People here tell me to just, to put it into a simple expression, "enjoy life". All that does is deepen my sense of despair, of being imprisoned. So I ask again, where/how do I find hope?

asked 13 Jun '13, 00:25

flowsurfer's gravatar image


I don't feel well. I don't think things are going to be alright. My hopes are falling apart and I am sinking in disappointment and disgust for life.

(04 Oct '13, 03:35) flowsurfer

I'm sorry you don't feel well. Have you eaten recently? I know I don't feel very good when I haven't eaten. Soup makes me feel better when I'm down & so does ice cream. Do you need a nap? Resting well?
Do you have any bubbles? Why don't you go outside & blow bubbles. I sat on my deck the other night, under the stars & the moon & blew bubbles. It made me feel better, try it.

I really truly wish I had a magic wand & if I did I would make it all better. I don't; but I do care.

(04 Oct '13, 03:42) ele

@flowsurfer Grab your headphones and head over to this question Just concentrate on letting the music wash through you. Do it regularly - distraction is the name of the game.

(04 Oct '13, 04:45) Catherine

@Catherine I was just going to post that. I will anyway.. It really works.

@Snow made a good point..

(04 Oct '13, 04:49) ele

I don't like that this music and question are being associated specifically with just 'letting go'. Listening to classical music has many other worthy benefits.

Still, it's excellent advice suggesting listening to this for at least 5 minutes. I'm in the same mood right now flow.. something in the air? heh. Feel better buddy.

(04 Oct '13, 05:21) Snow

@flowsurfer Hi - How are you doing today? Any better? Remember, the only constant in life is change. Things will change & I believe for the best. Do you want to tell us what is wrong. It may help. I'm a good listener - I don't have to advise.

(04 Oct '13, 16:27) ele

@Snow I listen to classical music all the time; but this specific piece recommended by Bashar is to quote @Catherine quoting Bashar " is the appropriate vibration to allow you to be in the proper state to attract whatever information, or whatever situations, or whatever people, or whatever opportunities you require". It's not just for letting go - it's also for 'attracting'. Whenever I listen to it; it raises my vibes & I know I will attract more

(04 Oct '13, 16:37) ele

more (cont) positivity in my life. I posted the 30 min loop & then edited it to a shorter version for you. By loop, I mean it continues to play the first 3 minutes of Beethoven's Symphony No 7, Movement 2. It really does raise my vibes & makes me feel better almost instantly. I hope @flow will get some benefit from it also.. Yes, something in the air -- I feel it too. When it happens to me, I know something is out of balance & I need to take care of me.

(04 Oct '13, 16:42) ele

"something in the air"...ele :) We are All so close Now,that We can"t help but feel It.The trick is to start Living It...Love and Light...

(04 Oct '13, 17:25) Roy

@Roy Point taken.. Well the sun is beginning to peek through & I'm headed outside. I'm sure I'll find a rainbow in the sky. I had an amazing view of the aurora borealis the other night. Perhaps you saw it also. One of the best views I've had for awhile. Have a great weekend - I plan too. Love, Light & Laughter...

(04 Oct '13, 17:56) ele

@ele I slept and I don't feel as heavily down now. I'm just tired of life. I feel there is nothing left in it for me. I think about "attracting" a better life but I can't imagine that better life because nothing that is compatible with my history feels right. Everything feels empty. Everything feels kind of fake. The joy I used to feel by assuming a different identity in my imagination is no longer there, I can't feel myself to be it. I feel old and defeated. When I see young people it hurts.

(04 Oct '13, 18:41) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer I saw your latest ? before you deleted it. I wish you wouldn't have. I had several ?'s & a few thoughts. Think about putting it back up or turn your last comment to me into a ? & expand upon it. Apathy? Here's a link to 1 of several ?'s in regards to apathy. I doubt if you read it because I think you would have corrected my major faux pas.

(04 Oct '13, 23:20) ele

I deleted it because I didn't want to complain. I wouldn't call this apathy. It's more like disappointment. What I wanted didn't materialize and there is nothing I can do about it. I could pick something else to want and focus on that but I can't find something I actually care about and I can't go back to what I wanted before. I do pick things but I have no energy to back them so I waiver between things that I don't particularly care about trying to find that love of life that I felt before.

(05 Oct '13, 00:50) flowsurfer

Well @flow based on the question you deleted, it sort-of, kind-of sounded like apathy. Disappointment ... hmm. When someone has NO hopes, wants or desires & lacks any ambition (energy) to change (tho they want to) it sure sounds like apathy to me ... but, you should know.. Like I said earlier, I admire your honesty. I did not view your latest ? as a complaint. ETA You also lack drive, ambition & desire - it could be hormonal - when was the last time you had a physical?

(05 Oct '13, 00:59) ele

People say you shouldn't give up on your dreams but how can I possibly keep them alive when it is no longer possible for them to materialize? I have grown too old to be the person I want to be and have the experiences I wanted to have. My life can never be even remotely like I wanted it to be. It may not sound like it but it feels like a massive loss to me. I am completely disoriented. I tried to hold on to the dream as much as I could but I don't think I can do it anymore.

(05 Oct '13, 01:12) flowsurfer

@flow There is nothing stopping you but YOU from dreaming even bigger & better dreams. 1) What are you afraid of? 2) What are you getting out of being this way & 3) What has changed in the last 3 months? Do you have a job? A girlfriend? You sound better than when you left & I see improvements.

(05 Oct '13, 01:16) ele

Wanting to change... what can I change into ele? I used to be able to say "This is who I want to change into". I grew so much apart from that person through the years that now it feels like it would be beyond even a miracle to be him. I don't know how to put this other than to say that I don't feel like this is my life.

(05 Oct '13, 01:28) flowsurfer

Here's a link about suffering. Pay attention to what Michaela & Eddie say.

Well whose life is it then? What is stopping you from creating a dif life? You never answered my questions & that is your privilege.

