How do I know if I am unhappy about my relationship because of my partner or because of my thoughts about my partner?

Let's say you've been in a relationship for 10 years and you feel unfulfilled and you think your partner is the weakest link. Is it a matter of thinking differently about the relationship and the partner, and trying to get that better-feeling perspective? If it is, won't there be a point when you actually need to let the relationship and partner go? How can that point be defined? I am confused about the idea of trying to think differently about my current relationship to try and improve it, as the one and only solution, because then technically anyone can get together with anyone and work on their thoughts about each other and be happy, which seems like a silly idea; and also, if we can always correct our thoughts about our current relationship, it means that any couple can make it work without ever having to break up.

Are you supposed to know when you're unhappy, and you're having a burning desire and thoughts to leave and find someone else? Is it the case of your partner's vibration being different to yours, and that over time, you've become quite different, so seeing each other and feeling that vibrational difference is what creates the negative feeling and draws you two apart? Is it a case of your partner fulfilling some of your needs, but not others, and so, you want a partner that can fulfil you in other areas?

My guess is one will find positive thoughts about their partner only from the range of vibration they themselves are in, and if the partner's vibration is quite different to those thoughts, then they simply go off our vibrational radar. But due to circumstances, we force them into our perspective, and then we feel unhappy because their vibration is nothing like what we perceive it to be.

I think you can think the best thoughts about your partner, but when you're together, and you look at them, you just don't see the perspective you chose in them.

I wonder if in the use of the law of attraction, one might find themselves doing things outside of what's conventional, e.g. possibly even considering polygamous relationships. And constant attempts to fit a vibrational rationalisation into our day to day physical reality is exhausting, so can one just go with the flow, work on their vibration moment-to-moment, not ask such confusing questions and what will be will be?

P.S. the above is hypothetical; I am actually an on/off single man :) This is my first question here, I realise this is going to be against some rules, I apologise! The multiple questions in the body are just ideas I have been mulling over, but not questions in themselves; the main question is in the body, so please your answer reflect just that. Many thanks

asked 16 Aug '14, 18:00

einsof's gravatar image

einsof
57113

edited 16 Aug '14, 18:05

2

Welcome to IQ! :) I understand what you are getting at, and I think it's an excellent question. I would like to know the answer too.

(16 Aug '14, 22:17) Grace

einsof, grace, perhaps when there is no more electricity, it takes love, respect, reciprocal affinity to consider selflessness, to keep it kindled

(17 Aug '14, 12:01) fred
1

Welcome to IQ :) I love your nickname, @einsof :)

(17 Aug '14, 12:26) Olga Farber
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The multiple questions in the body are just ideas I have been mulling over, but not questions in themselves; the main question is in the body, so please your answer reflect just that.

I guess you mean that the main question is in the title? Then my answer is, in your alignment you know it.

More than that, you know then that the only partner you need is you, your Inner Being, your desire. When you're in alignment with You, you don't feel (and don't have) any need of a physical presence of a physical partner - and then the physical reality just solves itself out, in the best feeling way for you.

How do I know if I am unhappy about my relationship because of my partner or because of my thoughts about my partner?

You're always unhappy because of your thoughts - your unhappiness is your Emotional Guidance System at work, showing you that your current thoughts are not aligned with your desire, are not serving for you.

and you think your partner is the weakest link

That thought can feel bad to you - because you give in it your power away, and it can feel good - because it would remove from you your self-blaming. So in different states you can see how it makes you feel, to see if it is usable/serving you at that state.

Is it a matter of thinking differently about the relationship and the partner, and trying to get that better-feeling perspective?

It always is, because for YOU it's good to feel good, at all times, and even to leave the relationship better in a point, where you're aligned. (Better in the meaning that you will not draw with you what you "left behind" physically, you will go in a better feeling way, with life that would reflect that to you. It can give you more work on the way, too, but it may feel differently.)

The question is, will it be easier to you to change your vibration when you left the relationship, or when you're still in it. I believe there's no right or wrong - when you leave not resolving it inside, you take it with you, so you must see yourself, where it's easier for you to realign - to feel better, you will want to do it anyway.

