Whether while talking to someone I know well, or with a new friend/acquaintance, while trying to answer a question in the class/office, when trying to explain something that I know well, any given occasion for that matter, I fear that I will embarrass myself and thereby end up stammering, or will not be able to phrase the sentences properly, or even saying something completely out of context and actually end up embarrassing myself! I usually ask people to let me write back to them, than talk to them because of this fear.

Although I knew I did something which wasnt clearly normal, I kept telling myself that I dont like to talk to people and hence I prefer writing back. But I realise that its actually the fear which makes me avoid any such occasions.

However there are times when I talk to a few people/friends so very confidently and clearly that I end up making them feel conscious of their talking skills! Its mostly with people who talk very less no matter what, and it is also with a few very skilled talkers.

I know that its related to something in the past, but I am not able to identify what that is nor able to get myself to train my brain into thinking that talking to everyone is as easy as speaking to these people.

Can anyone please help me overcome this fear?

asked 22 Oct '10, 15:33

AVBhat%201's gravatar image

AVBhat 1

edited 26 Jun '12, 14:56

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Whatever has happened in the past to bring about this situation is irrelevant. You don't have to go back and clean it up, you just have to deal with who you now are as a result.

I've learned many different methods of behavior/belief change over the years and, consistently, the fastest and easiest practical way I know of to deal with issues like this is through the use of EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique

There are plenty of free videos on YouTube that will help you get the gist of the method very quickly.

What you want to do is to imagine yourself embarrassing yourself in the worst possible way (yes, really), so you get a taste of that fear that is imprisoning you, and then do the tapping while holding that painful thought. You'll find that very quickly, all the sting will be taken out of the thought. For me, this often happens in seconds.

And once the pain (and associated fear) has been neutralized, you'll find yourself naturally thinking differently about your issue. You'll discover that the limiting belief lying at the root of your issue will have been skewing your own view of yourself, and once that belief is softened (even slightly), you'll behave differently without trying.

Another useful (and similar in intent) approach is Tony Robbin's Swish Pattern.


answered 22 Oct '10, 17:17

Stingray's gravatar image


edited 05 Feb '12, 09:28

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

You can over come this fear. I had it too! I could barely talk in certain situations.
A teacher at the time knew of my issue and recommended I join Toastmasters. http://www.toastmasters.org/

get yourself into your local chapter, if you have one, or find something similar to it. You get to talk and mess up all you want and nobody cares! But while you are doing this, something will change in your brain and you will see there is clarity in the situation you never saw before. What you are worrying about now, you will see as a waste of time!

In other words, get out there and keep speaking in the situations you are scared to speak in. What is the worst thing that happens? You can't talk and embarrass yourself? Big deal!

Also, nobody really cares that much about your speaking or if you embarrass yourself.


answered 22 Oct '10, 16:18

Back2Basics's gravatar image


edited 23 Oct '10, 04:29

Eddie's gravatar image


The only way to overcome fear is to "feel the fear and do it anyway".Then comes the realization that the fear was merely an illusion - it's all in the mind.

If you feel you really need a technique to help you overcome it, Back2basics and Stingray have given you some good advice.


answered 22 Oct '10, 17:19

Michaela's gravatar image


I absolutely agree with you.

(22 Oct '10, 23:56) Drham

That's an unexpected answer from you, Michaela. So you are advocating ignoring emotional guidance?

(23 Oct '10, 01:59) Stingray

I guess I've had an internal 'shift' this week - I'm at the point where I think we give 'the emotions' too much credence.

(23 Oct '10, 02:19) Michaela

Interesting. I was just pondering last night (my time) how some of your answers feel a little different from before. I guess change is the only constant thing in life, as they say :)

(23 Oct '10, 09:43) Stingray
showing 2 of 4 show 2 more comments

When I feel fear I recite the 23rd Psalm, "yea though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil". Face your demons and I guarantee you it will be nowhere as bad as you imagine it. Try it one time and then try it again and again. That is how you move past the fear.


answered 23 Oct '10, 00:04

Drham's gravatar image


AVBhat, what helps me is to have a sense of humor about yourself. The other day I was sitting down with a complete stranger of the opposite sex having some coffee. Here I am walking around, ordering coffee, and chatting away. I put my hand in my front pocket to get my cell phone to check the time and BEHOLD, my zipper was down. My hand spread the opening right there in front of the person I was chatting with. At first I thought OH CRAP!Then, I thought it was hilarious, like a comedy movie. I just zipped up my pants right there and then and kept on keeping on.

Activity and interacting with others is a way for you to let your personality shine. You are genuine, unique, caring, honest, and much more. Share it with others and most of all be happy and have a sense of humor about yourself. If you start talking like you have a marble in your mouth, have fun with it. Say something like, "did you even understand that language I just spoke?"


answered 23 Oct '10, 11:45

RPuls's gravatar image


edited 23 Oct '10, 11:50

Hypnosis might help you recall an incident or consequence that you sufferred from speaking out or openly. Obviously youre very eloquent and thoughtful. Understanding your unease might help you overcome it. Maybe in a past life you faced execution for your beliefs, the history books are full of those examples. You need to give yourself permission to practice and to stumble so you can improve.

(11 Feb '12, 00:11) helenread25 1

One of the best things I have heard is you do not get over your fears, you go through them.

“Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” Mark Twain


answered 23 Oct '10, 05:18

jim%2010's gravatar image

jim 10

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