(05 Oct '13, 01:32) ele

I have never had a girlfriend; I don't really know how to answer your questions. I tried but they just bounce around in my head.

(05 Oct '13, 01:40) flowsurfer

I could create a different life but I can't imagine a different life worth creating. The limits that stop me are just the natural limits of life. Some things just can't be done. When I could imagine a different life, I would sometimes feel pain from the contrast, even very strong pain and depression, but I could get back on the horse so to speak and feel motivated, euphoric, just plain good. I have adjusted my goals countless times until they were no longer what I actually want.

(05 Oct '13, 01:44) flowsurfer

What about what I said about apathy & a physical? A dab of testosterone cream or injections or a thyroid pill may be all you need. Have you ever looked up either of these conditions?

(05 Oct '13, 01:46) ele

At the bottom of a bottle,if you ask me..

(09 Oct '13, 03:23) CalonLan
showing 0 of 22 show 22 more comments

Hey @flow,

I love Emily Dickinson's quote on 'Hope' and I trust you will too.

alt text

Where Do I Find Hope?

Access your heart center - the seat of the soul. If you don't know how - it's quite simple. Just think of something that puts a smile on your face. Then listen with your heart @flow. I'm certain you will 'feel' the vibration of hope and love and possibilities.

There are so many things you can change. I'm sure you have stopped banging your head against a wall which would not budge. If not, please take a step forward and stride confidently & courageously through the door that is swinging wide open - just for you.


There are no hopeless situations. There are only people who think hopelessly.

You can only think hopelessly is you think with your ego and not with your heart.

We haven't heard from you since you asked this question. I wanted you to know I've been thinking of you & as always, wishing you well. I'm sure many others have also.

With Love, Ele

ps You can always drop us a postcard..

ETA 10-8-2013

Perhaps instead of asking 'Where' do you find Hope, I think you should be asking HOW do I find Hope.

I believe meditation is HOW you will find Hope

To Quote Debbie Ford

"Meditation is connecting to something bigger than myself. We meditate to have a shift in consciousness, to take us out of the limitations of our individual self. You know that to walk by somebody starving is to walk by yourself. You know that to judge somebody else is to judge yourself. In this place HOPE exists, Possibility exists. This is where you know that we are here to have this human experience. Meditation is a process that makes the trip not only possible but also a little gentler."

and to quote Jane Fonda

Meditation connects me to a great inwardness and unity, and at the same time there is a great expansion into everything."

and once again, I will quote Emily Dickenson

alt text

You will find hope by accessing your heart center, by meditating, connecting with source energy & by using your imagination . Dream & Dwell in Possibilities, Create & then Follow Your Heart's Desire.


Feel Better @flow & remember -

This answer is marked "community wiki".

answered 14 Sep '13, 00:59

ele's gravatar image


edited 13 Oct '13, 05:44


"Real" nice, ele...Love and Light...

(17 Sep '13, 18:48) Roy

Thanks for noticing @Roy There are way too many ppl sitting in the dark on sunny days. 5 in my immediate area in a 2 week period. It's possible I am wrong & he's NOT doing well. How many times did he tell us he didn't want to live any more?

(22 Sep '13, 11:35) ele

beautiful answers ele! i loved you caringness and direction!

(09 Oct '13, 03:54) abrahamloa

i really think meditation or being Silent is big part of getting right answers and to be able to follow your inner self. Thats why most big spiritual teachers advocate meditation

(09 Oct '13, 04:08) abrahamloa

No, @abrahamloa This edit wasn't really for flow. He knows all of this. Perhaps this post will help others who are struggling. Yes, the power of silence. How fortunate we are to have discovered this. Like you said,"not one thing works for everyone". I'm confident flow will figure it out. If all else fails "fake it till you make it' has always worked for me. Thanks for the kind words.

(09 Oct '13, 12:03) ele

@ele I'm tired. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. Nothing anybody tells me here makes any sense to me. Not just here, nothing anybody says anywhere makes any sense to me. I'm sorry. Maybe this is all my fault but I am so tired. I can't talk to anyone anymore.

(12 Oct '13, 10:21) flowsurfer

Flowsurfer, i wish you luck!! But i urge you when you have spare time to continue to read books and autobiographies of truly great people like Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi, Lincoln, paramahansa Yogananda etc... they went though all kind of turmoils but rose above everything. Those kind of people will inspire us since its not just some guy writing law of attraction book to make money. They sacrificed their whole lives to cause of others happiness and well being.

(12 Oct '13, 17:25) abrahamloa

i was just reading something about gandhi, and he was stabbed in south africa by a man and was asked to press charges, but instead he said he forgives him and has love for him. The man later became his follower. A princess gave gandhi a silver chair as gift, but gandhi promptly auctioned it off and gave the money to poor. He was sooo selfless. When he was released from prison, he said he is coming back. Even when he had wife and kids, he wanted to be in prison till other 600 prisoners freed.

(12 Oct '13, 17:30) abrahamloa

@flow You're tired. From what I saw you were on for about 12 - 14 hrs. You need some rest. Get a good nights sleep. Remember, the doors are always open whenever you want to return. Rest Well & Thank You.

(13 Oct '13, 02:23) ele

@abrahamloa Those people do not inspire me at all. @ele I tried to stay away from here but I'm not doing well. I tried writing a question but I don't want to just complain and I don't know what to actually ask that I haven't asked before. I've read what Bashar says about suicide and it is exactly how I feel, trapped with no way out. There is a pressure that keeps building up even when I don't feel that bad. I'll probably never have the courage to kill myself but that doesn't mean I'll ever be ok

(18 Oct '13, 18:21) flowsurfer

@flow You have a way with words & you have written some of the most thought provoking posts. Nearly every ? you asked received more A's & comments than most questions do. I'm very happy to see you back. I KNOW you will NOT take your life. You would never do that to your mom or anyone else who loves you. Courage ~ NO, the cowards way out when you are young & healthy & the only reason you no longer want to live is cause you think its the easy way out. You WILL be better than ok. Ask away.