If it is, won't there be a point when you actually need to let the relationship and partner go? How can that point be defined?

When you're aligned, you know it.

the idea of trying to think differently about my current relationship to try and improve it

That's why you're confused: you can try and think differently about your relationship for YOU, for feeling better, for coming to a better feeling place, not to try and improve the relationship.

Some healers say, that when they heal a person, that person can get healthy or make a transition - depending on how the alignment will express for that person, what for them would be a better solution, in their life.

Same about relationships - sometimes aligning lets you feel, that you grew out of this relationship, that it's not for you anymore. Then in a good feeling, you let it go - because you feel your energy differently, you know yourself differently than the energy of that relationship, do you see what I mean?

I think you can think the best thoughts about your partner, but when you're together, and you look at them, you just don't see the perspective you chose in them.

When you change your vibration, it expresses through your partner, too - or better said, through YOUR feelings when you see your partner. There you should look for the difference.

Bashar said it really well: "So it's not the circumstances in your life. It's how you respond to them that makes the difference in your life. It's not whether the outside world has changed in response to your spiritual growth that matters, it's whether your spiritual growth allows you to respond differently to the circumstances even if they stay the same. That means you have actually grown. Do not rely on the outer world as your measuring stick for your own spiritual growth, rely on your response to the outer world to determine how much you have grown. If you still react the same way to an old circumstance, you haven't grown. It has nothing to do with whether or not that circumstance should be in your life anymore."

From my experience with vibrational work, when I change my perspective, truly shift it, it reflects in the way I see the others, always.

I wonder if in the use of the law of attraction, one might find themselves doing things outside of what's conventional, e.g. possibly even considering polygamous relationships

Why not :) I saw this article I really loved, about the relationships, it speaks a lot about it: Fourth-Density Relationships. Precious precious article :)

Abraham-Hicks have this course, Sexuality - people ask Abraham there, if that or this is the right way to have a relationship, and Abraham says, that we only try to find what's "right" because we don't believe in our power to create our own lives, so we try to find an authority that gives it to us, that we would "behave" in accordance to what it would say. It's a powerful thought, isn't it?

constant attempts to fit a vibrational rationalisation into our day to day physical reality is exhausting

but interesting :)

can one just go with the flow, work on their vibration moment-to-moment, not ask such confusing questions and what will be will be?

I believe this is the way for me. Even though I love the questions, too. :)

link

answered 17 Aug '14, 12:25

Olga%20Farber's gravatar image

Olga Farber
1.9k9

1

@Olga Farber- Olga, I love this- I love people who are really clear and write that way. Thank you for this! Blessings...♥♥♥

(18 Aug '14, 20:18) Jaianniah

@Jaianniah thank you very much ♥ that is so nice to hear :) ♥

(19 Aug '14, 08:05) Olga Farber
1

Thank you Olga. In reading all the answers, it dawned on me: partners are reflections of us, of our vibration; so being unhappy with anything is being unhappy with ourveselves and how we've created things; getting our thoughts and vibration in order is therefore the only place that needs addressing; and should undesirable manifestations occur, then somewhere along the line we've allowed our vibration to dip or revert to how it was; perhaps even at the thought of seeing our partner.

(20 Aug '14, 21:52) einsof

@einsof, what a beautiful idea. Regarding the reflections, have you seen Bashar's "speaking to yourself in an empty hall of mirrors"? :)

(21 Aug '14, 03:22) Olga Farber
1

@einsof, I only love more the model of an undesirable manifestation being a reflection of a new energy, coming to us in that stream, that we're not aligned yet in, so I call it pre-alignment, pre-harmony - rather than the model where we fall back or allow the energy to dip. For me, this energy came to improve my relationship with my partner, or somehow else to improve my experience in that stream.

(21 Aug '14, 03:22) Olga Farber

@einsof, would you like to take my book Love Story, in the Light of Law of Attraction for a testimonial/review? It provides more processes and insights, for a vibrational work/play in a relationship.

