Hi Inward Questers!

I haven't interacted here for a while, but still read things here all the time. I'm always amazed by the clarity some of the commenters have. Right now I'm selfishly hoping to benefit from some of that clarity for myself!

Okay, so my question is: what are good techniques to try for some relief when you feel stuck in really bad-feeling emotional place?

I'm currently in an "emotional flashback", which is what trauma-healing people call it when something triggers intense emotional sensations that aren't really related to what's currently happening. I don't want to beat the drum of this vibration too much, but I had a difficult childhood, and the emotional frequency I've felt "trapped" in for a few days is very low and old. I feel terrified, hopeless, helpless, powerless, small, and in terrible danger. I've swung into suicidal thoughts many times.

I've tried every releasing technique I can think of over the past few days, and I've seen some improvements here and there, but I also keep swinging back to the really, really low feeling. I'm doing my level best to at least not add resistance to how I'm feeling, so when the scary feeling comes up, I do my best to feel it unless I'm too scared and I need a break. Honestly, I can't even tell if this is working to release things a little or not. But I do know from previous experience that it doesn't work if I try to shove the feeling away or pretend I'm not feeling it, numb it out, etc. So feeling it, it is. But I'd love to be able to feel more empowered when something like this comes up. Feeling as terrified, small, powerless, hopeless as I do... it's hard and scary when it goes on for days. I don't feel strong enough or brave enough to handle it, but I don't know how to let the "giving up" feeling happen, either.

My guess is, I feel as stuck as I do because I have a number of core beliefs that are very slow to shift left over from my early programming. I'm working on them. Two that are likely activated for me right now are:

One: I'm not allowed to be sad. It's very dangerous to cry. I'm definitely willing to cry, but some part of me is holding back. As soon as tears come up, they're gone again.

Two: I'm not allowed to be angry, that's even more dangerous. So I had a couple of blips of mild anger, but as soon as I look directly at them, they evaporate and I plunge into despair.

My goal feeling is just "relief" at this point. I would also love to be able to release tears or anger more easily, but I'm not sure how to work on that stuff. I would really appreciate your powerful IQ insight!

(A note: I often find old comments I wrote and feel amazed that I seemed to know what I was talking about more then than now! While looking through old comments, I found one from years ago, where I was apparently able to experience an anger release. My anger releases since then have been few and far between and I'm obviously still hung up on that somehow. MAN... this stuff is HARD for me. I'm so amazed and impressed/grateful for those who have more clarity and can share their perspective.)

Thank you. :)

(Techniques I've tried to feel better: sitting with the feelings (over and over), distracting myself with light comedy, uplifting music, a nap, going for a walk, stomping my feet, meditating, journaling, talking out my feelings, yoga, hot showers, cold showers, getting a hug, cuddling my dog. I've also tried to focus on how I'd rather feel, but I think I'm too stuck on the lower frequency?)