(18 Oct '13, 19:00) ele

@@flow Yes, I noticed. I could not help but notice how down you get on Friday nites when you should be out having fun & it continues through the weekend. So don't be afraid of asking a new question. I've never read a question from you where I got the impression you were complaining or a downer ~ but do Nix the complaints ~ LOA ~ you don't want to attract negativity or attract more stuff to complain about..

(18 Oct '13, 19:12) ele

@flow Thank you for the clarification. You aren't going to take your life; you only feel like life isn't worth living. Many ppl who read your posts are not always sure & you don't want to create worry. I also KNOW you will not take your life cause you are way too intelligent to do so. If you were in the US, this site could be held liable if you did kill yourself especially if you are underage & not the age you claim to be. Listen to the wisdom of Annie - you're only a day away.

(18 Oct '13, 19:22) ele

@flow Remember what you said "Change is the ONLY Constant". You are almost there. Don't stop believing.

(18 Oct '13, 19:33) ele

@ele I feel trapped and I feel the only way to relieve the pressure would be to die. That doesn't mean I want to die. I want to live and be happy. I want to not be trapped. Sometimes I'm in a depressed mood and I just can't motivate myself to do anything because I feel physically and mentally tired. I can just go to bed and rest when that happens, I just do nothing. The real difficulty is when I want to do something, when I am not in that depressed mood. The sense of entrapment actually hurts.

(18 Oct '13, 19:35) flowsurfer

@flow I know this ~ I've ALWAYS known this. There was a short time, a little while ago, where I 'created' doubt due to so many suicides in my world. I guess I was absorbing too many negative energies ~ my apologies for ever doubting you. Luckily my doubt didn't last too long. I knew you were just tired last weekend & very frustrated. You want what we all want - to be happy & live life to its fullest with joy & appreciation. You will.

(18 Oct '13, 19:45) ele

Would this help @flow

Hope so, cause I'm sending you a bigger one.

... can you feel it?

(19 Oct '13, 18:16) ele

@ele No, a hug does not help. I don't mean to be rude but it just doesn't.

(20 Oct '13, 02:15) flowsurfer

@flow It was a gesture of care ~ a symbolic expression of love. Depression does cause physical pain. I have no idea where your depression is coming from. I mentioned getting a check up by a medical doctor. Suffering needlessly (by your own 'hands') causes emotional, spiritual & physical pain also. What are you going to do about it?

(20 Oct '13, 23:55) ele
showing 2 of 19 show 17 more comments

Hi Flowey

Im glad your still hanging in there, and still posting. I know things are tough at the moment, and believe me ive been where you are.

No clever advice or miracle quick answers im afraid. Just one point that I believe will help you as much as anything.

Re read " ask and it is given " Then apply yourself to as many of the 22 processes mentioned there as you can. Forget any manifestation ( as much as you can do ) and apply yourself to the processes themselves just for the sake of doing them.

Persevere with them as you've never persevered before. Make them a habit. Make them part of your life routine.

That's all.


answered 13 Jun '13, 03:43

Monty%20Riviera's gravatar image

Monty Riviera

There's not much we can do here on Iq. Posting differently worded questions isn't going to help. Me posting differently worded answers isn't going to help either. As I posted elsewhere, you are too vibrationally apart from listening to answers (that's not your fault, it's just the way things are atm). I said take a couple of months off from metaphysical studies, but obviously you cannot take a few months off from living your life or emotions!

It's frustrating, even on my end of the scale, because we all know you are doing everything you can think of to feel good, and you are really trying hard to put your life in a positive scale.

Step one: let it be positive now.

All I can reiterate is the idea that everything is happening in your life in perfect synchronicity. We are all going to get our dreams eventually, life is more fun and interesting playing through with all the details along the way. The only reason time exists is so everything good doesn't happen at once! So good things can happen over a period of time. You can only get great insights out of even observationally negative experiences by deciding to look for the gain in it. Yes, that even includes silly belief systems you may be oblvious to using.

Step 2: You are learning everything you need to learn at the right time.

If you really try taking aboard that universal wisdom, you can begin to relax about your life. Painful experiences and emotions are only the result of looking at things in an expired perception (belief system), allow yourself to acknowledge your belief system is in action, and realise you are only feeling bad because you are looking at things a way that produces fear.

Step 3: Study examples and have fun (I know hearing that doesn't synch in with you atm, but I'm writiting this for myself)

You have seen many films I'm sure where there is a character that doesn't really mind what is going on around them. They are happy most of the time even in bad experiences. They are relaxed about life and relaxed about everything happening. A good example I have used lately is Charlie Harper from 2 and a Half Men: relaxed, calm, doesn't worry, and he always seems to have luck on his side. That luck is self created through being living zen.

There are NLP tricks that can be used to absorb characteristics of people or characters you wish to have. We are all an amalgum of a variety of characteristics, I would recommend to choose the ones you want and go into your life wearing them on, like clothing.

Stress less and relax more.


answered 13 Jun '13, 00:45

Nikulas's gravatar image


"There's not much we can do here on Iq. Posting differently worded questions isn't going to help." What will? I don't want to argue against your points but I'll say I have gone through them, hit a wall, looked back and saw them as empty. How can I tell myself to return there when that is the path I took to get here?

(13 Jun '13, 01:00) flowsurfer

Nikulas, you say "you are too vibrationally apart from listening to answers". You are ignoring the issue of how I got to this point. I haven't always been hopeless. I have been euphoric, confident and all sorts of "positive emotions" before. Even if everything I have posted here has been negative, which I don't think it was, I had a life before I came to IQ. I have listened to answers that filled me with joy. I used to thank God for my life and I used to believe everything would be ok.

(13 Jun '13, 01:15) flowsurfer

So now what? It's not like I randomly decided one day to feel despair and then couldn't find my way back to feeling good. It's that I felt good and found that feeling to be illusory. I felt free and found myself still chained. So where do I find real hope?

