I live with my bf in his parents home. His mother wants me to get on the pill, but I do not believe in pills etc. I do not want to take them. I do not want to corrupt my body with them.
But still at the same time, I still want to have a successful relationship with my boyfriend. I decided to just not have sex anymore. But I know that in a lot of relationships, maybe even all, that if sex isn't there or if it isn't good then the relationship fails. I do not want that at all. I love him too much.
Is there a way to boost our relationship without sex?
Let me explain some things first. We both do not have a job, nor do we have a license. He likes to sit and play games a lot and I just do not know what to do from here. I know our relationship is in dire need of romance because lately I have been thinking of him as just a friend...What is there for us to do???
asked 17 Dec '10, 00:50
Reading your question, I think you have more concerns than merely abstaining from sex. It sounds like you are having some serious doubts about the relationship and you are not getting the attention you want from your boyfriend.
The first thing I would suggest is, if possible, maybe move out from his parents and put a little distance between you. His reaction will let you know if the relationship is worth pursuing. By creating space for you both to re-evaluate the relationship you may realize that you do want to pursue a relationship together and begin communicating on what you both expect from the relationship.
I think the reason a lot of relationships fail is because those involved do not let each other know their expectations within the relationship and instead waste their time in a futile attempt trying to change the other. Do yourself and him a favour by letting him know your expectations and listening to his. If it's things you can compromise on, great and if not you're better finding out now before things become more permanent.
answered 17 Dec '10, 02:03
You are so right. But what if I cannot put distance on us? I moved from FL to CA to see him and yes I know this was a big mistake in some kind of way. I can't explain right am kinda tired lol. I just want some affection between us and I don't know where to start :(
(17 Dec '10, 02:17) katerbater19
The only thing I can suggest katerbater is that you talk with him. Let him know how you feel, but don't come across on the attack or blame him as this will only put him on the defensive and won't accomplish anything. Let him know that you know every relationship involves two people working at it. It sounds like you went from a long distance relationship to being together all the time and in his parents home - that's a huge adjustment and may just be too much too soon. I hope you can at least communicate and work out something amicable :)
(17 Dec '10, 03:00) Michaela
I totally agree to this answer. I'll add my 50c : Here is a simple way to achieve the discussion about "expectations"; It's a little bit like a "wedding contract" ;-) Each one of you must write down a list of what he/she inspects from a "love" relationship. (Don't focus on the current boy or the girl). Just what you don't want to go without. Then compare your lists and see if each one of you is ok with the other one.
(17 Dec '10, 12:28) Pierre
showing 2 of 3 show 1 more comments
Well, does he play games a lot even before you moved in? If so, then I don't see any real problem with that... it may be just that you are too unused to being around him all the time, and you had expected to get all the attention from him 24/7 whenever you are around him, which is really unhealthy for a relationship when you are not husband and wife yet.
Find something else to do, like meet some new female friends in your new town, but of course don't neglect your boyfriend totally, but give each of you some free private space to breathe.
answered 17 Dec '10, 03:13
Yeah he used to play a lot before I came here but he promised, without me asking or anything, that he would be spending time with me. I have no way to meet people at all btw
(17 Dec '10, 18:41) katerbater19
What is there for us to do. Ive got a few suggestions,you may find them a bit un palatable but its a free world so here goes.
Your username is suffixed with 19..i assume your still a teenager.My advice is this.
1.Let the boyfriend go,hes sat at home playing games for Gods sake.Why isnt he either studying or getting a job or trying too at least.After a while this will begin to bug you more and more.Eventually you will resent this.
2.Get on the pill or take precautions and dont get yourself pregnant.
3.Dont move in with a guy or let him move in with you until your sure hes the right one.Your question proves that your not at all sure.
4.If i was nineteen i would burn the candle at both ends and go out with as many women as possible .Carefull of course to treat them well,take precautions sexually and maintain a distance UNTIL i felt i had met the right one.Always being honest and open and telling them i was out for a good time and wasnt after a lifelong commitment...yet.
5.If your nineteen go out and have some fun.Work on yourself and your career. Get prosperous,enjoy getting prosperous and dont get tied down for a while yet. When Mr Right appears you wont need to go asking for advice from this site . Youll know.
Sorry for being a little abrupt,sorry also that my answer isnt full of a load of spirituality.
answered 17 Dec '10, 11:42
I think you already know what you have to do, but you just needs reassuring; so go right ahead, and do what is right for you, and feel no regrets since it is the best decision that you will ever make in your life!
answered 27 Dec '10, 02:04
Inactive User ♦♦
Sex should be the outcome of love not a means to it. Believe me if you end up having sex even when you don't want to but just to please your boyfriend then instead of it making you happy you will end feeling used and eventually your self worth will start to slide. That's too heavy a price to pay for any relationship!
Being in love should make you feel happy and it should be fun but if its putting you in a moral dilemma then my very sincere advice to you is step back and re evaluate this relationship. First identify why you want him in your life, and for that matter why you want any man in your life. If its just to make you feel 'normal' in the eyes of your friends then its the wrong reason. If you have other reasons then see if fits them, if not why waste such a precious period of your life with him? Go out and look for other people, take your time to find him.
answered 28 Dec '10, 09:03
I Think Therefore I Am
Having friends is more rewarding than having sex.
The sex drive, for both sexes, is largely a function of the increased stresses and tensions of living in a world that is so constantly focused on the physical level, rather than on the self-respect that is the basis for deeper relationships based on higher values.
Deep friendships can effectively transcend the sex drive -- even for men... But in any case, look for a friend, that you can talk with about any and all of the things and feelings that matter to you... Sharing strong values will make sex less of a priority.
If your current friend(s) don't agree with that premise -- say goodbye to them.
The urges of sex are best satisfied by the anticipation of pleasure -- not the act itself.
Make yourself the person you want... That's the best way to attract anything in life.
answered 04 Jan '11, 16:12
i agree not enuff communication! and for romance what you view as romance (some view love as romance, other needs item or ritual flower, chocolate, bear skin in front of fire, candle in the bathroom or in the bed room, etc.) and what he see as romance can be very different!as for he is like a friend ( if you can't be friend how can you expect for the relation to go deeper) well that is good also talk with him what are you waiting for? and yes take the pill if you have sex and don't want a child yet!
answered 04 May '11, 21:00
If you are seeing this message then the Inward Quest system has noticed that your web browser is behaving in an unusual way and is now blocking your active participation in this site for security reasons. As a result, among other things, you may find that you are unable to answer any questions or leave any comments. Unusual browser behavior is often caused by add-ons (ad-blocking, privacy etc) that interfere with the operation of our website. If you have installed these kinds of add-ons, we suggest you disable them for this website