(21 Aug '14, 03:32) Olga Farber
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There's really no definitive answer to your question because every situation is different and how every vibrational "mix" plays out is different.

And I would caution to stay away from trying to analyze any of the situations from a conscious-mind perspective because the parties involved are often so caught up in the vibrational "mix" that they can't see clearly consciously anyway. That's why it's always easier to solve other people's problems than your own :)

The way I would approach this Should-I-Stay-Or-Should-I-Go dilemma is to hold a consistent good-feeling "State of Being" within myself and then just allow the Law of Attraction to unravel all the vibrational entanglements for me.

alt text

But it can be difficult to manufacture and hold onto a good-feeling "State of Being" if the trigger for a bad-feeling "State of Being" happens to be a person you see everyday :)

I like systematic processes - the Universe is one big systematic process, after all :) - so here is a suggested systematic process to unravel an answer to your question...




Firstly...

You have to do whatever you have to do to find a way to some clear space within yourself regarding the relationship

Every situation is different. Sometimes you may be able to find "clear space" when the other person is asleep, sometimes you may need to agree to see less of them, sometimes you may need to break up from them for a while, sometimes you may need to move out completely.

Initially, you've just got to do whatever you've got to do to get some breathing room.




Secondly...

You use the "clear space" to create a vibrational change within yourself that permits you to hold a consistent good-feeling "State of Being" regarding the relationship. Sometimes it may take multiple attempts especially if you still keep seeing the other person on a regular basis.

Again, do whatever it takes to get to that new, clear vibrational state.

I'm not suggesting this kind of improved vibrational attitude will be easy to attain, especially if one is new to these subjects, but the benefits of doing so are huge so it well worth the time/emotion investment.




Thirdly...

Hold fast to that good-feeling "State of Being" no matter what. Do not allow the other person to influence you away from it. Remember that one who angers you, controls you. Don't allow it to happen. Be aware that clattering may occur.

As you continue to hold fast to the improved vibrational setpoint, the Law of Attraction will ensure events occur that will make clear what course of action to take, and will often even bring about those events for you.

If you've done the vibrational work, don't assume that whatever happens will necessarily be an emotionally-painful set of events...

The Universe is very clever about the way it yields something, but when one door closes another one always opens. Or if you do it through alignment, the other door always opens before the other door closes.

Abraham-Hicks

Trust that whatever happens is the best outcome for you...for now

Whatever happens will be different for everyone but it will "Feel Right" and that feeling can be trusted if it is inspired from that good-feeling "State of Being".




Finally...

Don't second-guess yourself.

If you drift back into a bad-feeling "State of Being" then the course of action that suggested itself from a good-feeling "State of Being" may seem like the wrong course of action.

But it won't be...because it was inspired from a state of alignment

If you are feeling bad again and now you are really not sure, find a way (doing whatever is necessary to get that "clear space" again) to work yourself back into that aligned perspective (good-feeling "State of Being"). From there, you can double-check that the course of action still feels right.

link

answered 17 Aug '14, 12:06

Stingray's gravatar image

Stingray
88.8k16103343

edited 17 Aug '14, 12:06

two monsters on the same question :) hi Stingray :)

(17 Aug '14, 12:27) Olga Farber
1

@Olga Farber - Hi :) ...or is it that all monsters think alike? :)

(17 Aug '14, 12:33) Stingray

:) well, in this case we were thinking complimentarily :)

(17 Aug '14, 13:13) Olga Farber

@Olga Farber and @Stingray- Are you two sure you are not married??? Wow...Both of you are really, really good at simplifying the most complex stuff and making it really simple...really clear, if you know what I mean. Thanks! ♥♥♥

(18 Aug '14, 20:20) Jaianniah

I've re-read this answer and I believe it should be the one; I've already accepted Olga's (who kindly addressed my other minor points), but will change if possible. Both answers have been hugely clear!

(20 Aug '14, 22:10) einsof

Could someone advise if it is possible to change accepted answer? :) Ah, sucks to be a newbie on a website!