(13 Jun '13, 01:31) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer - I don't think you should leave - it sounds like IQ is your lifeline. I do agree with @Nikulas on this point - take a break from the metaphysical work & just be.

(13 Jun '13, 03:15) ele

Look at nature for your answers. I wish you would listen to the Louie Armstrong song I posted the other day - "This is a Wonderful World" - it's full of hope. Perhaps you will enjoy this one more. If this doesn't give you hope - look at the original IZ video for inspiration..

(13 Jun '13, 03:23) ele

IZ doesn't look like movie star or model.

(13 Jun '13, 03:28) ele

I like the bit about time Nik, not having all the good stuff at one go. Brilliant, its encouraged me.

(06 Oct '13, 05:15) Monty Riviera
showing 1 of 7 show 6 more comments

whatever the way you are feeling/thinking that is your current level of vibration. As Abraham says: it is not easy or even recommended to jump from your current emotional set-point, (where you say you are feeling despair,) to a level where you are filled with radiant hope like the Buddha or someone on that level! You know it doesn't happen that way... u have to get there gradually step by step...yes its a bit boring & 'the work' but it works.... Just go back to 'Ask and It is Given' and work your way up the emotional scale. They know what they are talking about! It is the way it works! if you felt joy and it felt hollow, then it wasn't real joy you were feeling or you slipped back down to a lower vibrational state... the truth!


answered 05 Oct '13, 21:32

jodie's gravatar image


Esther brings up a huge level of resistance in me as much of what she says makes me feel like a cornered loser. She makes me feel unempowered and somewhat confused. Listening to her triggers a victimhood vibration in me so I am avoiding it.

(05 Oct '13, 22:30) flowsurfer

i can't see how to answer you fully -answer box has gone! so just saying yeah i get it about esther, but ur still vibrating at that level (regardless of Esther and LOA etc!even Einstein discusses it) and so you just need to raise it regardless.So try walking fast to raise serotonin etc, flooding urself with white light or read wayne dyer's book: 'there is a spiritual answer to every problem... He has masses of advice for where your at.If you don't like him, then just white light for7 days..GoodL

(06 Oct '13, 06:54) jodie

@jodie you could edit your current answer as, far as answering again I understand that that possiblity is gone now.

(06 Oct '13, 07:29) ursixx
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments

I wonder what kind of Structure your life has right now.
Do you go up at a set time everyday?
Do you have things to do?
Do you have responsibilities that are yours alone?
With Structure comes responsibility and with responsibly comes self-worth and when you feel that you are worth something that is hope.
Plan your day. this is a recurring theme in many self help programs. Why ? Because it works!
I would guess right now your days are full of chaos and conflict. And very little structure.
Use a pen and paper. Plan your days, start small ,7am wake up, 7:15 shower ,8am breakfast, read the classifieds look for job, and so on.
Now your saying "wt£ ursixx how is planning my day gonna help me?" Easy ! Every-time you do something in that structure you are accomplishing something you are taking responsibility.and even though they are small trivial things they add up at the end of the day to your sense of self-worth ,a sense of control. Many people that are unemployed would benefit greatly in a daily planning. This structure help one in a sense of purpose and that is often something that is missing when you don't have a job. @flowsurfer give it a try !

Contemplate this thought. On this level you may achieve any objective, and prove to yourself that invisible states, when properly rearranged, will externalize what they imply, for the potency of every imaginable act is in its implication.

Listen closely to your invisible thoughts. What do you hear? What are your words implying? That is their potency. What do you want? Name it and rearrange the structure of your mind to imply you no longer desire it, because you already have it!

Perhaps another has injured you or caused you grief. It doesn't matter what has been done, when you know this law you can forgive anyone by rearranging the structure of your mind and set him free by imagining it never happened!



answered 06 Oct '13, 04:04

ursixx's gravatar image


I don't get up at a set time. I don't sleep at a set time. I have nothing to do and I have no responsibilities. The structures that I tried to established fell because they had nothing to sustain them. I don't look for a job because I don't want a job. Trying to force a structure that adds no value to my life just becomes a burden and makes things harder. I don't know how to live my life on a moment to moment basis. I don't know how to make a plan for the day that doesn't feel empty.

(11 Oct '13, 07:11) flowsurfer

Neville says you can be the man you want to be. I feel that isn't true and I want to die.

(11 Oct '13, 07:13) flowsurfer

I need an alternative to suicide besides living a life that I don't want to live.

(11 Oct '13, 07:19) flowsurfer

I don't know what would fix things anymore. I'm not sure how I can make the rest of my life anything other than a burden.

(11 Oct '13, 07:22) flowsurfer

right now you are in that place where you dont find initiative to move to something you love. Its ok to not do anything. So you perfectly in the right place... just be ok with not doign anything... do soemthing only when you feel like doing it... i think you earlier said music is something that you like?? you may sometimes ask yourself what you love and then start moving towards that if you get that nudge.. otherwise you can be fine with being easy and not doign anything...

(11 Oct '13, 17:58) abrahamloa

Deepak Chopra - You may have heard the adage "Practice makes perfect" quite frequently throughout your life. Whether or not perfection can truly be achieved, it is certainly clear that repetition and focus is required to achieve maximum results in most any pursuit in life.

Many studies show that meditation can provide very real and positive benefits after as little as four sessions, even for a novice.

(11 Oct '13, 19:12) abrahamloa

Today you will learn how to enhance your meditation practice by discovering the secret to achieving wholeness while you continue on your path to a place of comfortable, expanded awareness.

(he has some 2 week free online meditation series...)

(11 Oct '13, 19:13) abrahamloa

Initiative to move to something I love? There isn't anything I love I can move to in any real sense and I have grown tired of faking it. Music used to help me fake it, to feel myself as the person I wanted to be. Now it just reminds me that I'm not that person. It highlights the feeling of loss.

(11 Oct '13, 19:29) flowsurfer

The only thing meditation accomplishes is to annoy me. I hate it.

