I have been feeling more and more recently that people do not respect me in the way that I would expect. For example:
In my new place of work, when I say something, people are ready to negate it or easily say they disagree without respecting that I am more senior to them. I'm not saying that being more senior makes me right, but it seems like they think it's ok to always disagree with me, but they would never do it to another senior person. Now one of these people I feel is rather discourteous anyway, and I suspect there is some degree of racism at play here too, as well as competitiveness .... but I feel like somehow I can't get people to respect my opinion about things or want to listen to anything I have to say. On the other hand I always try to make sure that everyone's opinion is heard and that I consider their point of view.
I know that I have a low self-esteem and lack confidence in my work. I do have underlying beliefs of I'm not good enough and I'm stupid running in the background. Still I have tried to work on these through many different techniques and yet I can't feel confident.
Right now I'm confused. Is it that I've ended up with a bunch of disrespectful co-workers who want to belittle my ideas, or am I vibrating something that makes them think she's not important or worthy of listening to? Maybe I can only shift I'm not good enough by doing something I can be really good at? And perhaps I would feel the same no matter what I do? Maybe I need to find nicer people to work with?
Thanks for insights. I just want to stop feeling that people don't care about what I have to say. And I don't want to be upset any more when someone negates me or disagrees with me as I've become very sensitive to this. .......
asked 30 Apr '17, 01:15
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At the end of your day, sit down somewhere quiet and go through the events of the day where you felt they were disrespectful to you.
Take them one by one and change the scene entirely to one where they respected you.
Enter into the scene where they respected you and feel it as though that time was right now and you were right there. Replay it again and again until it takes on every sense of reality if you can - to the point you forget you are "just imagining."
The new scene will replace the old, and in fact you can do it to the point you have difficulty remembering what exactly "actually" happened.
Do this for each of them.
You can also go through any past events with them, or in your life entirely where you felt disrespected and do the exact same thing.
You should notice results within a couple of weeks tops if you do that properly.
answered 01 May '17, 08:19
@Grace - Thanks Grace...things are really quite simple. I trust you are well. :)
(04 May '17, 23:11) Liam
@Liam - I am, well... quite simple. ;) Had been over-thinking and making life complicated for a few days. Your answer is just what I needed. K.I.S.S.! And it's good to see you again.
(05 May '17, 01:47) Grace
Thanks @Liam! It is quite challenging what you suggest, but I guess one gets better with practice. Thanks alot for your help. :-)
(08 May '17, 20:35) Inner Beauty
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You're feeling bad because you're focusing on thoughts like "They don't respect me" "They don't listen to me" "I'm senior to them and they treat me like I'm junior" "They are treating me this way because of my race" etc. Your bad feelings are what's alerting you to that you are thinking/focusing on thoughts that do not correspond with how you really want to feel, which is (I'm guessing) "I love how they respect my input" "It feels so good to be admired and noticed" "I love how smart I am" "It feels good to look the way I do, it feels powerful", etc.
As long as you are fixated on the narrative of your rude coworkers, you can't really feel better. So try to change and soften the narrative a little bit. Maybe try thoughts like "They must feel really insecure to grab the spotlight all the time" "They might be afraid they will look bad if they don't seem to be in charge" "I don't know what their life is like, or what they want or fear" "Maybe I'm taking this too personally" "Maybe I don't really need their approval like I have thought" etc.
Choosing thoughts in this direction will start to free you from the old narrative, which puts the blame for your bad feelings on the behavior of the coworkers, instead of where it really belongs, on the thoughts that you are thinking. AH always says "Feel better". Not by action, but vibrationally. If you use leaving a job to feel better, you are likely to find the same coworkers in different bodies at your new job.
All you have to do is feel a little bit better. There are many techniques from many teachers, but it's always easy and simple just to write out how you feel, and then rewrite what you just wrote in a way that makes you feel better but also feels true to you. I hope you feel better soon!
answered 30 Apr '17, 03:05
@JMA I really like your suggestions for the new thoughts. I'll write them down and keep them with me for a while. Thanks.
(08 May '17, 20:36) Inner Beauty
i belive and most importently KNOW that the only cure for that is to not search for respect, and not even want anyone to respect you.
in short - people are very different from one another and you will never get the EXACT respond you want. accepting how poeple are and Laughing at their beaivior instead of being angry, beacause they are just not you. the minute you respond differently = seperate yourself from other people= they are not you= they will not behave like you would or want= you know in advance there's goung to be a good surprise for you that you didnt axpect, because what you acpected until now is only your behaviores, which mean you didnt really accepted other.... then you wil experiance joy when you'll see others behave in a diffrent way. and you will also allow your self to be more free to do and say what ever you want cause now you know you arre seperate from them so they dont have any expectatins from you. and then you'll be your self for real - and un a paradoxical way they will stat respecting you.
it an amazing world.
answered 01 May '17, 06:04
I know this is the answer @myself. I've been working my way there from being someone who was brought up always needing people's approval. I've come along way, but a long way to go. Thanks.