(20 Aug '14, 22:13) einsof

Re-reading this and enjoying this answer so much more :) Thank you Mr Stingray, you're still my #1 :)

(29 Jul '16, 08:34) einsof

@einsof - "you're still my #1" - You and my wife will have to fight it out then :)

(30 Jul '16, 05:49) Stingray
showing 2 of 8 show 6 more comments

This is a great question and everyone who has replied has added valuable insight. The only point I want to make right now is to emphasize that the state of confusion, including any second guessing, is a state that is not aligned with the highest part of ourselves. Some people seem to really like being confused and they choose it often. For me, I don't like the way it feels so if I experience it I always do whatever I need to do to back up to a place that feels clear - a place where I know.

I have had two major relationships that took too long to end because neither I nor my partners wanted to "know" that it was time to move on. In both cases there were many things that we each wanted to keep from our relationship. In one case we were successful in that over time. In the other our willing confusion about what we should do made things much more painful than they needed to be and caused damage that has been a bit more challenging to repair.

link

answered 18 Aug '14, 17:27

imaginesue's gravatar image

imaginesue
7694

I like the way you think, I have been trying to apply this radical logic too: the state of confusion is resistance in itself, and that thoughts in absolute sense, affect vibration positively or negatively, no matter what they are and how important they seem; they're attracting confusion if I am confused, so I am not thinking right!

(20 Aug '14, 21:03) einsof

If you are negative. that you find a different partner will not change your situation. if your current partner is negative and what ever you try to make it works fails it is either because you do not know your self or your partner. Then you should get to know your self first then get to know your partner second; and if you try everything and it fails then it is time to look what choice did you make in the beginning to get to this and what is not working?

Is it that you did not see it this way when you made your choice at first?

Is it that you changed from what you where before and your choice as also change and your new choice is conflicting with your partner choice?

Those same question could apply to your partner.

What is the point of conflict between you and your partner?

Can you solve it?

For you or for both of you?

If only for you then it is still not working for the partner and the problem remains. If there is no resolution for both of you because you do not agree on something and cannot find a common ground to find the solution. it might be time to change your choice.

You are responsible of your own choice and so is your partner. You are two that becomes one if you agree together. if you do not agree with each other you are two that are not united and are in division. What is the point of being two together if you do not agree together?

It is better for you to solve your division.

Where are the pieces of the puzzle that do not fit in for you to see the big picture?

If you leave your partner you will be missing 50% of the puzzle with out knowing the picture that you add together. if it took you over 10 years to find that out how much time will it take with the new partner? And when it will not work out with the new partner will you again do the same?

I find you funny when you say that it is silly to work on a relationship together.

You are two in that relationship. When you go see people playing baseball one throw the ball and the other receive it and throw it back. it would be even more silly if one would not throw the ball and the other would not receive it. What a long game of baseball would that be for every one that came to see the game.

From your perspective you do not find what your first perspective was at the beginning of the relationship. Most people play games and are not them self at the beginning anyway and also with time people change so of course you will not have the same perspective.

Will also tell you that no one is perfect in this world, so if it is perfection that you are looking for it is all a work in progress for every one including you.

link

answered 18 Aug '14, 00:19

white%20tiger's gravatar image

white tiger
21.7k1982

edited 18 Aug '14, 00:33

1

Following the guidance in your answer, I am afraid I would be doing more thinking about it than I like. What appear to be problems with my partner may not seem like problems - depending on my current perspective, hence my question: is it my thoughts I need to work on, i.e. is there no problem, and I am just perceiving/creating it, or am I beyond what I can do and move on to another partner. I also believe the problem between partners will not be exclusive to one person, but always to both.

(20 Aug '14, 21:06) einsof

I perceive the partner as reflection of my vibration, so it's a relationship with myself that I am interested in. If I change for the better, and beyond the vibration of the partner, then they should disappear, but because we live together we change our vibration back; but it looks like the answers are coming: the law of attraction will do all the work; as long as I maintain a good-feeling; if the partner is no good, they will disappear in the most natural way.

(20 Aug '14, 21:09) einsof
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Asked: 16 Aug '14, 18:00

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Last updated: 30 Jul '16, 05:49








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