(11 Oct '13, 19:37) flowsurfer

lol.. sorry i should not laugh ... but you have quite a passion to discard any solution and hate solutions and stay where you are .. thats your passion now... not saying its bad or good :-)

(11 Oct '13, 20:05) abrahamloa

Really? I hate solutions? What do you think happens when I meditate? Paint a picture for me of how you think this is a solution. There are different things that could be called "meditation" and some of them used to lift my mood. I did them intensely and for long periods. Yet I am still here. I am angry today.

(11 Oct '13, 20:33) flowsurfer

I hear or read the advice to follow your passion and do what you love. I don't reject that advice. Those words simply mean nothing to me. I can't translate them into meaningful direction.

(11 Oct '13, 20:39) flowsurfer

I don't think we love activities. There is nothing I inherently love doing. Sometimes I got pleasure from doing certain things but it wasn't because of the activity but because of what it implied in terms of identity. It was only a contextual passion. Simple example: If I watch porn, assuming it is of a certain type, it can make me feel better by helping me project my sense of identity to a more positive place. A lot better even and not just in the sense of giving a short thrill.

(11 Oct '13, 20:51) flowsurfer

Or it can make me feel worse (a lot worse) by making me aware of a negative sense of identity (I am sitting alone watching another man have sex with a beautiful woman). Or it can make me feel nothing at all. And the difference is not a difference in what I am doing but of who I see myself as while doing it; what it implies. I don't like who I am right now and I can't shift this sense of identity. Meditation to me, right now, implies I am a loser. It implies I am alone and powerless.

(11 Oct '13, 20:51) flowsurfer

I read Neville's advice to change my inner conversation. Yet there is a conflict because I have to deal with the reality that is in front of me. If I change my inner conversation from "I can't afford to go to New York" to "I can afford to go to New York" I'll move to purchase the plane ticket and hit a brick wall. At which point, I am aware that my inner conversation is a lie. I have hit enough brick walls to know they will be there and be afraid of walking blindly into them.

(11 Oct '13, 22:22) flowsurfer

But when I accept that the brick wall is there and wait for it to dissolve before trying to walk the path it blocks, it doesn't. It stays there and I keep falling behind in life. I feel trapped.

(11 Oct '13, 22:26) flowsurfer

I have spent the last hour staring at this screen thinking of the right question to ask, realizing there isn't one, but not knowing what else to do and fluctuating between despair and anger. I cannot understand why God doesn't love me. It doesn't make any sense. I don't understand why I am alive but not free.

(11 Oct '13, 23:55) flowsurfer

@flowsurfer I like metaphors and your "brick-wall" is perfect : If you stand with your nose against the brick wall and refuse to look around then your answer will always be this is impossible. But if you look up or around there other ways to go around . or push against it and find that it is an old barrier that if you pushed against it would come crumbling down with out much effort.

(13 Oct '13, 02:07) ursixx

... just don't give up . take a few steps back and know that your path continues beyond the brick walls of you life.

(13 Oct '13, 02:17) ursixx
showing 2 of 20 show 18 more comments

"Hope" means "I want something that isn't here to be here".

Feelings of "Lack" is feelings that say "it isn't here". That is the energy you are putting out and what will be given back to you.

If you "expect", you will keep expecting things. That's why Bashar says "No Expectations!".

Feel Fulfilled NOW, feel Satisfied NOW, feel appreciation NOW and you will keep getting things to make you feel that way.

If you don't do this, you'll always be "wanting" something, if you do this, things will just naturally keep showing up.


answered 17 Sep '13, 20:03

arpgme's gravatar image



Expectation is future based by definition. Hope is Trust..

(22 Sep '13, 11:46) ele

well my hope is found in the Lord, i have my bad days and my good days but thats because i know i have a loving savior. you may not go to church nor do you want to read this but, i once was in your place. i would feel bad for others and think their problems are my problems and that would stress me out. until i relalised im not going to find hope or joy in the world but in the Lord. ill be praying for you because thats what you need. i would love to hear back from you. (proverbs 13:12- "hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.")


answered 20 Sep '13, 17:03

BaiGraGil's gravatar image


Thanks @BaiGraGil & Welcome to IQ.

(22 Sep '13, 11:45) ele

You already know what answers are here so why bother coming to this site again. If you keep saying nothing helps. Then that must true. Suffer through it till you are done, then maybe you will change or maybe not. Some people go through their entire lives in suffering too. So maybe next life has better picture for you if you keep at it like this.

I dont think people here with their experiences are able to convince you. YOu need some other much bigger master who is very inspirational to give you hope. Or you will basically suffer through till you bottom out then maybe you come up.

If you think all these stars suns earth are going round and round randomly and that your body works the way it does - blood flowing perfectly from your heart through capillaries, lungs pumping air for you to survive etc without anyone monitoring and taking care of it. Magically works on its own. But you dont see higher design in operation then god help you.


answered 04 Oct '13, 21:45

abrahamloa's gravatar image


"Relaxation of the body plus passivity of the mind and fixation of attention on the objective desire, equals fulfillment of the objective. Anxiety has no creative power." Neville Goddard is my teacher and the only one that gives me any relief, clarity or hope; I've listened to many others including Daryl and Esther but nobody comes close to Neville. I have however struggled to apply his teachings. I don't know what I want in this life anymore. I don't feel that I belong in this section of time.

(04 Oct '13, 22:07) flowsurfer

thats great! you like Neville... everyone like diff teachers... and speak differently... i love abraham hicks ... i like neville too... i love paramahansa yogananda... he for me is THE MAN... of course it helped that i studied abraham hicks first .. some people think he is against desires but thats not true.. but he has SRF foudnation that gives a 3rd eye meditation that really i love.... his books are really great where he says the whole physical reality is like a movie not entirely real...

(04 Oct '13, 22:11) abrahamloa

tools like meditation or Quantum breathing by Jeru Kebbal etc take you out of your regular consciousness.... there are other Visualization techniques by Seth too ... there are lots and lots of these tools available... you wont like something another likes... ex not every one like meditation... some like Kirtan - its singing ... some like to immerse in dancing... etc... but these get you out and into Superconsciousness...

