When you have decided that you longer want someone in your life, how do you stop loving them?

Usually when you see that someone is not a positive presence, or when someone has continually belittled you for years you can make that choice easily. But how do you move away from the presence they have left, and the love that you can still feel so keenly.

Surely you cannot attract the right people into your life until this has gone. Is there such a thing as sending you someone to replace them? Can you attract something else when you are still focused on one thing. I have seen people many times all of a sudden settle and have children when they have just broken up with someone they love.

At one point i would have this person still here, now i would not but still love them as much as i ever did. Do you just focus on the negative things that you do not have to put up with anymore, or does it fade on its own till it will feel like they never existed.

Is it healthy to pretend someone never existed? xx

asked 01 Apr '11, 21:09

Mile3%201's gravatar image

Mile3 1

edited 02 Oct '12, 20:49

Barry%20Allen's gravatar image

Barry Allen ♦♦

Mile3, you replace the thought whenever it enters your mind. it will come back to bite you if you only dwell on the negatives.

(04 Apr '11, 00:21) fred

You don't ever stop loving them.

This person played an important part in your journey. Although the experience may not have been an optimal one in terms of happy ever after... as Jai so rightly pointed out there are valuable lessons within the experience that you can learn from and take forward into your next relationship.

When I say that you don't ever stop loving them I am referring to that true love that exists within each of us... by denying that you invalidate the relationship and deny part of your own being.However this doesn't mean that you can't move on and develop a new loving physical relationship with someone else.

Is there such a thing as sending you someone to replace them?

I'm assuming that you're talking about replacing them with someone similar... why would you want to do that? Look at what you learned from this relationship...take what is good; realize what didn't work so you can focus on the parts that did work and carry that into your next relationship.

Is it healthy to pretend that someone never existed?

You can pretend if you want but I wouldn't recommend it.This person has played an important role in your evolution and growth so by denying them you are denying that. What we deny will always come back and haunt us at a future date albeit in a different guise. By pretending they didn't exist you may just set yourself up to attract a similar relationship in the future. Use some of the tools LeeAnn suggested to help get yourself to a better feeling place because only from there can you begin to attract a new healthy relationship into your experience and not a replica of the old one.

The pain will fade with time and as you learn and grow your own perception will change and you will realize the important part this relationship played in your journey. Place your attention on your own growth ( nothing is more important ).. things will work out :)

( Sorry a couple of keys on my keyboard are sticking including the comma )


answered 03 Apr '11, 17:27

Michaela's gravatar image


edited 03 Apr '11, 21:15

@Michaela I agree, you don't ever stop loving,and like you said "loving physical relationship"can change or stop.Thanks for another great answer ,,, ;)

(04 Apr '11, 11:32) ursixx

Time helps heal this void that one would feel when someone close is not in their life anymore. Happier feelings can feel a long ways off though when a break-up is still fresh. I suggest getting into the vortex as often as possible through that healing period....e.g. making yourself happy, finding yourself again...seeing movies that you like, listening to music you enjoy, decorating your space in a pleasing way, seeing friends, and doing other things that make you feel content again. Soon, everything will improve.


answered 02 Apr '11, 01:59

LeeAnn%201's gravatar image

LeeAnn 1

Thank you for this comment, it was what i always thought would happen but i am embarrased to admit that this was a few years ago and it still there strongly. I know this is through no ones fault but my own!

(02 Apr '11, 08:08) Mile3 1

No reason to be embarassed! When someone exits our life for any reason, we feel that void where they used to be. And there is no expected time-frame for filling it; often it takes a long time, and other times it happens almost right away. Just make yourself happy and acceptance of the situation will grow. Best wishes!

(02 Apr '11, 14:58) LeeAnn 1

the trick is that you NEED to still love them. i do understand that you do not desire the memory of someone who has hurt you so badly, BUT, if you didn't still love them then you should worry, then this would show a self serving person. the thing that my source has taught me that i have had the WORST time getting used to or adapting to, is that to love good people can be fairly easy , but to love the ones who mean to harm you in the mental, emotional, or physical sense, thats what separates the ones who show their light the most brightly!, i will just say this. for you having these feelings, shows you are on the right path. the path of positivity, unconditional love, and service to others, tell you what . i think thats a GOOD thing! hope this helps you in your hard times my friend :-) love n light, rob


answered 01 Apr '11, 22:08

TReb%20Bor%20yit-NE's gravatar image

TReb Bor yit-NE

edited 03 Apr '11, 07:36

ursixx's gravatar image


The person will always exist as long as you want them to.
As will the love(loving physical relationship),as long as you want it to.
Your remembering of the past brings it to the present.Stingray put up a community wiki about addictions with a long quote from Bashar If you read that quote and instead of an addiction think of the relation you are still having with your past.


answered 03 Apr '11, 08:04

ursixx's gravatar image


edited 04 Apr '11, 11:33

Old loves, like old habits, die hard.

That being said, there are ways to make the healing process easier. We often look back at old relationships, and wonder how things went wrong. Since the relationship is in the past, try to leave it there. Take from it what you learned. Those lessons are priceless, and hard-won.

I am going through a divorce, and it has been painful. But I now know where I went wrong, and what I did wrong. I am hoping to do much better in my new relationship.

I strongly recommend journaling as a way to uncover the lessons, and to see what you need in a new relationship. Then try to manifest new relationships that will help make you happy. Seek out people that need your help. Seek to give of yourself, and see what comes of it. Do not throw out the whole past- as I said, there are lessons there that are invaluable.

Work on your relationship with God, and see how improving that improves everything.

I hope this helps! Blessings, and much luck to you, Jai


answered 03 Apr '11, 14:58

Jaianniah's gravatar image


Perhaps the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!

That may be a bit simplistic. There was a certain vibration that drew you to this person. Certain characteristics. You now know better what you are wanting. Look at what felt good in that relationship. This will lead you to a better relationship.


answered 07 Feb '13, 05:43

No%20Brainer's gravatar image

No Brainer

haha - simple works..

(04 Jun '13, 01:38) ele
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