Me and a friend used to be in love, now were both hurt. This person I feel strongly attached to... I want us to be able to dissolve all the pain we've caused between us and just be friends. Theres gotta be some value in that right? i dont want a romantic relationship, i dont feel that way about him anymore... but i still have this attachment for him and wish we could get along again. Is there any hope in that or is it fixable? Ive let him go, ive left him alone.. i just want to know if i should keep waiting and let everything be as it is, or is there something i can do to help mend our friendship back; only this time without the pain?

asked 07 Jun '11, 02:13

poh-loh33%201's gravatar image

poh-loh33 1

Thanks for sharing poh-loh33 and welcome

(07 Jun '11, 21:01) ursixx

As you might have guessed, you're not the first person to have this problem, nor is your situation necessarily unique.

Often, what these situations boil down to is this: Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? Neither choice is good or bad, per se.

You don't say why you were hurt. Maybe your friend violates your principles. Is he willing to change? If he isn't, you have to decide whether you can live with that or not.

Often, giving the relationship some time for each partner to individually reflect on the situation can help remarkable changes to occur in the relationship, especially if you decide to be happy without him, and he can see that you can be happy on your own.

Don't expect him to change to make you happy. It's your life, not his.


answered 07 Jun '11, 18:57

Vesuvius's gravatar image


Stop waiting and be happy, for the moment is now, and that is all we have. Make it a great, harmonious and happy moment.


answered 07 Jun '11, 03:04

RPuls's gravatar image


You just said the answer in the second sentence. "I feel strongly attached to..." Become unattached.


answered 07 Jun '11, 03:06

you's gravatar image


It sounds like you want to turn the clock back to a time when the relationship was a purely platonic one.

For whatever reason you both decided to become romantically involved and, although it didn't work out, I'm sure if you really look there was probably a valuable lesson contained within that experience for you both.

Maybe when you can both realize that lesson or gift, your relationship may evolve to a more authentic one... not necessarily a romantic one.

If on the other hand he no longer wants a connection, I think you have to accept Michael hinted at, by staying attached you are in fact trying to force the outcome.I have a funny feeling if you just surrender and let go, you may be pleasantly surprised at what transpires.


answered 07 Jun '11, 21:43

Michaela's gravatar image


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