(04 Oct '13, 22:14) abrahamloa

Abrham hicks says follow your joy so maybe some take up singing or dancing and through that get out of their head... these tools to get out of head are important because that is how we connect to our Higer selves.. and get guidance from our Soul

(04 Oct '13, 22:15) abrahamloa

i everyday spend at 15-20 mins to get into these states... apart from my dancing and workours which also serve that purpose.. this keeps my mind clean.... and i can sense the direction from my own soul and higher self and universe etc...

(04 Oct '13, 22:17) abrahamloa

So if you dont get out of your normal state of conscisousness and keep questioning what we write here you will never find the answers... you need to use some tool ---- try few diff ones and keep the ones you like... when you use this tools you will move into a different realm... its like drinking alcohol... when you drink alcohol it does something similar for you... try drinkign a lot one day and see... your thinking will shift differently....

(04 Oct '13, 22:19) abrahamloa

i am not suggesting that you resort to alcohol but it puts you in some trance... but alcohol is a crude example of altered state....

(04 Oct '13, 22:20) abrahamloa

read Paramahansa's books intellectually but do these exercises so you are not stuck in intellectual... paramahansa type of teachings --- or even Neville's will keep you in the right attitude and mindset .....

(04 Oct '13, 22:21) abrahamloa

I have read some Neville's stuff but what i feel is its great no doubt. BUt his teachings are more focused only on beliefs and thoughts and having the vision always on what you want.. etc.. which is fine but its not focused on altering your state of mind when you are not able to keep that positive vision strong... ... ex ifyou look at Shamans they usually alter your states of consciousness so that if your thoughts have limitations in this trance they loosen and u see the light.(just like drunk)

(04 Oct '13, 22:24) abrahamloa

The thing I like the most about Neville is probably his stories. From his own life and from the life of those he taught. He will tell the story about how his family's ducks lived on a diet of fish and how when they wanted to eat them, they had to change their diet completely for two weeks so they didn't taste like fish; they fed on fish and they became fish. How everything in life is trying to teach us the same thing.

(04 Oct '13, 22:25) flowsurfer

for you i feel your normal conscisouess is very deeply rooted in limiting thoughts so even when you do these tools which last some time and you are back in your normal conscisouness and again that affect is just gone and your limited thoughts take affect.. then it re-inforces that this tool or methods dont work...

(04 Oct '13, 22:26) abrahamloa

only if you make up your mind that you are going to discard your old belifes....and you know its going to come and hit and thats ok.. but i will keep prodding with these new spiritual principles and work them honestly as best as i can... then and only then you can welcome small changes .. otherwise its not gonna happen till you really honestly and sincerely are going to give this a try... and cast all your disappointments aside temporarily for 6 months ...

(04 Oct '13, 22:28) abrahamloa

yes i cannot agree less Neville's stories are very powerful and gives you strong sense that anything is possible... when i read his book it was my favorite... that tells me i want to go back read his stories again....

(04 Oct '13, 22:31) abrahamloa

I have managed to shift my state of consciousness many times, in different ways. The thing that helped the most in the past was music, particularly music videos. My mind seems to regain control however and it basically says "stop!". I'm restrained from assuming certain things by the awareness of my limitations because I don't want to just evade reality within a self-contained fantasy. So my mind tries to work out an achievable path, something that is not contradictory, but it fails.

(04 Oct '13, 22:32) flowsurfer

thats great that you have understanding of shifting your conscisounes... its ok to fail when you are back in normal consciousness.... its going to be see-saw... like you feel great then you feel bad ..etc... but if you stick to it ... you need to have consistent mechanishm to shift your conscisouness everyday sort of... thats why a hobby like singing or dancing etc... serves that... because you can do that every single day for more than an hour once you get into it....

(04 Oct '13, 22:35) abrahamloa

you need to also understand that there is a global picture to life... you are not living your life just randomly... when you in some sense develop this trust things will shift more and more

(04 Oct '13, 22:36) abrahamloa

loosen your wants and attachments temporarily... and try to go with flow... do the stuff you like that shifts consciousness and also do gratitude lists ... read about how God/Universe is showing up in our life everyday.... once you cross that hurdle thing will get a littel easy... your heartache will loosen...

(04 Oct '13, 22:38) abrahamloa

i know you have read a lot and it seems like crazy to read something mroe... but read Man's Eternal Quest by Paramahansa Yogananda.... he has a little diff way to say things... you never know.... worst case treat as knowledge that now you know what Paramahansa Yogananda is about... there is no downside to read a book.... he is considered a very great spiritual masters... like a michael jordan of spirituality.. or a tiger woods of spirituality... give it a try .. you have nothing to lose...

(04 Oct '13, 22:42) abrahamloa

@abrahamloa I have NO clue what your answer has to do with his question. It belongs in the comment section. Before reading all the chat I thought, whoa, why don't you fedex him a loaded gun so he could end his suffering (or yours). No one is forcing you to read his posts. Then I had to laugh when I read the comments. You are doing exactly what many members including myself have done - trying to help by offering tools & advice based on experience. (cont A)

(04 Oct '13, 23:12) ele

(cont B) I genuinely like flow & I've seen my own reflection many times. He has a good heart, as do you. When he exasperates me, I know there is something I need to work on. I appreciate his many thoughtful answers & his insights. As for your objection to him questioning things we say; I strongly disagree. IQ is not a cult & he has every right to ask questions & it's your choice to answer or pass. (cont B)

(04 Oct '13, 23:15) ele

(cont C) You're closer to his age & the same gender; you would make a good mentor - you've made some very good suggestions.

(04 Oct '13, 23:17) ele

@ele ... lol.. its hard to convince someone who is in diff realm ... they have to then go thru their journey i would suppose... time is a big healer too. .. and in life everything is in flux so eventually people will change...

