I am going through one of these periods where it is really difficult to let go..but I know I will succeed.I am on my way..there is this guy I met on internet,who was from a different city than mine.He had come down to meet me twice and we got into a relationship after he proposed to me.
The relationship with him continued for two years during which he had come once.In the mean time he got married but told me that his wife, who was his ex-girlfriend had forced him into it.and I was stupid enough to be lead in to believe him. he told me he had filed a case for nullity and was fighting cases as he didn't want to be with her,she too had filed certain domestic violence cases against him.
He worked in a different city than the one in which the gal lived.He used to talk to me always,updating about work,family every moment and his love seemed immense.Though I had to suffer alot and there were moments of doubt too.but I believed him completely and overlooked my intuition. He then told me after two years of our relationship that he has lost his cases and has to go back to her.
I accepted that completely.It happened January this year.I did not contact him after that,though he gave me missed call twice.We met online and he tried to show his love for me.He told me his cases have restarted but when he understood that I no longer wanted a relationship with him though I did not mind being friends.He said he cant be friends.I had always felt like he had cheated me.I asked him to confess if he had to say something and suddenly he changed his tone and said that he was just using me.He didn't talk about the cases but denied having ever told me that he loves me or about marriage.
He instead told me that I was trying to trap him into marriage and about my character.He told me about my looks.and it was all very hurting.Two years he had completely cheated on me and I was shocked how can someone be so pretentious.I knew his passwords and he hasn't changed them though.I recently changed mine as he was keeping a track of it I guess.
My problem is I can't stop thinking of why he did this to me.The feeling of being cheated and ignoring my intuition is tearing me down.I spend my days crying and maybe unconsciously waiting for him to call me once and say that he had feelings for me at least at some point of time and it was all not a lie..how to let go his thoughts and past..plz help...
asked 30 Apr '12, 12:30
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To let go means to forgive. But to forgive is sometimes hard to comprehend fully in relation to our seeming troubles. What are we doing really when we try to forgive someone. We absolve them from payment. You have to get rid of the idea that he owes you something. You feel you have invested something into relationship of you two and that you want to have your payment equalized by his contribution.
Words are just words, and it's not the words that hurt, it's the meanings they imply. For meanings can hurt our beliefs. But we shouldn't really care for words, or they meaning. Trust the action of others instead. They mean what they do, not what they say.
There you have it. An idea of how to let him go. Forget that he owes you anything.
answered 30 Apr '12, 13:31
thank u so much...i guess it will help me..u ryt may b i think too much abt wat i did to keep d relation going lyk helpng him de-stress wen he showed his tension.but on the whole he ws faking i think nw
(30 Apr '12, 13:47) sfsfsf
DAmn! lol. Today I would say, what do you mean LET GO? Punch him in the face and kick his ass. That should solve the issue of lingering on an unhealthy connection.
(11 Mar '13, 04:38) CalonLan
I am so sorry that you got hurt, but now it is time to go on with your life. Apparently, this guy did not really love you, he proved that by his actions and by the way he spoke to you. Do not waste any more thoughts on him and don't shed any more tears. Tell yourself you deserve to be happy and that the right person will come along. Truly believe that. Since he does not want to be friend anymore, either, in my opinion, the best thing to do would be to complete break off any contact with him.
It does hurt now, but it will get easier, especially when you tell yourself that you are a good, loving person and nobody has the right to use you. Only you can allow someone to use you.
Get involved in other things, not necessarily related to dating, I think you need to heal first.If you stay busy and get your mind off him, you will start feeling better. I always found that volunteering and helping in nursing homes, soup kitchens or animal shelters will make you feel real good inside and give you a sense of self worth. And in the evening, before you go to sleep, try some meditating, or just being still for a while, no tv, no noise, just to think and reflect on yourself for a while. Then, right before you go to sleep, tell yourself you deserve happiness because you want to give happiness, and that the right man will come into your life at the perfect time. Try and go to sleep saying that over and over without worrying about when and how that will happen. Because it will.
If you believe in God, you can also tell yourself, God has a plan for you and HE knows what is best for you and HE will make it happen without you even trying.
Also, if you can, try and tell yourself that a few times during the day, get quiet first and take a few deep breaths, and then EXPECT miracles to happen in your life.
answered 30 Apr '12, 21:44
thank u so very much..u r ryt..i shud just cumpletely stop thinking about him..he is busy in his world..doing his work and enjoyng his life..i am not saying he doesn't deserve it..it should not be my concern.but i too deserve happiness..hv exams after 20 days and still shedding tears over him can mk things worse in my life not his..thanku
(01 May '12, 03:17) sfsfsf
What positive things did you experience from this relationship? Stay focused on these things. Magnify them in your mind. Don't tie these things to the person, the individual. I promise these things you enjoy did not come from the individual, nor ANY person. Your joy comes from yourself.
Let these things, your joys stand on their own.
The intent is to magnify the good things in your life. Passionately enjoy the good. Water them with your love. Flowers, properly nourished will crowd out the weeds.
If you focus on the bad, it will also grow. Which would you rather have in your life?
answered 01 May '12, 08:15
the joy i had felt now seems bitter..i mean the memories of what he did brings tears and sense of deception...how to b happy without getting the pain?
(01 May '12, 11:43) sfsfsf
...This is from experience!!!
When you're lonely and someone comes into your life and fills that "void" with the attention you so desperately seek, you feel like your in love with that person.
When you really think about it, you "wanted" a relationship and this person "felt" like a relationship "to you". You got some of the attention you desired, but you didn't get all the attention you desired. You may have even talked to people about your "man" and people would look around and say "what man? I don't see anybody?" But in your mind you had a relationship.
You fantasized this in your head. The guy was never around because all he could offer you was his attention through talking on the phone and/or messaging.
What you are experiencing is in "your" head. It's not in his head! It's not in my head, or Dollar Bills head, or fred 1, or PurpleRose's.
In the beginning you had such great thoughts that created such "good feelings."......now your mind is like a skipping record. The same negative thoughts are repeating over and over again and attracting more and more thoughts of the same negative vibration and you have a continuous "loop" in your head.
The most important thing is that "you feel good."
Your thoughts just can't be changed to something after you focused so much time and attention on those thoughts. You don't even know where you want to go except that you want to feel better!
Where you're at now and where you want to be are (vibrationally) so far apart that you can't do it in one jump. But you can do it in small jumps...draw your attention towards your ideal boyfriend/husband, what is it you really want in a relationship? Mentally picture yourself being happy with a partner. Mentally picture the two of you having so much fun together, and don't hold back!!....keep on this trend, if you "feel" negative about any thought "STOP" and start over!!
Soon your good feeling thoughts are going to push the bad feeling thoughts away!...and before you know it (which could be a few days) this whole experience will "be forgotten!"....guarenteed!!!
answered 01 May '12, 21:16
i wl surely try dis and get back with the results
(02 May '12, 04:10) sfsfsf
it may not be your intuition
as you have a right to
so often when feelings rule
answered 01 May '12, 16:33
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y are not any one answering nw?