(08 May '17, 20:38) Inner Beauty
glad i could help. separation is the only solution. mabey listen to Noah Elkrief's videoes. he explains this very good. about how others influence us and how to stpo being influenced.
(09 May '17, 13:11) myself
Yes, you have drawn their behavior from whatever their range of normal behavior is.
The solution is to improve your self-confidence in general, to improve you confidence in your work, your confidence in making suggestions, and to reinterpret legitimate disagreement.
In order to improve your self-confidence in general I recommend Bashar's method: Bring up the feeling of being rejected or belittled in detail, and when it gets reall strong, ask yourself: What would I have to believe in order to feel this way? When you get an answer, you're done- negative beliefs don't survive well when they are brought to consciousness.
To improve your confidence in your work, I recommend daily visualizing your work performed really well and being recognized for its quality.
To improve confidence in the actual situation of a meeting, I recommend visualizing fogs of color. Blue is commonly used to represent confidence. Throughout your day, visualize yourself and everyone you meet enveloped in a blue fog that comes from you. Start up the blue fog when you get up in the morning and use it with everyone you interact with until you get a feel for its very real energy effect. You can play around with various shapes of blue light as well- searchlights, a light emanating from your navel, a glittery blue rain soaking everyone- play with it. When you start noticing improved confidence in ordinary interaction, start using it at work. Note that you don't make any other changes to your behavior- you just act as normal while visualizing the blue light that radiates confidence. Once you have built a certain amount of confidence, you can also try other colors that are more about helping others feel at ease as well- green for love, or pink for good cooperation are great choices.
To allow for legitimate disagreement, pay attention to your motivations- make sure you are participating for the good of all, suggest away and calmly listen to any disagreement, validate others perspectives, and voice your own opinion. Most likely, through the energy shift caused by the other three techniques, it will go better and better.
Finally, certainly do keep your eyes open for other job opportunities where people are nicer, your improved confidence will help you with that as well, and the fog technique is great for interviews.
answered 02 May '17, 07:32
Thanks @cmc. All great suggestions. I know I believe that 'I don't know' and 'others know better than me'..... so maybe that is what I'm believing that is causing the lack of respect! Although I know I have confidence issues, just simplifying it into the belief that I think that others know better than me is going to be very helpful for working through this. Thanks again.
(08 May '17, 20:42) Inner Beauty
You're welcome! Now get this... now that you have discovered your beliefs is that "You don't know" "others know better then you"... guess what, you're done, you now no longer hold those beliefs. It's a great idea to continue and find other negative feelings and expose the underlying belief... but these, they're gone.
(09 May '17, 07:19) cmc
When I was just 19, I was put in charge of a small production department, and all of the women who worked the machines I set up were more than twice my age...This led to some of the same troubles you described in your question. I got the job because I had a great background in Math through Calculus and Analytical Geometry, and also some advanced science.
They did a great deal of snide commenting, and even whining, but most of the problems stemmed from their anger at me for being young and their boss. Finally, I realized that I needed to clear the air, and establish why I received the promotion. I began by asking the major ringleader of the group how she would go about cutting this new part I had to make her machine cut. I showed her the somewhat complicated blueprint. She studied it with her forehead crinkled and much puzzlement. Finally, she said, "I don't know. I cannot even understand that ***."
Then I just calmly showed her that her part was circular, and I had to read the print, and calculate how many degrees on the circular part had to be cut out to make the correct piece. I then had to go into the machine, and set pins in it to make it cut the angle created on the blueprint. This involved geometry, and I showed her the formula I used. She asked me, "What's that squiggle?" I replied that it was the Greek symbol Pi, which is a constant number representing the ratio between the radius of a circle and its circumference. There was this silence....And she just shrugged, and then said something like, "So you understand that stuff?" I said that I did; I then said I learned other math like Calculus, which is why I was given the job.
The point I am trying to show is that I stood up to the abuse, and stood my ground, which scared me to death. But my own self-respect was at stake, and I was tired of the garbage and hassles from these older ladies. I was being treated to a form of reverse age discrimination, and frankly, abuse is abuse. I demonstrated clearly that I got the job because of my education;:I had gone to college.. The women now understood clearly that I was not there because I was 19 and perky...I was there to do that job which I was qualified to Period. I pulled through it, and I learned about the importance of self-respect.
I finally received respect when I first respected myself!
When you project confidence in yourself, and just do the job you are qualified to do, then you will garner respect by attraction. There is a whole bunch of great stuff right here at IQ about the Law of Attraction. You'll get respected when you project confidence. The vultures sense your lack of confidence, and are zeroing in on you. So repel them with self-worth.
I wish you all the best in your job- and your future.
answered 20 May '17, 05:48
Thanks @jaianniah. Well done you for how you turned things arund.... and I hear you... respect yourself first.
(12 Jun '17, 10:03) Inner Beauty
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If you want respect.....TAKE IT. Respect is not something you earn or need to get from others. It is something you enforce within yourself and then prevent others from taking it from you.