(04 Oct '13, 23:26) abrahamloa

thx you have good heart too...

(04 Oct '13, 23:30) abrahamloa

@abrahamloa As for time being a big healer - I concur. Flow is 27 or 28 & he's been 'stuck' for a few years now. Yes, we are all on our own journeys & for whatever reason, he's where he's at. I agree, change is the only constant. You should read some of his answers - much depth & compassion. I applaud his honesty ... and why aren't you out dancing on a Friday night? Storming here..

(04 Oct '13, 23:52) ele

Please explain here why you downvoted: Because I strongly disapproved of this answer. If I felt "YOu need some other much bigger master who is very inspirational to give you hope." was true I would never let myself get caught saying something like 'Why do you even bother coming back here' in the same paragraph, especially not in the tone I hopefully mistakenly observe in this answer. In fact I'd much sooner suggest they continue seeking help as I'm incapable of providing it..

(05 Oct '13, 02:42) Snow

@ele , i did go out dancing! :-) went late as i was replying here ... lol.. reached club only at 1130pm... but was not bad couple of hrs dancing tonite..

(05 Oct '13, 06:23) abrahamloa

@snow, i have tried diff approaches in the past so this time i took more stern approach.. but if you saw in the same paragraph i did say it could be some bigger master might be needed to who can charm him in better direction... or if you later read my comments you would understand that i was only trying my best .. in the end we dont care what methods or tools or whatever ways .. as long as he finds happiness peace joy passion etc thats all counts...

(05 Oct '13, 06:27) abrahamloa

@ele are you dancer too?? u must be east coast..i like west coast no storms here.. :-)

(05 Oct '13, 06:30) abrahamloa

@abrahamloa After I said that, I realized it was early on the West coast; plenty of time to go out dancing & yes I am. Storms - fav tree went down taking out a power line & landing on a bldg.. I seem to be attracting storms this year. LOA I'm totally in awe of my power. My potential is unlimited. .. or it could be all those rain dances I did last year when we had that historic drought. I must learn to harness my power & channel it for 'good', being I'm a Jedi. Have a great day...

(05 Oct '13, 13:42) ele

Reason for downvoting: It is rude to question someone in despair on why they are coming to this site... its up to them if they want to come here..who are you to tell them not to!!

(06 Oct '13, 07:33) jodie

@jodie .. i dont really care who downvotes etc.. if you followed the history ... flowsurfer has been on this site for long time.. and if you read his answers.. its been 1000 times he already said nothing works... so if there is nothing new here to learn if he sticks to the same thing.. he can be here for he can be but nothing gonna change... also i told in harsh manner to evoke something more in him to shake him up.. thats all... if you follow my remaining comments section you will understand..

(07 Oct '13, 18:12) abrahamloa

@jodie Please read through all the comments before casting stones & passing judgments. I realize there were over 30 comments made; but when I see this many comments posted to an answer, I think it must be a very thought provoking answer to illicit so much commentary. The more info one gathers allows one to make more informed opinions and decisions. Remember Knowledge is Power - use it wisely& it will empower you as well as others.

(07 Oct '13, 18:43) ele

@abrahamloa You certainly are getting a bum rap. 2 upvotes & 2 downvotes. Perhaps you should edit your answer for users who don't have time to read through the comments. Since voting is all about judgment I shall cast mine now. lol So ironic judging answers & questions isn't it; being judgement is soo limiting. Oh, in case my vote gets canceled; I'm voting up.

(07 Oct '13, 18:47) ele

@ele, :-) thx for that. Its ok though.. i cant see its being downvoted.. but frankly i dont really care.. really? ... i just gave my answers the way i felt.. i certainly desire no one goes through unnecessary suffering when other alternatives to feel better are there.. but these spiritual truths are not easy to get to & trust them. it ONLY took me 40 yrs before i got to it in some level and formed some trust in it and who knows how strong that trust is..i think its strong we'll see

(07 Oct '13, 19:00) abrahamloa

@ele "I seem to be attracting storms this year. LOA I'm totally in awe of my power. My potential is unlimited. .. or it could be all those rain dances I did last year when we had that historic drought. I must learn to harness my power & channel it for 'good', being I'm a Jedi.." i loved reading what you wrote and how you realize your power!! great for you! yes you are a Jedi!! now dont strike your fav tree though... lol

(07 Oct '13, 19:03) abrahamloa

@ele i will vote for what i want thanks!

(07 Oct '13, 19:03) jodie

For the record, I did not regard @abrahamloa 's answer as harsh. I have been doing better and found a method that suits me for the moment. This was an old question and I had a sudden and deep loss of faith which prompted a depressed comment but I think I'll do ok.

(07 Oct '13, 19:15) flowsurfer

you didn't write the comment i downvoted but once again you are jumping in to correct me on sth that was nothing to do with you! don't you have sth better to do?! or are you the guardian of the forum or sth i should know about?

(07 Oct '13, 19:15) jodie

@flowsurfer, i am glad you found something that suits you for now!!! i am really happy for you and i am sure you will do good :-) ... please know that there were also times when i stood in the place you stood a while back... we will always be there for you in spirit...

(07 Oct '13, 19:20) abrahamloa

@abrahamloa I wish I could edit my comment to you. Voting is not all about judgment. It's about appreciation. I appreciate your answer & it was very helpful & why I voted it up. I don't get the voting. I respect users who never vote & I'm fine with this. What I don't understand is users who ask questions & do not vote up the users who have given answers. People have taken the time to give an answer & in most instances the answers are worthy of a vote by the member who asked the (part 1)

(07 Oct '13, 23:41) ele

(part 2) question. Haven't we learned by now that the simplest & easiest thing we can do to change our lives & create the lives we want is to show appreciation? If nothing else, it's just good manners. As for votes up or down, I'm guessing you had 2 ups & 2 downs, otherwise you would have a negative 2. If you want to know for sure, click on your profile & then click on Karma. Stingray told me how to do this & I thought I would pass the info onto you.

