Ah, I'm realising, from talking with friends, that whenever I meet a man who ignites my interest (which does not happen often), I have expectations of long-term. I don't have expectations with men I am not attracted to, but I do have them when I feel attracted to them.

I recently refused to go out with a man whom I like because he 'just wanted to hang around with me with no plans'. That scared me and I figured I'd better not meet lest I'd develop feelings for him and he'd then tell me he told me he didn't really want a relationship. My friends told me I should have gone and just see what happens. But this is my problem: I'm scared so I don't risk, and when I risk, I get expectations.

How do I change this mindset? I really would like to be free from these expectations and just enjoy the moment but after an outing, for example, I find myself thinking, getting scared that it might not lead to anything. Does this mean I'm insecure? I don't know what this means. I know I need to work on myself more, but don't know what to target really and how to target it.

asked 18 May '18, 12:57

nbd028's gravatar image

nbd028
599113


It means you are expecting pain- and that means you're scared.

There's nothing wrong with that- it happens to everybody for something, and you can change it.

The fear, as you clearly described, is the situation where your love interest tells you he doesn't want to see you any more even though you are already emotionally involved. That's perfectly understandable- nobody likes that. What's interesting is that apparently you believe it will happen to you.

So imagine that situation happening, really let it rail you in your imagination, and ask yourself: What would I have to believe in order to feel this? Keep digging until you get concise answers. When you get a sense that this can't be true, you've got it- the negative belief is exposed for nonsense and it's gone.

Repeat this until you no longer get negative feelings from it.

Another thing that's good is to fantasize about the outcome you want. Imagine men you like falling for you, being gentlemanly, and you being confident about your own emotions, perfectly trusting that you are opening up at exactly the pace that is appropriate. Note you're not defending against heartbreak at any cost- but you do know that if it were to happen, it would happen in such a way so it's acceptable, due to circumstances that genuinely are just life, and not because you did anything wrong. This trust is part of the confidence in yourself, to know that the bad things that might happen are really good, for lots of reasons, for example because they allow you to experience yourself as resilient. This attitude will give you more variety of positive experience, and also reduce how often you may have potentially negative experience.

You can also build confidence directly by imagining something representing confidence- having a blue aura and chanting "confidence" is traditionally used in Huna, for example.

Do all three and you will more than likely be extremely satisfied with your love life- and that's before anything even changed about it. And then it does.

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answered 18 May '18, 13:12

cmc's gravatar image

cmc
3.7k6

Boy have I been down that path myself, many times. So I feel your frustration at the situation!

Let's try this - if I told you I was a psychic (and I had some kind of proof, so you knew it was true), and I said that a year from now, you will be in the relationship of your DREAMS - would you still be scared to date guys? Because you would know the relationship of your dream is coming, and it may be the next guy you date, or it might be someone even better. And that's really the trick of the Law of Attraction - to not get too needy about whatever partial manifestations that show up, because you know that you'll get what you want eventually. And the next guy might be your next long-term partner, or he may be someone who has come into your life to prepare you for your long-term partner.

I had to do this when I first started seeing my current boyfriend. It started out casual, he was adamant about NOT being in a relationship, and I was hopelessly crushing on him. It took a lot of inner work, but during the six-month period before we finally became official, I focused on the fact that my dream partner was coming no matter what, and made an effort to enjoy the current relationship as it was, without needing it to be more serious. You can read more about my experience here. Spoiler alert - he turned out to be my dream partner, and when I finally asked him for a serious relationship, he had fallen for me too and agreed. And we're still together. But that wouldn't have happened if I had pushed him for something serious (whether I was pushing with words and actions, or just with my energy).

So that would be my advice to you. Work on knowing that your dream relationship is coming, work on building that belief before anything else. Once you're strong in that knowledge, you'll be excited to date whoever comes along that you're attracted to, because you'll know that even if he doesn't turn out to be the one, he will lead you closer to what you really want.

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answered 05 Jun '18, 16:52

cassiopeia's gravatar image

cassiopeia
4.0k930

liking one's self is a
prerequisite for being
able to share, listen to
that heart felt not intellect

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answered 29 May '18, 20:01

fred's gravatar image

fred
19.6k176

If you don't feel inspired to go on a date with this man, then I would listen to this guidance. It is coming from inner being and you can trust its message.

What I would do in your situation is writing your preferred realtionship (with all the details) on a piece of paper and trust that it will be manifested for you. In your trust you will allow it to happen, all you have to do is following the path of excitement, which means if an action feels good and you want to jump and do it right now, it is going to lead you to your manifestation. Anything else will not, like the man you mentioned in your question.

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answered 02 Jun '18, 12:08

spacemetalfantasy's gravatar image

spacemetalfantasy
2.0k138

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