(07 Oct '13, 23:44) ele

(part 3) Like you, votes don't matter to me. However, neither you or I have issues with self esteem or worthiness & neither of us are here for the votes.

(07 Oct '13, 23:46) ele

I assume you were addressing me @jodie. You certainly have the right to vote anyway you wish & I did not mean to imply otherwise. I've been connected to this question from the 1st day it was asked. I continued to actively participate on this thread as well as on this particular answer. Anyone who wishes to can read the comments & any user may make a comment on any answer to any question. IQ is a 'home'. Yes, I am a 'guardian' of sorts, as are all members of IQ regardless of karma. (Part 1)

(07 Oct '13, 23:55) ele

@jodie (Part 2) Did you read the info I suggested in regards to 'how to use IQ'? If you did, you would know this: "We don't run Inward Quest - you do." or in other words, the members do & not the administration. There are very few rules. Do you understand what LOA is? I'll give you an example, if you continue to act in a childish manner, you will continue to be treated as one." I'm a strong advocate of education & if I can help you in any way, I will.

(07 Oct '13, 23:58) ele

@jodie Here's that link in case you haven't checked out "how to use IQ"

(08 Oct '13, 00:08) ele

@ele yes i have read it thanks the other day! Great site, amazing advice and information. well, we both know there is more to life than arguing over these petty things, and this is not the purpose of the site! The Zen /Tao thing is to say nothing more; but i also love freedom of expression

(08 Oct '13, 08:30) jodie

@ele So, yes i read where it says, we don't run IQ, YOU do' - but from my experience here that probably means YOU more than Me or any new user!It seems that whatever I do/say/ vote on this particular site (and I have never encountered it on any of the 100's of other websites, forums, wikipedia type sites etc that i use), there will always be someone like yourself telling me, as you have repeatedly done in the past few days:

(08 Oct '13, 08:32) jodie

'that Jodie should think more before she votes:' that ''if Jodie is childish and will be treated like one etc'' that ''Jodie edited her comment hence this reply etc etc'' so you can see that for me trying to say or do anything as you would on a normal site, is kind of impossible without you trying to control my input in some way.

(08 Oct '13, 08:34) jodie

Normally on most websites people are free to express themselves without someone else jumping in to correct them/tell me what to vote, what they can say, what they can't say etc, threatening that if they do this, use these words, this will happen, that will happen etc.

(08 Oct '13, 08:35) jodie

still to @ele But, my main point is this: All the rules and restrictions regarding answer boxes, usernames, comments etc seem to have been changed so many times as explained in the admin links etc, because people have been doing this wrong, or that wrong or no

(08 Oct '13, 08:36) jodie

@ele not realising even what this site is supposed to be etc, then, who is it that has the problem?? the beweildered new users or the set up of this slightly oddly set-up site?! So as you can see, there is no point in arguing over these petty things. I have accepted that whatever I say, you seem to enjoy getting on my case and you will probably once again say, patronisingly I am being childish etc.. so its catch 22

(08 Oct '13, 08:38) jodie

@ele and no point in continuing this thing that ur doing since i asked my question on the site! To me, this place is a source of (fantastic) information, thats it! It is not a way of life or a cult I want to join! and am grateful the info is up here for people to read/use etc whilst they are on the site, and I appreciate that. I been here 3 days and will be gone soon, but there is some great info here so its kind of worth the hassle...for a short while

(08 Oct '13, 08:40) jodie

@ele but whilst I'm here, the only way you can 'help' me is to allow free speech and get off my case everytime i say or do something! So please, if I make any more comments on other posts that you are not involved in, see if you can restrain yourself! kidding! ...just let me be and do your own stuff - just chill and meditate or sth instead! Lets leave it here.. Peace.

(08 Oct '13, 08:42) jodie
showing 2 of 54 show 52 more comments

I agree there are times when an individual is in a position where advising them they're putting too much focus and attention on whatever ails them while not making enough progress so it's worth advising them to take their mind off of it and be distracted by something else.

However, in the event the individual seems genuinely open to improvement and is actively seeking assistance, I'd say encouraging them to continue on both points makes a whole lot more sense than saying "Well why do you even bother?" I openly admit I'm likely unequipped to help in this matter, and it'd also likely take someone well beyond me to reach to your particular situation.. However this again suggests to me my reaction should be encouragement..

I am somewhat.. perplexed by the approach taken by some here.

To answer the question.. Everyone in life is asking the same question. We're all looking for that one bit of information, phrase, person, event, epiphany, whatever our personal 'key' is which will speak to us, provoke the turning point in our lives, whatever our need may be. For some the answer is simple and comes easily. Others aren't so fortunate.

I don't know what you're looking for, and I don't think you do either. All of the feelings of want or need or desire we are encountering are an attempt to remove a void, fill in a blank, answer a question, fulfill a quest. The fact we're having so much trouble with it simply means our void is slightly more complex, may require a more specific answer to speak to us.

At this point all I can say is keep searching, it's all either of us can do. Start looking in other places [in regards to what you're looking for, seek different answers].. Look for something new, something different. I do think it's a valuable suggestion to take time away from actively 'battling' against despair. Take a break from 'looking' and 'seeking' and just keep your eyes open for something calling out to you, especially from unlikely sources.


answered 05 Oct '13, 03:10

Snow's gravatar image


edited 05 Oct '13, 03:15

Very Nice @Snow ...

(05 Oct '13, 04:53) ele

Making comparisons is your problem. Do not compare anything to anything else. Your interpretation of life is dependent on you being right. You are not right all the time. Accept that your interpretation is both right and wrong, stop taking sides against yourself. This life is a hologram, don't take it so seriously. Are you breathing? Now you can go to the next step, move to the Logic side of your brain, and stop making excuses. Your power is unlimited. When you wake up you will realize that you are connected to everything, and you don't have to control it, you ARE it if you believe it. Wake up son, life is short.....KOA.


answered 19 Oct '13, 16:43

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The Knights Alchemy

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